The Countdown Begins

It's a mere 27 days until the wedding... needless to say, stress is running high. Thankfully, our biggest stress has been taken care of-- we've found a place to live! We are living in a basement apartment of the neighborhood pastor of our church. Sounds weird, but we really like her and her husband, so we're excited. The neighborhood it's in is also fabulous! We were really sad to leave Fort Collins because we loved the feel of the neighborhoods, Old Town, and the laid-back attitude of everyone. Well, last night we were driving home from the pre-marrieds group held at our future residence and found an area just like Old Town Fort Collins. It had a lot of independent shops, it was close to the house (walking/biking distance), and just so cute!
So speaking of wedding and marriage, the issue of roles and responsibilities has come up. Michael and I have talked extensively about it and have an understanding of what is expected of each other. We have agreed on it being egalitarian-- that we are equals in every part of the relationship. But how will that work out? What makes it that different than other relationships? It seems so normal to be equals and that we'd make decisions and be no one being a "leader"-- that we play to our strengths and can come together when one person is struggling.
If I happen to be stronger in prayer than Michael, it shouldn't be expected that just because he is a man, that he should be "in charge" and the initiator of any prayer we say. And I'll be the first to say how insightful and wise Michael is when it comes to the Bible and discussions-- but it's not because he's a man, but because God has blessed him with that gift. But sometimes, one of us may be feeling down or struggling in an area of our lives and the other person may become more insightful or more initiative with prayer.
We go through seasons, and if there is no expectation that one person must be the one to fulfill some duty or responsibility, then there is more freedom and openness and intimacy that can be achieved in the relationship. I would think that if a man thinks that it is his job and sole responsibility to be the leader, whether spiritual or "of the house," it puts so much stress on fulfilling that duty instead of being able to go with the flow and be able to be humble in not being the leader all the time. But to each his own, I guess. It's not the kind of relationship for us, but I guess it can work for some people. So wish us luck as we get closer to the wedding! It seems so far away yet so close!

"Across the Universe" is my New Favorite Movie

I have become obsessed with the movie and soundtrack of "Across the Universe"! I love the artistic side of the movie, as well as the story, and of course, the music-- you can't go wrong with all Beatles all the time! I'm listening to the soundtrack right now! "Strawberry Fields" is one of my favorite songs on the the cd as well as the scene in the movie is my favorite scene!! It's so haunting and dramatic and symbolic and just awesome! So if you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend it, even if you know nothing about Beatles' music. But you have to appreciate artsy movies... that's the only requirement. Go see it!

Wonderful Words of Women

I'm just going to be all over the board here cuz I have had so many things I've wanted to write about but no time to do so!
So I bought myself a Christmas gift-- lame, I know-- but I had bought it for a friend and I wanted one too! It was a day-by-day calendar, one where you rip off a page every day (what kind of tree-hugger am I?). Well it's called "Wild Words from Wild Women"-- totally up my alley! Most of the quotes aren't interesting or funny, actually they can be pretty disappointing at times, but there have been some really good ones. All this to say, I'd like to share some of my favorites so far! There's no rhyme or reason why I chose these, some made me laugh, some were inspirational, and some just struck me!

"If someone said, 'write a sentence about your life,' I'd write, 'I want to go outside and play.'" -Jenna Elfman (Jan. 6, 2008)

"If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?" -Jenny Weber (Jan. 10, 2008)

"I am convinced that there are times in everybody's experience when there is so much to be done, that the only way to do it is to sit down and do nothing." -Fanny Fern (Jan. 17, 2008)

"Money isn't everything... but it ranks right up there with oxygen." -Rita Davenport (Jan. 24, 2008)

"The future is made of the same stuff as the present." -Simone Weil (Jan. 26, 2008)

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." -Mary O'Connor (Feb. 2, 2008)

"All talk of women's rights is moonshine. Women have every right. They have only to exercise them." -Victoria Woodhull (Feb. 9, 2008)

I hope you enjoyed some good quotes for the day :-)

Guest Blog- Is Grace That Amazing?

This is a little belated (unfortunately, continued job searching for a better job takes priority over blogging) but I posted a blog on Jason Clark's blog. You can find it here. I wrote about grace and what it means in our everyday lives. I had some other thoughts that came from that blog, so I'll digest them here!
After the sermon on grace and discussing it in our young marrieds group, it was weighing heavily on my mind. Grace is a big deal to me, as well as the hardest thing for me to give. Anyway, the discussion in our group was very interesting because it all of a sudden turned from giving grace in general to needing to give grace to churches we've been to. Most of the people in the group we were in had been burned by a church (or more). We started sharing bits and pieces of our stories and we found that it's easier to give grace to other fallen people, but it seems more difficult to give it to churches who have been significant in our lives.
In my own life, and I'll try to keep this brief, the church I went to in high school really messed me up when it came to seeing the good in church. The youth pastor was selfish; he played favorites and ignored everyone else; he didn't do anything a youth pastor is supposed to do like take people out to lunch, spend quality time with people, etc.; he never invested in the students' lives; if someone disagreed with him, he treated them like shit (pardon my language)... need I go on? I've been relatively defiant my entire life. If someone says I HAVE to do something, and I don't get a good reason why or don't think it's right, I have a very hard time doing it, if at all. So needless to say, my youth pastor and I butted heads more than once. But he was my "church authority" and what he said was "right." You can guess how well that sat with me. So the only real authority that I knew in the church was false and seemed to always be wrong-- how am I supposed to deal with that? If he's always wrong, are all pastors and youth pastors wrong? Can I trust what they teach me? Is there some sort of agenda to what they say? Thankfully, that is not always true. Unfortunately, it can be, but for me, I found some wonderful churches and teachers/pastors who were not the embodiment of everything wrong with churches today.
Well, when the church I was going to during my adolescent years-- the years where identity is explored and authority is questioned and speculated-- the authority was corrupt and false. They taught harmful doctrine (especially when it came to personal relationships like dating and marriage as well as what a "good Christian" looks like) and so I was held down and manipulated with that doctrine. I'm sure you can see the the still-present hurt and pain and wounds that have come from that church.
So, in regards to grace, how can I give grace to a place that claimed to love and follow God's teaching when, in fact, was showing anything but? I know there are lots of other examples of things that were wrong and hurtful from that church, not just my own but others' experiences, as well as other churches I've been to. No church is perfect, just like the people who attend them. But when a church is supposed to be the personification of Christ-- His bride-- shouldn't there be a higher standard? How can I forgive my youth pastor whose actions cut deeper than any other wound ever has? And he represents the church I attended. Can I separate the people from the church and give grace and forgiveness to them? Can I fully embrace the fact that they (the people of the church) believe they are doing what they think God is wanting them to do and that the only real issue is that there is a disagreement of doctrine and interpretation? Well, I sure hope someone else can give them grace, because that will be a struggle for me to show grace to any church that holds people down with false and dominating doctrine. So thankfully God has grace for them, because me, a fallen sinner, cannot give it to them (yet, anyway).

The World's Most Effective Birth Control

I'm watching my cousin's children-- a 4 year-old girl and 18 month-old boy-- for 2 days. They were whiny and crabby and easy to get upset and frustrated... actually it was just the 4 year-old. Let me just say that after only a few hours, I was contemplating never ever ever having children! Once children get old enough to talk and get an attitude, they're not so cute and fun any more. But thankfully they're much better this morning after they've slept well. So I'd like to report that watching little kids for more than an hour (and sometimes less) is the most effective birth control out there! (My parents will be glad to hear that grandchildren are not in the near future).