That's "Graduate" Katie to You!

I would like to announce that I have officially GRADUATED from Colorado State University!!!!

I Will Miss....

It's getting down to the wire. I have only one paper to finish (I'm doing this instead of writing my conclusion...) and one more final on Thursday and I am home free! I will become a college graduate on Friday at 7:30pm! I can't wait!
But, before that happens, I have to finish my paper, take my test, and finish packing up my room to move home. I also need to say my last goodbyes to people, who I know I'll see again but definitely not half as much when I move. That's probably the hardest part. I'm excited to move and get on with the next phase of life, but that means leaving part of my past behind. I'm no longer a student (so when it asks for an occupation, which box do I check? I've been marking "student" for the last 16 years!). I don't have to go to class, take tests, write papers... wait, why am I sad to leave that? Well, I don't get a 3 month summer break, a 4-week winter break, or spring break... I will miss that... maybe I want to be a teacher-- hahahaha that's funny! NO WAY!
But the friendships I've made with people up in Fort Collins have been the best I could have ever asked for. They all helped shape me and mold me into the woman I am today. I have had friends (and roommates) come and go, but some have stuck around all 3 1/2 years.
So here is my shout-out to those friends who I will miss greatly and forever treasure:
My friend, and two-year roommate, Holly, has been a greater blessing to me than I could have ever imagined. We've had our ups and downs, as true friendships should, but through it all she has been there for me and I value her friendship so highly. She loves me for me and even though we can be so different we are so much the same. We love to laugh and talk, and I will miss our late-night chats in the bathroom after we've long been finished getting ready for bed. Thankfully she is moving to Denver as well after she graduates in May so I will hopefully get to see her more!
As most of you who read my blog also read David and Makeesha Fisher's blogs, you'll know who I'm talking about! They have been the best of friends to me and Michael. For me, they were the ones who helped me find my own faith and my own voice about what I believed. They believed in me and encouraged me to be all that I can and will be. It's crazy to think about that I've known them for 2 1/2 years! We have been through so much and we have been there for each other through it all. I would not be the strong woman I am today if it was not for the help and prayer and encouragement of Makeesha. I will miss coming over to knit and watch "Psych" or "Numbers" on a lazy afternoon! I will especially miss that you are just a short bike ride away! I love you guys!
And of course, I can't forget my sister who is also at CSU. It has been an awesome experience being at the same school with her and watching her develop into the woman she is becoming. I will miss our sister days like crazy! When LOST comes back on, I will feel lost (hehehe) without her sitting right next to me! I will no longer be able to go over to her house every Monday to sit and distract her when she's trying to do her homework, and she wont come over every Wednesday to do her laundry. She is my best friend and knows me better than anyone! I will miss her laugh (for those of you who have never heard it, you're missing out on the most contagious and fun laugh ever!) and her insights and her loving, graceful, beautiful heart. I'm actually excited we get to spend all of Christmas break together before we have to part ways.
And last but not least is my life-long friend, Ali. We have been friends since we were 2 years old and we came to CSU and we have continued our friendship over these last few years. We know each other so well and can tell each other anything. I will miss hanging out with her and laughing and spending time with her! I will really miss her when she moves to Virginia after she gets married this summer!!! It will be so weird not having her nearby!
As well as people, I will also miss a few other things in Fort Collins:
- The endless variety of independent coffee shops, including one that's open 24 hours!
- Old Town
- Pizza delivery until 3am
- The small-town feel
- The laid-back feel
- How environmentally conscious everyone is
- Local breweries at every turn
- Independently owned stores all over the place
- Barista-ing at Everyday Joes
- And the whole experience and feel of being in Fort Collins... it's truly a relaxing, happy feeling!

Because I listed the things and people that I will miss, I thought it would be appropriate to list what I will not miss:
- the train that runs through the middle of town, blowing the horn so loud you can hear it miles away
- finals
- everything having to do with school... except for the learning part-- if only I went to a school where tests and papers didn't exist!
- Geese everywhere
- Campus traffic
- Stupid bikers
- Stupid pedestrians
- Did I mention the train? Cuz I hate the train!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I'm excited to move, but as you can see, I am leaving behind a lot of awesome, great, wonderful people and experiences! Good-bye Fort Collins, I love you!

So Many Questions, So Few Answers

At the church I attend in Denver, they have been doing a series on doubt. It's been a very meaningful series and has made me think a lot. My biggest struggle was the fact that I felt that I did not have any real doubts. But as this series continued and as I would think about the sermons during the week, I realized there were some deep doubts and major questions and struggles that I have. The biggest one I have always seemed to struggle with is friendships. I've always had friends, it's keeping them that is my problem. It seemed every year of school I would lose my friends to some extenuating circumstances-- moving away, leaving the school, etc. So each school year I would have to start from scratch at finding new friends. I would through the doors on the first day of school friendless, and thankfully God blessed me by finding great friends during that year. Unfortunately, more times than not, at the end of the year, something would happen (or nothing, but the friendship would be over for whatever reason) and the process would happen all over again. That is how I've seen God work in my life to bring me great friends every year, but the questions I still have are: "Why did they have to end? Why did I have to start over fresh every year? Why can't I hold onto these friendships? Were they even real friends?" To go along with that, not only did I have friendships end, they ended badly. They didn't just move on or fade out, but they actually ended with hurt feelings and resentment-- reasons I could point my finger to and still have lingering hurt from. They have been friendships that I thought were deep and possibly life-long. I spent an entire summer after high school having to deal with this-- let's just say I hate when it happens again. So when it does happen again, I realized I turn to God and ask, "WHY!?!? Why me? Why again? I thought this was a one-time...two-time... thing!" How can God, when He knows how important friendships are to me, how much I struggle with them, and how important fellowship is in general, let friendships end terribly or people let you down or betray you? If it is something that I'm doing (since I am the common denominator in all those failed-friendships) why can't I figure out what it is? Why do I have to keep going through this? I understand friendships ending naturally or gradually, but why must some end with such hurt or bitterness? I have tried to reconcile with people from my past and even though we forgave each other and talked honestly with each other, there is still hurt there-- even after 3 1/2 years! Where is the love and grace that God promises? These were church people and they left my high-and-dry... How could God let someone who was a leader and those who said they loved God treat someone so terribly? How could my heart endure that kind of pain? That kind of abandonment?

And this goes for church-relationships as well. I have been a part of numerous churches and all seemed to end badly. It wasn't just a "oh, I'm leaving because of ___ (a non-issue like leaving for college)" but a "the people in this church hate me/ignore me/patronize me/etc." Is there something I'm doing to have no choice but to leave every church I attend? It's a bit heart-breaking when I'm suddenly not accepted where I was loved the day before.
Another issue I have is why the church so divided. This is my biggest question when it comes to church. When the message of Jesus was pretty simple, why are there countless churches on every street corner, each one pretty much at war with one another over minute, mundane details and interpretations? I had a discussion with a guy my sister and I barista with about church divisions. He talked about how in Acts (I think) there were tons of churches, but they were all united under one cause and one reason. There were only different ones because of location, not differing beliefs. And yet, over time, different churches came to mean you had to have xyz belief and think those with abc belief are stupid, ignorant, devil-worshiping, blasphemist, going straight to hell ... you fill in the blank. I can't understand when every Christian church says they love God and are following the teachings of Jesus and yet are so full of hate or disdain or prejudice. Is it possible for us all to be right? Or are we all wrong? Are there people who are doing things right? Is it possible to be doing it all right when we're also doing it all wrong? Is there an absolute right and absolute wrongs?

I don't think there are any answers for any of my endless questions. But that is what is great-- I can ask the questions, process them, research them, discuss them, etc. I just can't let those doubts lead me away from God but towards Him. God is a mystery and we are fallen people... that's the most important thing to remember!

Wow! And here I thought I didn't have any doubts or questions... This post was a lot more exposing and deep that I anticipated. Well, this is what I'm dealing with! Life's all about being real, right? Well, I'm trying to work every day to understand and be drawn closer to God through my struggles and my questions. I pray that God reveals Himself to me, and to others who have questions and struggles weighing on their hearts. I pray that God can take away the hurt and the pain, and replace it with love and compassion... not an easy process by any means.

The Happenings of Thanksgiving Week

I just got back to school from a week-long Thanksgiving break. It was wonderful, even with the few family drama issues! At the beginning, me, my sister, her roommate who stayed with us all week, and Michael went to the Denver Film Festival. My dad prints their programs so we got ticket vouchers to go see a movie. We had a blast (after we wandered around trying to find the theater)! We went out to dinner and then went to the movie, all dressed up and feeling hott! The movie was about a grandma who finds a job working at a sex-shop to earn money to pay for her grandson's much-needed medical treatment. It was awkward at times (as you can imagine), but really well done! We all enjoyed it-- you can't go wrong with a great character-development movie ;-) (My sister and I are in the middle... her roommate is on the left, and Michael (obviously) is on the right)
I then spent the week hanging out with my parents and my sister and her roommate. We chatted, watched movies, helped cook, went grocery shopping... the time flew!
Thanksgiving came and we had some long-time family friends over for dinner. We had delicious turkey (and that's a lot for me to say since I'm not a big fan of turkey-- I'd rather have ham any day) and all the "usual" side dishes. But when it's "usual" it means my mom found an even better recipe that melts in your mouth! We then spent the evening playing card games which actually ended up being evenly scored (GO me and Brittany!)! (In the picture-- (left to right: me, Michael, Ali, Taryn, Brittany, and Jill)
It's a lifelong tradition of our family to trek out like the Griswolds and cut down our Christmas tree. Thankfully we have always remembered our saw ;-) This year, however, my sister and I managed to lose our parents in the forest. While we were picking up pine cones and putting them in each other's hood (while laughing uncontrollably!) we thought we were following our parents' tree-dragging trail. Well, when we got to the car and my parents were not there, we realized we'd followed the wrong tree line (except that we ended up by our car... weird). Our parents finally walked up--even after we went searching for them in the forest and still ended up at the car again-- thankful that their dread of my sister and I sitting in the snow crying and hungry, being nibbled on by a bear was not true. We (being my dad) tied up the tree to the top of the car and we drove to the volunteer fire station that we go to every year to get some hot chocolate. While we were there, Mrs. Claus dragged our whole family over to Santa Claus' lap to take a picture! (I have a confession-- that was the first time I've ever sat on Santa's lap in my entire life! I've always been terrified of Santa so my sister and I never went near him!) As we were waiting for our picture to develop we read an article about this particular Santa and how he is the real deal. Thirteen years ago, he heard about families who were not going to have a real Christmas because they didn't have enough money. So, on Christmas morning, he dressed up in a Santa suit and went and took presents to the families. He paid for it out of his own pocket and continues to do it every year! What an awesome example of what one man can do to impact other people's lives!!
So other than that, I just relaxed and spent some quality time with my family. Oh, and we finally found a wedding venue location!!! YAY! We're all super-excited about it! Anyway, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! I thought I'd end this with a brief list of what I'm thankful for this year:
- Loyal friends
- Love of friends and family
- My sister (and the fact that she's up at CSU with me)
- Michael
- Making a real difference
- God working in my life
- TV shows... my guilty pleasure ;-)
- Movies... another guilty pleasure...
- Ice cream... my absolute guilty pleasure!
- The blessing my aunt gives my sister and I every month
- The safety of my Marine boys
- Change, even though it's really hard
- The endless possibilities for my future
- Sunsets
- And the everyday blessings God gives me!

HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!

Denver Here I Come!

I have written quite a few blogs about moving to London... well, that's not gonna happen for a while. God finally placed a peace on my heart about not going right away. I still have the desire to go, so after Michael and I are married for a couple years (and he finishes school), we'll re-evaluate our situation. In the meantime, I have made the decision to move down to Denver, CO. It's about an hour and a half south of Fort Collins, where I currently reside. I will graduate on December 15th and move home with my parents. I love my parents, so it hopefully wont be too bad! Also, Michael is already in Denver at least 3 days out of the week, and there are a LOT more work opportunities for me down there!

We have had to make the difficult decision to leave Fort Collins, our friends, and our church. But God is taking us on a journey that requires sacrifice and obedience-- and we want to be as aligned with God's will as we possibly can. We have already been talking about how we will take the ideals and callings that we have learned about and heard from God to our new surroundings. We want to continue to be missional to those around us, to live in a community where we can connect with as many people as possible, and to find a church that will continue to help us grow and connect. We also want a church that encourages their attendees to go out and reach their communities.

Well, for Easter this last year, Michael and I went with my dad (it was snowing really hard so my mom decided to stay home and sit by the fire) to the church they attend. We absolutely loved it! So we have started attending that church and have begun to get connected there. We joined the young marrieds group at the church, because once we're married we're no longer single (so we can't join that group) and we wont be in college (can't join that group either). There are a lot of groups, but we see it as an opportunity to get to know even more people! The young marrieds group has actually been a real blessing to us. We read this book called "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail" by John Gottman. I would highly recommend it for anyone, no matter how long or short they've been together. It has amazing insight and helps couples realize parts of themselves and their marriage, and most importantly how they fight, and helps couples fix those problems. The group and the book have been very good for us as we are trying to learn and grow as much as possible before we tie the knot. Hearing couples talk about the struggles they have, what they fight about, how they deal with difficult issues, and being real with one another has been more beneficial than we could have ever imagined. We have also found other Christian friends. Both Michael and I have struggled with having friends, so having a place where we can connect with others who are in a similar situation in life is very exciting! We're by far the youngest people there and the only engaged couple ;-) Thankfully the leaders of the group were more than willing to let us join the group as an engaged couple!
We are excited to start the next phase of our lives and see where God takes us and see who He sends along in our lives. There will be more updates as moving actually happens (I'm trying to pack and take stuff home early so I don't have a recreation of what happened this summer!) and when the wedding gets closer! So now I gotta go find a job... what fun!

The best Halloween EVER!

I'm sitting here, my mind is a complete blank. I have just finished giving a 2-hour presentation for my senior seminar class. I have spent at least 15 hours outside of class working on this project, as well as spending a majority of the semester learning about said project. I have written a 4-page research paper, to go along with the project. We also had to write a grant presentation-- complete with cover letter, sub-headings, a budget, an appendix, and over 60 references in our bibliograpgy... needless to say, I'm wiped! But now it is done! I can go home and relax and not have to worry about it ever again! And now I can actually have a life!I don't think I've hung out with anyone for the last 2 or 3 weeks because every waking moment was consumed by this stupid project! So friends, I have not forgotten about you... Now on to normal life! Everyone celebrate in my honor! (Hey, it's an excuse to have a party!) And it's halloween today! Chocolate here I come! Oh, and a Rio margarita! ;-) Happy Halloween, everyone!

The Missing Movie Scene

I LOVE the BBC/A&E version of "Pride and Prejudice"! My family loves the movie(s) (there are 6 parts to it, for those of you who have never seen it) as well. We are actually going to introduce Michael to it this weekend. (Kiera Knightly is a disgrace to the name Elizabeth Bennett, in case anyone was wondering what my opinion of her was...) Anyway, here is a funny story that involves the beloved movie! Hopefully the humor of it comes through typing it. So here is the story of the missing movie scene.
I was sitting at home this last weekend when my mother called me. Not a strange occurrence, since we talk for hours on the phone all the time. However, when I picked up the phone, she sounded distressed. Here's how the conversation went:
"Hey mom! What's up?"
"Are you at home?"
"Yes"
"I need you to do me a favor. A part from Pride and Prejudice is missing from my copy and I need you to see if yours has it."
--pause, time to try to understand what my mother had said--
"What? How is it missing?"
"I don't know! I watched the scene over and over and it's not there! I need you to watch yours and see if it's missing as well."
--I watch. It's right where it should be. I call her back--
"Mom, it's there"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is! It's the first scene of the fifth one"
--she watches--
"Well, now I feel stupid. I can't imagine what the BBC people think of me."
"Did you email them?"
"Yes! I complained that I got a faulty copy!"
--lots of laughter--
The end.

And that was the case of the missing scene of the movie! Hope it gave you a laugh. And thank goodness for fellow movie-obsessors to help in times of crisis!

Holding Signs on a Street Corner

I wrote a post recently on Jason Clark's blog about being intolerant of the intolerant. I mentioned that it is important to confront those people and love them just the same. Well, I've realized over the past few days that there is a certain group of people I actually have a very hard time finding the capacity to love. If you've read my blog, you know that loving others is a big deal to me. But I have found my weak-spot. At church on Sunday, they showed a short clip of pictures from rallies (mostly to do with anti-homosexuality), church signs, etc. about repentance, and any sort of hateful agenda. Looking at those pictures made me sick to my stomach. There was a picture of a little girl-- she couldn't have been more that 10-- holding a sign that said "Got AIDS yet?" I just about threw up. It outraged me! And the thought struck me-- I'm feeling hateful towards the hateful. I will say that the tactics of some of the churches-- like putting those clear letters up to make a statement on their church's sign-- are just ineffective and useless. But what about the people standing on the street corner with a sign full of lists of people who they think are condemned and going to hell? And then turning around and telling them that God loves them and wants to save them... I'm missing the connection. How would throwing hate towards someone want to make them convert or even consider repenting for whatever sins they have? I wouldn't want to be part of that religion, that's for sure.
My mom said a very interesting thing about the clip and the whole idea of people (meaning Christians) acting that way-- it's embarrassing and humiliating as a Christian to see others do that under the label of "Christianity." Being a "Christ follower" is a much better label for myself and others that I know. When non-Christians hear that someone is a Christian, they put them into the group with the sign-holders and hate-throwers. Our faith and religion are supposed to be about love, and yet has become labeled with hate. There is something drastically wrong with that. We have gotten so far away from what Jesus originally called us to do. But really, how do we respond to the "Christians" who do nothing but show hate and contempt towards others? I can understand not agreeing with others' lifestyles or choices, but when hate comes into the picture, what are we supposed to do? Stand on the opposing corner with signs saying "I love you"? I'm at a loss and my heart is broken for those people. I recently watched a documentary where one of the men in it said, "They're so full of hate, they don't even realize how hateful they are." What are we, as Christ followers, supposed to do? Because just saying we need to love can only go so far... what can we do?

Who Would You Save?

I am a big fan of the band, Nickelback. Some of those more musically-inclined people may laugh at my music choice, but I love them! They have some really awesome songs! Anyway, all of this to say, I also really enjoy watching their music videos. They have some very clever and moving ones. One of my all-time favorite videos is for their song, "Savin' Me."
The song is all about giving someone a second chance and telling them that they are worth your time and energy. I love the video because it has a lot of layers and deeper thoughts and meanings you could take from it. It raises a lot of questions about yourself as well-- if I knew someone's life was in danger, would I risk mine to save them? Would I stand around to bask in the glory of my save? Would it matter who the person was-- gender, money, race, age, etc-- would I still save them? Are there those who I would refuse to save (a rapist, a prisoner, a homeless person, etc)? Are there those I know who are standing on their own ledge, screaming to be noticed and loved and told they are worth saving?
As you watch the video, think about those questions. And if nothing else, enjoy an entertaining video!



Here are the lyrics if you want to follow along:

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh, I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'
yeah, yeah

And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'

And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Guest Blog- Banging Your Head Against the Wall

I have written a guest blog again! After a conversation with my sister about what her on-campus group leader had spoken about, I wrote about the intolerance that churches teach and what we should do in response to that intolerance. People should take a stand against people's intolerance. People don't have to all agree, but they should not hate or condemn others. So go check it out! Comment away!