The Case of the Blog Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog because I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them and process them here. I wrote about life, and about church, the Bible, Christians, and theology. But as my life has calmed down a bit more and become a bit more routine, I find that I have less to blog about. This may be because of less material and not being around people who question things and make me think (actually, I'm pretty sure that's a huge part), but it may be that my life has changed and I'm in a different place than I was when I started this blog.
But what do I do? I don't want to solely write about "Christian-y" things, but I also don't want to just write about my life-- I don't do that much that anyone (including myself) would want to read about. The first post would be this: "I sat at work today. I didn't do much. Mark told me he is running checks on Wednesday. I got a free water bottle. Michael picked me up to go to my parents' for dinner. The end."
Do things change when you have children, because you can speak on your child and how you raise them? I thought getting married would create more to talk about with marriage philosophy but I find that I read more about what other people think than I do any personal processing. I know where I stand, so I don't have much to process about. I don't feel conflict about it-- I actually read more and get more emotion evoked by others who are in the more traditional camp. But I don't want this blog to be all about bashing others' views and pointing out why I disagree with others. That just sounds boring. If it's applicable to something in my current situation, I might talk about it, but it definitely can't be my focus. I don't have kids, so that's out of the question. I have a niece, but we don't see her that often, and I also don't think anyone wants to hear about my thoughts on someone else's kid...
So I'm here with no motivation and no clear direction. Has blogging for me come to an end? I know of maybe two or three people who read my blog who aren't related to me (and even the ones related to me aren't avid readers). But is a large audience my focus? Why even blog in the first place?
So I guess this is my explanation as to why my blogs lately have seemed to lack "oomph" and passion... because I don't know what passion I have to give. I will be thinking about this more and maybe even trying out a new way/reason to blog, or just write when something is on my mind. I really don't know. But I know that blogging has led me to "meet" new people, interact with them and get to know them, as well as really process how I'm feeling/thinking about something, or just sharing what's on my heart. So, those of you who do read my blog, bear with me and I will soon figure this all out. (And a big thanks to those who do read and comment-- it really means a lot to me. And if you're a reader and have never commented, please, let me know you're there-- I'd love to get to know you!)
Thanks for the patience!

Book Opinions

Okay, I need people's opinion on a couple of books.

First, in our young marrieds group, we started reading the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (how do you pronounce that??). It sounds like a good enough book, it definitely sparked a good discussion in our group on Sunday, but something was always nagging at me. For one, it's printed by Focus on the Family-- and I'm more apt to disagree with a majority of the things they teach, but I let that slide. I also know nothing of the author and his views of life and marriage, and couldn't find anything online about it, but I still wasn't convinced. I was on guard, but nothing I was seeing or hearing was showing me that I would not enjoy and (especially) agree with the book. But then lo and behold, I was reading through my google reader and came upon a blog by Complegalitarian that stated this about the book:

I also encourage you to read Love and Respect because it is the complementarian book that has the most thorough discussion of domain-based authority. In fact, it is this discussion that convicted me. For example, Emerson points out that men and women tend to view careers very differently. Women typically view work outside the home as a choice, while men view it as a fundamental responsibility. (This thinking came through on Complegalitarian blog a couple of weeks ago, in Wayne's "what is a Christian feminist" post. Women wanted the right to choose whether they worked and the right to choose the military. Yet, none of them expressed a willingness to assume primary responsibility for supporting a family or defending their country.) Male authority in marriage follows logically from this responsibility to protect and provide. Of all the complementarian books that have attempted to answer the “why does God command me to submit to my husband when I know we’re equals” question, it is Emerson’s discussion of responsibility and authority that I found to be compelling.

I have to admit, that scares me a bit. I worry when someone is "convinced" about traditional ideas. I understand that people want to learn more about it, and it is a bit unfair of me because I try to "convince" others about egalitarianism. And the idea of "domain-based authority" just makes my skin crawl. But what the bigger issue is, is that I haven't read the book, nor have I bought it yet, but I don't want to buy a book that I am going to spend my time yelling at and wanting to throw across the room because of the things I disagree with (I've done that with "women's Bible study" books).
However, I can also see that the author may talk about more traditional ways of conducting marriage, but it's not the focus of the book... I just don't know what to think about it. Because I also resist strongly (and usually gets me into trouble) when people try to put me (and especially me as a woman) into a box and call it "all women." (And "all men" for that matter. Michael rarely fits into the "Christian man" box.)
Anyway, all that to say, I'm worried that this book will cause me and Michael to implode and have to be the "weirdos" because we don't agree with it. But if it's a subtle message, I think I might be able to handle it if the overall message is okay.... but is it? Please, anyone who's read it, tell me what it's like before I go out and buy it (and possibly end up burning it).

There is another opinion I need. My sister-in-law mentioned to me that she wants a good book on faith, spirituality, and dealing with life. I'm coming up short (ha-ha everyone laugh... cuz I'm short...) with ideas and I don't know what book to get her. She's not a big reader, so she doesn't need anything too theological or anything like that. She just needs something simple, encouraging, and educational. Any suggestions? Any books you have liked in the past (or present) that she might find something in? Please give me all the suggestions you can!

Thanks for everyone's help!

Personal Growth

Personal growth... oh what a fun ordeal... NOT! It's been amazing how much self-realization has occurred since Michael and I got married. We have changed and adapted and grown in the course of almost (Wednesday) 7 months. Michael and I are growing as individuals, as well as a couple, and it's been amazing to look back and see the changes that have happened. But it's not fun to look ahead and see the changes that still need to be made. Michael and I are changing and growing and it's strengthening our relationship. We're becoming stronger, and we're becoming more aware of how what we do/say effects other people, especially each other. It's not always fun, but it is definitely necessary!

Women Friends... Where are They? I Don't Know, I Don't Know...

I hate being different. I've always gone against the grain and don't tend to follow what the crowd is doing, especially not before meticulously analyzing and scrutinizing everything people do and say. I've tended to live my own life, trying desperately to find myself in the meantime. I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I know who I am, what I believe, and what kind of person I want to be.
However, not everyone is like that. And not everyone likes people who question things and don't take things at face value. Especially in church groups, where the default viewpoint is one of being conservative and traditional, I really butt heads with that one.
I don't like people telling me to believe something "just because I should" and to do something "just because it's always been done." I push against that and question it and ask WHY am I doing it or believing it. If I can be given a good, well-explained answer, or if I do the research myself for what I should do/believe, then I'll do it. I'll put the time and effort into understanding why I do and believe what I do and believe. But again, not everyone is like that. They believe it because that's what the preacher guy says, what their parents did and taught, and because everyone else is doing it. And if you ask them why, they don't have a very clear understanding or explanation... which frustrates me to no end. I may not understand or know everything, but I'm willing to research it if I'm asked and question it and roll it around in my mind and talk about it till I'm blue in the face. I don't like pat answers or the ones that everyone always gives. I want to push people, question them, stretch them (which, in turn, stretches me), but people are uncomfortable with that, usually, and I end up repelling people because I come on too strong. And as a woman, a strong woman in certain circles and to certain women is intimidating... I hate being intimidating. But I can't help it.
And when it comes to interacting with people, I love interacting and talking and digging deeper but, honestly, I'd much rather sit back at a party/get-together and just watch people and listen. Thankfully that is no longer my default excuse for not talking in a group, but observing, questioning, analyzing, speculating is what I do best and enjoy the most. I can leave a party with a pretty good idea of who people are, what their marriage is like, and what kind of person they really are.
But again, most people aren't like that. And they like being the same, not standing out, not voicing their true personality. And they get defensive when those ideas that are the "same" are questioned or even shaken... and I like to question and shake... which leaves me a bit on my own. And I believe this is why my friendships with other women have been few and far between. I've had a few good ones, but they were with other women who tended to think like I do.
So that's what's difficult about our current Bible study... I don't think anyone thinks like I (we [being me and Michael]) do, and the women/wives of the group tend to act like they wear "happy masks" (ex. one woman claimed that in over a year of marriage have never had a single fight.........) and don't tend to bear their true souls. And they don't think like I do. Being friends with them will be a challenge, some more than others, and I'm hoping that the deep-rooted beliefs that we hold onto wont come in the middle of our friendship. But if we both can't be open to others' beliefs, it's doomed to fail from the beginning. So I have to have an open mind, and hope and pray that they can too without judgment or condemnation. It's going to be hard and going to stretch me, and I'm hoping I can stick through it instead of taking the "flight" side of conflict and difficult situations. These couples have the potential to be great, long-lasting friendships, but getting through the hard times and the disagreements is what will test and strengthen them... if we can get through those times...
So please pray for me as I embark on this journey to try to establish friendships with women who may not be "comfortable" and the same as me-- that we can learn from each other and grow together. Because I desperately need those female friendships!

Marriage Vacation

Vacation is fun... this is something I learned this weekend in Breckenridge, Colorado! Michael and I took a long weekend and drove a mere hour and a half into the mountains and spent the entire weekend together enjoying a mountain/ski-town that neither one of us had ever been to.
It was fabulous! We were able to go because of the blessing of extra money in the bank account, so we were able to let loose and just enjoy each other's company while surrounded by God's beautiful creation.
We ate yummy food, drank yummy beer (yes, I found a beer I like!), and ate delicious organic Swiss chocolate fondue. What more could you ask for?
It was a great time to focus on us and really continue to connect as a married couple. We were able to smooth out a few kinks that had cropped up...
I wish we had the money to get away at least once a month, but alas, that is not possible. But we will definitely have to have nights like we did where we enjoy each other's company, talk about how we're feeling, and just be together without anything or anyone else distracting us.
And if you've never been to Breck, I would highly recommend it... well, I can't say anything about how it is in high ski season, but the off season is a great time to relax and hang with the locals! (Oh, and it's hit or miss about how much snow is present to go snowshoeing... we missed...)