Where's the Line?

My last post was about the sermon given on Sunday and I have another part of it I want to digest. The teacher on Sunday was talking about deeper devotions with God and during our young marrieds group when we were discussing the notes for the sermon beforehand, we got to talking about devotions as in "quiet time." I'll be the first to admit that I'm the worst at keeping a regular quiet time where I sit down, pray, read my Bible, write in my journal, and/or read part of a Christian book (I'm trying to get through Utmost for His Highest). Even when I'm sitting at home looking for a job, I can't seem to find the time to have a quite time!
My biggest struggle is that I have conflicting feelings about wanting to spend quality time with God without it becoming legalistic. I've heard that we should think of our time with God as a time with our friends-- well, I don't see my friends that often. I see some of them once a year! Those who I'm closer to, I'll see every couple of weeks or so... is that how often we should spend time with God? I don't think so, but where is the line-- The line between having to do it because we should and wanting to do it because He's God? Do I just have to think about it as something I have to do and it will become something I want to do? But should God be like a habit? That just seems weird! Is praying in the car on the way to wherever enough? Is sitting quietly without any sort of religious text around okay/enough? Or is it just an "easy way out" by putting the least amount of effort into it while wanting the most effort put in on the other end? I can tell you that friendships/relationships do not last long if that's what someone does! Relationships require equal input and output-- I can't expect God to be any different.
But it all goes back to my initial question-- where's the line? Can a overwhelming desire to read my Bible and take time out of my day to spend time alone with God just be created out of thin air? Does it take some initial habitual reading to get into it? It'll take some more digesting and prayer and whatever to strengthen my relationship with God. Anyone got any other thoughts on this subject?

I am Weak but He is Strong

Have you ever had Will Ferrell come to your church and teach a sermon? Well I think his twin came and spoke this week... just kidding! But he sure did look just like him! He was about 6' 5" and looked like a mix of Will Ferrell and Dane Cook (the comedian) and his voice sounded like Ryan Reynolds. And he had the humor of them all, and at the same time, the seriousness of someone with a message to spread and love to give.
He spoke on the idea of devotion and what we give our time and energy to. One thing he discussed the act of being "simply and honestly yourself" before God. It was surprisingly a difficult thing for me to admit that I have a hard time doing that. It's not like God doesn't know me deeper than I know myself, but admitting to Him that I'm terrified, weak, worn-out, etc is a lot harder than I realized. I'm also not honest with myself about it, which just shows how "good" I am at avoiding self-reflection and admitting weaknesses. I'll admit it to a person here or there, but never living my life as a broken, fearful sinner who has been saved by the love and grace of God. I usually have the attitude of "I don't need anyone's help! I can do this by myself! I'm fine! I'm not afraid of anything!" But it's really not true, when you really get past my perfected charade.
It's definitely a pride issue, because being short, small, and female (oh, and did I mention I am often mistaken for a 16 year-old? [I'm about to be 22]) I tend to need to compensate for it and prove to others that I'm just as capable at doing __(fill in the blank)__. But how much of that is an excuse? I just need another reason to not ask for help and be stubborn and "independent.
Yes, I'm strong, but God is stronger. I can't do it on my own, and that's harder to admit than anything else I will ever say. But how is that lived out? Can someone really come before God "simply and honestly"? I know that is what God desires, but is it even possible? How does someone get to that point where the charade of being happy and put-together around other people is taken away and all that's left is the true person? If it's possible to do with God, is it possible to do with other people, other sinners?
These thoughts and questions have had me struggling and fighting and discovering since Sunday and it really hit home. I want to be a real person, not just with one person or just God, but with everyone. I want to be real enough to encourage others to be real. And I want my self-revelation to come out in my relationship with God where I say "I'm weak and need your help because I can't do it on my own" without hesitation.

Snowshoeing Expedition

Michael and I went snowshoeing for the first time this last weekend. It was a BLAST! We got snowshoes through a friend and drove my dad's Forester up to Idaho Springs. We found the trail our friend told us about, struggled to attach the shoes to our boots, and headed off into the snow-covered wilderness. It was an awesome experience, not just for the company, but for the views and sights that we saw. We were somewhere that, without snowshoes (or cross-country skis) you could never get to. The trees were glistening with snow and the scenery was breath-taking. It was like a little eye-present from God, showing us His beautiful creation in the mountains, even though it was the middle of winter. I love hiking, so now being able to "hike" in the winter makes enjoying the Rocky Mountains even better! So I would suggest that if anyone has ever wanted to go snowshoeing, they should definitely try it out-- it's WAY cheaper than skiing/snowboarding (rentals cost at most $12) and it can be done almost anywhere-- you don't have to drive all the way up to a resort to spend a bucket of money just to go! It's hard to imagine not living right next door to the mountains!

Shhh... I'm Supposed to be Job Searching

My blog has been pretty quiet for a while, which is surprising, seeing as I don't have a job so I sit at home most every day... but it's been filled with searching for jobs and meeting with friends to try to alleviate the mundane routine of job-searching. So I'm on here cuz I have had ideas floating around in my head and I want to get them out here... so I'm pausing for a second to take a break and write a few thoughts down. I've had some leads on jobs, so that's at least not too discouraging (as long as I don't think about it for too long that is!). Anyway, that's my preface to the blogs I'm going to write...

I'm in Need of Prayer

So it's come to this. I'm jobless and so is my fiance and the wedding is only 2 1/2 months away... I'm not usually one to ask for help, especially prayer for things for myself, but I'm feeling desperate. I am trying all I can to find a job, and now Michael only has a few months until he starts school to find a job and work as much as he can. So I'm putting this request out there to ask any of you who read this blog to please pray for me and Michael to both find jobs and to find them quickly. We don't need much money, but we can't survive on nothing. So your prayers are appreciated. Not only do we need prayer for jobs, but also for the patience and clarity that God is in control of everything and it will all turn out alright in the end. Thanks and now on to more job searching...

Processing the Character of God

I was sitting in church on Sunday and the sermon was about making a New Year's Resolution to focus your resolutions and life on the character of God. It was pretty interesting and it made me think. I was processing about it later, I started thinking about the character of God that is seen in the Old Testament versus the God we see today. God didn't hesitate to bring down fire and brimstone on a community that had lost their focus on God. Why doesn't that happen today? Why don't we seem to see God's wrath in the world today? Is it too easily dismissed as something else, like mother nature, terrorists, etc? Or has God changed the way He reacts and interacts with humans? I know Jesus came down to redeem humanity, so does that mean God's wrath no longer is brought down on earth? And what about miracles? I know they happen now and then, but what happened to people being healed left and right, all in the name of God/Jesus? All these questions make me wonder, I know that God doesn't change, but can/did He change how He interacted and dealt with humanity?
I'm not really looking for an answer, but an opportunity to process the character of God. I hope all of you find God this year and your life and your relationship with God and others is transformed!