I Need More Than Feel-Good Answers

[I started writing this post last week, but have been adding to it little by little and it's finally finished... a week later...]

This last Tuesday was the first time in a long time that I went to a church/group/Bible study where I walked away still thinking about what we talked about… and am still thinking about. We have a weekly Bible study with 4 other couples who we are slowly but surely growing deeper with and connecting more with. This last Tuesday we discussed how to live a balanced life in this high-stress society. Michael and I both thought the discussion would end in about 5 minutes because the all we could think of to say were church-isms and feel-good answers—pray, just rest in God, etc. But those answers don’t really help when you feel up to your eyeballs in life’s chaos. Yes, there are ways to take time for yourself, but the core issue came down to what does it look like to take refuge in God and spend quality time with him when you really feel no desire to do so; no drive or pull to open your Bible or take a few minutes to pray (without falling asleep or your mind wandering). I think it’s hard to have been a Christian almost my entire life, so I’ve heard it all and seen it all, so nothing is really a new concept to me. I know what you’re “supposed” to do, but a quiet time where I sit and read my Bible for an hour every day is not going to help me grow. It’ll just make me feel bad when I don’t do it or don’t get anything out of it. I thrive off conversation, discussion, dissecting verses and context, bringing up different ideas, debating, etc. So how can I get that when I’m sitting by myself in my room, trying not to fall asleep, or take my entire lunch hour to read my Bible and feel like a legalistic Christian who’s making a point of using my time to relax and get out of the office to show the world I’m reading my Bible. Yes, I know I could use my lunch hour to read my Bible and pray, but as I said before, that bores me. But what about reading a book that is written about the Bible or about religion or something “Christian” that isn’t the Bible. I’m currently reading Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren (yes, I know I’m way behind the times) and it’s really speaking to what I’ve been feeling about the Christian church and how Christians view the world. If I’m finding purpose and seeing God in that book, is it the same as a traditional quiet time? I know reading another book can be a cop-out, but it also opens my eyes and my heart to things the Bible teaches and different ideas that people have—hence my desire for discussion and debate—I like new and different ideas, so reading really does that for me. Growing my knowledge, my understanding of the Bible and the world around me, and growing myself as a person seem like legitimate ways to grow closer to God. If I can have a healthy relationship with my friends, who God has blessed me with, I can fully appreciate and get out of that friendship what I need and want. I use what God has taught me through books and discussions to better myself and better others. Doesn’t that make more sense than just sitting down and opening up my Bible to a random verse on a random page? I’m continuing to really think/pray about this and figure out what I should do and what God would want from me as an individual. Hopefully this group will take me to a place that I can grow even more and I can find God in places I don’t expect.