Thursday, August 14, 2008

Brushing the Dust Off My Bible

I got together with a friend the other night who goes to school in California, so it was great to see her! She's two years younger than me, but since we were in middle school, we've really been able to see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, including life in general. She is actually the catalyst to me exploring my thoughts and ideas of egalitarian vs. complimentarian marriages. We always have great conversations whenever we get together, whether in person or for a "phone date."
Anyway, she was telling me about how great life has been for her being connected at her church, doing a Bible study with her mentor, and getting to know Christian friends at her church.
I'm so excited for her and where life is taking her, but her excitement also made me realize that I lacked that enthusiasm for anything regarding church. Don't get me wrong, I love the church we go to and we love the friends we're making, but when it comes to actual church and the Bible, a big yawn comes out of my mouth.
I don't know if it's just a phase, or if it's a sign of something bigger. I've always struggled with having a good, quality, more than once a month quiet time. I know that they're important and when I have my high phase, I really enjoy it. But when I'm in the place I'm in now, the Bible seems boring, more like a textbook that you have to read to do well in life... not a way to connect to our heavenly creator who loves us. Michael and I tried to read together but doing it at night leaves very little time for discussion before we're both falling asleep.
The time I did it most consistently was when I was in school and nannying-- the kid(s) napped and I did my quiet time. Since I nannied about 2-3 times a week, it kept me on a pretty regular schedule for a quiet time. But once that stopped, and especially now that I have a full-time job, it's even harder. I can't do it at lunch because it's way too distracting sitting out on 16th Street Mall (you can't believe the great people watching that happens by sitting out there!), and I hate staying cooped up in the office all day without any fresh air. As I write that it sounds like excuses, but should a quiet time require me being miserable (if I stayed in the office the whole day)? And if I do it when I get home, I haven't seen Michael all day and it's dinner time when I get home. And if I do it in the morning, I'd probably fall back asleep because I get up really early as it is. I don't feel like there's any time to have a good quiet time. I pray occasionally when I'm walking to and from work, but that's definitely not enough.
How do people do it? What kinds of sacrifices need to be made to have a relatively consistent quiet time? Should it be a sacrifice? Because getting together with my friend the other night was anything but a sacrifice-- I was looking forward to seeing her since we scheduled a time to meet! I know that I should have that enthusiasm for reading the Bible and connecting with God, but when I struggle to connect with Him, it isn't as exciting to think about "getting together" with God. If I have a friend or coworker who is not as easy to talk to or connect with (at some points it's even painful), I don't look forward to talking to them or getting together with them; and if I do, I'm just waiting till the whole thing is over. And honestly, that's how I tend to feel about God and the Bible. I don't get anything out of it, and it feels like a one-sided conversation. I'm not good at sitting still and listening-- I just don't function that way, so "hearing from God" is a vague and illusive concept for me. I get feelings-- being uneasy, feeling at peace, a nagging on my mind, etc., but never a clear path or writing on the wall. Maybe it'd feel more like that if I spent more time with God and reading the Bible, but, as you can see, it's a vicious cycle.
So I guess this whole thing is for me to process how I'm feeling, as well as to seek any advice from people. Advice is the wrong word... what I'd love to know is how others connect with God and especially if they're working people, how they find the time to connect with God during the work-week. Obviously just sitting in church waiting for it to end so we can talk to our friends and leaving my Bible untouched for weeks (if not months) at a time isn't working for me. I need some different ideas or some good recommendations for books, Bible studies, etc.

3 comments:

Audio Bible said...

Kate,
First, thanks for being honest. You are brave for admitting this normal struggle.
Second, thanks for asking and seeking. Jesus said "seek and you shall find. Ask and it will be given." God's Word is rich with promises like this.
Third, practically speaking, many people struggle reading God's Word. In fact, only 35% of Bible readers regularly read the Bible. You are not alone.

I find listening to God's Word as a very do-able solution. I like to read and encourage reading, however I find that my tendency is to read small portions or skip over some parts. Listening through the entire Scripture is surprising enjoyable with large amounts of the Scripture being absorbed in a short time period and all in context. Most people don’t know that 70% of the Scripture is in story telling form and when reconstructed in a dramatized format becomes very engaging, like a book on tape. Remembering a good story is much easier than trying to memorize a set of facts.

I downloaded my free audio Bible at www.FaithComesByHearing.com. This ministry has 10 popular English versions and the audio New Testament in about 300 languages.

Kate said...

Audio Bible--
Thanks. It's good to know I'm not alone. And thanks for the resource idea. I'll definitely have to check it out, especially since I walk to work every day, so I have plenty of time to listen to it on my ipod.

Audio Bible said...

Awesome! Get ready, listening to God's Word is powerful. I often hear things that I've read many times. I stop and turn those things into a prayer.

God bless you Kate.