Behind Closed Doors

It's amazing the conversations you have late at night when everyone's dead tired. Tonight's topic between my sister, my roommate, and I was about purity and physical boundaries in a relationship. Since we're all involved in relationships (all of us to wonderful guys!), it was a very pertinent and applicable discussion. The topic of purity came up and I was quick to point out that there is no single definition of purity in a relationship. Some people see no kissing ever to be the only way to have a pure relationship. Others see wandering hands as the limit, others (religious and non-religious alike) don't see the need for purity or don't see anything wrong with going "all the way" (aka SEX!). People seem quick to judge others' boundaries and limits, especially those that make people blush to talk about. But why is that anyone else's business? God convicts people of different things, which was talked about well in Michael's blog (it's from a while ago), and people can give their input, but telling others how to live their lives and conduct their romantic relationships is not what God tells us to do!
My sister has been dealing with this through the group she's involved in on campus. They hold up and praise the people who are not kissing until they're married... why? That's actually unnatural. Yes, it's important to know and understand your own power and boundaries, but not having that connection can be dangerous to a relationship. What if you never kiss that person until you're married and realize you have no physical chemistry? What then? And what is so wrong with kissing? Or holding hands? My friend's sister is dating a guy and they didn't hold hands until their 6th month of dating! WHAT!?! Why not? What is so wrong with physical intimacy and physical expression of affection/love? If one couple's way of expressing it is through a kiss, that's great. If it's through sex, that's fine. They risk the emotional repercussions and physical dangers of doing it, but even then... that's their choice. It's not my place, or anyone else's, to judge. I need to be careful, of course, of not judging those who choose to not express themselves through physical means and understand that that is the conviction that God has put in their lives/relationship. But because God has given me and them our own convictions, we do not have any room or right to judge one another.
I believe strongly in communication and boundaries and respect. If people have those three things, they can do whatever they want. As long as one person is not taking advantage of, abusing, or manipulating another, whatever is done behind closed doors is their business, not mine. It's time to take the taboo subjects out of the dark and talk about them and agree to disagree. The church teaches that God gave us free will, and yet forces us to believe and act certain ways, within certain guidelines instead of saying, "This is a good idea, but do with it what you want. Explore it, research it, talk about it, wrestle with it, and figure out what you believe and act accordingly." I'm learning to do so, and it's been interesting how many times my thinking does not usually coincide with the traditional teachings of the church and conservative Christians, including my roommate! More times than not, we've disagreed in theological ideas and what is right and wrong. It's actually good that we don't agree on everything because it causes both of us to think about our own and each other's views and why we believe it. Our discussions are always respectful and insightful. I am very thankful for the discussions we have, usually late at night while we're brushing our teeth! And for my sister for asking very thought-provoking questions and being open to all ideas and being respectful to the answers she receives. I love both of them dearly! If we're willing to stretch our comfort zone and ask and answer the difficult questions--no matter what the topic-- we can all grow and sharpen our beliefs more through it. Engage in conversation-- it could change your life!