Who I am as a Blogger

Okay, so I haven't been blogging as much as I wish I did; and I rediscovered today how much I wish I was a lot wittier than I am and that this blog really doesn't express who I really am. I have things that go through my head constantly that I'd love to blog about, but then I know that my entire immediate family reads this blog, and who knows if my in-laws do to... I have things I want to vent about, to say, or to just verbally vomit (thank you Bridget Jones!) but my reader database limits that. I don't want to offend someone or hurt their feelings, because I've done this before through this blog, and it was heartbreaking. I want to express what I'm thinking, but I also don't want to hurt those I'm thinking about. I've also grown my google-reader to include some really funny, snotty, and interesting people; many of whom use the word... (shall I use it on my blog too?)... fuck... A LOT! It's not a crude or unintelligent way they use it. They use it when no other word will truly express what they're thinking. I tend to think of myself as an open book, unafraid of what people think, and real. I hate fake people and I refuse to be one. But I also don't feel like I'm being real here. Yes, I say what's annoying be about church and my friends, but that's only a part of who I am. I want to gripe about when my husband is being a dumb-ass (I love you, Michael!), or when my MIL is driving me insane, or when the stress of my family is just getting to be too much. I started a private blog that I use more like a journal, but I only seem to write on it when I'm extremely pissed, which isn't that often or that interesting. I want to be interesting. I want to show my true self and express myself in an honest way. So I just don't know what to do with this blog. Do I stop writing on this one and make a new one that I can write freely on (but then the same problem arises...)? Do I start an anonymous blog and write on that? GAH! I don't know! But I know where my blog currently is and who I currently am are not mixing well... I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and a side note, I just joined twitter... I know, I know, I finally caved... so come follow me and I'll follow you!

Emotionally Overloaded!

This is a short post to just let the world know that I am completely emotionally overwhelmed! We found out this week that my grandfather is extremely sick and only has a few days left to live. After crying in front of dozens (if not hundreds) of strangers today at lunch, I decided I needed to go out to California to visit him one last time to say good-bye. If there's anything I learned in my HDFS studies at CSU, it's that closure is extremely important and unresolved issues don't easily go away.
So I booked my ticket and am flying out bright and early tomorrow and will get back Sunday morning to have some sort of modified Easter brunch with my hubby, dad, and possibly my sis.
So if you're the praying type, keep me in your prayers as I go deal with things that I don't like to emotionally deal with and say good-bye to my grandfather.

P.S. Ali, if San Diego were any closer I'd come visit... unfortunately it'll have to wait till November :-(