I Need More Than Feel-Good Answers

[I started writing this post last week, but have been adding to it little by little and it's finally finished... a week later...]

This last Tuesday was the first time in a long time that I went to a church/group/Bible study where I walked away still thinking about what we talked about… and am still thinking about. We have a weekly Bible study with 4 other couples who we are slowly but surely growing deeper with and connecting more with. This last Tuesday we discussed how to live a balanced life in this high-stress society. Michael and I both thought the discussion would end in about 5 minutes because the all we could think of to say were church-isms and feel-good answers—pray, just rest in God, etc. But those answers don’t really help when you feel up to your eyeballs in life’s chaos. Yes, there are ways to take time for yourself, but the core issue came down to what does it look like to take refuge in God and spend quality time with him when you really feel no desire to do so; no drive or pull to open your Bible or take a few minutes to pray (without falling asleep or your mind wandering). I think it’s hard to have been a Christian almost my entire life, so I’ve heard it all and seen it all, so nothing is really a new concept to me. I know what you’re “supposed” to do, but a quiet time where I sit and read my Bible for an hour every day is not going to help me grow. It’ll just make me feel bad when I don’t do it or don’t get anything out of it. I thrive off conversation, discussion, dissecting verses and context, bringing up different ideas, debating, etc. So how can I get that when I’m sitting by myself in my room, trying not to fall asleep, or take my entire lunch hour to read my Bible and feel like a legalistic Christian who’s making a point of using my time to relax and get out of the office to show the world I’m reading my Bible. Yes, I know I could use my lunch hour to read my Bible and pray, but as I said before, that bores me. But what about reading a book that is written about the Bible or about religion or something “Christian” that isn’t the Bible. I’m currently reading Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren (yes, I know I’m way behind the times) and it’s really speaking to what I’ve been feeling about the Christian church and how Christians view the world. If I’m finding purpose and seeing God in that book, is it the same as a traditional quiet time? I know reading another book can be a cop-out, but it also opens my eyes and my heart to things the Bible teaches and different ideas that people have—hence my desire for discussion and debate—I like new and different ideas, so reading really does that for me. Growing my knowledge, my understanding of the Bible and the world around me, and growing myself as a person seem like legitimate ways to grow closer to God. If I can have a healthy relationship with my friends, who God has blessed me with, I can fully appreciate and get out of that friendship what I need and want. I use what God has taught me through books and discussions to better myself and better others. Doesn’t that make more sense than just sitting down and opening up my Bible to a random verse on a random page? I’m continuing to really think/pray about this and figure out what I should do and what God would want from me as an individual. Hopefully this group will take me to a place that I can grow even more and I can find God in places I don’t expect.

Don't Shove 'Jim' Out the Door, Love Him Instead

The story I'm about to tell and comment on is almost 6 months old, but for some reason has been creeping into my thoughts lately, so I thought I would share it. It is a modern-day example of how Jesus calls us to love those who are not like us, and also showed me what ancient Pharisees may have been like.

It was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for me, but I saw the email about it so it was spoiled. This was fine, because, as a matter of fact, I'm not very into surprises. Don't get me wrong, I like presents, but to have something come up unexpectedly that everyone else knew about is not my idea of a good time. (Hence the look of terror on my face during our wedding when our officiant said "Katie doesn't know about this..." Thankfully it was just that Michael sang me a song, but still...)
Anyway, Michael invited a bunch of our friends, as well as a guy he knew from work. All of our friends were from church (like us), but Michael's friend, we'll call him Jim, was a little rougher around the edges (not like us).
Jim was the last person to arrive, already well on his way to being drunk, and sat around with the women who were on the chairs and couches. The men were sitting at the table playing cards. I don't mind talking to people who are different than me, but for some, if someone says something off-color, it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Unless it's offensive to me personally, I just shrug my shoulders and let it slide. He didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but did make the rest of the women squirm. Jim then moved over to where the men were and proceeded to "flex his wallet" and brag about how much money he had, how many women he'd "had" and that he had hookers waiting at his house... Not exactly our idea of a good time, so when he invited the guys to come over, they all declined.
As the evening progressed, more alcohol was consumed by everyone, tensions started running high. Men started getting possessive of their wives, and women started getting offended by Jim's lifestyle.
Finally, someone snapped. Jim was shoved out of our home by one of our guests. He was told he was unwelcome and offended everyone. [Disclaimer: We later dealt with this situation with our friends and it was resolved, so the disagreement over how this all was handled is not the purpose of this post.]
Michael and I disagreed with how our friend handled the situation, but that was not the biggest issue we had. Our issue was how "Pharisee-like" our friends' actions and attitudes were towards our guest. Jesus ate dinner and partied with "sinners" and the Pharisees did nothing but ridicule and judge.

Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5: 29-32

Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn't it? We wanted to show Jim the love of Christ, that Christians aren't all stuffy and legalistic (everyone was drinking, for crying out loud!), but in the end, all he saw was a house full of stuffy, legalistic, judgmental Christians.
I was ashamed.
I was embarrassed.
I knew that this is not the first time a non-Christian had been shunned from a "Christian" gathering. We were prideful, he sleeps around... both are sins, and both sets of people need forgiveness. Just because we are Christians doesn't make us better than others-- it should humble us to a level to show others how that sin can be erased, not shoved in their face. These are the people Jesus called to love and befriend.
Yes, having Christian friends, people with similar views, morals, and lifestyle is important, but we also need to reach outside of our bubbles and befriend those who are "sick." Jesus didn't "witness" to Levi and the guests at the party-- he just sat back and enjoyed their company. I'm sure they cussed and drank too much and probably told a crass joke here and there, but Jesus didn't throw them out of the house, he didn't shame them for being themselves. He lived by example and loved them and told them they were worth someones while.
That's how we should live. We need to love the sick and the poor, even if the "poor" part is only in spirit, not in regards to a bank account. You can be respectful and tell someone that a joke they said or a story they told is offensive, and if you don't tell those kinds of jokes and show respect to everyone, your influence and your presence will make a difference. People notice those who are different from them, so stand out as a difference for love. Tell someone they're worth your time, your money, your food, and your listening ear. You never know what kind of valuable friendship you could gain from someone who doesn't look and act just like you.

Who wants to be doormat... Anyone? Anyone?

So I'm writing this blog because I've discovered another of my least favorite words. Some people have favorite words, like... um... I don't know cuz I don't have favorite words (well, besides the words, "ice" and "cream" and "chocolate," of course!). However, I do have some least favorite words-- either because of their meaning, connotations, and sometimes just how the word sounds.
Here's how I discovered what the word was:
I'm in a Bible study with the on-campus ministry called Navigators (Navs for short). They tend to lean on the very conservative side of the spectrum and as you can already guess, it's caused a few issues for me. I've become more and more liberal in my thinking over the last year or so. As a result, I've come to disagree a lot with some of my closest friends on theoretical issues. We still love each other dearly, but we disagree about almost everything concerning the Bible and theology. It makes for interesting discussions, that's for sure-- all respectful discussions and debates-- no yelling matches yet...
Anyway, back to what I was talking about. We're doing a Bible study called, "Becoming a Woman of Excellence." I was very hesitant about it cuz in my experience, books on how to be a Godly woman never turns out well for me, but I gave this one a try. It's definitely not the best study I've done but it wasn't too bad... until I got to chapter 8: "Made Precious by a Quiet and Gentle Spirit." Let's just say I was already pissed off before I even started the chapter. But, because I was interested in what the author would say, and also cuz it's the chapter for the week, I did it. Every question was answered first with a "I don't know! This is dumb! I hate this! F*** this!" Needless to say, I was not doing the study with a quiet, and definitely not gentle, spirit.
What the word is:
It was through this study, however, that I discovered my new least favorite word. Are you ready for it? The word is: meek. UGH! I just typing that word puts a bad taste in my mouth. So for the study we had to look up a bunch of words (gentle, quiet, meek, calm--there's no agenda there!), which are fine on their own, but when put in this context made me furious! The connotations and message that was being told through those definitions were totally overbearing and degrading to women. It was all about "submit! submit! submit!" Why is that always the focus? Anyway, I looked up the definition of meek, cuz at first, I didn't really know the true definition of it. All I can picture when I hear that word is a woman with her hands palm-to-palm in front of her chest with a robotic smile on her face.
So here's the definition from dictionary.com:
meek /mik/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[meek] Pronunciation Key
–adjective, -er, -est.

1.	humbly patient or docile, as under provocation (something that incites, instigates, angers, or irritates... I'm not very good in the vocab arena!) from others.

2.	overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame.

3.	Obsolete (no longer in general use; effaced by wearing down or away). gentle; kind.

No wonder I didn't like that word! overly submissive? Spiritless? Tame? Obsolete?? BLECK! It just makes me so angry!!! I understand that a woman, or a man for that matter, should be respectful and loving towards people and not aggressive or violent in how they interact, but really, is that how to teach people to not do so? I know that is the idea that they are trying to convey, but that is not what the definition says! By telling women to be meek they are telling them to be compliant, not care about anything, easily manipulated, overworked, and unappreciated. Sounds like so much fun! I can't wait to become a meek woman! Jesus, make me meek! (If you can't catch the sarcasm, I'm telling you now!) I know I'm taking a pretty liberal stance on this issue, because talking to my conservative roommate about the chapter, she kept using my least-favorite word over and over again as something women should be. (I was grinding my teeth the whole time she was talking!)
Why do women need to be meek? Being gentle and not too aggressive is a good trait. But meek? Why choose that word? At the prompting from my much more gracious and understanding sister, I looked up meek in the Strong's Bible dictionary... here's the definitions it gave (any italicized words were that way in the dictionary-- I'm not trying to make a point with it!):

- depressed, in mind (gentle) or circumstances (needy, espec. saintly):-- humble, lowly, meek, poor, afflicted
- gentle, humble:--meek, mild

Well, that didn't help. But there was more emphasis on being humble and gentle, which I can understand more. But they all still involved the word meek... I don't know what to think. I'm just frustrated I guess. I never like people, the "church" especially, telling me what to do, what to wear, how to act, etc. It just makes me want to rip off my clothes, run around the sanctuary in the middle of a church service, and start cussing... it'd definitely make a few people uncomfortable! Thankfully I go to a church where clothing is optional... juuuust kidding! I'm done with my rant. I'm glad I could get that off my chest (and keep my shirt on)!

Not a Book Review... okay, maybe it kinda-sorta is

I apparently read a lot more than "normal" people do. I never thought it was that much-- just something to help me fall asleep at night and pass the time during down-time in the day. Because I like to read, I tend to read one novel and one theological/religious book (okay, maybe that is a lot). I just finished an amazing book, Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, which is one of the best books EVER! I then picked up Brennan Manning's book, Ruthless Trust. It's the sequel to another amazing book, Ragamuffin Gospel. I just started it today while I was waiting for my last class (I have 30 minutes between classes...) and I didn't even get through the introduction before I was wanting to yell, "YES!" at the book and what he was saying. What he wrote was exactly what I am going through currently and what my church is currently teaching on. I thought this was amazing and interesting and also another person involved in trying to break the mold and traditions of church. This is a lot of babbling... I'll write it now. Enjoy!

"She knows that Jesus is comfortable with broken people who remembers who to love."

"Alert to the manipulations and machinations of the pharisaical self-righteousness, ragamuffins refuse to surrender control of their lives to rules and regulations. They see that the stale religiosity of legalists, trapped in the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism, obscures the face of the God of Jesus."
-Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust, pg. xiv

What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Further insights?