When Life is a Bit Blah

I feel like I should write something since I haven't really written anything in a while. But nothing very interesting is coming to mind. I hate to use this blog as a constant whine-fest about friends and church, but other than those two things, not much else is going on in my life. I go to work 5 days a week, try to squeeze friends somewhere in there, and pack our weekends so full, I need another weekend after my weekend is over.
Michael has started playing rugby, and his first match, game, or whatever you call it, is tomorrow. It should be interesting and I will hopefully get to know the wives of the players and we can make new friends there... hopefully...
Church is church... we enjoyed going to the other location of the church this last Sunday, but I have a feeling that the "sacred" feeling I had on Sunday was a fluke-- more than likely it was just because we were in a new place (my church owns an old, historic Jewish temple-- it's really cool!), not because anything was that different. And it sucks that because Michael works for the church, we/he HAVE to go... I hate being told I have to do something when there's no real rhyme or reason to it. But I digress.
This month is going to be a lot calmer than last month, so I'm looking forward to enjoying more nights like last night where I had absolutely nothing to do! To give you some perspective, last month we had a total of 5 days ALL MONTH that we didn't have something planned... I was constantly exhausted-- we never could sit down to rest because we had something else to do or someone else to see! So this month we only have a few things planned and are trying more than ever to keep at least one day a week open just for the two of us to be together. We'll see how that goes.
Well, that's all for now. I hope to get more inspired later... Have a fabulous weekend!

Bible Study is Group Therapy

So last night wasn't the disaster Michael and I envisioned. And that's a good thing. We had discussions and people asked some really good, challenging questions. It helped me dig even deeper into what I believe about marriage, roles (or the lack thereof), and my understanding of our group. Another refreshing part of the night was that one of the women in the group spoke first about what she believes about marriage and it was like she had crawled into my brain and knew exactly what I thought and felt. I've struggled to find women friends who have a similar view of marriage and men and women in general. One other woman in our group is also the same way, just not as vocal about it-- and I couldn't be more excited about it. I actually found friends who think like I do and I feel kind of at a loss of what to do because it's been so long since I've been around people like that. I don't think marriage roles/no roles will the center of every discussion I have with these women, but it at least took me to a deeper understanding and appreciation for these women. When I get frustrated in my marriage about whatever, I can expect that they will understand my thinking of marriage and give me advice/comfort accordingly. I don't have to worry about hearing "just be more loving," "the Bible calls women to submit," etc. So I'm excited to grow deeper with these friends and grow as a group. As I said before, we had great questions and I think if we continue that, we can really grow and strengthen each other as individuals, as well as a group. So, thank you Jesus for not having last night be stressful and frustrating!
(Also, I'm really working on and getting better at speaking in a group and being able to articulate myself and my thoughts in a coherent sentence/statement. Who knew this group would be like group therapy as well??)

Let's Be Adults About This... Hopefully

I'm at it again. I currently find myself on the edge of impending doom... okay, it's not that dramatic, but it feels that horrifying. What I'm talking about is a "discussion" of roles of men and women in marriage... this time with people who have researched and are married so this is going to hit REALLY close to home when we disagree. We managed to get through a discussion/debate/what-have-you about abortion without anyone flying off the handle, but that seems so minor in comparison to a discussion about marriage. The roles and views of men and women strike people at their core-- the foundations of their marriage and how they conduct their lives. I have a feeling this will either end quickly because no one will want to get into it, or it's going to be a disaster. I really hope it's not a disaster AND I hope we don't just stay on the surface. But I fear that neither one is very preventable. Some people have short fuses and others say they get heated no matter what the topic is... grrreeeaaaatttt... Intense people dealing with an intense discussion. Hopefully I'll leave pleasantly surprised that people could be mature and we can go away with "we agree to disagree and we still like each other." But I'm older and viewing marriage from a much different perspective, so hopefully I can speak my point of view without being immature or condescending (I had issues with that the last time I had a "debate" about men and women and church/home).
The discussion of roles is a seemingly uncomplicated one, until you start researching for whatever side you're on, and you see how one belief about men and women has an impact on other areas of belief about men and women. I hope to learn something new tonight, as well as teach something. If nothing else, I hope we can all gain a respect for each others' marriages and/or come along side anyone who needs or wants help/encouragement.
Our group strives to be one of community and we're slowly but surely getting there. It's taken a while for people to open up and share what is really on their hearts and weighing on their minds. I want to live life with these people, and growing deeper and digging to the heart of issues is the only way we will get there. Oh, and time. I have to remember that deep relationships cannot develop overnight or even over a weekend.
Okay, I've processed enough about this. It's quite possible I will have more to say/process after the night is over. Wish me luck!

The Church of Snowshoes

I'm bored with church. I have my issues with our church and church in general, but that's not the bone I have to pick today.
I'm bored and tired and just plain "over" church. It might just be the new focus that my church has, which I am definitely not their target audience, but it might also be that I've gone to church almost every single Sunday of my life... I don't feel like there's anything they can say or teach that would have me saying "wow! I never thought of that! My life is changed forever!" I feel disheartened that I can look at the series title and the "subtopics" of each week, and predict (with pretty close accuracy) what the overall message will be.
So what happens when you've been going to church for almost 23 years and it's all old news? I know that the gospel and Jesus and the Bible are always "alive" and can change lives, but I sure don't feel that way. I love God, I believe Jesus was born and died on the cross for the world's sins, and I believe the Bible is God's holy word; I also try to live my life loving people the way Jesus loved them and viewed "others" and "sinners," I tithe, I try to read my Bible regularly, I pray... so what else is new? I know I can learn new things, like Bible history/context, but that just becomes head knowledge.
The only thing drawing us to church is our young marrieds group... but even that is beginning to lack because we see the same people on Tuesday nights for our Bible study. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends, but I don't feel like we're connecting on the level that I desire. But I'm sure it just goes along with my overall feelings about church at the moment. So is there hope for next Saturday night, when Michael and I are in bed discussing whether or not to set our alarm for the next morning? I know church is about fellowship, but just going and sitting in the seats does not make any sort of fellowship-- there are hundreds of people who come to the same service I do, and I know about a dozen of them because they're in our young marrieds group-- there is no real sense of community or fellowship. I feel obligated to go because I'm a "Christian" (or as I like to say, Christ-follower) and church is just something you do.
So all this to say, you might not find me front and center at church for a while. We'll go occasionally, but Michael and I have created friendships that we can get fellowship out of, even if it's not in a building doing "church," so going on Sunday is not as much of a priority. And now that it's getting snowier, you're probably more apt to find us trekking up a mountain through the snow on our snowshoes with friends and some hot chocolate! I'd much rather spend my Sundays with good friends, surrounded by God's creation. That way, I won't be more entertained by a piece of candy than the "production" my church is putting on.

I'm Not a Box Person

When I disagree with something or someone on a certain topic, I want to become as informed on both sides of the issue so I really know where I stand and can back up what I believe. I mentioned a few posts ago that my young marrieds group has started reading "Love and Respect." I also mentioned that I was hesitant about reading it because I didn't know the author and had never heard of the book... and my hesitations were partially correct. Both Michael and I have struggled through this book because of the foundational ideas that it is based on. But it's a growing experience. We're coming to a deeper understanding of what we believe as a couple and as individuals. We are expanding our knowledge. And, if nothing else, we are engaging in conversation with people who don't always think 100% (if even 50%) of the time. It stretches us and, hopefully, we stretch them. There are times people say things that I completely disagree with, but I can respect and appreciate that that is how they function and what they believe.
I still have yet to buy the book, because if I spend most of my time disagreeing with it, there's no sense in owning it. However, my friend lent me the book to read during the week. I was reading it last night and this morning on the bus and I had an epiphany:
I HATE BEING PUT IN A BOX. A woman box, a young-person box, a married box, an American box, etc. I hate that my gender, my life-stage, my nationality, or whatever dictates how I'm "supposed" to be, how all in that same category are like that.
I might not mind the box if I fit into it nicely. But I never have, and I probably never will. I am actually more apt to fight the box and try to rip it down, just to prove that I can, and especially to show that I DON'T fit.
Even as I was reading the book last night, Michael was sitting next to me as I began grumbling under my breath about "this isn't me," "this is just a stereotype," etc. I read him a passage of the book out-loud and said "never in my life have I had an interaction/discussion like this one in the book!" And he just looked at me and said "Kate, you're the first woman I know who doesn't act like that." I stared at him. And it dawned on me... this is the root of my feelings towards anything or anyone who tries to put me in a box: I am not the kind of person who fits nicely in a box. And when someone tries to tell me about the box, I resist it, feel nauseous, and start to freak out (at least on the inside).
I wrote a post that hit on this idea a little bit and spoke more about how it effects my daily interactions with people. But for some reason, Michael's comment last night really struck me. It isn't just that I'm "strong" or "intimidating," it's that I resist boxes, and resist others telling me who I am just because of X or Y reason. I'm not a box person, and I'm okay with that. But when I read books like this one, or "Captivating" (which I've mentioned before I didn't even finish reading), I resist it and actually get angry and frustrated because THAT IS NOT WHO I AM! So I'll continue to read the book, for the sake of knowledge and discussion, but I now have an inner-understanding of myself that I don't fit into this mold, I don't fit nicely into the box that he puts me and my marriage in. And hopefully through this whole experience I can come out of it a happier, more well-rounded person, and hopefully pass that on to others. And I'll also try to keep my grumbling down to a minimum.
(And as a disclaimer, he does have some good points, but they get buried underneath the box, so I have a hard time finding them and recognizing them as applicable or even true-- but I'm working on finding them and appreciating them, even if I don't agree with everything 100%).

The Case of the Blog Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog because I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them and process them here. I wrote about life, and about church, the Bible, Christians, and theology. But as my life has calmed down a bit more and become a bit more routine, I find that I have less to blog about. This may be because of less material and not being around people who question things and make me think (actually, I'm pretty sure that's a huge part), but it may be that my life has changed and I'm in a different place than I was when I started this blog.
But what do I do? I don't want to solely write about "Christian-y" things, but I also don't want to just write about my life-- I don't do that much that anyone (including myself) would want to read about. The first post would be this: "I sat at work today. I didn't do much. Mark told me he is running checks on Wednesday. I got a free water bottle. Michael picked me up to go to my parents' for dinner. The end."
Do things change when you have children, because you can speak on your child and how you raise them? I thought getting married would create more to talk about with marriage philosophy but I find that I read more about what other people think than I do any personal processing. I know where I stand, so I don't have much to process about. I don't feel conflict about it-- I actually read more and get more emotion evoked by others who are in the more traditional camp. But I don't want this blog to be all about bashing others' views and pointing out why I disagree with others. That just sounds boring. If it's applicable to something in my current situation, I might talk about it, but it definitely can't be my focus. I don't have kids, so that's out of the question. I have a niece, but we don't see her that often, and I also don't think anyone wants to hear about my thoughts on someone else's kid...
So I'm here with no motivation and no clear direction. Has blogging for me come to an end? I know of maybe two or three people who read my blog who aren't related to me (and even the ones related to me aren't avid readers). But is a large audience my focus? Why even blog in the first place?
So I guess this is my explanation as to why my blogs lately have seemed to lack "oomph" and passion... because I don't know what passion I have to give. I will be thinking about this more and maybe even trying out a new way/reason to blog, or just write when something is on my mind. I really don't know. But I know that blogging has led me to "meet" new people, interact with them and get to know them, as well as really process how I'm feeling/thinking about something, or just sharing what's on my heart. So, those of you who do read my blog, bear with me and I will soon figure this all out. (And a big thanks to those who do read and comment-- it really means a lot to me. And if you're a reader and have never commented, please, let me know you're there-- I'd love to get to know you!)
Thanks for the patience!

Women Friends... Where are They? I Don't Know, I Don't Know...

I hate being different. I've always gone against the grain and don't tend to follow what the crowd is doing, especially not before meticulously analyzing and scrutinizing everything people do and say. I've tended to live my own life, trying desperately to find myself in the meantime. I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I know who I am, what I believe, and what kind of person I want to be.
However, not everyone is like that. And not everyone likes people who question things and don't take things at face value. Especially in church groups, where the default viewpoint is one of being conservative and traditional, I really butt heads with that one.
I don't like people telling me to believe something "just because I should" and to do something "just because it's always been done." I push against that and question it and ask WHY am I doing it or believing it. If I can be given a good, well-explained answer, or if I do the research myself for what I should do/believe, then I'll do it. I'll put the time and effort into understanding why I do and believe what I do and believe. But again, not everyone is like that. They believe it because that's what the preacher guy says, what their parents did and taught, and because everyone else is doing it. And if you ask them why, they don't have a very clear understanding or explanation... which frustrates me to no end. I may not understand or know everything, but I'm willing to research it if I'm asked and question it and roll it around in my mind and talk about it till I'm blue in the face. I don't like pat answers or the ones that everyone always gives. I want to push people, question them, stretch them (which, in turn, stretches me), but people are uncomfortable with that, usually, and I end up repelling people because I come on too strong. And as a woman, a strong woman in certain circles and to certain women is intimidating... I hate being intimidating. But I can't help it.
And when it comes to interacting with people, I love interacting and talking and digging deeper but, honestly, I'd much rather sit back at a party/get-together and just watch people and listen. Thankfully that is no longer my default excuse for not talking in a group, but observing, questioning, analyzing, speculating is what I do best and enjoy the most. I can leave a party with a pretty good idea of who people are, what their marriage is like, and what kind of person they really are.
But again, most people aren't like that. And they like being the same, not standing out, not voicing their true personality. And they get defensive when those ideas that are the "same" are questioned or even shaken... and I like to question and shake... which leaves me a bit on my own. And I believe this is why my friendships with other women have been few and far between. I've had a few good ones, but they were with other women who tended to think like I do.
So that's what's difficult about our current Bible study... I don't think anyone thinks like I (we [being me and Michael]) do, and the women/wives of the group tend to act like they wear "happy masks" (ex. one woman claimed that in over a year of marriage have never had a single fight.........) and don't tend to bear their true souls. And they don't think like I do. Being friends with them will be a challenge, some more than others, and I'm hoping that the deep-rooted beliefs that we hold onto wont come in the middle of our friendship. But if we both can't be open to others' beliefs, it's doomed to fail from the beginning. So I have to have an open mind, and hope and pray that they can too without judgment or condemnation. It's going to be hard and going to stretch me, and I'm hoping I can stick through it instead of taking the "flight" side of conflict and difficult situations. These couples have the potential to be great, long-lasting friendships, but getting through the hard times and the disagreements is what will test and strengthen them... if we can get through those times...
So please pray for me as I embark on this journey to try to establish friendships with women who may not be "comfortable" and the same as me-- that we can learn from each other and grow together. Because I desperately need those female friendships!

An Answer to Prayer!!

I posted a blog a while ago about not having many friends and being frustrated with the ones I had. The frustrations with those friends I mentioned are still there, if not completely dissolved right along with the friendships. It was more of a mutual, lack-of-continuing to invest in the friendship kind of thing, so it wasn't too rough. We are still civil to each other and enjoy running into each other at church or even REI (that happened yesterday), but we wont make it a point to call or get together.
Being sad and upset over failed friendships isn't what this post is about. Actually, this post is a post of celebration!
After I wrote that post, we were invited to a young marrieds bbq. What happened that night was nothing short of an answer to prayer. The group of people who attended (there were about 4 or 5 couples) clicked and we enjoyed their company late into the night (1am if I remember correctly). And since then, most of the couples TOOK INITIATIVE and invited people over and our friendship grew. All summer, we have been connecting and growing deeper together. We grew enough that now we are going to be in a Bible study with those couples (I'll write a post about that later to digest my thoughts on it).
We found friends who liked us and we liked them. They told us "we want to get to know you, we like you" and we said it back. We have been aching for friends who we can rely on and know have our backs if we ever need them. We needed friends who will open up and share their true selves and we will do the same. And through these friends, we have found all of these things! We have prayed for good friends and even for some specific things, things that we have found in these friends. I don't expect that we'll be friends forever, but for now, we can be together and experience life with them for now... but who knows, they could be life-long friends! We'll see what God and life have in store for us!
Oh, I also have to mention our friends who we went driving up in the mountains with this weekend. We have barely seen them all summer, but this weekend they loved us more than any of our friends have in a long time! We had the most wonderful day with them and hated that we had to end the day early (Michael had to work his last night at the restaurant). We love our friends so much!
And from those friendships as couples, I've ended up deepening friendships with the women. I have had lunch numerous times with one friend, had dinner with another, and have gone to ice cream twice with yet another. Every time, my heart just bursts! I get so excited about making deep girl-friendships! My heart has longed and ached for that, and I'm finally getting it. And the friendships aren't surface-level either-- we talk about deep issues like marriage, family life growing up (and still dealing with), etc.
And my friend from our Meals that Matter group (it's a quarterly thing at our church to sign up and you have dinner once a week for 6-8 weeks with people who live around you... awesome idea!) who we have a scheduled lunch date every Tuesday! Sometimes, we eat together more than once a week, just because we want to and enjoy each other that much. With the other girls from church, I've had to initially initiate the get-together, but with this friend, we do it equally. I've never been pursued as a friend before-- I've always been the one pursuing. And it feels amazing to be told "I like you! I want to spend time with you!" Again, it makes my heart so happy. I walk back to work refreshed and energized by spending time with her. Michael and I are even house-sitting for her and her husband this week!
I am so excited about the answer to prayer that has happened in my life. I just hope things don't turn sour again and I'm back at square one. But this feels different-- these friends want to be friends and want to take the time to grow and develop our friendship. And if I start becoming the one to always initiate again, I will deal with it or just let the friendship fizzle away to courtesy because the other person obviously isn't interested enough to keep it going.
So, praise Jesus! :-) I have found friends! Friends I can connect with and grow with, be there for and embrace. I am just so excited about where life is headed in regards to friendships... now if only we can make the guys connect more outside of a group setting and Michael can gain some solid friendships as well! That's my next prayer... let's see God work!

Lars and the Real Girl

My favorite movies are the ones that have multiple layers and I can sit and discuss them for hours afterwards. Of course, the surface-level, pure-entertainment ones have their place too, but the deeper ones are my absolute favorite. I just discovered a new one this week called, Lars and the Real Girl with Ryan Gosling. It's a story of a man who wants companionship but fears intimacy so he orders a sex doll online named Bianca and treats her like his girlfriend. He never questions that she is "real" and even asks his brother and sister-in-law (SIL) if Bianca can stay in a spare room in their house, borrow his SIL's clothes, and even sets a place for her for dinner. It never shows that he uses Bianca for the true purpose of the doll, which emphasizes the point of his need for companionship. The best part of the movie is that the people in the town he lives in all embrace Bianca as a real woman and ask to have her work, volunteer at the hospital, and invite her to parties. Lars pushes her around in a wheelchair, and even takes her to the doctor when she's "sick." I highly recommend this movie if you like character-development movies! Here's the trailer if you want to watch it! (If this movie interests you and you don't want any spoilers, don't keep reading and watch it first...)

The reason I even mention this movie is that, as I said, it is a movie about connection and relationship. Lars creates this whole relationship in his mind that at points you forget that she is really just a doll sitting there doing nothing. Lars is awkward around others and hates being touched. Even at the urging of his SIL, he refuses to even have much interaction with them. But once Bianca comes into his life, he interacts with people more and becomes a bit more dynamic. He is lonely and reached out to someone who was like him-- secluded and quiet-- but through the whole process of the movie, realizes that it is the people around him who actually show they care about him and his well-being who matter most to him. They even come to Bianca's funeral! By being there for him and supporting him, even when he has an imaginary girlfriend, they show him a love that he was unable to understand before.
How much of our lives are like Lars'? We want to hide away and create our own fantasy world to live in because it's safer there. We shut people out because they have the potential to hurt us. But as Lars shows in the movie, even our fantasy world and "perfect companion" can hurt us and wound us. Lars created the perfect girlfriend and was the dictator of what happened and how Bianca was feeling; but she let him down, she got sick, and even refused a marriage proposal.
Reality seeps into every part of our lives, and will get to us no matter what. But when he learned to lean on those who were alive around him, they filled him with true joy and love. He had to open himself up to disappointment and hurt to get there, but he got there eventually.
Sometimes it takes "dating" a "doll" to get to a place where we can be open and vulnerable with others. With a doll, there really is no need to truly open up and be real and honest. But what a lonely life that is. There is no real interaction or connection. Yes, it can help you process things out-loud, but you never get anything back from the "doll." Understandably, it is a scary world out there when you have to actually interact with actual real, breathing people! But once you get over it, it makes living so much more beneficial and satisfying! So be like Lars and let your "doll" die so you can live life with those around you and be real with those who care about you.

The "Supposed To's" of Marriage and God

How much of a role does God really play in relationships? I have been rolling this thought over in my mind, trying to really process it and understand it. All during my high school years, I was taught "God needs to be the center of your relationship" but that idea was never really explained to me. What does that really mean? What does that look like? I tried all kinds of things, going to the same church, praying together, discussing the Bible, etc. But each individual act never seemed like enough. Just because we prayed together didn't mean God was the true center of our relationship.
However, I say all this, and I could say that (on a good day) God is the center of my marriage. We focus on God's will for us individually and as a couple, as well as (try to) pray together and read the Bible together.
Lately, though, those practices seem to have fallen by the wayside. We're busy, we're tired, we'd rather do something else... the excuses seem to pile up and God gets forgotten. But then so does the health and spiritual well-being of our marriage. I can see it change how we interact with one another and other people, as well as how we view our marriage one day to the next. There seems to be an absence, a void and negativity are present. We fight more, we overreact, we get defensive... makes for a lousy time, that's for sure.
But what does reading the Bible do? Could we still feel a deeper connection if we read a novel together? What is that spiritual aspect that is so important? We are busy people, and we make the time to spend with friends, work, church, etc., but not for reading the Bible together, or praying or doing any sort of devotional or study. How do we balance that, especially when Michael doesn't get home until 10pm and we're both too tired? Are we "supposed" to pray even though the act of closing our eyes to pray would make us fall asleep? Or are we "supposed" to get up early together to do something, with the same problem of falling asleep? How do busy people do it? Or are we "supposed" to set aside the time that we aren't working and are together, and spend a few minutes reading the Bible, praying, etc. But when Michael is working 4-5 nights a week, it gets difficult to even find the time to do that. But if something is a priority, we'll make it happen. So we'll see what we figure out!
God values relationships, so it makes sense that by taking the time to value our relationship with Him, He'll bless us and make our relationship a bit easier/closer. I know that praying and reading your Bible isn't the miracle cure to marriage hardships, but by growing closer together through reading the Bible sure puts you on the right path for it. When our relationship becomes nothing but fighting and resentment, something definitely needs to change. So here's to change and trying to refocus our relationship back on the one who brought us together. It wont be easy, but it will be good!

Don't Shove 'Jim' Out the Door, Love Him Instead

The story I'm about to tell and comment on is almost 6 months old, but for some reason has been creeping into my thoughts lately, so I thought I would share it. It is a modern-day example of how Jesus calls us to love those who are not like us, and also showed me what ancient Pharisees may have been like.

It was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for me, but I saw the email about it so it was spoiled. This was fine, because, as a matter of fact, I'm not very into surprises. Don't get me wrong, I like presents, but to have something come up unexpectedly that everyone else knew about is not my idea of a good time. (Hence the look of terror on my face during our wedding when our officiant said "Katie doesn't know about this..." Thankfully it was just that Michael sang me a song, but still...)
Anyway, Michael invited a bunch of our friends, as well as a guy he knew from work. All of our friends were from church (like us), but Michael's friend, we'll call him Jim, was a little rougher around the edges (not like us).
Jim was the last person to arrive, already well on his way to being drunk, and sat around with the women who were on the chairs and couches. The men were sitting at the table playing cards. I don't mind talking to people who are different than me, but for some, if someone says something off-color, it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Unless it's offensive to me personally, I just shrug my shoulders and let it slide. He didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but did make the rest of the women squirm. Jim then moved over to where the men were and proceeded to "flex his wallet" and brag about how much money he had, how many women he'd "had" and that he had hookers waiting at his house... Not exactly our idea of a good time, so when he invited the guys to come over, they all declined.
As the evening progressed, more alcohol was consumed by everyone, tensions started running high. Men started getting possessive of their wives, and women started getting offended by Jim's lifestyle.
Finally, someone snapped. Jim was shoved out of our home by one of our guests. He was told he was unwelcome and offended everyone. [Disclaimer: We later dealt with this situation with our friends and it was resolved, so the disagreement over how this all was handled is not the purpose of this post.]
Michael and I disagreed with how our friend handled the situation, but that was not the biggest issue we had. Our issue was how "Pharisee-like" our friends' actions and attitudes were towards our guest. Jesus ate dinner and partied with "sinners" and the Pharisees did nothing but ridicule and judge.

Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5: 29-32

Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn't it? We wanted to show Jim the love of Christ, that Christians aren't all stuffy and legalistic (everyone was drinking, for crying out loud!), but in the end, all he saw was a house full of stuffy, legalistic, judgmental Christians.
I was ashamed.
I was embarrassed.
I knew that this is not the first time a non-Christian had been shunned from a "Christian" gathering. We were prideful, he sleeps around... both are sins, and both sets of people need forgiveness. Just because we are Christians doesn't make us better than others-- it should humble us to a level to show others how that sin can be erased, not shoved in their face. These are the people Jesus called to love and befriend.
Yes, having Christian friends, people with similar views, morals, and lifestyle is important, but we also need to reach outside of our bubbles and befriend those who are "sick." Jesus didn't "witness" to Levi and the guests at the party-- he just sat back and enjoyed their company. I'm sure they cussed and drank too much and probably told a crass joke here and there, but Jesus didn't throw them out of the house, he didn't shame them for being themselves. He lived by example and loved them and told them they were worth someones while.
That's how we should live. We need to love the sick and the poor, even if the "poor" part is only in spirit, not in regards to a bank account. You can be respectful and tell someone that a joke they said or a story they told is offensive, and if you don't tell those kinds of jokes and show respect to everyone, your influence and your presence will make a difference. People notice those who are different from them, so stand out as a difference for love. Tell someone they're worth your time, your money, your food, and your listening ear. You never know what kind of valuable friendship you could gain from someone who doesn't look and act just like you.

Where Have All the Men Gone?

I was going through the archive of my old blogs and found this one still as a draft. I don't know why I didn't publish it, so I thought now is as good of a time as ever:

(Note that this is back in October of '07.... although still an issue...) This last week at the young marrieds group at the church we attend when we are in Denver (I realize we are not married yet, but they let us join anyway!), we got into a discussion about the differences in how men and women relate to members of the same gender. Women tend to have no trouble at all making friends, finding a women's group to join, ladies get-togethers, etc. But when it comes to men, there seems to be a shortage of opportunities for them to meet other men. And with that, it is even more difficult to find guidance and direction and a mentor-type relationship with older men. I've heard that men's groups tend to always struggle in churches and men just don't seem to be interested in going to some get-together-- they'd just as soon sit on the couch and watch TV. And yet, in everything that I've heard, the men are desperate for male companionship. Women's company can only stretch so far. There's some level of understanding and interaction during sporting events that men just seem to understand more than women. And men need that kind of interaction. But where are these men who are wanting a friendship? Is it socially (culturally and at church) unacceptable for men to be vulnerable enough to open themselves up and ask for friendship from another man? Are men just too busy to have time for other men? Can men function alone, or just with their wives? I know that friendships can be formed between men when couples are friends with other couples, and that's great! But what about individual friendships? Ones that don't need their wives or other people as the catalyst to start them?

Camping in the Poudre Canyon

We went camping this last weekend with my family (including Michael, obviously, and my sister's roommate) and it was AWESOME! I finally got my fill of camping for the year (the dime-sized bug bites are a strong motivator to not do it again for a while...) We went up to the Poudre Canyon (that probably wins the contest for stupidest/most-to-make-you-laugh names of a river/canyon) which is just west of Fort Collins. The weirdest part is that I went to school in Fort Collins for 4 years and NEVER went up the Poudre! But I finally got to experience it, and it was absolutely gorgeous!
It rained off and on, which was annoying; not just because it limits what activities you can do, but also we've spent the summer in record heat (something like 25 straight days of over 90 degree weather) and no rain... until the week of us going camping... it's a family curse! And you think I'm joking...
We got to see 3 moose on a little excursion we went on up the canyon. None of us younger people had ever seen one, so it was really exciting! I must say, moose are very weird-looking!
We also did a little treasure-hunting while we were up there. There is an activity called geocaching where you get the coordinates of a hidden cache and go on a hunt for it. There are thousands, all over the world! We picked two to do and it was so much fun. On the first one, we learned that it's important to read the whole description, as well as the hint to find it properly. We got the wrong coordinates (not our fault) and went on a hike along the Poudre for about a 1/2 mile until we realized it was back where we started-- except that it was a beautiful hike, it was a bit annoying-- and the actual finding of the cache was a bit disappointing... Oh well. The next one we found was much more fun and a beautiful hike as well! If you have a gps reader, I highly suggest you get involved! It's so much fun!
We also got to experiencing high centering our car on a rock that took the muscles of 4-5 other guys with my dad and Michael to get it off.
But the food was DELICIOUS! I don't eat eggs, don't ask why, but we had some our first morning and they were some of the best eggs I've ever had! We had a seafood bake for lunch and steak and potatoes over the fire for dinner. Yeah, as you can tell, we do what Michael calls "gourmet camping." We had to have the chicken salad sandwiches for dinner the first night cuz it was raining too hard to get a fire started (and it was way too late by the time it stopped to even think about starting that kind of meal). Camping food tastes way better than if you were to have the exact same thing at home. We were all trying to figure out why that is, but all we could really come up with was that we were outside, it was cooked over a fire, and it just does taste better! Oh, and I forgot the sourdough pancakes the last morning....mmmmm pancakes are one of my favorite foods! I usually eat 3 of them, but that morning I had 5 (maybe 6) and 2 pieces of bacon! Boy was it good!
And last but not least, the shower after camping.... nothing comes even close to the feeling of getting clean after being in the mountains for 3 days and no shower! It's heavenly!

Happy Belated Independence Day!

Happy (belated) 4th of July! This year was fun-- especially when you have smoked ribs, delicious potatoes, and fresh berry trifle to top off your night! We went to the Glendale fireworks, as is tradition, and they were as great as ever. I had invited friends to come along and had raved about how amazingly awesome these fireworks are... so I was a bit nervous that they would let me down... alas, they did not! We were literally right underneath them and they lasted for about 30 minutes! Thirty minutes of pure, mind-blowing, fire-power! And the end/finale, as my wonderful husband said, was like being inside a kaleidoscope! It was awesome! I love fireworks! I love friends, and family, and everything that goes into the 4th of July. But fireworks definitely make it even more worth while!
P.S. I also need to give a belated "shout-out" to my Marine boys. Some are getting out of the Marines for good in about a month, others are in Afghanistan, and others are just beginning! Thanks, guys, for everything you do! I love you all!

The Smores Are Calling Out to Me

So I have to vent a little. This weekend is the young marrieds camping trip and we can't go! Camping is one of the best things in the world and we have to miss it. We're celebrating Michael's step-father, Jerry's, birthday this weekend at a big party Michael's mom and Jerry's mom are hosting. Don't get me wrong, I love parties, especially birthday parties because it's a day to celebrate someone!
So of course, the camping trip had to fall on the same weekend, out of the entire summer, that we had something planned-- we've known about the party and the date of the party for at least 2 months, so there was no getting out of it. All of our friends are going and I really wish we could go. Another couple from the group can't go and they said that they'll coordinate another trip later in the summer... needless to say, I'm going to make sure that happens! Oh, and on top of missing this camping trip, my parents invited us to go camping with them next weekend and my friend is having a bachelorette party that weekend, another party I've known about for months... I guess I'm just destined to not go camping... I'm sure both parties will be a blast, but I still wish I could go camping... mmm... smores...

"All By Myself"

Pathways, my church, has started a series titled "Friends with Benefits." No, it's not about that... It's about the benefits that friendships and relationships bring to someone and how absolutely essential they are to someone's life and well-being.
This week's topic was loneliness. I can honestly I have experienced my fair share of loneliness because of a lack of friends. I have spent my entire life having friends for a period of time, and then for one reason or another, I end up back at square one. And continuing to experience that feeling makes each time that much lonelier than the last.
It's been difficult for me over these last few months because, well, Michael and I got married and moved to a new area. We know our landlords (the woman married us), but that's about it. We've made friends at our church through the young marrieds group, but those friendships are struggling. There are numerous, complicated reasons for different people acting and reacting the way they do and why Michael and I end up as the initiators with every friendship we find ourselves in. How do people not end up calling one another? How does it fall on certain people? Are the only friendships worth pursuing and growing the ones that show mutual interest and initiation? Do people just "click"? Is that the only way you know that they'll be good/healthy friendships? And how quickly do you delve into a friendship? Can you just create it overnight or does it have to take a lot of time to really get to know them and to know what kind of people/person they really are? Because if you click, wouldn't you assume that you'd be good friends? Or is that too shallow of a point of view of it?
These thoughts have been running through my head since Sunday and really bugs me that the topic of loneliness struck me so deep to the core. Honestly, it wasn't that great of a sermon and didn't really teach me anything new, but it did stir up those emotions to get me motivated to do something about it-- call a friend to get together for lunch, attend the knitting club, plan a get-together with a different friend/acquaintance. But as a side note, it just really bugs me that the purpose of the young marrieds group was to make friends, but no one seems to have the time or motivation to do so... irritating. Anyway, I have been praying a lot about this and keep hoping that God will bring the right people into Michael's and my life. To find friends like my parents have-- they've had the same friends since about the time I was born (I'm 22). Where are these kinds of people? How do you find them?
Well, we'll see how life goes. I attended a knitting club last night and it was a fun time! A very diverse group of women, but very interesting and lively conversation! So we'll see what comes from that! And continuing to invest in the friendships I already have and try to strengthen and grow those friendships. What an exhausting feat!

My Husband is Gonna Be a House-Husband

I have finally run into the differences between marriages with my friends. I didn't have much ground being "only engaged" or "just dating" when it came to understanding the complexity and the deep issues that really can only be experienced in marriage. It has been interesting talking with our friends at church and in our small group about the differences in our marriages-- how decisions are made, who handles housework, etc. It's no surprise that Michael and I are nowhere near the majority-- I actually question if there is anyone like us in the young marrieds group, even at a church like Pathways. We hear people talk about their marriages, and why and how decisions are made and we sit back thinking "we would never do it that way! What about the other person's feelings/opinions/desires?"
Of course, we're only 2 months into this marriage, so maybe after a bit more time we might fall more into the traditional norm, but it doesn't seem likely. I'm sure it helps that I hate cleaning and doing housework, so I refuse to do it all by myself; and Michael doesn't expect me to, just because I'm a woman. He actually cares more about clutter and a clean house than I do (except I'm starting to lean more his way because our house isn't big enough to be dirty-- it takes over in no time!) so he is more apt to do the cleaning.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before in here, but I love to cook. With that, it would probably be expected that I cook all the meals. Well, I married a keeper because Michael loves to cook as well and loves to learn. I've taught him stuff, and he enjoys cooking dinner just as much as I do. He currently is working at the print shop he was at a few months ago to get some money before he starts school. He gets off work earlier than me, and gets home way before. I came home last week on my third day of work to him making dinner. (I might also mention he was wearing nothing but one of my aprons... he makes me laugh so hard!)
We trade off, even share the duties when we both get off work at the same time. When Michael starts school, he will get off at 12:30 so if he can't get a part-time job-- either he can't find one or school is too stressful, he'll be a house-husband. And he's totally okay with that. He's actually looking forward to it! His advisers told him that the first 7 months are the hardest, so it's looking like a house-husband is what he's going to be! It'll be an interesting adjustment and a very big reality check since what we're about to do is not very common, especially in Christian circles. But that's what is also exciting-- we're embarking on a journey of our own without anyone putting their own ideas or thoughts on us; we can choose what we want and can succeed and fail in our own right. We're excited and completely freaked out at the same time, but it's good-- that's how we grow as individuals and as a couple. We have to turn towards each other during this time to get through the rough parts and praise the good parts. So here's to living differently! Let's see how this goes!

Missing Emergent Churches

Last Sunday at church, Michael had the honor of singing with the worship band. (He wouldn't let me take any pictures...) He was asked to sing the song "Fix You," by Coldplay as a solo because the key was too high for the worship leader. At the second service, he got a standing ovation! (It was weird because our church rarely claps after any song.) He absolutely blew them away! I was so proud of him. (I think he sang it way better, but that's my biased opinion... ;-)



So after that performance, our worship leader asked Michael to join him in playing for a conference that was being hosted here in town. Not thinking too much of it, he agreed. Well, it turned out it was an emergent conference where Tony Jones and Doug Paggit (sp??) were attending. (I shook Tony Jones' hand... there's my "emergent" claim to fame ;-) We were part of an emergent church, and had missed it. The church we go to now is somewhat emergent, but there are aspects that are missing that we really enjoyed. So it was so refreshing to be there and get to experience an emergent community again. It took a little getting used to it again, but once we did it was a supernatural experience. They had about 6 prayer stations set up, and each one spoke directly to something that was going on in my life. It was awesome!
After that was over, we discussed how the friends we are making at church are good friends, but we don't always see eye to eye on issues. Needless to say, we are definitely the odd couple out. In emergent groups, our way of thinking and living are "normal," not different or weird. We tend to butt heads with our friends who are not familiar with "emergent ideas" when it comes to ideas of missional, community, love, and church. Although we love our church and will continue attending, it was very apparent that we should get hooked up with the emergent cohort in Denver. Exciting! I'm sure I'll see some of you around!

Married Life

Hello blogging world. I am no longer writing as Katie McKay, but as Katie Bennett. The wedding went beautifully! It was so moving and went off without a hitch. I'll get the pics soon, and post a few of the best on here! It's still really weird thinking of myself as married, not just dating or engaged. The apartment we're in is my house, not my parents', not my temporary college living situation, but my house with my things and my husband and our life! Crazy! It took us a while to figure out where to put everything we got, but we got it figured out and it looks like a livable house! We've been married for a week and 3 days and it's already been an adventure. It's great to have friends who have known us as engaged and then are there for us as we are embarking on our married journey. We can lean on them for support and encouragement and insight, as well as we can finally really understand and help them when they need it. Michael and I have tried to learn healthy things to do in our relationship, and are excited to pass those ideas along, even to our friends who have been married for almost 6 years. I'm so excited about our friends who we have made and the great relationships we will continue to develop over the coming months and years. I know marriage won't always be easy, but having a great support system makes the whole thing a lot more bearable.

Sex Isn't Why I'm Getting Married

I'd like to announce that it is only 10 days till the wedding and Michael and I are married! We went yesterday to the county court house to pick up our marriage license. Did you know it only costs $10 to get married? If we didn't want a ceremony or any sort of celebration, then we could get married for just $10... interesting.
We met with our officiant the other day to go over our final plan for the ceremony. During it, we discussed what we thought marriage was and what it meant to us. It was interesting to me because afterwards I realized that in all the discussion, sex was never even alluded to; and yet, that is the focus of the biggest celebrations around marriage. Our definition and idea of marriage was about love, connection, the joining of two lives, a continuation of a journey, the beginning of a new adventure... the list went on and on. Nowhere was sex even talked about as a reason we were getting married or why we were excited to be married (although that is very exciting, don't get me wrong). But sex is not the reason we're getting married. We want to join our lives together and experience life and the ups and downs of it together forever. We just happen to be able to have sex. I want sex to express our love and devotion to to each other, to bring a deeper level of intimacy to our relationship. I don't want it to define us, but to be the expression of us. That we are committed and we love each other with our whole being-- that's what sex is to us.
I had my bachelorette party this last weekend, which was nothing but sex jokes and lingerie. The focus was not, even at the bridal shower, about what marriage is and the realities of it. I guess it's easier to focus on the fun and exciting sides. Thankfully, we've made friends with other married couples who consistently and honestly show us the realities of marriage. I also have had conversations with my mom about it, as well as growing up in a household where my parents were in marriage counseling for at least 15 years. They are good now, but not after years of hard, challenging struggle.
I'm trying not to wear too-tinted of rose shaded glasses, but I guess that I'll really just have to learn once I'm in it! I can't wait to be married, and I am also terrified. Who knows what it will really be like? But I have complete faith in God that he has brought me and Michael together and we can get through any hardships that come our way. It may not be done quickly or easily, but we will get through them together. I can't wait for that part of our lives to begin! (I'm just not looking forward to the stress and chaos that out-of-town relatives will bring to my parents for the wedding)