Christmas Happenings

It's been quiet here and it's all because, thankfully, I've been busy at work and then when I get home-- so it's left no time for blogging. Even Christmas weekend, blogging was the least of my worries (sleeping was at the top). But I wanted to share about my Christmas because it was the first Christmas being married so it changed everything!
It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to make everyone happy and have Christmas be different. Because we've added a member to the family, and I no longer live at home, that right there changed the dynamics of Christmas. Another big difference was that we didn't go to church on Christmas eve. My parents no longer attend church, my sister goes to church in Fort Collins so doesn't know anyone at our church, and Michael and I really didn't care about going to church. We honestly didn't see the point in going to church when we could just as easily have a "service" at our own house in our pj's :-)
So Michael played some songs and I did a short reading and then our friends came over and we enjoyed their company and laughed really hard at not knowing how to sing at all! We sang "The Instrument Song" and to say it was a complete disaster would be an understatement! But it's not meant to be taken seriously, and it lived up to expectations.
We ended the night by me and Michael and my sister all sleeping in one room. I slept just fine throughout the night, but was woken up by giggles and whispers... at 6 freaking 30 in the morning! Michael and my sister were wide awake (my sister woke up at 1:30am wondering if it was time to get up yet and reluctantly went back to sleep) and discussing if it was time to get up... Oh, I forgot to mention my sister's almost 21 and Michael is 24-- I thought I was sharing a room with 5 year-olds! But their excitement made me that much more excited and we all wandered downstairs to look at our stockings.
I knit Michael's stocking, per tradition in my (mom's side) family. The thing was humongous! But Michael didn't mind! But I was really proud of myself for having completed it and being able to have his match everyone else's. (I think I'll knit ones for Michael's side of the family for next year...)
We then read the Christmas story, and my attempts at trying to have a discussion were shot down as Michael and my sister were too busy drooling at the presents under the tree. We opened stockings and presents and my sister captured an awesome picture of Michael when he opened one of his gifts (one of the best parts about him is that he is very enthusiastic with everything he does, so giving gifts (and good food) to him is always enjoyable!) He got me tickets to go see "Phantom of the Opera" which I had called him about early in the morning a few weeks ago to inform him that I wanted to go. So I was soooo excited when I opened that gift. My sister got me a much-needed purse and I got some more clothes for work. I believe I may have mentioned that I loathe shopping, so getting clothes is always an enjoyable occurrence as it means I don't have to go shop for those items!
We then headed over to Michael's family's house and I was in shock the whole time. I never realized how organized (and a bit OCD) my family is about how they do things, because Michael's family does things that just seem like chaos to me! Everyone opened all their presents at the same time, so I was too busy opening mine and trying to focus on Michael's mom's reaction to our gift that I missed his sister's and her husband's reactions to theirs... I felt completely overwhelmed and overly-stimulated. I'm sure I could handle it better next year because I know what to expect, but I was so caught off guard that I couldn't enjoy it. But I did get the pleasure of being drooled all over by my niece since she latched onto my wrist like a leech and wouldn't let go. Thankfully she doesn't have teeth (yet) so there was no biting involved!
Christmas as a whole was enjoyable and made for some great memories and new traditions. I'm sure it'll change slightly again next year, but this time I'll know what I'm in for.
So Merry (belated) Christmas everyone and have a happy and safe new year!

Needless Tears

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll be blunt and tell you that I've been incredibly hormonal recently and it's starting to freak me out. How I've seen this is the fact that anything can set off a flood of tears, regardless if it is that big of a deal, or even worth crying over. I first noticed it when my husband told me he had seen the source of one of his Christmas presents by mistake, but wanted to let me know. Instead of just being bummed out, I sobbed. I'm not talking about one little tear-- I laid on the couch and sobbed. I was a mess. But it felt that devastating to me! And then last night I had had a bad day at work, but not bad enough to cry over, but I got home and couldn't stop crying. I even had to miss a dinner I was supposed to go to with Michael because I couldn't get control of it. And let's not forget about how I react to sad parts of movies or tv shows...
So all this to say, I'm a bit freaked out. I usually get a bit irritable during "that time of month," so all this crying is not normal and has lasted for a couple of weeks... What am I supposed to do? Just let the tears overtake me and have a good cry? I know Michael would vote against that because he can't handle me crying, but I don't know what else to do. I hate crying-- it makes me feel depressed (obviously) and I lose all motivation to do anything when I cry. So if something doesn't change soon... well, I don't know what I'm going to do. But thankfully Michael is loving and supportive and just hugs me and lets me cry into his chest. For now, that's the only thing I can do.
I hate crying, I hate not being in control of my emotions! If something is truly worth crying over, that's one thing, but crying over a spoiled Christmas present surprise, that's just ridiculous!

A Lesson Learned

I'm going to explain to the world why I am a total wimp.
Yesterday, I was measuring our ceiling to see how tall our Christmas tree could be, and I let our tape measure just fly back into the holder... well, I'm sure you can already see where this is going... the tape measure is metal, and therefore very sharp if flying at a high speed. It hit my finger, but at first I thought it just hit it, no big deal... then there was blood... and then there was panic... and then there was the mad dash for the sink to wash it under cold water, all the while trying not to pass out. Thankfully Michael was there (trying to stifle laughter) and held my hand under the water. I'm sure my face was white as a ghost, and all I could say was "I don't want stitches! I can't get stitches!"
As my sister and old roommate, Holly, can attest to, I don't handle blood very well-- especially not my own. I once cut my finger while cutting an onion and had to go into the bathroom because I felt woozy and turned really white... pathetic, I know.
But I have this overwhelming disgust for my own blood, as well as a paralyzing fear of going to the hospital for stitches. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the one time I did have to go to the hospital for stitches, I could feel the doctors putting them in, but they didn't believe me and kept going despite my protests (oh, and had to bring other nurses and whoever to hold me down because I was FREAKING OUT!). And no, it was not my imagination-- I couldn't even see it (I got them on my knee, so I was laying down) and all of a sudden felt this overwhelming, excruciating pain! Stupid doctors!
So that's my story from this weekend. And a word of advice: don't let the tape measure fly freely into the holder because danger awaits whoever dares do so...

The Church of Snowshoes

I'm bored with church. I have my issues with our church and church in general, but that's not the bone I have to pick today.
I'm bored and tired and just plain "over" church. It might just be the new focus that my church has, which I am definitely not their target audience, but it might also be that I've gone to church almost every single Sunday of my life... I don't feel like there's anything they can say or teach that would have me saying "wow! I never thought of that! My life is changed forever!" I feel disheartened that I can look at the series title and the "subtopics" of each week, and predict (with pretty close accuracy) what the overall message will be.
So what happens when you've been going to church for almost 23 years and it's all old news? I know that the gospel and Jesus and the Bible are always "alive" and can change lives, but I sure don't feel that way. I love God, I believe Jesus was born and died on the cross for the world's sins, and I believe the Bible is God's holy word; I also try to live my life loving people the way Jesus loved them and viewed "others" and "sinners," I tithe, I try to read my Bible regularly, I pray... so what else is new? I know I can learn new things, like Bible history/context, but that just becomes head knowledge.
The only thing drawing us to church is our young marrieds group... but even that is beginning to lack because we see the same people on Tuesday nights for our Bible study. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends, but I don't feel like we're connecting on the level that I desire. But I'm sure it just goes along with my overall feelings about church at the moment. So is there hope for next Saturday night, when Michael and I are in bed discussing whether or not to set our alarm for the next morning? I know church is about fellowship, but just going and sitting in the seats does not make any sort of fellowship-- there are hundreds of people who come to the same service I do, and I know about a dozen of them because they're in our young marrieds group-- there is no real sense of community or fellowship. I feel obligated to go because I'm a "Christian" (or as I like to say, Christ-follower) and church is just something you do.
So all this to say, you might not find me front and center at church for a while. We'll go occasionally, but Michael and I have created friendships that we can get fellowship out of, even if it's not in a building doing "church," so going on Sunday is not as much of a priority. And now that it's getting snowier, you're probably more apt to find us trekking up a mountain through the snow on our snowshoes with friends and some hot chocolate! I'd much rather spend my Sundays with good friends, surrounded by God's creation. That way, I won't be more entertained by a piece of candy than the "production" my church is putting on.

Blog Comment Day

It's a strange coincidence that just after I admit feeling anxiety (in the comment section of my own blog) about commenting on other people's blogs, John Smulo posted this idea about Blog Comment Day. Go to his site and see why he's doing it, let him know if you're going to participate! (I'm going to be posting on there for the first time... it's a good first step!)
This special day for commenting, weirdly enough, gives me just enough courage to venture out and comment on people's blogs that I read and love, but never comment... but now I have to choose which blog I'll grace my presence with! So go and comment away to 5 blogs (2 you've never commented on before)! And leave some love here in the meantime ;-)

Cookies!

So when I said I'd write about random tid-bits, I'm going to start with this one.

I love Santa Fe Cookie Company! You go in, put a dollar bill in the worn-and-torn jug, and grab a bag of 3 cookies... 3 cookies for a dollar?? You just don't see things like that these days. Oh, and the cookies are delicious and decent-sized, so it's not like "you get what you pay for." You get way more than you pay for, and there's usually a cookie or two left over for co-workers, or bosses who need some buttering up... not that I'd ever do that... ;-) So if you're ever in downtown Denver, stop over by the cookie shop... the smell of the cookies will guide your way!

I'm Not a Box Person

When I disagree with something or someone on a certain topic, I want to become as informed on both sides of the issue so I really know where I stand and can back up what I believe. I mentioned a few posts ago that my young marrieds group has started reading "Love and Respect." I also mentioned that I was hesitant about reading it because I didn't know the author and had never heard of the book... and my hesitations were partially correct. Both Michael and I have struggled through this book because of the foundational ideas that it is based on. But it's a growing experience. We're coming to a deeper understanding of what we believe as a couple and as individuals. We are expanding our knowledge. And, if nothing else, we are engaging in conversation with people who don't always think 100% (if even 50%) of the time. It stretches us and, hopefully, we stretch them. There are times people say things that I completely disagree with, but I can respect and appreciate that that is how they function and what they believe.
I still have yet to buy the book, because if I spend most of my time disagreeing with it, there's no sense in owning it. However, my friend lent me the book to read during the week. I was reading it last night and this morning on the bus and I had an epiphany:
I HATE BEING PUT IN A BOX. A woman box, a young-person box, a married box, an American box, etc. I hate that my gender, my life-stage, my nationality, or whatever dictates how I'm "supposed" to be, how all in that same category are like that.
I might not mind the box if I fit into it nicely. But I never have, and I probably never will. I am actually more apt to fight the box and try to rip it down, just to prove that I can, and especially to show that I DON'T fit.
Even as I was reading the book last night, Michael was sitting next to me as I began grumbling under my breath about "this isn't me," "this is just a stereotype," etc. I read him a passage of the book out-loud and said "never in my life have I had an interaction/discussion like this one in the book!" And he just looked at me and said "Kate, you're the first woman I know who doesn't act like that." I stared at him. And it dawned on me... this is the root of my feelings towards anything or anyone who tries to put me in a box: I am not the kind of person who fits nicely in a box. And when someone tries to tell me about the box, I resist it, feel nauseous, and start to freak out (at least on the inside).
I wrote a post that hit on this idea a little bit and spoke more about how it effects my daily interactions with people. But for some reason, Michael's comment last night really struck me. It isn't just that I'm "strong" or "intimidating," it's that I resist boxes, and resist others telling me who I am just because of X or Y reason. I'm not a box person, and I'm okay with that. But when I read books like this one, or "Captivating" (which I've mentioned before I didn't even finish reading), I resist it and actually get angry and frustrated because THAT IS NOT WHO I AM! So I'll continue to read the book, for the sake of knowledge and discussion, but I now have an inner-understanding of myself that I don't fit into this mold, I don't fit nicely into the box that he puts me and my marriage in. And hopefully through this whole experience I can come out of it a happier, more well-rounded person, and hopefully pass that on to others. And I'll also try to keep my grumbling down to a minimum.
(And as a disclaimer, he does have some good points, but they get buried underneath the box, so I have a hard time finding them and recognizing them as applicable or even true-- but I'm working on finding them and appreciating them, even if I don't agree with everything 100%).

New Direction

I think I figured it out. Because I want a balance, but also don't want to put myself in a box, I'm going to end up writing about whatever I darn well please. So for those of you who read my blog, I'm going to keep it up and just change my tone a bit. I'll write about life, about family, about church, and maybe some random tid-bit here and there. If something spiritual and religious is on my mind, I'll write about that; and if I'm trying to process interacting with my in-laws, I'll write about that... So be patient with me as I venture forth on this new blog journey and hopefully great things will come of it! So stay tuned ;-)

The Case of the Blog Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog because I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them and process them here. I wrote about life, and about church, the Bible, Christians, and theology. But as my life has calmed down a bit more and become a bit more routine, I find that I have less to blog about. This may be because of less material and not being around people who question things and make me think (actually, I'm pretty sure that's a huge part), but it may be that my life has changed and I'm in a different place than I was when I started this blog.
But what do I do? I don't want to solely write about "Christian-y" things, but I also don't want to just write about my life-- I don't do that much that anyone (including myself) would want to read about. The first post would be this: "I sat at work today. I didn't do much. Mark told me he is running checks on Wednesday. I got a free water bottle. Michael picked me up to go to my parents' for dinner. The end."
Do things change when you have children, because you can speak on your child and how you raise them? I thought getting married would create more to talk about with marriage philosophy but I find that I read more about what other people think than I do any personal processing. I know where I stand, so I don't have much to process about. I don't feel conflict about it-- I actually read more and get more emotion evoked by others who are in the more traditional camp. But I don't want this blog to be all about bashing others' views and pointing out why I disagree with others. That just sounds boring. If it's applicable to something in my current situation, I might talk about it, but it definitely can't be my focus. I don't have kids, so that's out of the question. I have a niece, but we don't see her that often, and I also don't think anyone wants to hear about my thoughts on someone else's kid...
So I'm here with no motivation and no clear direction. Has blogging for me come to an end? I know of maybe two or three people who read my blog who aren't related to me (and even the ones related to me aren't avid readers). But is a large audience my focus? Why even blog in the first place?
So I guess this is my explanation as to why my blogs lately have seemed to lack "oomph" and passion... because I don't know what passion I have to give. I will be thinking about this more and maybe even trying out a new way/reason to blog, or just write when something is on my mind. I really don't know. But I know that blogging has led me to "meet" new people, interact with them and get to know them, as well as really process how I'm feeling/thinking about something, or just sharing what's on my heart. So, those of you who do read my blog, bear with me and I will soon figure this all out. (And a big thanks to those who do read and comment-- it really means a lot to me. And if you're a reader and have never commented, please, let me know you're there-- I'd love to get to know you!)
Thanks for the patience!

Book Opinions

Okay, I need people's opinion on a couple of books.

First, in our young marrieds group, we started reading the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (how do you pronounce that??). It sounds like a good enough book, it definitely sparked a good discussion in our group on Sunday, but something was always nagging at me. For one, it's printed by Focus on the Family-- and I'm more apt to disagree with a majority of the things they teach, but I let that slide. I also know nothing of the author and his views of life and marriage, and couldn't find anything online about it, but I still wasn't convinced. I was on guard, but nothing I was seeing or hearing was showing me that I would not enjoy and (especially) agree with the book. But then lo and behold, I was reading through my google reader and came upon a blog by Complegalitarian that stated this about the book:

I also encourage you to read Love and Respect because it is the complementarian book that has the most thorough discussion of domain-based authority. In fact, it is this discussion that convicted me. For example, Emerson points out that men and women tend to view careers very differently. Women typically view work outside the home as a choice, while men view it as a fundamental responsibility. (This thinking came through on Complegalitarian blog a couple of weeks ago, in Wayne's "what is a Christian feminist" post. Women wanted the right to choose whether they worked and the right to choose the military. Yet, none of them expressed a willingness to assume primary responsibility for supporting a family or defending their country.) Male authority in marriage follows logically from this responsibility to protect and provide. Of all the complementarian books that have attempted to answer the “why does God command me to submit to my husband when I know we’re equals” question, it is Emerson’s discussion of responsibility and authority that I found to be compelling.

I have to admit, that scares me a bit. I worry when someone is "convinced" about traditional ideas. I understand that people want to learn more about it, and it is a bit unfair of me because I try to "convince" others about egalitarianism. And the idea of "domain-based authority" just makes my skin crawl. But what the bigger issue is, is that I haven't read the book, nor have I bought it yet, but I don't want to buy a book that I am going to spend my time yelling at and wanting to throw across the room because of the things I disagree with (I've done that with "women's Bible study" books).
However, I can also see that the author may talk about more traditional ways of conducting marriage, but it's not the focus of the book... I just don't know what to think about it. Because I also resist strongly (and usually gets me into trouble) when people try to put me (and especially me as a woman) into a box and call it "all women." (And "all men" for that matter. Michael rarely fits into the "Christian man" box.)
Anyway, all that to say, I'm worried that this book will cause me and Michael to implode and have to be the "weirdos" because we don't agree with it. But if it's a subtle message, I think I might be able to handle it if the overall message is okay.... but is it? Please, anyone who's read it, tell me what it's like before I go out and buy it (and possibly end up burning it).

There is another opinion I need. My sister-in-law mentioned to me that she wants a good book on faith, spirituality, and dealing with life. I'm coming up short (ha-ha everyone laugh... cuz I'm short...) with ideas and I don't know what book to get her. She's not a big reader, so she doesn't need anything too theological or anything like that. She just needs something simple, encouraging, and educational. Any suggestions? Any books you have liked in the past (or present) that she might find something in? Please give me all the suggestions you can!

Thanks for everyone's help!

Personal Growth

Personal growth... oh what a fun ordeal... NOT! It's been amazing how much self-realization has occurred since Michael and I got married. We have changed and adapted and grown in the course of almost (Wednesday) 7 months. Michael and I are growing as individuals, as well as a couple, and it's been amazing to look back and see the changes that have happened. But it's not fun to look ahead and see the changes that still need to be made. Michael and I are changing and growing and it's strengthening our relationship. We're becoming stronger, and we're becoming more aware of how what we do/say effects other people, especially each other. It's not always fun, but it is definitely necessary!

Women Friends... Where are They? I Don't Know, I Don't Know...

I hate being different. I've always gone against the grain and don't tend to follow what the crowd is doing, especially not before meticulously analyzing and scrutinizing everything people do and say. I've tended to live my own life, trying desperately to find myself in the meantime. I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I know who I am, what I believe, and what kind of person I want to be.
However, not everyone is like that. And not everyone likes people who question things and don't take things at face value. Especially in church groups, where the default viewpoint is one of being conservative and traditional, I really butt heads with that one.
I don't like people telling me to believe something "just because I should" and to do something "just because it's always been done." I push against that and question it and ask WHY am I doing it or believing it. If I can be given a good, well-explained answer, or if I do the research myself for what I should do/believe, then I'll do it. I'll put the time and effort into understanding why I do and believe what I do and believe. But again, not everyone is like that. They believe it because that's what the preacher guy says, what their parents did and taught, and because everyone else is doing it. And if you ask them why, they don't have a very clear understanding or explanation... which frustrates me to no end. I may not understand or know everything, but I'm willing to research it if I'm asked and question it and roll it around in my mind and talk about it till I'm blue in the face. I don't like pat answers or the ones that everyone always gives. I want to push people, question them, stretch them (which, in turn, stretches me), but people are uncomfortable with that, usually, and I end up repelling people because I come on too strong. And as a woman, a strong woman in certain circles and to certain women is intimidating... I hate being intimidating. But I can't help it.
And when it comes to interacting with people, I love interacting and talking and digging deeper but, honestly, I'd much rather sit back at a party/get-together and just watch people and listen. Thankfully that is no longer my default excuse for not talking in a group, but observing, questioning, analyzing, speculating is what I do best and enjoy the most. I can leave a party with a pretty good idea of who people are, what their marriage is like, and what kind of person they really are.
But again, most people aren't like that. And they like being the same, not standing out, not voicing their true personality. And they get defensive when those ideas that are the "same" are questioned or even shaken... and I like to question and shake... which leaves me a bit on my own. And I believe this is why my friendships with other women have been few and far between. I've had a few good ones, but they were with other women who tended to think like I do.
So that's what's difficult about our current Bible study... I don't think anyone thinks like I (we [being me and Michael]) do, and the women/wives of the group tend to act like they wear "happy masks" (ex. one woman claimed that in over a year of marriage have never had a single fight.........) and don't tend to bear their true souls. And they don't think like I do. Being friends with them will be a challenge, some more than others, and I'm hoping that the deep-rooted beliefs that we hold onto wont come in the middle of our friendship. But if we both can't be open to others' beliefs, it's doomed to fail from the beginning. So I have to have an open mind, and hope and pray that they can too without judgment or condemnation. It's going to be hard and going to stretch me, and I'm hoping I can stick through it instead of taking the "flight" side of conflict and difficult situations. These couples have the potential to be great, long-lasting friendships, but getting through the hard times and the disagreements is what will test and strengthen them... if we can get through those times...
So please pray for me as I embark on this journey to try to establish friendships with women who may not be "comfortable" and the same as me-- that we can learn from each other and grow together. Because I desperately need those female friendships!

Marriage Vacation

Vacation is fun... this is something I learned this weekend in Breckenridge, Colorado! Michael and I took a long weekend and drove a mere hour and a half into the mountains and spent the entire weekend together enjoying a mountain/ski-town that neither one of us had ever been to.
It was fabulous! We were able to go because of the blessing of extra money in the bank account, so we were able to let loose and just enjoy each other's company while surrounded by God's beautiful creation.
We ate yummy food, drank yummy beer (yes, I found a beer I like!), and ate delicious organic Swiss chocolate fondue. What more could you ask for?
It was a great time to focus on us and really continue to connect as a married couple. We were able to smooth out a few kinks that had cropped up...
I wish we had the money to get away at least once a month, but alas, that is not possible. But we will definitely have to have nights like we did where we enjoy each other's company, talk about how we're feeling, and just be together without anything or anyone else distracting us.
And if you've never been to Breck, I would highly recommend it... well, I can't say anything about how it is in high ski season, but the off season is a great time to relax and hang with the locals! (Oh, and it's hit or miss about how much snow is present to go snowshoeing... we missed...)

An Answer to Prayer!!

I posted a blog a while ago about not having many friends and being frustrated with the ones I had. The frustrations with those friends I mentioned are still there, if not completely dissolved right along with the friendships. It was more of a mutual, lack-of-continuing to invest in the friendship kind of thing, so it wasn't too rough. We are still civil to each other and enjoy running into each other at church or even REI (that happened yesterday), but we wont make it a point to call or get together.
Being sad and upset over failed friendships isn't what this post is about. Actually, this post is a post of celebration!
After I wrote that post, we were invited to a young marrieds bbq. What happened that night was nothing short of an answer to prayer. The group of people who attended (there were about 4 or 5 couples) clicked and we enjoyed their company late into the night (1am if I remember correctly). And since then, most of the couples TOOK INITIATIVE and invited people over and our friendship grew. All summer, we have been connecting and growing deeper together. We grew enough that now we are going to be in a Bible study with those couples (I'll write a post about that later to digest my thoughts on it).
We found friends who liked us and we liked them. They told us "we want to get to know you, we like you" and we said it back. We have been aching for friends who we can rely on and know have our backs if we ever need them. We needed friends who will open up and share their true selves and we will do the same. And through these friends, we have found all of these things! We have prayed for good friends and even for some specific things, things that we have found in these friends. I don't expect that we'll be friends forever, but for now, we can be together and experience life with them for now... but who knows, they could be life-long friends! We'll see what God and life have in store for us!
Oh, I also have to mention our friends who we went driving up in the mountains with this weekend. We have barely seen them all summer, but this weekend they loved us more than any of our friends have in a long time! We had the most wonderful day with them and hated that we had to end the day early (Michael had to work his last night at the restaurant). We love our friends so much!
And from those friendships as couples, I've ended up deepening friendships with the women. I have had lunch numerous times with one friend, had dinner with another, and have gone to ice cream twice with yet another. Every time, my heart just bursts! I get so excited about making deep girl-friendships! My heart has longed and ached for that, and I'm finally getting it. And the friendships aren't surface-level either-- we talk about deep issues like marriage, family life growing up (and still dealing with), etc.
And my friend from our Meals that Matter group (it's a quarterly thing at our church to sign up and you have dinner once a week for 6-8 weeks with people who live around you... awesome idea!) who we have a scheduled lunch date every Tuesday! Sometimes, we eat together more than once a week, just because we want to and enjoy each other that much. With the other girls from church, I've had to initially initiate the get-together, but with this friend, we do it equally. I've never been pursued as a friend before-- I've always been the one pursuing. And it feels amazing to be told "I like you! I want to spend time with you!" Again, it makes my heart so happy. I walk back to work refreshed and energized by spending time with her. Michael and I are even house-sitting for her and her husband this week!
I am so excited about the answer to prayer that has happened in my life. I just hope things don't turn sour again and I'm back at square one. But this feels different-- these friends want to be friends and want to take the time to grow and develop our friendship. And if I start becoming the one to always initiate again, I will deal with it or just let the friendship fizzle away to courtesy because the other person obviously isn't interested enough to keep it going.
So, praise Jesus! :-) I have found friends! Friends I can connect with and grow with, be there for and embrace. I am just so excited about where life is headed in regards to friendships... now if only we can make the guys connect more outside of a group setting and Michael can gain some solid friendships as well! That's my next prayer... let's see God work!

Lars and the Real Girl

My favorite movies are the ones that have multiple layers and I can sit and discuss them for hours afterwards. Of course, the surface-level, pure-entertainment ones have their place too, but the deeper ones are my absolute favorite. I just discovered a new one this week called, Lars and the Real Girl with Ryan Gosling. It's a story of a man who wants companionship but fears intimacy so he orders a sex doll online named Bianca and treats her like his girlfriend. He never questions that she is "real" and even asks his brother and sister-in-law (SIL) if Bianca can stay in a spare room in their house, borrow his SIL's clothes, and even sets a place for her for dinner. It never shows that he uses Bianca for the true purpose of the doll, which emphasizes the point of his need for companionship. The best part of the movie is that the people in the town he lives in all embrace Bianca as a real woman and ask to have her work, volunteer at the hospital, and invite her to parties. Lars pushes her around in a wheelchair, and even takes her to the doctor when she's "sick." I highly recommend this movie if you like character-development movies! Here's the trailer if you want to watch it! (If this movie interests you and you don't want any spoilers, don't keep reading and watch it first...)

The reason I even mention this movie is that, as I said, it is a movie about connection and relationship. Lars creates this whole relationship in his mind that at points you forget that she is really just a doll sitting there doing nothing. Lars is awkward around others and hates being touched. Even at the urging of his SIL, he refuses to even have much interaction with them. But once Bianca comes into his life, he interacts with people more and becomes a bit more dynamic. He is lonely and reached out to someone who was like him-- secluded and quiet-- but through the whole process of the movie, realizes that it is the people around him who actually show they care about him and his well-being who matter most to him. They even come to Bianca's funeral! By being there for him and supporting him, even when he has an imaginary girlfriend, they show him a love that he was unable to understand before.
How much of our lives are like Lars'? We want to hide away and create our own fantasy world to live in because it's safer there. We shut people out because they have the potential to hurt us. But as Lars shows in the movie, even our fantasy world and "perfect companion" can hurt us and wound us. Lars created the perfect girlfriend and was the dictator of what happened and how Bianca was feeling; but she let him down, she got sick, and even refused a marriage proposal.
Reality seeps into every part of our lives, and will get to us no matter what. But when he learned to lean on those who were alive around him, they filled him with true joy and love. He had to open himself up to disappointment and hurt to get there, but he got there eventually.
Sometimes it takes "dating" a "doll" to get to a place where we can be open and vulnerable with others. With a doll, there really is no need to truly open up and be real and honest. But what a lonely life that is. There is no real interaction or connection. Yes, it can help you process things out-loud, but you never get anything back from the "doll." Understandably, it is a scary world out there when you have to actually interact with actual real, breathing people! But once you get over it, it makes living so much more beneficial and satisfying! So be like Lars and let your "doll" die so you can live life with those around you and be real with those who care about you.

I Didn't Bite the Dentist

I went to the dentist yesterday and I had flashbacks of my childhood the entire time. As I was sitting there, it became clear to me why certain event happened in my childhood: When I was 7 years-old, I was having a tooth pulled and in the midst of my fear and the dentist not being comfortable with children, I bit his finger when he put it in my mouth. He then started yelling and I started crying-- very traumatic! Well yesterday, while the dental hygienist was scraping my teeth and stabbing my gums, biting (or punching) became a very desirable action. Thankfully I resisted, but I must admit I had to hold back! No wonder people refuse to go to the dentist! It's such a miserable experience! I had heard that they show movies/tv shows while you get your teeth cleaned, but even after mentioning it to the hygienist, she didn't turn it on... grrrr...

"In the Criminal Justice System..."

Life around our neighborhood is an interesting one. I don't sit at home hiding under my bed because I'm afraid someone will break in, but I also am not naive enough to think that my neighborhood is danger-free. Our landlords have had their cars broken into (well, sort of since they leave their doors unlocked), there is graffiti on the wall across the street with gang-tags, and Federal (the street only 4 blocks away) is notorious for shootings and especially during Cinco de Mayo is the place to be (or not, depending on your view).
Well, about a month ago, Michael and I were driving home from the grocery store when all of a sudden, Michael looked over because of a horn honking to see a man kneeing a woman in the face inside her car. He whipped the car around and drove into a parking space and ran out of the car with his cell phone in hand, dialing 911. The woman (by yelling "help me!" and honking the horn) had managed to draw a crowd and got the police there. The man fled when he saw Michael walk up, but since the man was quite large (as in weight) he didn't get very far before the police caught up with him and apprehended him. The woman was okay, well at least physically, for the most part. She was still conscious and gave the police her statement. Michael and another man gave their statement of what they had witnessed.
I tell this story because as I write this, Michael is at the courthouse to testify! I have to admit, I'm a bit envious because it's like Law and Order come to life! But since I didn't ever actually see anything happen (I just heard the horn honking), I didn't give my statement or be asked to come testify.
It's scary because this guy is gutsy enough to beat up his girlfriend in public. I doubt anything would happen to Michael; I've watched way too many crime shows to not be skeptical. But hopefully the testimony from Michael and the other witness will put the man away for a while where he can't beat up women (and who knows about any children he may have). By getting him out of the house and off of the streets, the woman/women in his life can breathe a little easier. There is no excuse for behavior like that and I am proud of Michael for going to take a stand against a man who clearly does not respect women and deserves to pay the consequences.

**Update: Just as I was finishing this post, Michael called and informed me that the defendant didn't have any legal representation (couldn't afford it) so the trial has been moved to December. The man is blaming the woman for wanting to ruin his life, and that he does have children. (That worries me a lot that he has children who he may take his anger/frustration out on). I hope this gets resolved quickly [except that December is not quick], and the women in his life don't have to be afraid of him any more. Pray for them if you think of it... Thanks!

I'm an Aunt!

I can't believe I forgot to announce this: I'm an aunt! Michael's sister had a baby girl on Thursday morning at 2:45am. Her name is Elizabeth Marie Turentine (I'm actually not 100% of the spelling of the last name)-- Michael and I made a nickname for her about a day after we found out it was a girl-- so we lovingly call her Izzy.
I got to see her for the first time on Sunday and she was beautiful! She's on the smaller side, only 6 lbs 2 oz, but I feel like we're kindred spirits because I was only 5 lbs and a few ounces when I was born and I was full term and healthy!
Michael and I labeled Izzy our guinea pig for dealing with children, and holding her on Sunday (for about an hour straight while she refused to wake up and interact with me... she's already proving to be a bit stubborn) definitely gave me a small baby bug... but only a small one. But if she was crying and fussy the whole time, I would probably have a different reaction.
But we're excited for the miracle that Izzy is. April, Michael's sister, shouldn't have even been able to get pregnant due to many medical issues; but she did get pregnant and created a beautiful life! Welcome to the world, Elisabeth "Izzy" Marie!!

The "Supposed To's" of Marriage and God

How much of a role does God really play in relationships? I have been rolling this thought over in my mind, trying to really process it and understand it. All during my high school years, I was taught "God needs to be the center of your relationship" but that idea was never really explained to me. What does that really mean? What does that look like? I tried all kinds of things, going to the same church, praying together, discussing the Bible, etc. But each individual act never seemed like enough. Just because we prayed together didn't mean God was the true center of our relationship.
However, I say all this, and I could say that (on a good day) God is the center of my marriage. We focus on God's will for us individually and as a couple, as well as (try to) pray together and read the Bible together.
Lately, though, those practices seem to have fallen by the wayside. We're busy, we're tired, we'd rather do something else... the excuses seem to pile up and God gets forgotten. But then so does the health and spiritual well-being of our marriage. I can see it change how we interact with one another and other people, as well as how we view our marriage one day to the next. There seems to be an absence, a void and negativity are present. We fight more, we overreact, we get defensive... makes for a lousy time, that's for sure.
But what does reading the Bible do? Could we still feel a deeper connection if we read a novel together? What is that spiritual aspect that is so important? We are busy people, and we make the time to spend with friends, work, church, etc., but not for reading the Bible together, or praying or doing any sort of devotional or study. How do we balance that, especially when Michael doesn't get home until 10pm and we're both too tired? Are we "supposed" to pray even though the act of closing our eyes to pray would make us fall asleep? Or are we "supposed" to get up early together to do something, with the same problem of falling asleep? How do busy people do it? Or are we "supposed" to set aside the time that we aren't working and are together, and spend a few minutes reading the Bible, praying, etc. But when Michael is working 4-5 nights a week, it gets difficult to even find the time to do that. But if something is a priority, we'll make it happen. So we'll see what we figure out!
God values relationships, so it makes sense that by taking the time to value our relationship with Him, He'll bless us and make our relationship a bit easier/closer. I know that praying and reading your Bible isn't the miracle cure to marriage hardships, but by growing closer together through reading the Bible sure puts you on the right path for it. When our relationship becomes nothing but fighting and resentment, something definitely needs to change. So here's to change and trying to refocus our relationship back on the one who brought us together. It wont be easy, but it will be good!

Autumn Needs to Last Longer Than Spring

Here comes Autumn! The temperature is definitely changing and I spotted a few Aspen trees starting to change color... I know that the first day of fall is actually Sept. 22 (okay, I didn't know that; I had to look it up), but the weather sure isn't acting like summer. On Friday and today, it is dreary, overcast, and chilly with the slight sprinkle of rain. But then again, this weekend was a cloudless weekend with highs in the 70s... so there you go.
I love fall! I am not a fan of extremely hot weather, so when I can wear a light coat/sweatshirt and be perfectly warm, that's ideal! The rain is annoying, though (at least while I'm walking to and from work). Hopefully the 60 and 70 degree weather can last a while and we can enjoy fall in all of it's glory, unlike our Spring this year; or should I say, lack thereof (for those of you who don't live in Colorado, the weather went like this: cold, cold, HOT, even HOTTER... no in-between warm weather of spring).
I can't wait to take a drive around the mountains to admire the Aspens... it's going to be glorious!

Pictures Are Removed

This may be a useless post, but I thought I'd post it anyway. I went through and deleted any pictures from my blogs that were not my own pictures. Which means I republished my posts. So I don't know if anyone even reads my blogs on a blog-reader or if they will show up as unread/new posts, but if you do use the blog-reader and they do show up as new, just mark them all as read; unless you want read them all, of course :-) That's all for now!

Who Eats Horse, Honestly?

I found this post through epicurious.com's blog. If you're interested in food at all, it's fun to do! (I can't do strike-through so italics is how I will indicate "I would never eat")
I tend to be a pretty open eater, willing to try anything once, but some things just push my limits... and if I happen to be offered whole insects, I just might eat it just to say I did... Oh, and I had to look up a lot of them, so don't feel shy about looking it up on google or in wikipedia!
And I tag anyone who wants to participate. I only got 29... I guess I'm not as much of a foodie as I thought...

Here’s what I want you to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart-- I was young, I would NEVER do that now!
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes -- Michael and I were actually just talking about making peach wine... except it is really complicated to make!
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese -- have you seen what this looks like?? And just the name alone...
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O -- as another poster said, how can you go through college without trying this at least once?
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat -- This one's a maybe... I like curry but I'm not sure how I feel about goat...
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more-- if someone offered it to me, I'd never spend my own money on it!
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut -- it was even fresh and hot!
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal-- again, when I was younger...
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini -- a sip, cuz I don't like gin
58. Beer above 8% ABV-- also a sip because I'm not a huge fan of beer
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores -- more than I can count!
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin -- the only thing I could find is that this is clay used in paper and plastics... am I missing something?
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe (isn't that illegal?)
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill -- that just makes me want to vomit thinking about it
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini -- well, I hadn't before, but with all these peaches, I guess I'll just have to make this!
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict -- smoked salmon eggs benedict--- DELICIOUS!
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse -- who eats horses, really?
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam -- never tried it, but did carry it around in an obstacle course...
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta -- definitely not one of my favorites...
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake-- YUCK! I can't even stand looking at them, let alone eating them!

Well, that's all folks! How many have you eaten?

Can I Grow My Own Peach Tree?

I love peaches. And living in Colorado, we are spoiled to have Palisade peaches right in our own backyard. They are more than delicious... they are melt-in-your-mouth-heavenly!
I've had them fresh at farmers markets where I wanted to pounce the guy giving out samples to steal the rest of the peaches, and manage to eat a few every season. Well, this peach-season, the owners of the building I work in happened to give every tenant in the building some peaches... we got 2 boxes FULL of peaches! I took home 2 bags full of them and there are still a ton left in the kitchen!
I've had a peach with every meal! I can't get enough of them. And to top it off, there are dozens of delicious recipes to use fresh peaches in: peaches 'n cream eclairs, peach cheesecake (which is actually to die for!), and of course, peach ice cream. Now all I have to do is decide which thing to make... who needs to make dinner when you've got peach desserts? That way, I can make them all!

"I Think Shouting Hate Words at People Will Convert Them..."

Why is it when there is going to be a lot of people around, the "Christian protesters" come out in force? They're not doing anyone any good, and they're definitely not portraying a positive view of Christ and other Christ-followers. I saw a pack of them on 16th Street Mall with giant signs telling people they are going to hell, that homosexuals are going to hell, and that unless you follow the 10 commandments, you're going to hell too! All I could do is walk by and shake my head. No wonder people tend to keep the fact that they are a Christian/Christ-follower a secret-- look at who our representation is! I do not associate myself with those people, but if people hear I'm a Christian, they will more than likely place me in their group--ick! They have "stupid" cooties! Okay, that wasn't very nice...
Why do these people feel compelled to come out here and act/talk like they do? Has their method proven to be effective? Do they have anyone fall on their face in repentance? I would guess that that has never ever happened! So what motivates them to come out to the mall and throw fire and brimstone at people walking by? Just because Jesus said to "go and make disciples of all nations," he didn't mean to go out and make an idiot out of yourself. Telling people that they're going to hell is not a message of love. Telling homosexuals that their sin has condemned them to hell is not a message of acceptance.
Where is the sign that says "Jesus loves you for who you are, no matter what you've done"? I did see one guy holding a sign that said "Jesus is the message of hope." That at least was a positive message, but still, it begs the question: how effective is that? Are these people afraid to get close to anyone who may be at all different than them? Is that why they passively hold the sign and shout hate at the people passing by? To be missional the way Jesus was-- getting down and dirty with those who surrounded him-- makes people extremely vulnerable and also shows everyone else that they are not all high and mighty and holy; I'd venture a guess that showing their humanity is what they are trying to avoid doing.
It's no wonder why people don't like "Christians."

Why Oh Why Did the DNC Have to be Here?

I'm already sick and tired of the Democratic National Convention (DNC). I wouldn't mind at all if I didn't
1) work downtown
2) live right off of Speer Blvd.
3) people didn't treat the DNC and the protesters like the end of the world (ie riots, teargas, people throwing mailboxes into cars [no joke, they removed all drop-boxes from the street because of the fear that people would pick them up and throw them... come on, people!])
It's already crazy! Michael and I missed church yesterday because of traffic issues caused by the streets closing down! We sat at the same light for 15 minutes watching cars drive into the middle of the intersection (even though they could see traffic wasn't going anywhere), and people making U-turns to go south on Speer... Oh, and did I mention the next light was broken and not turning green? Oh yeah, that was loads of fun. And all the roads being turned into one lane? That was fun too! By the time we would have made it though both intersections, we would have gotten to church halfway through the sermon! Michael was yelling at all the people on the sidewalk and the other cars "GO HOME!" I feel the exact same way!
It was Sunday, nothing was even really going on, and people are already acting like idiots and there were people already arrested last night... ugh! And I have to be downtown to work. We have the option to go home at noon and work from home, but I have the issue of the fact that my whole job is to be AT WORK! I can't answer the phones from home! I can't transfer calls from my cell phone! I'm stuck here till my boss says I can go home (that is, if everyone else goes home... please! everyone go home so I can too!!!) That didn't sound too desperate, did it? Well, it'll give me a lot of time to... uh... read/write blogs and mess around doing nothing... hopefully someone finds something for me to do-- not likely, but possible!
Be thankful if you are not in Denver, Colorado this week! Watch the coverage from your living room, away from the chaos and overreactions! This madness needs to end!
[Oh, and I have to just state my feelings about the protesters-- they're really dumb! No one even knows why they're here or what they're protesting for! I do know that there is a group protesting for peace, even though Democrats tend to be anti-war... I just don't get some people...]

Don't Shove 'Jim' Out the Door, Love Him Instead

The story I'm about to tell and comment on is almost 6 months old, but for some reason has been creeping into my thoughts lately, so I thought I would share it. It is a modern-day example of how Jesus calls us to love those who are not like us, and also showed me what ancient Pharisees may have been like.

It was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for me, but I saw the email about it so it was spoiled. This was fine, because, as a matter of fact, I'm not very into surprises. Don't get me wrong, I like presents, but to have something come up unexpectedly that everyone else knew about is not my idea of a good time. (Hence the look of terror on my face during our wedding when our officiant said "Katie doesn't know about this..." Thankfully it was just that Michael sang me a song, but still...)
Anyway, Michael invited a bunch of our friends, as well as a guy he knew from work. All of our friends were from church (like us), but Michael's friend, we'll call him Jim, was a little rougher around the edges (not like us).
Jim was the last person to arrive, already well on his way to being drunk, and sat around with the women who were on the chairs and couches. The men were sitting at the table playing cards. I don't mind talking to people who are different than me, but for some, if someone says something off-color, it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Unless it's offensive to me personally, I just shrug my shoulders and let it slide. He didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but did make the rest of the women squirm. Jim then moved over to where the men were and proceeded to "flex his wallet" and brag about how much money he had, how many women he'd "had" and that he had hookers waiting at his house... Not exactly our idea of a good time, so when he invited the guys to come over, they all declined.
As the evening progressed, more alcohol was consumed by everyone, tensions started running high. Men started getting possessive of their wives, and women started getting offended by Jim's lifestyle.
Finally, someone snapped. Jim was shoved out of our home by one of our guests. He was told he was unwelcome and offended everyone. [Disclaimer: We later dealt with this situation with our friends and it was resolved, so the disagreement over how this all was handled is not the purpose of this post.]
Michael and I disagreed with how our friend handled the situation, but that was not the biggest issue we had. Our issue was how "Pharisee-like" our friends' actions and attitudes were towards our guest. Jesus ate dinner and partied with "sinners" and the Pharisees did nothing but ridicule and judge.

Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5: 29-32

Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn't it? We wanted to show Jim the love of Christ, that Christians aren't all stuffy and legalistic (everyone was drinking, for crying out loud!), but in the end, all he saw was a house full of stuffy, legalistic, judgmental Christians.
I was ashamed.
I was embarrassed.
I knew that this is not the first time a non-Christian had been shunned from a "Christian" gathering. We were prideful, he sleeps around... both are sins, and both sets of people need forgiveness. Just because we are Christians doesn't make us better than others-- it should humble us to a level to show others how that sin can be erased, not shoved in their face. These are the people Jesus called to love and befriend.
Yes, having Christian friends, people with similar views, morals, and lifestyle is important, but we also need to reach outside of our bubbles and befriend those who are "sick." Jesus didn't "witness" to Levi and the guests at the party-- he just sat back and enjoyed their company. I'm sure they cussed and drank too much and probably told a crass joke here and there, but Jesus didn't throw them out of the house, he didn't shame them for being themselves. He lived by example and loved them and told them they were worth someones while.
That's how we should live. We need to love the sick and the poor, even if the "poor" part is only in spirit, not in regards to a bank account. You can be respectful and tell someone that a joke they said or a story they told is offensive, and if you don't tell those kinds of jokes and show respect to everyone, your influence and your presence will make a difference. People notice those who are different from them, so stand out as a difference for love. Tell someone they're worth your time, your money, your food, and your listening ear. You never know what kind of valuable friendship you could gain from someone who doesn't look and act just like you.

That Cake Looks Just Like A......

Oh my gosh! I had to cough to try to not burst out laughing at work (I'm sure a few giggles snuck out here and there...) over this blog. The whole blog is dedicated to professional cakes and how terrible (visually) they can end up being! I was about to pee my pants over some of them. Definitely take the time to go through all of her blogs (meaning click on "older posts" at the bottom of the page)... her commentary on some of them is priceless and makes the cake even funnier!
Check it out here: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

The Five Country Plan

I've never mentioned on here my views and hopes for children, so I thought I'd enlighten you (and be able to process this whole thing a little bit). Michael and I have been married for 5 months and we are nowhere near wanting to have children. We do joke around that when his sister, April, has her baby (it could be any day now...), Izzy (the baby--her name is going to be Elizabeth) will be our guinea-pig in dealing with a child. I've done nannying but it is nowhere near the same thing as having your own, and I have a feeling that Izzy will be the same way. We wont have to get up with her every 3 hours, and can give her back to April when she's fussy. But we'll see... because currently, the thought of having a child makes my heart race-- a sure sign I'm not emotionally ready to have a child.
On a recent blog post I read, it introduced me to the idea of leading a quiverful lifestyle in regards to childbearing. I'd never heard of it, having been raised in a pretty relaxed and non-traditional household. People who adhere to the quiverful ideas say that any sort of prevention of having a child (including abstaining from sex during ovulation [aka natural family planning]) is a sin; that God creates life and we should not stand in the way of God's life-giving powers... if you know me at all, you can safely guess that I don't think that is legit.
But I must admit, it did get me thinking. The blog I read linked to another blog that started the whole discussion. The idea that I took out of it was the idea that married couples don't tend to consult God in their reproductive decisions. Michael and I had never discussed what we thought God thought about us having children. So from that blog, Michael and I got into a pretty interesting discussion about what we thought God would want from us, if using contraception really was a sin (we don't think it is), and, like the original author of the blog was discussing, we had a discussion surrounding the idea of God and contraception.
But even though we don't think that we are sinning or preventing God from creating life (which he could do even with using birth control), we know that we are not anywhere near ready to have responsibility for a child's life. We barely make enough money as it is, and we're only in our early 20s for crying out loud! We could wait 10 years and still have plenty of time to have more than one kid!
Another aspect to our decision is that we want to experience life first. We want to travel, we want to live a life that is not dictated or restrained by having a child. Yes, I understand that children are a blessing, but where we are in life right now, we don't see it that way. If we ended up getting pregnant, we would embrace it and love that child more than we could imagine, but if we can prevent it and lead our life sans children for a while, we would like to do that.
But the question arises: is that selfish? Is that too self-centered? Is it okay to be all about us? What if we're not meant to even have children? (Even my sister pointed out "you don't even like kids"... I'm sure it'd be different if they were mine, but what if that's true? What if I wouldn't like my future children?) Is it socially (especially in the church) acceptable to choose to not have children?
We've decided on a 5-country plan for deciding when to have kids: we want to travel to 5 different countries before we have any kids (we know that is completely unrealistic, so it's actually "after Michael is done with school [in 2 years] we'll reassess the situation" plan)... but we can dream!
How do people decide when to have kids? When it's an unplanned thing, you obviously have no choice, but if you get married, how have other people made that decision? Do you just get the "baby bug" and that's when you start trying? There are just so many questions surrounding this seemingly small subject... I'll be wrestling with this one for a while.
Oh, and if we're lucky to make it to one country, we'll be happy :-)

Where Have All the Men Gone?

I was going through the archive of my old blogs and found this one still as a draft. I don't know why I didn't publish it, so I thought now is as good of a time as ever:

(Note that this is back in October of '07.... although still an issue...) This last week at the young marrieds group at the church we attend when we are in Denver (I realize we are not married yet, but they let us join anyway!), we got into a discussion about the differences in how men and women relate to members of the same gender. Women tend to have no trouble at all making friends, finding a women's group to join, ladies get-togethers, etc. But when it comes to men, there seems to be a shortage of opportunities for them to meet other men. And with that, it is even more difficult to find guidance and direction and a mentor-type relationship with older men. I've heard that men's groups tend to always struggle in churches and men just don't seem to be interested in going to some get-together-- they'd just as soon sit on the couch and watch TV. And yet, in everything that I've heard, the men are desperate for male companionship. Women's company can only stretch so far. There's some level of understanding and interaction during sporting events that men just seem to understand more than women. And men need that kind of interaction. But where are these men who are wanting a friendship? Is it socially (culturally and at church) unacceptable for men to be vulnerable enough to open themselves up and ask for friendship from another man? Are men just too busy to have time for other men? Can men function alone, or just with their wives? I know that friendships can be formed between men when couples are friends with other couples, and that's great! But what about individual friendships? Ones that don't need their wives or other people as the catalyst to start them?

My (Very Belated) Review of Batman

I feel it is my duty as a movie-lover to add to the gazillion reviews (although extremely late) for the new Batman movie, "The Dark Knight." I'll make it brief, since I'm sure everyone's been bombarded with people talking about it. So here goes:
I loved it! I thought the movie was well done, everyone's acting was phenomenal. Heath Ledger was creepy as hell and he made the movie. He made my skin crawl and he did a great job in portraying that he was evil just for the fun of it. I thought they did a good job showing him as out of control and, obviously, extremely dangerous; but they also did a good job showing the audience a glimpse of someone's mind who has no empathy or any sense of right and wrong (ie a sociopath). It's tragic that Heath Ledger died and cannot continue to make extremely well-done movies and intriguing characters, but at least he ended with a fabulous movie! Christian Bale also did a good job, yet again, as Batman. He creates a good balance of the hero and dealing with his sense of duty as the city's hero, and acting within his expected billionaire role. Michael had me watch the older Batman movies, and Christian Bale is by far the biggest and best bad-ass! Oh, I have to mention Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. I thought he did an amazing job in showing that he was a man for the people and wanted to get rid of the crime in the streets without it being cheesy. But when he turned into Two-Face (which I still don't know how the makeup people did it!) I thought they did an extremely good job in showing his motivation for turning evil. Tommy Lee Jones' original portrayal of Two-Face was more comical and goofy (does acid really make your mind go crazy if it just destroys your face? my point exactly.), and I thought Eckhart's interpretation and presentation was much more believable. I also liked (this might give something away....) that they didn't continue his story into another movie. I thought it did a good job with his story ending on a high note and leaving it at that. The characters in this movie were dynamic and very well-developed. The movie may have been long, but as my sister said, you don't even notice!
One big negative of the movie, at least for someone who gets emotionally involved in movies, is how dark the movie is. I said that the glimpse into a sociopath's mind was a good thing because it's fascinating, but it's also a scary place to go. I feel silly admitting it, but I saw the movie at night and ended up having some really freaky nightmares from the movie.... not a good time! So if you're sensitive to those kinds of things, definitely watch the movie during the day when you can have enough time to process the movie and get it out of your head while you sleep! Other than that, I don't really have anything negative to say about the actual movie!
Okay, I have to mention Michael's and my favorite parts: the truck-flip was mind-blowingly cool! As well as the transformation of the Batmobile into a motorcycle! AWESOME! And Michael's favorite part was the Joker walking away from the hospital... he was laughing about it even as we walked out of the theater. (*Possible spoiler*): But it's hard not to laugh at Heath Ledger in his joker makeup, long greasy hair, and a nurse's dress throwing a tantrum about a bomb taking too long to go off...
I definitely recommend this movie, but for the faint of heart, see it during the day-- I sure wish I had! But this movie will have you talking about it and thinking about it long after you've seen it!

Brushing the Dust Off My Bible

I got together with a friend the other night who goes to school in California, so it was great to see her! She's two years younger than me, but since we were in middle school, we've really been able to see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, including life in general. She is actually the catalyst to me exploring my thoughts and ideas of egalitarian vs. complimentarian marriages. We always have great conversations whenever we get together, whether in person or for a "phone date."
Anyway, she was telling me about how great life has been for her being connected at her church, doing a Bible study with her mentor, and getting to know Christian friends at her church.
I'm so excited for her and where life is taking her, but her excitement also made me realize that I lacked that enthusiasm for anything regarding church. Don't get me wrong, I love the church we go to and we love the friends we're making, but when it comes to actual church and the Bible, a big yawn comes out of my mouth.
I don't know if it's just a phase, or if it's a sign of something bigger. I've always struggled with having a good, quality, more than once a month quiet time. I know that they're important and when I have my high phase, I really enjoy it. But when I'm in the place I'm in now, the Bible seems boring, more like a textbook that you have to read to do well in life... not a way to connect to our heavenly creator who loves us. Michael and I tried to read together but doing it at night leaves very little time for discussion before we're both falling asleep.
The time I did it most consistently was when I was in school and nannying-- the kid(s) napped and I did my quiet time. Since I nannied about 2-3 times a week, it kept me on a pretty regular schedule for a quiet time. But once that stopped, and especially now that I have a full-time job, it's even harder. I can't do it at lunch because it's way too distracting sitting out on 16th Street Mall (you can't believe the great people watching that happens by sitting out there!), and I hate staying cooped up in the office all day without any fresh air. As I write that it sounds like excuses, but should a quiet time require me being miserable (if I stayed in the office the whole day)? And if I do it when I get home, I haven't seen Michael all day and it's dinner time when I get home. And if I do it in the morning, I'd probably fall back asleep because I get up really early as it is. I don't feel like there's any time to have a good quiet time. I pray occasionally when I'm walking to and from work, but that's definitely not enough.
How do people do it? What kinds of sacrifices need to be made to have a relatively consistent quiet time? Should it be a sacrifice? Because getting together with my friend the other night was anything but a sacrifice-- I was looking forward to seeing her since we scheduled a time to meet! I know that I should have that enthusiasm for reading the Bible and connecting with God, but when I struggle to connect with Him, it isn't as exciting to think about "getting together" with God. If I have a friend or coworker who is not as easy to talk to or connect with (at some points it's even painful), I don't look forward to talking to them or getting together with them; and if I do, I'm just waiting till the whole thing is over. And honestly, that's how I tend to feel about God and the Bible. I don't get anything out of it, and it feels like a one-sided conversation. I'm not good at sitting still and listening-- I just don't function that way, so "hearing from God" is a vague and illusive concept for me. I get feelings-- being uneasy, feeling at peace, a nagging on my mind, etc., but never a clear path or writing on the wall. Maybe it'd feel more like that if I spent more time with God and reading the Bible, but, as you can see, it's a vicious cycle.
So I guess this whole thing is for me to process how I'm feeling, as well as to seek any advice from people. Advice is the wrong word... what I'd love to know is how others connect with God and especially if they're working people, how they find the time to connect with God during the work-week. Obviously just sitting in church waiting for it to end so we can talk to our friends and leaving my Bible untouched for weeks (if not months) at a time isn't working for me. I need some different ideas or some good recommendations for books, Bible studies, etc.

Camping in the Poudre Canyon

We went camping this last weekend with my family (including Michael, obviously, and my sister's roommate) and it was AWESOME! I finally got my fill of camping for the year (the dime-sized bug bites are a strong motivator to not do it again for a while...) We went up to the Poudre Canyon (that probably wins the contest for stupidest/most-to-make-you-laugh names of a river/canyon) which is just west of Fort Collins. The weirdest part is that I went to school in Fort Collins for 4 years and NEVER went up the Poudre! But I finally got to experience it, and it was absolutely gorgeous!
It rained off and on, which was annoying; not just because it limits what activities you can do, but also we've spent the summer in record heat (something like 25 straight days of over 90 degree weather) and no rain... until the week of us going camping... it's a family curse! And you think I'm joking...
We got to see 3 moose on a little excursion we went on up the canyon. None of us younger people had ever seen one, so it was really exciting! I must say, moose are very weird-looking!
We also did a little treasure-hunting while we were up there. There is an activity called geocaching where you get the coordinates of a hidden cache and go on a hunt for it. There are thousands, all over the world! We picked two to do and it was so much fun. On the first one, we learned that it's important to read the whole description, as well as the hint to find it properly. We got the wrong coordinates (not our fault) and went on a hike along the Poudre for about a 1/2 mile until we realized it was back where we started-- except that it was a beautiful hike, it was a bit annoying-- and the actual finding of the cache was a bit disappointing... Oh well. The next one we found was much more fun and a beautiful hike as well! If you have a gps reader, I highly suggest you get involved! It's so much fun!
We also got to experiencing high centering our car on a rock that took the muscles of 4-5 other guys with my dad and Michael to get it off.
But the food was DELICIOUS! I don't eat eggs, don't ask why, but we had some our first morning and they were some of the best eggs I've ever had! We had a seafood bake for lunch and steak and potatoes over the fire for dinner. Yeah, as you can tell, we do what Michael calls "gourmet camping." We had to have the chicken salad sandwiches for dinner the first night cuz it was raining too hard to get a fire started (and it was way too late by the time it stopped to even think about starting that kind of meal). Camping food tastes way better than if you were to have the exact same thing at home. We were all trying to figure out why that is, but all we could really come up with was that we were outside, it was cooked over a fire, and it just does taste better! Oh, and I forgot the sourdough pancakes the last morning....mmmmm pancakes are one of my favorite foods! I usually eat 3 of them, but that morning I had 5 (maybe 6) and 2 pieces of bacon! Boy was it good!
And last but not least, the shower after camping.... nothing comes even close to the feeling of getting clean after being in the mountains for 3 days and no shower! It's heavenly!

Men Don't Need a Chore Chart

Gender-role-reversal-- it's becoming more of a common occurrence for men to stay home to be househusbands, if not stay-at-home-dads. I read this blog recently that talked about an article he read and the comments that people (mostly women) left that reflect the feelings towards men who stay at home instead of work.
The responses he posted made me have the same reaction that he did. Women talked as if their husbands were 5 year old children who needed a chore-chart to make sure he completed everything, and if he didn't, to give him grace and understanding. I'm not sure if there are websites out there for stay at home moms where men are reading them and commenting about needing to communicate and have understanding. If there are, that's great, but I can assume they are few and far between. Women still fall under the stereotype that they intrinsically know how to keep a clean house, like doing housework, and are the only real ones who can do it the "right" way. Michael knows how to clean dishes-- he's not an idiot. He knows how to sweep, vacuum, wipe down counters-- he doesn't need me to stand over him and make sure he's doing it "right."
There was a website he linked to, http://www.parenteam.com/ . It is a support website for working mothers with stay-at-home-husbands. If a couple is needing support and a resource for the husband, then that's great. But it sure seems like it expresses more that men need help in understanding what to do (again, that women don't need that help).
As a bit of an experiment to see the difference in stay at home moms and stay at home dads. I searched "stay at home moms" I got a whole list of ways for moms to make money while at home, how much staying at home costs, and the very last listing on the first page was a website for resources, activities, etc for stay at home mom. However, when I typed in "stay at home dads" I got a whole list of articles, references, website devoted to stay at home dads, etc. Again, I'm seeing a big gap between what women should naturally do and what men need help doing. There was a link to a study researching stay at home dads and their psychological well-being. Are they doing that for women? Being "super-mom," I'm sure, takes a toll on some women-- working all day and having to come home and be the one in charge of the house--kids, cooking, cleaning, etc. I learned in one of my classes in college about what this phenomenon of women working and coming home to work again. It's called her second shift. And if she is also in school, it's called her third shift. That men aren't expected or encouraged to be the ones to stay home if the woman wants to work, it is kind of upsetting.
It's interesting the looks Michael and I get when we tell people I'm the one working and he's the one at home being a house-husband. It's "weird" to people. It shouldn't be! I know there is a shift, and I think that's great. It's becoming more common, which will make it less-weird to people, but it still has a long way to go. Men who stay home should stand up for themselves and not feel any less of a man for doing so. Most people, as I have learned, expect that a man is only home because he's unemployed, injured, or some other reason that he has to be-- not because he wants to or chooses to. Men have to fight others' perceptions of him staying home and why he is going so. If women are stay at home moms, no one questions it. No one asks why they're not working. They also know a lot more stay at home moms than stay at home dads, so it's even more difficult for men to find support from his peers.
I hope more men are willing to speak out about that they are just as capable as women in maintaining a household, caring for children, taking them to soccer practice, etc. I understand the need for resources because it's not as common for men to stay home, so they might feel lost. But I also think they should just do what comes naturally. If it's nice outside, take the kid to the park, if it's lunch time, feed the kid! If they honestly don't know what to do, it would be understandable if they sought the answer online or even through his wife. But men can learn to cook dinner-- even if they ruin it the first few times, no one started out cooking without making a mistake or two. We need to be giving men more credit than their getting, as well as needing to challenge men to rise up to the challenge and put their whole heart into it. Even if the man is unemployed and that's the reason he's home, take pride in it-- stay at home moms do! And don't treat couples/men/women any different if the woman is the one working and the man is at home. They're no different than anyone else. Michael is definitely no less of a man or a husband because he stays home-- it is actually truly a blessing because I don't have to worry about doing it all when I get home from work!

Promoting Religion

I'm at work, and as I've mentioned before, I read cnn.com like it's going out of style. They tend to be interesting stories, some evoking strong emotions out of me, as well as making me sit back and think. Thinking is what happened to me today. I was doing my regular reading-- clicking on each of the stories under the "Most Popular" link on the side, when a story came up that ended up taking me by surprise: "Islam subway ads cause stir in New York." The article talks about ads that Islamic group, Islamic Circle of North America, sponsored and now face resistance from people wanting the Metropolitan Transit Authority to reject the ads.
They claim that one of the head organizers of the campaign is a suspected terrorist, but the only court appearance he made was to be a character witness and has never been charged with being a co-conspirator. Maybe he is an Islamic extremist, I don't know, but just because he's behind the campaign, does that really mean something promoting (non-extremist) Islam should be banned? I realized that people's outrage over the ads made me discouraged.
I'm assuming that the people in the Islamic Circle of North America are not extremists or terrorists, but want to genuinely promote their religion. Although I will not be converting Islam, I can appreciate what they're trying to do. The ads show a phrase that is often misused in reference to Islam and state in the ad "You deserve to know." The group members want people to think about the words, to explore Islam, and, I'm assuming, convert.
It's not too different than Christianity. The question that kept going through my head while I was reading the article was "If these were Christians wanting to put up an ad, would they get this much resistance?" Christians want to promote their religion, as well as have extremists. They don't go out to other countries and blow them up, but there are people who consider themselves Christians and go and blow up abortion clinics. There are good and bad examples of people of every religion. I don't think the Metropolitan Transit Authority should ban the ads because it's not promoting terrorism or hatred, it is giving people something to think about and explore. I think it is courageous for the group to be so ambitious in choosing the location of their ads (on New York subways). The reason people are resisting the ads is the very reason the ads need to be put up-- people have stereotypes and assumptions about Islam and Muslims, and that's what feeds their resistance to the ads-- because they think Muslims are all terrorists/ extremists. I honestly hope the MTA does not reject the ads, unless there is a darn good reason to, not just because someone's anti-Islam.

As If I Needed Another Excuse to Eat

Happy National Caviar Day! I can assure you, I will not be celebrating this holiday, but I'm definitely looking forward to July 21, 23, 24... pretty much the rest of the month. On the blog, Epicurious.com: Editor's Blog I found this blog posted about national food days for the rest of the month. In case you needed any more excuses to celebrate with food, here's your chance. The blog links to a listing of the national food days for the entire year so you'll always have an excuse to celebrate!!

National Caviar Day July 18
National Daiquiri Day July 19
National Lollipop Day July 20
National Ice Cream Soda Day July 20
Fortune Cookie Day July 20
National Ice Cream Day July 21 <-- That's every single day, for me! :-)
National Junk Food Day July 21
National Penuche Fudge Day July 22
National Vanilla Ice Cream Day
July 23 National Tequila Day July 24
National Hot Fudge Sundae Day July 25
National Coffee Milkshake Day July 26
National Crème Brûlée Day July 27 <-- yummmm!
National Scotch Day July 27
National Milk Chocolate Day July 28
Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day July 29*
National Cheesecake Day July 30
National Raspberry Cake Day July 31
Cotton Candy Day July 31
Jump for Jelly Beans Day July 31

*Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day is the day you go out to buy cheese to sacrifice to the mouse traps to keep your house mouse-free. Or, as this guy did, you can sacrifice a cheese-man!

I'm a Superhero Addict!

As I'm sure the rest of the world is, I am SO excited to go see the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight. Ever since I went on imdb.com before the movie was even done and saw that Heath Ledger was the Joker, I wanted to go out and see it! I've been seeing reviews posted on news sites and have been so envious of the reviewers' jobs!
If you know me at all, you know that I don't tend to get excited about superhero movies, tv shows, or any sort of sci-fi show or movie. However, in the last week, I have become a total sci-fi/superhero nerd! As I said before, I can't wait to see Batman, but there's more. Michael and I don't have cable (we actually only have about 7 channels using bunny ears/antenna... we're so high-tech!) we don't really watch any tv except for the news in the morning while we're getting ready for the day. So to replace having to remember when shows are on, we rent the old seasons and watch them (or watch them online, like I did with LOST-- which I watched on my lunch breaks...). Well all this to say, Michael rented the show, Heroes on NBC. He had about 20 minutes left of an episode when I got home the other day and I sat and watched the rest with him-- I was totally and completely sucked in! It's about people with super-powers but I can't get enough of it!
I used to have my line-up of shows that I watched every week without fail (including in the summer-- Psych is one of the best shows out there!). But since we don't have cable and are usually busy during the week, I have lost interest in almost every show (LOST is the only exception) and I thought I was cured of my tv-show addiction... but here comes Heroes... ugh! It's sad and pathedic, but oh well, at least it's entertaining. Plus, Michael and I now watch it together so it's time we get to spend together!
Too bad I have to work so I can't be home watching Heroes.........

Does God Have a Wife?

I realized I haven't written anything very deep or thoughtful lately. I guess I feel uninspired or haven't found anything worth trying to digest and process on here.
Well, I have found something that has been puzzling me for a while. I'm reading a book called Jezebel by Lesley Hazleton. It's a non-fiction telling of the story of the interactions of Queen Jezebel, King Ahab, and Elijah from a historical perspective. When I first picked it up, I thought it was going to be a historical-fiction novel, but I have been pleasantly surprised by how interesting and informational it is. I'm not very knowledgeable of the Old Testament, and knew nothing of Jezebel, except that people use her name like a weapon; but I was never sure why. This book has already helped paint a picture of her influence on history, as well as who she and her husband were. I'll wait to recommend it (or not) when I finish it...
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog is because of something the author said and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out if it is true. Here is the passage from the book that has me puzzled:

"As Jezebel was yet to discover, Yahweh did indeed have a consort-- a lesser version of Astarte known as Asherah.
We know of her from ancient inscriptions calling down teh blessings of 'Yehweh and his Asherah' as well as from the Bible itself. In Jeremiah she is known as 'the queen of heaven,' and her image -- a stylized Tree of Life-- was placed beside the main alter in the temples of Yehweh." (pg. 43)

Is Asherah real? Is it a myth? Who is she? I found a few verses that talk about her:

Jeremiah 44:18

18But ever since we stopped burning incense to the Queen of Heaven and pouring out drink offerings to her, we have had nothing and have been perishing by sword and famine.”

Jeremiah 7:18

18The children gather wood, the fathers light the fire, and the women knead the dough and make cakes of bread for the Queen of Heaven. They pour out drink offerings to other gods to provoke me to anger.

Is she a superstition? Or is there such thing as a queen of heaven? Is there a female spirit up there with Jesus? Or is it humans trying to create a balance in their mind-- thinking that God needs a female counter-part since we, as humans, have males and females? I'm so confused by this! Because in Jeremiah 44:18 it sounds like she was taking offerings and helping to protect people... but then in (actually, it's first) it says they are provoking God by giving offerings to other gods. Does the Queen of Heaven qualify or is she with God so offerings to her count towards God as well? And if she really does exist, how come it's never been talked about? Why is shes never mentioned? What does/will that do to my faith? to others' faith? What kind of impact would it have if she does exist and churches start teaching about her and praising her like they do God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit? Is that even possible to happen? I have so many questions flying through my head!
I know I need to do some more research, but I'm surprised I've never heard of this before! If anyone has any sort of insight, please help me out!