Christmas Happenings

It's been quiet here and it's all because, thankfully, I've been busy at work and then when I get home-- so it's left no time for blogging. Even Christmas weekend, blogging was the least of my worries (sleeping was at the top). But I wanted to share about my Christmas because it was the first Christmas being married so it changed everything!
It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to make everyone happy and have Christmas be different. Because we've added a member to the family, and I no longer live at home, that right there changed the dynamics of Christmas. Another big difference was that we didn't go to church on Christmas eve. My parents no longer attend church, my sister goes to church in Fort Collins so doesn't know anyone at our church, and Michael and I really didn't care about going to church. We honestly didn't see the point in going to church when we could just as easily have a "service" at our own house in our pj's :-)
So Michael played some songs and I did a short reading and then our friends came over and we enjoyed their company and laughed really hard at not knowing how to sing at all! We sang "The Instrument Song" and to say it was a complete disaster would be an understatement! But it's not meant to be taken seriously, and it lived up to expectations.
We ended the night by me and Michael and my sister all sleeping in one room. I slept just fine throughout the night, but was woken up by giggles and whispers... at 6 freaking 30 in the morning! Michael and my sister were wide awake (my sister woke up at 1:30am wondering if it was time to get up yet and reluctantly went back to sleep) and discussing if it was time to get up... Oh, I forgot to mention my sister's almost 21 and Michael is 24-- I thought I was sharing a room with 5 year-olds! But their excitement made me that much more excited and we all wandered downstairs to look at our stockings.
I knit Michael's stocking, per tradition in my (mom's side) family. The thing was humongous! But Michael didn't mind! But I was really proud of myself for having completed it and being able to have his match everyone else's. (I think I'll knit ones for Michael's side of the family for next year...)
We then read the Christmas story, and my attempts at trying to have a discussion were shot down as Michael and my sister were too busy drooling at the presents under the tree. We opened stockings and presents and my sister captured an awesome picture of Michael when he opened one of his gifts (one of the best parts about him is that he is very enthusiastic with everything he does, so giving gifts (and good food) to him is always enjoyable!) He got me tickets to go see "Phantom of the Opera" which I had called him about early in the morning a few weeks ago to inform him that I wanted to go. So I was soooo excited when I opened that gift. My sister got me a much-needed purse and I got some more clothes for work. I believe I may have mentioned that I loathe shopping, so getting clothes is always an enjoyable occurrence as it means I don't have to go shop for those items!
We then headed over to Michael's family's house and I was in shock the whole time. I never realized how organized (and a bit OCD) my family is about how they do things, because Michael's family does things that just seem like chaos to me! Everyone opened all their presents at the same time, so I was too busy opening mine and trying to focus on Michael's mom's reaction to our gift that I missed his sister's and her husband's reactions to theirs... I felt completely overwhelmed and overly-stimulated. I'm sure I could handle it better next year because I know what to expect, but I was so caught off guard that I couldn't enjoy it. But I did get the pleasure of being drooled all over by my niece since she latched onto my wrist like a leech and wouldn't let go. Thankfully she doesn't have teeth (yet) so there was no biting involved!
Christmas as a whole was enjoyable and made for some great memories and new traditions. I'm sure it'll change slightly again next year, but this time I'll know what I'm in for.
So Merry (belated) Christmas everyone and have a happy and safe new year!

Needless Tears

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll be blunt and tell you that I've been incredibly hormonal recently and it's starting to freak me out. How I've seen this is the fact that anything can set off a flood of tears, regardless if it is that big of a deal, or even worth crying over. I first noticed it when my husband told me he had seen the source of one of his Christmas presents by mistake, but wanted to let me know. Instead of just being bummed out, I sobbed. I'm not talking about one little tear-- I laid on the couch and sobbed. I was a mess. But it felt that devastating to me! And then last night I had had a bad day at work, but not bad enough to cry over, but I got home and couldn't stop crying. I even had to miss a dinner I was supposed to go to with Michael because I couldn't get control of it. And let's not forget about how I react to sad parts of movies or tv shows...
So all this to say, I'm a bit freaked out. I usually get a bit irritable during "that time of month," so all this crying is not normal and has lasted for a couple of weeks... What am I supposed to do? Just let the tears overtake me and have a good cry? I know Michael would vote against that because he can't handle me crying, but I don't know what else to do. I hate crying-- it makes me feel depressed (obviously) and I lose all motivation to do anything when I cry. So if something doesn't change soon... well, I don't know what I'm going to do. But thankfully Michael is loving and supportive and just hugs me and lets me cry into his chest. For now, that's the only thing I can do.
I hate crying, I hate not being in control of my emotions! If something is truly worth crying over, that's one thing, but crying over a spoiled Christmas present surprise, that's just ridiculous!

A Lesson Learned

I'm going to explain to the world why I am a total wimp.
Yesterday, I was measuring our ceiling to see how tall our Christmas tree could be, and I let our tape measure just fly back into the holder... well, I'm sure you can already see where this is going... the tape measure is metal, and therefore very sharp if flying at a high speed. It hit my finger, but at first I thought it just hit it, no big deal... then there was blood... and then there was panic... and then there was the mad dash for the sink to wash it under cold water, all the while trying not to pass out. Thankfully Michael was there (trying to stifle laughter) and held my hand under the water. I'm sure my face was white as a ghost, and all I could say was "I don't want stitches! I can't get stitches!"
As my sister and old roommate, Holly, can attest to, I don't handle blood very well-- especially not my own. I once cut my finger while cutting an onion and had to go into the bathroom because I felt woozy and turned really white... pathetic, I know.
But I have this overwhelming disgust for my own blood, as well as a paralyzing fear of going to the hospital for stitches. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the one time I did have to go to the hospital for stitches, I could feel the doctors putting them in, but they didn't believe me and kept going despite my protests (oh, and had to bring other nurses and whoever to hold me down because I was FREAKING OUT!). And no, it was not my imagination-- I couldn't even see it (I got them on my knee, so I was laying down) and all of a sudden felt this overwhelming, excruciating pain! Stupid doctors!
So that's my story from this weekend. And a word of advice: don't let the tape measure fly freely into the holder because danger awaits whoever dares do so...

The Church of Snowshoes

I'm bored with church. I have my issues with our church and church in general, but that's not the bone I have to pick today.
I'm bored and tired and just plain "over" church. It might just be the new focus that my church has, which I am definitely not their target audience, but it might also be that I've gone to church almost every single Sunday of my life... I don't feel like there's anything they can say or teach that would have me saying "wow! I never thought of that! My life is changed forever!" I feel disheartened that I can look at the series title and the "subtopics" of each week, and predict (with pretty close accuracy) what the overall message will be.
So what happens when you've been going to church for almost 23 years and it's all old news? I know that the gospel and Jesus and the Bible are always "alive" and can change lives, but I sure don't feel that way. I love God, I believe Jesus was born and died on the cross for the world's sins, and I believe the Bible is God's holy word; I also try to live my life loving people the way Jesus loved them and viewed "others" and "sinners," I tithe, I try to read my Bible regularly, I pray... so what else is new? I know I can learn new things, like Bible history/context, but that just becomes head knowledge.
The only thing drawing us to church is our young marrieds group... but even that is beginning to lack because we see the same people on Tuesday nights for our Bible study. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends, but I don't feel like we're connecting on the level that I desire. But I'm sure it just goes along with my overall feelings about church at the moment. So is there hope for next Saturday night, when Michael and I are in bed discussing whether or not to set our alarm for the next morning? I know church is about fellowship, but just going and sitting in the seats does not make any sort of fellowship-- there are hundreds of people who come to the same service I do, and I know about a dozen of them because they're in our young marrieds group-- there is no real sense of community or fellowship. I feel obligated to go because I'm a "Christian" (or as I like to say, Christ-follower) and church is just something you do.
So all this to say, you might not find me front and center at church for a while. We'll go occasionally, but Michael and I have created friendships that we can get fellowship out of, even if it's not in a building doing "church," so going on Sunday is not as much of a priority. And now that it's getting snowier, you're probably more apt to find us trekking up a mountain through the snow on our snowshoes with friends and some hot chocolate! I'd much rather spend my Sundays with good friends, surrounded by God's creation. That way, I won't be more entertained by a piece of candy than the "production" my church is putting on.

Blog Comment Day

It's a strange coincidence that just after I admit feeling anxiety (in the comment section of my own blog) about commenting on other people's blogs, John Smulo posted this idea about Blog Comment Day. Go to his site and see why he's doing it, let him know if you're going to participate! (I'm going to be posting on there for the first time... it's a good first step!)
This special day for commenting, weirdly enough, gives me just enough courage to venture out and comment on people's blogs that I read and love, but never comment... but now I have to choose which blog I'll grace my presence with! So go and comment away to 5 blogs (2 you've never commented on before)! And leave some love here in the meantime ;-)

Cookies!

So when I said I'd write about random tid-bits, I'm going to start with this one.

I love Santa Fe Cookie Company! You go in, put a dollar bill in the worn-and-torn jug, and grab a bag of 3 cookies... 3 cookies for a dollar?? You just don't see things like that these days. Oh, and the cookies are delicious and decent-sized, so it's not like "you get what you pay for." You get way more than you pay for, and there's usually a cookie or two left over for co-workers, or bosses who need some buttering up... not that I'd ever do that... ;-) So if you're ever in downtown Denver, stop over by the cookie shop... the smell of the cookies will guide your way!

I'm Not a Box Person

When I disagree with something or someone on a certain topic, I want to become as informed on both sides of the issue so I really know where I stand and can back up what I believe. I mentioned a few posts ago that my young marrieds group has started reading "Love and Respect." I also mentioned that I was hesitant about reading it because I didn't know the author and had never heard of the book... and my hesitations were partially correct. Both Michael and I have struggled through this book because of the foundational ideas that it is based on. But it's a growing experience. We're coming to a deeper understanding of what we believe as a couple and as individuals. We are expanding our knowledge. And, if nothing else, we are engaging in conversation with people who don't always think 100% (if even 50%) of the time. It stretches us and, hopefully, we stretch them. There are times people say things that I completely disagree with, but I can respect and appreciate that that is how they function and what they believe.
I still have yet to buy the book, because if I spend most of my time disagreeing with it, there's no sense in owning it. However, my friend lent me the book to read during the week. I was reading it last night and this morning on the bus and I had an epiphany:
I HATE BEING PUT IN A BOX. A woman box, a young-person box, a married box, an American box, etc. I hate that my gender, my life-stage, my nationality, or whatever dictates how I'm "supposed" to be, how all in that same category are like that.
I might not mind the box if I fit into it nicely. But I never have, and I probably never will. I am actually more apt to fight the box and try to rip it down, just to prove that I can, and especially to show that I DON'T fit.
Even as I was reading the book last night, Michael was sitting next to me as I began grumbling under my breath about "this isn't me," "this is just a stereotype," etc. I read him a passage of the book out-loud and said "never in my life have I had an interaction/discussion like this one in the book!" And he just looked at me and said "Kate, you're the first woman I know who doesn't act like that." I stared at him. And it dawned on me... this is the root of my feelings towards anything or anyone who tries to put me in a box: I am not the kind of person who fits nicely in a box. And when someone tries to tell me about the box, I resist it, feel nauseous, and start to freak out (at least on the inside).
I wrote a post that hit on this idea a little bit and spoke more about how it effects my daily interactions with people. But for some reason, Michael's comment last night really struck me. It isn't just that I'm "strong" or "intimidating," it's that I resist boxes, and resist others telling me who I am just because of X or Y reason. I'm not a box person, and I'm okay with that. But when I read books like this one, or "Captivating" (which I've mentioned before I didn't even finish reading), I resist it and actually get angry and frustrated because THAT IS NOT WHO I AM! So I'll continue to read the book, for the sake of knowledge and discussion, but I now have an inner-understanding of myself that I don't fit into this mold, I don't fit nicely into the box that he puts me and my marriage in. And hopefully through this whole experience I can come out of it a happier, more well-rounded person, and hopefully pass that on to others. And I'll also try to keep my grumbling down to a minimum.
(And as a disclaimer, he does have some good points, but they get buried underneath the box, so I have a hard time finding them and recognizing them as applicable or even true-- but I'm working on finding them and appreciating them, even if I don't agree with everything 100%).

New Direction

I think I figured it out. Because I want a balance, but also don't want to put myself in a box, I'm going to end up writing about whatever I darn well please. So for those of you who read my blog, I'm going to keep it up and just change my tone a bit. I'll write about life, about family, about church, and maybe some random tid-bit here and there. If something spiritual and religious is on my mind, I'll write about that; and if I'm trying to process interacting with my in-laws, I'll write about that... So be patient with me as I venture forth on this new blog journey and hopefully great things will come of it! So stay tuned ;-)

The Case of the Blog Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog because I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them and process them here. I wrote about life, and about church, the Bible, Christians, and theology. But as my life has calmed down a bit more and become a bit more routine, I find that I have less to blog about. This may be because of less material and not being around people who question things and make me think (actually, I'm pretty sure that's a huge part), but it may be that my life has changed and I'm in a different place than I was when I started this blog.
But what do I do? I don't want to solely write about "Christian-y" things, but I also don't want to just write about my life-- I don't do that much that anyone (including myself) would want to read about. The first post would be this: "I sat at work today. I didn't do much. Mark told me he is running checks on Wednesday. I got a free water bottle. Michael picked me up to go to my parents' for dinner. The end."
Do things change when you have children, because you can speak on your child and how you raise them? I thought getting married would create more to talk about with marriage philosophy but I find that I read more about what other people think than I do any personal processing. I know where I stand, so I don't have much to process about. I don't feel conflict about it-- I actually read more and get more emotion evoked by others who are in the more traditional camp. But I don't want this blog to be all about bashing others' views and pointing out why I disagree with others. That just sounds boring. If it's applicable to something in my current situation, I might talk about it, but it definitely can't be my focus. I don't have kids, so that's out of the question. I have a niece, but we don't see her that often, and I also don't think anyone wants to hear about my thoughts on someone else's kid...
So I'm here with no motivation and no clear direction. Has blogging for me come to an end? I know of maybe two or three people who read my blog who aren't related to me (and even the ones related to me aren't avid readers). But is a large audience my focus? Why even blog in the first place?
So I guess this is my explanation as to why my blogs lately have seemed to lack "oomph" and passion... because I don't know what passion I have to give. I will be thinking about this more and maybe even trying out a new way/reason to blog, or just write when something is on my mind. I really don't know. But I know that blogging has led me to "meet" new people, interact with them and get to know them, as well as really process how I'm feeling/thinking about something, or just sharing what's on my heart. So, those of you who do read my blog, bear with me and I will soon figure this all out. (And a big thanks to those who do read and comment-- it really means a lot to me. And if you're a reader and have never commented, please, let me know you're there-- I'd love to get to know you!)
Thanks for the patience!

Book Opinions

Okay, I need people's opinion on a couple of books.

First, in our young marrieds group, we started reading the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (how do you pronounce that??). It sounds like a good enough book, it definitely sparked a good discussion in our group on Sunday, but something was always nagging at me. For one, it's printed by Focus on the Family-- and I'm more apt to disagree with a majority of the things they teach, but I let that slide. I also know nothing of the author and his views of life and marriage, and couldn't find anything online about it, but I still wasn't convinced. I was on guard, but nothing I was seeing or hearing was showing me that I would not enjoy and (especially) agree with the book. But then lo and behold, I was reading through my google reader and came upon a blog by Complegalitarian that stated this about the book:

I also encourage you to read Love and Respect because it is the complementarian book that has the most thorough discussion of domain-based authority. In fact, it is this discussion that convicted me. For example, Emerson points out that men and women tend to view careers very differently. Women typically view work outside the home as a choice, while men view it as a fundamental responsibility. (This thinking came through on Complegalitarian blog a couple of weeks ago, in Wayne's "what is a Christian feminist" post. Women wanted the right to choose whether they worked and the right to choose the military. Yet, none of them expressed a willingness to assume primary responsibility for supporting a family or defending their country.) Male authority in marriage follows logically from this responsibility to protect and provide. Of all the complementarian books that have attempted to answer the “why does God command me to submit to my husband when I know we’re equals” question, it is Emerson’s discussion of responsibility and authority that I found to be compelling.

I have to admit, that scares me a bit. I worry when someone is "convinced" about traditional ideas. I understand that people want to learn more about it, and it is a bit unfair of me because I try to "convince" others about egalitarianism. And the idea of "domain-based authority" just makes my skin crawl. But what the bigger issue is, is that I haven't read the book, nor have I bought it yet, but I don't want to buy a book that I am going to spend my time yelling at and wanting to throw across the room because of the things I disagree with (I've done that with "women's Bible study" books).
However, I can also see that the author may talk about more traditional ways of conducting marriage, but it's not the focus of the book... I just don't know what to think about it. Because I also resist strongly (and usually gets me into trouble) when people try to put me (and especially me as a woman) into a box and call it "all women." (And "all men" for that matter. Michael rarely fits into the "Christian man" box.)
Anyway, all that to say, I'm worried that this book will cause me and Michael to implode and have to be the "weirdos" because we don't agree with it. But if it's a subtle message, I think I might be able to handle it if the overall message is okay.... but is it? Please, anyone who's read it, tell me what it's like before I go out and buy it (and possibly end up burning it).

There is another opinion I need. My sister-in-law mentioned to me that she wants a good book on faith, spirituality, and dealing with life. I'm coming up short (ha-ha everyone laugh... cuz I'm short...) with ideas and I don't know what book to get her. She's not a big reader, so she doesn't need anything too theological or anything like that. She just needs something simple, encouraging, and educational. Any suggestions? Any books you have liked in the past (or present) that she might find something in? Please give me all the suggestions you can!

Thanks for everyone's help!