Sex Sells Coffee... And It Makes Me Sick!

During my brief moments of down-time during my job, I have been able to get through my blog reader daily! It's quite an accomplishment! With that, I have been able to sit and actually read a bunch of the blogs that I subscribe to rather than just mark them all as read because I don't have time to read all 153 of them (this is after days or weeks of not reading any blogs).
All that to say, I have found a blog post that made me want to fly to Washington state and burn down a couple buildings. It then linked to a newspaper article that explained more about the issue that was extremely helpful in understanding both sides-- why the coffee shops do it, and the response of those who disagree.
The topic: there have been more and more coffee shops that have started employing young girls/women to work as baristas wearing bikinis... even just writing that makes my up-chuck reflexes activate. Some coffee shops that have seen their sales go down have jumped on the bandwagon (no pun intended) and exploited their female employees to the same discrimination. The sickest thing I read was one owner, "Wheeler, who said he employs his own 17-year-old daughter at a stand, doesn't understand what the fuss is about." I'm sorry, that's your teenage daughter that you're teaching to exploit her body to make a few extra bucks making coffee. What kind of impact is that going to make on her later in life? The article compared the business model to that of Hooters. Well, since they do it, I guess it's okay.
Just like many people who object to the business practices, I wondered how what they are wearing, or not wearing, can be legal or sanitary. Well, here's what the article said:

Gainza got a jolt a few weeks ago while stuck in traffic on Highway 99. She spotted a barista with bright blue stickers strategically placed on her chest standing at a stand's drive-up window.

As long as genitals and nipples are covered, police say the stands do not violate indecent exposure laws. Health officials and state Labor and Industries officials say there are no clothing requirements for baristas.

No clothing requirements for baristas? That seems like a huge loop-hole, doesn't it? That rule, or lack thereof, seems to be asking for this kind of thing to happen.
The other thing that breaks my heart even more, is that there are enough girls out there who are willing to exploit their bodies, and think nothing of it. How could they truly have good self-esteem and a good self image if they are subjecting themselves to the perverts who come through the shop? In the article, it said that at other coffee shops, they "saw our male clientele dwindle to next to nothing." So I'm assuming women aren't flocking to a titti-bar to get a cup of coffee. My heart goes out to the girls who work there and really resent their owners/managers. One manager said

Carrie Smith, owner of the Mocha Boat in Lynnwood, said she switched themes six months ago after a competing stand hired young women to stand on the corner with pasties and tight shorts.

Business tripled after her employees started wearing more revealing outfits, she said.

"We had to close the stand or roll with it," Smith said. "I sold my soul for a dollar."

They are furthering the exploitation and objectification of women instead of taking a stand against it, saying "I love myself and my employees too much to allow myself and them to be objectified like that." Instead, girls/employees are saying

"I don't really consider this too sexual," Bustare said. "I think it's fun and cute."

"Fun and cute" is how things like this continue to happen. It's not shown for what it is-- soft porn and exploiting yourself just to make money. Outside that coffee shop, your occupation would be labeled as something else.
GRR! This article made me so upset, as I'm sure you can tell. Porn makes my stomach turn, using sex to sell makes me feel ill, and women willingly allowing others to objectify me makes me absolutely furious! We need to be loving our girls and our women! We need to be telling them that their image and their bodies are their own and that God made them to be beautiful, not to be exploited for money and to be "cute." Men and women, but especially men, need to stand up to their fellow men and tell them what they are doing is wrong and hurtful to the women's souls, whether they realize it or not. The men tipping enough that baristas are going home with $100 cash a day are telling the girls that they are only as good as the amount of skin they'll show. Heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking!
Pray for these girls and for the men who are encouraging this kind of business to flourish. Hooters started out small and now are a well-known name around the country. This idea could spread, and that is unacceptable to me. We need to nip this in the bud. This cannot be an acceptable way to conduct business, let alone an acceptable way to treat and exploit your female employees.
Whew! I feel better now that I got all of that off my chest. I hope this angers enough people that something is done because of it. It's good that people get enraged, but it's doing something that matters. I doubt anyone from Washington reads my blogs, but if you do, I encourage you to empower your friends and family against this kind of behavior and support those coffee shops that are not lowering themselves to these kinds of practices. Take a stand against those coffee shops!

Sex Isn't Why I'm Getting Married

I'd like to announce that it is only 10 days till the wedding and Michael and I are married! We went yesterday to the county court house to pick up our marriage license. Did you know it only costs $10 to get married? If we didn't want a ceremony or any sort of celebration, then we could get married for just $10... interesting.
We met with our officiant the other day to go over our final plan for the ceremony. During it, we discussed what we thought marriage was and what it meant to us. It was interesting to me because afterwards I realized that in all the discussion, sex was never even alluded to; and yet, that is the focus of the biggest celebrations around marriage. Our definition and idea of marriage was about love, connection, the joining of two lives, a continuation of a journey, the beginning of a new adventure... the list went on and on. Nowhere was sex even talked about as a reason we were getting married or why we were excited to be married (although that is very exciting, don't get me wrong). But sex is not the reason we're getting married. We want to join our lives together and experience life and the ups and downs of it together forever. We just happen to be able to have sex. I want sex to express our love and devotion to to each other, to bring a deeper level of intimacy to our relationship. I don't want it to define us, but to be the expression of us. That we are committed and we love each other with our whole being-- that's what sex is to us.
I had my bachelorette party this last weekend, which was nothing but sex jokes and lingerie. The focus was not, even at the bridal shower, about what marriage is and the realities of it. I guess it's easier to focus on the fun and exciting sides. Thankfully, we've made friends with other married couples who consistently and honestly show us the realities of marriage. I also have had conversations with my mom about it, as well as growing up in a household where my parents were in marriage counseling for at least 15 years. They are good now, but not after years of hard, challenging struggle.
I'm trying not to wear too-tinted of rose shaded glasses, but I guess that I'll really just have to learn once I'm in it! I can't wait to be married, and I am also terrified. Who knows what it will really be like? But I have complete faith in God that he has brought me and Michael together and we can get through any hardships that come our way. It may not be done quickly or easily, but we will get through them together. I can't wait for that part of our lives to begin! (I'm just not looking forward to the stress and chaos that out-of-town relatives will bring to my parents for the wedding)

Behind Closed Doors

It's amazing the conversations you have late at night when everyone's dead tired. Tonight's topic between my sister, my roommate, and I was about purity and physical boundaries in a relationship. Since we're all involved in relationships (all of us to wonderful guys!), it was a very pertinent and applicable discussion. The topic of purity came up and I was quick to point out that there is no single definition of purity in a relationship. Some people see no kissing ever to be the only way to have a pure relationship. Others see wandering hands as the limit, others (religious and non-religious alike) don't see the need for purity or don't see anything wrong with going "all the way" (aka SEX!). People seem quick to judge others' boundaries and limits, especially those that make people blush to talk about. But why is that anyone else's business? God convicts people of different things, which was talked about well in Michael's blog (it's from a while ago), and people can give their input, but telling others how to live their lives and conduct their romantic relationships is not what God tells us to do!
My sister has been dealing with this through the group she's involved in on campus. They hold up and praise the people who are not kissing until they're married... why? That's actually unnatural. Yes, it's important to know and understand your own power and boundaries, but not having that connection can be dangerous to a relationship. What if you never kiss that person until you're married and realize you have no physical chemistry? What then? And what is so wrong with kissing? Or holding hands? My friend's sister is dating a guy and they didn't hold hands until their 6th month of dating! WHAT!?! Why not? What is so wrong with physical intimacy and physical expression of affection/love? If one couple's way of expressing it is through a kiss, that's great. If it's through sex, that's fine. They risk the emotional repercussions and physical dangers of doing it, but even then... that's their choice. It's not my place, or anyone else's, to judge. I need to be careful, of course, of not judging those who choose to not express themselves through physical means and understand that that is the conviction that God has put in their lives/relationship. But because God has given me and them our own convictions, we do not have any room or right to judge one another.
I believe strongly in communication and boundaries and respect. If people have those three things, they can do whatever they want. As long as one person is not taking advantage of, abusing, or manipulating another, whatever is done behind closed doors is their business, not mine. It's time to take the taboo subjects out of the dark and talk about them and agree to disagree. The church teaches that God gave us free will, and yet forces us to believe and act certain ways, within certain guidelines instead of saying, "This is a good idea, but do with it what you want. Explore it, research it, talk about it, wrestle with it, and figure out what you believe and act accordingly." I'm learning to do so, and it's been interesting how many times my thinking does not usually coincide with the traditional teachings of the church and conservative Christians, including my roommate! More times than not, we've disagreed in theological ideas and what is right and wrong. It's actually good that we don't agree on everything because it causes both of us to think about our own and each other's views and why we believe it. Our discussions are always respectful and insightful. I am very thankful for the discussions we have, usually late at night while we're brushing our teeth! And for my sister for asking very thought-provoking questions and being open to all ideas and being respectful to the answers she receives. I love both of them dearly! If we're willing to stretch our comfort zone and ask and answer the difficult questions--no matter what the topic-- we can all grow and sharpen our beliefs more through it. Engage in conversation-- it could change your life!