Women Friends... Where are They? I Don't Know, I Don't Know...

I hate being different. I've always gone against the grain and don't tend to follow what the crowd is doing, especially not before meticulously analyzing and scrutinizing everything people do and say. I've tended to live my own life, trying desperately to find myself in the meantime. I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I know who I am, what I believe, and what kind of person I want to be.
However, not everyone is like that. And not everyone likes people who question things and don't take things at face value. Especially in church groups, where the default viewpoint is one of being conservative and traditional, I really butt heads with that one.
I don't like people telling me to believe something "just because I should" and to do something "just because it's always been done." I push against that and question it and ask WHY am I doing it or believing it. If I can be given a good, well-explained answer, or if I do the research myself for what I should do/believe, then I'll do it. I'll put the time and effort into understanding why I do and believe what I do and believe. But again, not everyone is like that. They believe it because that's what the preacher guy says, what their parents did and taught, and because everyone else is doing it. And if you ask them why, they don't have a very clear understanding or explanation... which frustrates me to no end. I may not understand or know everything, but I'm willing to research it if I'm asked and question it and roll it around in my mind and talk about it till I'm blue in the face. I don't like pat answers or the ones that everyone always gives. I want to push people, question them, stretch them (which, in turn, stretches me), but people are uncomfortable with that, usually, and I end up repelling people because I come on too strong. And as a woman, a strong woman in certain circles and to certain women is intimidating... I hate being intimidating. But I can't help it.
And when it comes to interacting with people, I love interacting and talking and digging deeper but, honestly, I'd much rather sit back at a party/get-together and just watch people and listen. Thankfully that is no longer my default excuse for not talking in a group, but observing, questioning, analyzing, speculating is what I do best and enjoy the most. I can leave a party with a pretty good idea of who people are, what their marriage is like, and what kind of person they really are.
But again, most people aren't like that. And they like being the same, not standing out, not voicing their true personality. And they get defensive when those ideas that are the "same" are questioned or even shaken... and I like to question and shake... which leaves me a bit on my own. And I believe this is why my friendships with other women have been few and far between. I've had a few good ones, but they were with other women who tended to think like I do.
So that's what's difficult about our current Bible study... I don't think anyone thinks like I (we [being me and Michael]) do, and the women/wives of the group tend to act like they wear "happy masks" (ex. one woman claimed that in over a year of marriage have never had a single fight.........) and don't tend to bear their true souls. And they don't think like I do. Being friends with them will be a challenge, some more than others, and I'm hoping that the deep-rooted beliefs that we hold onto wont come in the middle of our friendship. But if we both can't be open to others' beliefs, it's doomed to fail from the beginning. So I have to have an open mind, and hope and pray that they can too without judgment or condemnation. It's going to be hard and going to stretch me, and I'm hoping I can stick through it instead of taking the "flight" side of conflict and difficult situations. These couples have the potential to be great, long-lasting friendships, but getting through the hard times and the disagreements is what will test and strengthen them... if we can get through those times...
So please pray for me as I embark on this journey to try to establish friendships with women who may not be "comfortable" and the same as me-- that we can learn from each other and grow together. Because I desperately need those female friendships!