Confrontation is Not Deadly

Confrontation. Not my favorite word, and definitely not, by any means, my favorite pass-time. So when it comes to dealing with people, I tend to completely avoid and get minor panic attacks at the mere thought of a "confrontation" with anyone!
Well, since it's too late to call my mom to have her praise me for my bold move tonight, I decided I'd write about it... lame, I know :-) But I had to tell someone! Most of you wont think it's a big deal and may even think I'm a big chicken (which I am) for not saying anything before. So here's the story... I have some roommates-- 4 to be exact-- and all girls. Makes for interesting times, that's for sure. Needless to say, I'm slightly afraid of 2 of them. They are completely intimidating. They're super nice to your face and I actually really enjoy hanging out with them... it's when you're not around them that's the problem and it becomes a passive-aggressive and super-tense-and-awkward time. Well, I have bit my tongue enough times when they do things that my tongue is bruised :-P Tonight, I finally got enough courage to talk to one of my roommates about one of the biggest issues I have with her! It was not a fun experience, but definitely needed and was actually productive. We both said what we needed to say, and we reconciled and it was over. No blood was drawn, no voices were raised... it was not the bloody battle I was envisioning. Confrontation is scary but definitely not deadly! That's just what I gotta keep telling myself. "It'll be okay, no one's going to freak out and hate me because I say something. They might even appreciate me talking to them!" I'm still working on confronting people and speaking my mind when I have something negative or hard to say. People want honesty and openness. I want it of other people so why can't I do it for them? It's going to be a long and painful process (panic-attacks... no fun!) but it will make me a better person in the end. Whew! I feel so relieved! Now all I have to do is get my heart rate down enough to go to bed.

What is the Trinity?

So I had my religions class today and we started our discussion on Christianity. More specifically, we started talking about the never-complicated subject of the Trinity--WHOA! When I was reading our book, "Christian Theology" I was confused at some points and I've grown up in the church and have somewhat of a grasp of what the trinity is and how it functions.
It did help me see, however, how other religions do not believe Jesus is not God. Until now, I never understood how people couldn't believe this-- "of course Jesus is God!" When looking at it that Jesus was a man so how can he be God really got me thinking. It's a pretty heavy subject and I am not about to try to explain it here.
The biggest and most interesting discussion we had in class today was the fact that the Bible only mentions the trinity (but not called the trinity in the Bible) as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in two verses in the whole Bible! The discussion arose, inevitably, that what if the idea of the trinity was just a man-made idea and we got it totally wrong? That we misunderstood what it meant by the Father/Son/Holy Spirit relationship? No one had a very good answer. They either answered "just because" or "I don't know."
So I started thinking to myself, what would that do to our theology? Our beliefs? I had a discussion with one of my pastors recently about this very subject (about theology changing, not the trinity). We both read the book Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell which I've talked about before, and in it he talks about how people put too much emphasis on the theology of Christianity and miss the big picture. He proposed the idea of (this is definitely a paraphrase) what would it do your faith if you knew that the word used for virgin regarding Mary not only meant someone who hadn't had sex, but also a woman who had had sex only once? And what if it could be proven (by some super-duper sci-fi gizmo) that she was the later definition of virgin? What would that do to your faith? Would it discredit the Bible? Is our faith solely based on theology instead of the message of the Bible? This is just what was going through my mind today during class and I thought I'd share it with everyone. What are everyone's thoughts? Ideas? Insights?

Prayer Warriors

Recently, the discussion of homosexuality has been very prevalent in the conversation I've been having, articles I've been reading, blogs I've read, podcasts I listened to, etc. All of a sudden I have realized I don't know what I believe and why I believe it. The two major issues that the churches of my past have shoved down my throat is that of homosexuality being a sin and abortion being wrong. (Relax, this post is not about abortion... I don't even want to go there!) Anyway, I decided I should make my own mind up about what I believe and be knowledgeable enough to tell others about what I believe and why. I'm usually not very strongly opinionated, but I feel that I should have a strong, solid, educated opinion on the issue of homosexuality.
Coming from a Christian, yet open-minded, family, I have heard both sides of the issue. I have heard what my churches had to say and what my parents had to say. We had long discussions over dinner and in the car about homosexuality. I know what my stance is, but I want to be more educated when I state what it is! I want to be able to engage people in a discussion about it and be able to give them answers and possibly a different perspective on the issue.
Anyway, on the start of my knowledge-journey, I went to the library to look at what books they had in stock to read about Christianity and homosexuality. You'd actually be surprised how many books there are! So I checked out a bunch and here's a little blurb on what I just finished reading:

I just finished reading a book today called, Prayer Warriors: The true story of a gay son, his fundamentalist Christian family, and their battle for his soul. I was really excited to read it because, for one, I enjoy stories and novel-like books as compared to textbook, history-like books (I have two sitting on my shelf waiting to be opened...), and two, I was really interested in what I would learn from this book, through one man's life and struggle with acceptance from his family.
Anyway, the hate and disappointment that came from the parents made me want to scream and yell and punch them in the face. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that is how Christians and the church tend to treat homosexuals. When Stuart (the author) came out to his parents, they got angry and told him to never come back home because he was no longer welcome. What kind of parent does that to their kid? How could love and acceptance ride on only one issue? How can people say, "I love you...what? you're gay? Never mind!"? Isn't love supposed to be unconditional? When we treat people like that, not just homosexuals, it's no wonder that people don't like Christians. How can people treat others, like one of my pastors says, like issues, not people? How can people not see beyond the issue and embrace the person behind it? My mom informed me of a woman she knows who went through this exact same thing and it took the siblings of the woman had to go against what the parents thought and said to embrace her and love her despite what they believed or thought. That's what we're supposed to do-- put aside our own agendas and love people for who they are and not focus on the baggage they're bringing along. We all have baggage and issues and sin, so no one has the right to look down on others, no matter what they believe. No one is better than another. That's what Jesus did-- he loved everyone and didn't focus on their issues or problems-- he loved them for their hearts and who they were as people.
That's when I am so excited that I am in a church where one of the pastors and one of the worship guys went to the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender) office on campus to establish a relationship with them and apologise to them for how the church and Christians treat them. What a relief!
I am still researching (I'm going to crack open the history books... it'll be a long process) and becoming solidified in my viewpoints. It's only been a few weeks in this journey of knowledge, and I've learned so much! Who knows what else I'm going to learn!!! I'll end with a quote from my pastors: "Love God and love people. That's all you have to do."

An Excuse Not to be Studying

Thanks to Paul for tagging me! I feel oh so special! This will give everyone a little more insight! Enjoy!

A- Available or married? In between... taken, but not married!

B- Best Friend? I have more than one, and they're actually girls, which is exciting :-)But those girls know me and love me just the same and I do the same for them!

C- Cake or Pie? Cake, definitely! mmm... rich, chocolate cake... now I'm hungry!

D- Drink of Choice? cranberry juice with club soda, water, cherry coke, and I'm one month away from being able to legally tell you my favorite drinks with alcohol....

E- Essential Item? My cellphone

F- Favorite Colour? Blue and red, recently leaning more towards the red side

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? You're making me choose? Probably gummi worms just cuz there's more gummi to eat... but the bears are cute... such a hard decision! ;-)

H- Hometown? Colorado born and raised! Centennial, Colorado... not very exciting... I did move from Englewood when I was 9 which is maybe a 10 minute drive at the most so it doesn't really count as changing.

I- Indulgence? If you have spent even 5 minutes with me, you know the answer-- ICE CREAM! Any kind, any brand, any way of eating! But Dreyers Mint Chocolate Chip will forever be my one true love!

J-January or February? February! That's my birthday!! (21 days and counting...)

K- Kids & names? Seeing as I'm not married... none... but someday!

L- Life is incomplete without? Friends and good food! (I am called a "chowhound" except by Michael who calls me a "chow chow")

M-Marriage Date? No time soon!

N- Number of Siblings? 1 wonderful younger sister

O- Oranges or apples? Oranges, definitely! But apples are delicious in salads!

P- Phobias/Fears? Feet-- ICK! And snakes-- they make my skin crawl (no pun intended)!

Q-Favourite Quote? "Let God be as original with other people as He is with you." -Oswald Chambers

R- Reason to Smile? Life! If you smile and laugh a lot, you can't take life too seriously and makes it a lot more enjoyable!

S- Season? Fall/autumn-- perfect weather!

T- Tag three people! Michael, David, and Dan-- this should be fun and interesting!

U- Unknown fact about me: If you've never seen me, I'm only 4' 11.5" tall-- 1.5 inches over the limit for being a "little person"-- If you have seen me (and haven't), I changed my middle name when I was 16 because I hated it so much!

V- Very rare... is a time I don't want to watch a movie or tv show-- I'm addicted!

W- Worst habit? I don't have any bad habits... but eating too much chocolate could be considered a bad habit :-)-- Michael also says that being a "kitchen nazi" is a bad habit of mine!

X- boyfriends...I have many... but I have found a keeper! :-*

Y- Your favourite food? Hamburgers, pizza, chimichangas (my mom's), chocolate, and ice cream! the list goes on and on...

Z- Zodiac? Pisces (why'd I get stuck with stupid fish..."how's that for being born under a bad sign?" [name that movie!]) You will try to take on something that is probably beyond your capabilities. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared to bring in the help you need to pull it off. Money can be made if you think matters through properly. 3 stars-- I don't think I understand... but it is a 3 out of 5 star day,so that's always good! Yeah for the college newspaper!

Shadows Predict the Future

Happy Groundhog Day! I had a discussion with one of my roommates this morning about who originally had the idea for watching a little rodent-like animal crawl out of the ground on a random day and ask it to predict the future by looking for it's shadow. I think alcohol was definitely involved! Anyway, I saw on my little news post on my homepage-- that's how I get my news... who reads newspapers anymore?-- that the groundhog didn't see it's shadow so spring is coming early this year! For once I hope that stupid rodent is right! I am really tired of this cold and snow. It was 0 degrees outside this morning when I got up! No good! But seriously, of all the animals... why a groundhog?

Don't Forget to Push Your Button

I guess I'm in a writing mood tonight! Anyway, there has been something I've been thinking about ever since I had a discussion about it with my wonderful sister last week (and it came up again when talking to a friend a few days later). We were talking about prayer and God answering prayer. My sister has a friend who told her that she believes God punished her by not getting a job because she didn't pray for it enough. What?! What sense does that make? Yeah, it's important to consult God about everything, but I don't believe God punishes you for not praying about it first and especially not praying about it enough! Yes, I believe God answers all prayer. However, the discussion was about if someone says they commit to pray about something or for someone every day, but forget to do it one day, will God still answer/bless the person/thing they were praying for? Will God not do something because we (as imperfect people) forget to pray?
I know there is the whole idea of asking for blessings and God not giving what isn't asked for. However, what about when it's something like blessing someone that day? Will God give them (even punish them with) a crappy day just because you didn't ask God to bless them? Or is it the thought that counts? God will do what He wants, and if including you in blessing someone or touching their life in some way, then so be it. But would God deliberately hold back a blessing because someone didn't ask it on behalf of someone else? Or would you not be influential and show God's love to someone if you didn't ask God to help you do so before you interacted with them? I believe God uses people where they are at, and that is not necessarily when you are kneeling by your bed to pray.
You see a coworker having a bad day and you go over and encourage them, maybe even pray for/with them. Would God not have you help that friend out if you hadn't prayed beforehand? Of course not! I think it is important to keep God in a constant dialogue, but I am the walking, talking example of how hard that is! However, God has used me in people's lives when I haven't specifically prayed for anyone, and even when I haven't read my Bible in a few days (it gets really hard being a college student... excuses, excuses, I know!). It's important and vital to pray, but I don't think God is as picky as only acting when you ask Him to. I think He's a little bit bigger than that! I am not saying people shouldn't pray for others, because I believe that is very important and can result in miracles! However, I am against putting God in a prayer box and thinking He only acts when we want Him to. God is so huge and incomprehensible and will do what He wants and will act within His perfect will for each and every person's life. God understands that we are imperfect and cannot always do what we say we will (especially when it involves doing something every day).
God is grace-- that's all it really comes down to. God is going to extend His grace to you and whoever/whatever you are praying for, so it is not our worry if they are going to be blessed by God. God will bless them if He wants to bless them that day. Our prayer for their blessing is acting in love and obedience towards God. If we fear that God is going to punish us or someone else because we didn't pray is telling God that we don't trust that he has everything under control. We are taking God's blessings into our own hands and are telling God how it should be done. It is also very selfish. Yes, it's important to pray for our friends and coworkers, but saying your actions are going to determine their days and lives is egotistical. God is bigger than us, and we have no control over God. We cannot tell Him what to do. We can only ask and wait patiently for the answer. Demanding God to do something seems pretty ridiculous if you ask me! God hears your prayers and hears your heart. He knows what is going on and He knows your deepest desires. He also knows what is best for you, and for your friends. Praying every day is not a "Bless Them" button we push every day. We especially do not have to fear God pushing the "Shitty Day" button because you didn't do our job and push our button. So continue to pray for blessings for others, but don't get too high and mighty about it and think God won't do it without your asking. Because He's higher and mightier than we could ever begin to imagine!

Can You Prove God?

So I'm taking a class this semester called, "Religions of the West." It's about Christianity, Judaism, and Islam (and Atheism actually). Before I even walked in the classroom on the first day, I knew it was going to be a fascinating class. Oh, and let this be a warning, because it is a philosophy class and it's about religions-- it really makes me think--which will cause a lot of blogs! I am excited to learn about the different religions and process what I learned. I'm especially excited to see how it will strengthen my own beliefs and theology. So here goes the first digestion of topics discussed last week:

In my class, the first religion we are studying is atheism. It really helps to understand what people believe when they don't believe in a higher being. At first, I thought it was weird to be studying atheism in a religions class, but come to find out, a religion is just a set of beliefs. We could have gotten into the discussion about if capitalism could be considered a religion, but thankfully my teacher spared me that boredom (at least for now... who knows what the rest of the semester holds)! Anyway, we are studying prominent and influential atheists-- Marx, Freud, and some guy I can't remember the name of (give me a break, it's only been 2 weeks of class!). Last week we discussed Marx's ideas about religion. It was fascinating! Marx believed that the poor believed in the Bible, and especially the idea of Heaven, to give them hope and religion helped the rich keep them in their low positions. The rich got richer while they exploited the poor who believed they'd get something better someday. Marx saw this as weak. He believed people needed a reason for their suffering and "the last will become first" idea gave them that reason.
My thoughts on this is how can hanging on to hope be considered weak? Since when is hope weak? It is the source of life! It is what keeps people going from day to day, even when those days are bleak and gray. Jesus hung out with the poor and hopeless-- they are who he loved (he loves everyone, of course), but he especially came for the lowly people-- those who needed hope, the doctor to the sick.
Also, if there is no afterlife, what is the purpose of living? For what purpose do we do good works and love other people if our lives and souls end when our heart stops beating? If we have no one to tell us what makes life worth living, what is the purpose of living? Why wouldn't people just do what they want? (which gets into the debate of whether people are inherently good or evil...)
Another thought: Why do people submit our own lives to an incomprehensible being, someone we can't actually measure or evaluate or really even understand? Religion becomes a very personal experience. God is real to those who believe in him and experience him. God is everywhere. But how do you prove His existence? Is there any way to take the personal experience with God into public, outside of the walls of your bedroom and the walls of your church? Is it just shown through our actions and our love? I know God is real and alive and omnipresent, but how can I convey that to everyone else? I know showing his unconditional love is key to it all... but is there anything else? How we can show God to other people is a very personal experience and decision and walk for everyone. God works in so many ways-- there is no set mold or equation that God uses for everyone. That's what makes God amazing!
There are so many thoughts and questions and ideas running through my head, I can't even begin to type fast enough! I know I've only begun to scratch the surface of this theological discussion, so I would love to hear everyone else's thoughts!
What are everyone's thoughts? If you were to talk to Marx about his views on religion (this is not about his political ideas and/or communism), what would you ask him? I'd love to hear anyone and everyone's thoughts!!

Not a Book Review... okay, maybe it kinda-sorta is

I apparently read a lot more than "normal" people do. I never thought it was that much-- just something to help me fall asleep at night and pass the time during down-time in the day. Because I like to read, I tend to read one novel and one theological/religious book (okay, maybe that is a lot). I just finished an amazing book, Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, which is one of the best books EVER! I then picked up Brennan Manning's book, Ruthless Trust. It's the sequel to another amazing book, Ragamuffin Gospel. I just started it today while I was waiting for my last class (I have 30 minutes between classes...) and I didn't even get through the introduction before I was wanting to yell, "YES!" at the book and what he was saying. What he wrote was exactly what I am going through currently and what my church is currently teaching on. I thought this was amazing and interesting and also another person involved in trying to break the mold and traditions of church. This is a lot of babbling... I'll write it now. Enjoy!

"She knows that Jesus is comfortable with broken people who remembers who to love."

"Alert to the manipulations and machinations of the pharisaical self-righteousness, ragamuffins refuse to surrender control of their lives to rules and regulations. They see that the stale religiosity of legalists, trapped in the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism, obscures the face of the God of Jesus."
-Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust, pg. xiv

What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Further insights?

My Life is Over

A relationship has ended. It was tragic, heartless, and ungodly. No, I haven't ended things (again) with the current boyfriend. My relationship with my first love, the one and only chocolate, has ended. Because of conversations with the beau about fair trade and companies who hold to those standards (and especially those that don't-- like Starbucks, for example-- sorry to those who have a deep and intimate relationship with that company as well. I will be holding a mourning session for those who need it at my house tomorrow night at 6:30pm). Anyway, I went onto the Internet to see if my lover, Hershey's, was a Fair Trade company. (I feel really techno-savy because I just linked it... I'm a dork, I know! Back to what I was saying...) If you haven't guessed it already, they are not. I don't know what to do with myself. I have a giant Hershey's bar sitting on my desk right behind my laptop taunting me, "eat me! eat me!" However, all I can hear are the cries of the poor slave children who picked the cocoa beans to make my delicious piece of heaven! The devil has cursed it! My solution, however, because throwing away an unopened piece of chocolate would certainly send me straight to hell, is to eat the remaining chocolate in my room (you'd be surprised how much that is...) then try (key word!) to only buy chocolate that has been approved by Fair Trade organizations and/or sold at places like Wild Oats that sell only organic, fair traded food. Why do these companies have to be so crappy by using slave labor yet make such delicious addictions? I'm having such a crisis over this-- I don't think most people understand the devastation I am experiencing. I wanted to curl up in bed and cry and eat... chocolate! UGH! Vicious circle! The one thing that always makes me feel better, no matter what, is now the enemy-- how am I supposed to cope with this? My shrink is going to have a field day with this one ;-)

60 or 70 degrees-- is that too much to ask?

I'm cold. I'm freezing cold, to be exact. It's been below freezing for about a month straight! I have no body fat for insulation so I cannot naturally keep my body warm as it is. When it gets below freezing, you can always pick me out of a crowd because I'm the one completely bundled up from head to toe for the frigid winter air! I'm tired of the snow and I'm tired of the cold. I used to love snow. I used to want it to snow. Not any more. We've had 3 feet of snow for about a month now and it's not going away any time soon... ugh! It just needs to warm up enough to melt all of the snow AND ice away! I want my lovely, cool Colorado back-- I don't live in Michigan, so why is the weather acting like it? I've never been more eager for summer to come around (which I will then whine about it being too hot... vicious cycle!)! Okay, I'm done for now. I feel a lot better having gotten that off my chest! (And yes, that is my car. It was buried under all that snow! No fun!)