I Never Said It Wasn't Complicated

After a Year and a Half, I'm back!

2010-10-03T12:49:00.003-06:00

I don't know if there is anyone who still reads this or is waiting to know if I'm still writing, but I wanted to let everyone know my blogging has moved to the following address:

http://makinglimoncello.wordpress.com/

See you all there!

It's Just Sleeping...

2009-07-21T16:14:00.003-06:00

So it's been a while since I last posted. As far as I'm concerned, this blog is going to sleep for a good long while. My life has completely turned upside-down, and church/God/religion has really taken a back seat to the rest of my life; so I feel that this blog is not what I need any more. But I will keep it up because I don't see the point in deleting it.
I guess I should inform my few readers (who don't already know) what is going on. My husband and I have filed for divorce. The details are not too complicated, but it is definitely for the best.
If I start writing again, I will hopefully make a new blog that will be a bit more personal. For now I need to focus on myself, what I'm feeling, and not worry about posting on any blogs for a while.
I will miss writing, so as soon as I make a new blog, I will put up a new post with the new blog address on it.
So check back here every so often, because I would suspect that I will get the blogging itch within a few months. I already have it now, but the time and energy it takes to even think about blogging gets lost in the rest of what's going on. As soon as things settle down, I will be able to focus on more than getting through all of this.
But I'm still reading blogs, so I will definitely comment on those blog-readers whose blogs I read as well! :-)
See you all in a few months!

Love vs. Like and Loving People

2009-05-11T16:34:00.003-06:00

I know I haven't written anything in, like, forever, but here are a couple thoughts that have been rolling around my head the last couple of days (but also for a while because these are big issues for me):

Thought/Question ONE:

The Bible says that God loves us, but does he like us? Because it IS possible to love someone but not like them (ie "love your enemies"), so is it possible that God doesn't like people in general, or certain people or even me?

Thought/Question TWO:

In 1 John 4:12,

if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

So... the question is: if someone loves (meaning respect, care for, honor, show grace and mercy to, etc.-- however you would define showing love) people, but is not a follower of God/Christ, does that still mean that God is in them since they are showing love and God is love?

Your thoughts...

Who I am as a Blogger

2009-04-16T16:24:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I haven't been blogging as much as I wish I did; and I rediscovered today how much I wish I was a lot wittier than I am and that this blog really doesn't express who I really am. I have things that go through my head constantly that I'd love to blog about, but then I know that my entire immediate family reads this blog, and who knows if my in-laws do to... I have things I want to vent about, to say, or to just verbally vomit (thank you Bridget Jones!) but my reader database limits that. I don't want to offend someone or hurt their feelings, because I've done this before through this blog, and it was heartbreaking. I want to express what I'm thinking, but I also don't want to hurt those I'm thinking about. I've also grown my google-reader to include some really funny, snotty, and interesting people; many of whom use the word... (shall I use it on my blog too?)... fuck... A LOT! It's not a crude or unintelligent way they use it. They use it when no other word will truly express what they're thinking. I tend to think of myself as an open book, unafraid of what people think, and real. I hate fake people and I refuse to be one. But I also don't feel like I'm being real here. Yes, I say what's annoying be about church and my friends, but that's only a part of who I am. I want to gripe about when my husband is being a dumb-ass (I love you, Michael!), or when my MIL is driving me insane, or when the stress of my family is just getting to be too much. I started a private blog that I use more like a journal, but I only seem to write on it when I'm extremely pissed, which isn't that often or that interesting. I want to be interesting. I want to show my true self and express myself in an honest way. So I just don't know what to do with this blog. Do I stop writing on this one and make a new one that I can write freely on (but then the same problem arises...)? Do I start an anonymous blog and write on that? GAH! I don't know! But I know where my blog currently is and who I currently am are not mixing well... I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and a side note, I just joined twitter... I know, I know, I finally caved... so come follow me and I'll follow you!

Emotionally Overloaded!

2009-04-09T16:51:00.002-06:00

This is a short post to just let the world know that I am completely emotionally overwhelmed! We found out this week that my grandfather is extremely sick and only has a few days left to live. After crying in front of dozens (if not hundreds) of strangers today at lunch, I decided I needed to go out to California to visit him one last time to say good-bye. If there's anything I learned in my HDFS studies at CSU, it's that closure is extremely important and unresolved issues don't easily go away.
So I booked my ticket and am flying out bright and early tomorrow and will get back Sunday morning to have some sort of modified Easter brunch with my hubby, dad, and possibly my sis.
So if you're the praying type, keep me in your prayers as I go deal with things that I don't like to emotionally deal with and say good-bye to my grandfather.

P.S. Ali, if San Diego were any closer I'd come visit... unfortunately it'll have to wait till November :-(

The Rant of a Couch-Potato

2009-03-30T13:18:00.005-06:00

I'm going through my yearly (maybe bi-monthly) crisis of identity where I start to question who I am, what I'm doing, where I am, where I'm going, who my friends are, who my family is... and it all gets jumbled around in my head and I start to close off and get frustrated with everything and everyone. Everything seems to annoy me, and people suddenly don't seem worth the time and effort.
Yesterday, Michael was playing bass for church and then went straight to a meeting, so I got to sleep in and I spent yesterday morning sitting on my couch watching stupid movies on tv, and didn't even take a shower at noon. And if I hadn't had to run errands and go to my parents' house for dinner, I probably wouldn't have moved much off the couch all day. But nothing seemed motivating. I mean, I didn't even knit while in my stupid-movie-stupor, which is surprising because knitting is something I enjoy doing while watching tv and movies! Especially when I've seen them before and I don't have to pay attention the entire time. I didn't call anyone to hang out with, because then I'd actually have to interact with people. And who to call is another question. The women I could have called were probably at church, which the thought of right now makes my stomach churn, and my other friends don't live close-by.
I guess I'm just feeling down. I went to my sister's event to raise awareness about human trafficking on Saturday through the Not For Sale campaign, so joy for life kinda left me this weekend. It was a bit more intense than I anticipated...
That event showed me, yet again, that I truly desire to live for something bigger than myself, but I don't know what that looks like. Does it mean something overseas, through a NGO, through more schooling to become a counselor of some sort? I DON'T KNOW! And it's killing me! I don't know who I want to be or what I want to live for because there are so many issues out there, and only so little time and money. I want to impact people's lives, but it's distressing to me that I don't know what that looks like for me.
I met with a friend for coffee last week, and she sat there telling me about her new vision for her life was to start a school. I have no desire to associate myself with anything in the education system, but I felt a pang of envy as she spoke about how the dream had become clear to her and she had already gotten the ball rolling by telling people about it and finding people who were interested... I sat there thinking, "I want to start something or be a part of something I'm so sure about and passionate about; if only I knew what that was." I'm excited for my friend, but at the same time, I feel depressed about it.
I wish it were me sitting at that table telling her about my new vision and purpose in life. Because right now, my only purpose is to show up to work (which I don't really enjoy), get a paycheck, and make sure Michael doesn't freak out and burn the church down. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for things to happen, but they don't, or they do but cause more waiting to happen. I waited to graduate, I then waited to get married, then I waited to figure out what the hell I was going to do for a job, then I have to wait to figure out what I really want to do with my life now that I'm making a steady paycheck, and I'm also waiting for Michael to finish school so I can possibly pursue my dream of working at a non-profit. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I want life and my dreams to finally catch up, but they seem stuck in stand-by mode.
My life is bigger than I am. I know that. I feel it deep down. But how I can express that and pursue that... that's the big question.
So thanks for listening to my processing rant. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow with a clear sense of what the hell I'm doing... or I might just have to keep waiting...

I Love My Husband, and He Loves Me!

2009-03-28T21:11:00.003-06:00

As I mentioned a few days ago, it was our one year anniversary last weekend. We had a wonderful time! We toured around Colorado Springs, ate some mediocre food, watched a movie, and went to the zoo. And best of all, we spent all of our time together. We had a bit of a hiccup at the beginning of our weekend, but we then spent the rest of the time laughing, talking, puking (oh, have I ever mentioned I'm sir-pukes-a-lot? yeah, the legacy continues...[and no, it was not because of alcohol]), eating, and taking pictures of giraffes.
And best of all, we've continued to live in our happy, lovey-dovey mode since then. Yeah, we've fought a bit, but we've spent the rest of the time really enjoying each other and loving each other. Something has changed, for the better, and we've been able to enjoy each other and love spending time together. For example, we played 20 questions today in the car while driving up to Fort Collins and laughed the whole time!
I love my husband!! We're growing together as a couple and as individuals, and I'm loving every minute of it. There have had ups and downs, even this week, but I've loved the people we've become and will become the more we continue to grow together!
I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL!!!

By The Way, I Might End Up On the Other Side of the World Someday...

2009-03-13T16:48:00.004-06:00

So the second thing--
An idea I've been tossing around in my head, and really feeling a conviction for, is to possibly end up going to Southeast Asia and helping AIDS orphans there... WHAT??!?! Me? I know! I don't consider it a "missions trip" in the traditional sense, because my purpose is not to "bring Jesus" but to bring his love through my actions... make sense? This wouldn't happen any time soon, seeing as we don't have anywhere near enough money to even start thinking about, and also, it's a joint decision and so I wouldn't feel comfortable about going anywhere without Michael feeling it too. And to explain a little more, I'm not thinking this would be a week or two trip-- I'm thinking months or years... so that's why, for now, it's an idea and a thought that I'll keep researching and considering and praying about, but now is not the time to act.
I've acted quickly before, and I didn't sit down to consider what I was wanting to do and why. But in this instance, I've been thinking about it every so often since 2 summers ago when I took a class and did a project on a home for AIDS orphans in Cambodia. Ever since then, I have had a heart for those children and have wanted to do something about it. And now I've spoken it out loud (I informed Michael of my thoughts on Sunday while we were folding laundry...), it feels a bit more real and like it might maybe happen some day.
So if you are type of person who prays, pray for me as I toss this around and really investigate and see if God really wants me there. I've never thought I was one for overseas missions, but who knows... God might have other plans for me/us! But let's take that one small step at a time, m'kay?

One Year Down, Many More to Go!

2009-03-13T16:23:00.004-06:00

Okay, so as I was writing my other post, I realized I had two things to process/tell about.
First-- next Saturday will mark the one-year anniversary of Michael's and my marriage :-D I cannot believe we've been married for A YEAR! Comparatively, that's not very long, but it's flown by, and hey, a life-long marriage has to start somewhere...
To celebrate, we're going down to Colorado Springs to tour around and spend the night at a hotel and then go snowshoeing the next day. Neither one of us has ever spent any real time down there (I know, it's sad that I'm a native and have not really been around the Springs...). But there's Garden of the Gods, the Royal Gorge, and who knows what else! And as for snowshoeing, the Springs gets dumped on all the freaking time, so I'm hoping there are some fun places to go around there.
We've been discussing anniversary gifts, and I really feel like this occasion calls for a lot more thought and sentiment than any other occasion (bday, Christmas, etc). But then again, if it's something he's passionate about, why not get him something that more resembles a birthday gift? I'm kinda torn. I have a good idea for one thing (thanks, Erin!) which I'm excited about, but it doesn't seem like enough. This is where I feel bad for Michael because women are easier to buy for-- jewelry, flowers, etc. Michael doesn't wear jewelry, he doesn't dress up for work (so cuff-links are out of the question), and he doesn't golf (so an engraved golf club is out of the question as well ;-). But we'll see what other ideas I have. I have a week to think of something!
Anyway, to be a bit more deep, it really interests me to look back on our first year of marriage and see the growth as individuals and as a couple. I can't believe the fights we had at the beginning and how much how we fight has even changed (for the better, thankfully!). We respect each other more, see each other for who we really are and still love each other just the same. We've lived life together and gone through the ups and downs and sideways. We've been there to support each other in personal lows, and rejoice in times of personal highs! I know that I can come to Michael with a fear or insecurity and I know he will help encourage me through it all and be my personal cheerleader. And I can be that for him as well.
When people say that opposites attract AND that you are one parent and you marry the other... yeah, those are both totally and completely 100% true! It's kinda freaky, actually. But the great thing is that through our differences, we can help each other grow. For instance, I'm more logical in my processing and reacting, and Michael is more emotional. At times, those differences ended up in major blow-ups, but through them I have helped Michael take a mental step back, evaluate the situation before reacting; and Michael has helped me explore and be okay with emotion and expressing it (which has been extremely hard because I HATE being out of control with my emotions... but then I am closed off... vicious cycle!) And yes, I am my mother... but I'm not complaining. I love my mom! And it's been nice to be able to go to her to seek advice on how to handle different situations with someone who is just like my dad. I have an ally and a support. It's awesome! And since Michael is just like my dad, it has helped me understand and better interact with my dad and my sister (who is also like my dad). I've gained a better understanding of how they work and how to interact in a healthy way with them. It's awesome!
And we heard from a lot of people that the first year of marriage is the hardest-- heck yes it is! I never realized how much work it would be to adjust to living with someone so different from me and learning to interact as a married couple and continue to have a healthy relationship. I'm hoping that this next year and all the years after are filled with growth, but hopefully it wont be as hard as this year was.
I love my husband and I can't wait to see what another year has in store for us! Come what may!! (That's our theme-song [this was our recession song in our wedding], as well as out motto for our relationship... just in case you were wondering)

When Life is a Bit Blah

2009-03-13T16:12:00.002-06:00

I feel like I should write something since I haven't really written anything in a while. But nothing very interesting is coming to mind. I hate to use this blog as a constant whine-fest about friends and church, but other than those two things, not much else is going on in my life. I go to work 5 days a week, try to squeeze friends somewhere in there, and pack our weekends so full, I need another weekend after my weekend is over.
Michael has started playing rugby, and his first match, game, or whatever you call it, is tomorrow. It should be interesting and I will hopefully get to know the wives of the players and we can make new friends there... hopefully...
Church is church... we enjoyed going to the other location of the church this last Sunday, but I have a feeling that the "sacred" feeling I had on Sunday was a fluke-- more than likely it was just because we were in a new place (my church owns an old, historic Jewish temple-- it's really cool!), not because anything was that different. And it sucks that because Michael works for the church, we/he HAVE to go... I hate being told I have to do something when there's no real rhyme or reason to it. But I digress.
This month is going to be a lot calmer than last month, so I'm looking forward to enjoying more nights like last night where I had absolutely nothing to do! To give you some perspective, last month we had a total of 5 days ALL MONTH that we didn't have something planned... I was constantly exhausted-- we never could sit down to rest because we had something else to do or someone else to see! So this month we only have a few things planned and are trying more than ever to keep at least one day a week open just for the two of us to be together. We'll see how that goes.
Well, that's all for now. I hope to get more inspired later... Have a fabulous weekend!

Inspriation from Esther's Courage

2009-03-08T16:36:00.006-06:00

Today is International Women's Day and I have decided to participate in the synchroblog. You can find a list of other posts here.
The topic we are asked to write about Biblical women. However, I have to admit that beyond the basic telling of most of the stories about the women of the Bible, I don't know much else about them. I know who Ruth is, I know who Mary (Jesus' mother) is, and I just recently found out really who Jezebel is. As I thought about writing this post, I tried to think about what woman I most admire from the Bible or the one who I know the most about... and no one really came to mind. Although I never went to a church that taught women were less than men, I also never really focused on a woman from the Bible unless it was to say what a Christian woman should look like (meek, kind, even on the verge of a doormat).
I started to wonder why this was that I never really heard about the women of the Bible and really dug into their stories. Is it because the men are afraid of strong women, so teaching about them makes them even more uncomfortable? Are they just as uneducated about the women of the Bible as I am? ... Truth be told, I really don't know the reason.
I admire the courage of Esther, the strength and lack of self-consciousness of Mary Magdalene, and the faith of Mary, Jesus' mother. But I don't really know about these women. Who were they, what were their lives like, what was the culture like that they were living in? However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I never really learned about anyone in the Bible with any sort of depth.
But why not focus our time and energy on realizing the amazing women who are either mentioned or even have whole books written about them? These women lived in a time where women were seen as their husband's property, right next to their cattle. And yet these women stood out and showed their strength in the face of oppression and hardship. They showed their true, beautiful selves. I wish I could be like any of the women of the Bible who had the strength to stand out from the crowd and show how amazing they are.
From the little I know of her, Esther is definitely my favorite because she not only stood out from the crowd, she had enough love and compassion to risk her own life to save a whole group of others from certain death.
I want to be like Esther-- I want to lay down my own life and desires to make life better for someone else, if not a whole group of people. To not look at the obstacles, but look at the potential for a better ending-- that's the kind of life I want to live. I hope it never comes down to me having to lay my life down for someone or something, but if it did, I pray I have the courage of Esther to do whatever it takes to change the lives of others and the world.
I hope Esther and the other women of the Bible inspire others today and throughout the year to live their lives to the fullest and to be strong in the face of oppression.

Yay! A New Place to Live!

2009-02-17T16:38:00.002-07:00

We're all moved in! I took Friday off to finish packing and we had a huge group of people come help us move on Saturday into a new apartment across town (thanks everyone!). It's bigger, more spacious, and has more storage... oh, and did I mention it's bigger? It's actually not that much bigger, but when you compare it to the shoebox we were living in, it seems humongous! It's also something we can take pride in, make our own, and really get all we can out of it. The layout is way better, as well as having vaulted ceilings, so it feels a lot more open than it really is.
The weirdest thing, however, is that there are no ceiling lights in the living room or the bedroom... so we have to go buy floor-lamps so we can see when we walk into the dark rooms. I never thought to ask about needing lamps for actual function to see in a room, but I guess you learn something new every time you move!
We're really excited about our new place, and I hope we can have everyone over to see it! If I wasn't so weary of posting pictures of where I live online, I'd post some here. But unfortunately, I have security-issue-problems.
I had the day off yesterday so we were able to get a lot more unpacked and put away, and now all we have left is to put pictures up! I'm so excited for this new phase of life and hopefully we're happy enough where we are that the next time we move will be into a house we will buy... but we'll just have to wait and see.
Praise God for a wonderful new place to live!!

I Need More Than Feel-Good Answers

2009-02-04T16:54:00.001-07:00

[I started writing this post last week, but have been adding to it little by little and it's finally finished... a week later...]

This last Tuesday was the first time in a long time that I went to a church/group/Bible study where I walked away still thinking about what we talked about… and am still thinking about. We have a weekly Bible study with 4 other couples who we are slowly but surely growing deeper with and connecting more with. This last Tuesday we discussed how to live a balanced life in this high-stress society. Michael and I both thought the discussion would end in about 5 minutes because the all we could think of to say were church-isms and feel-good answers—pray, just rest in God, etc. But those answers don’t really help when you feel up to your eyeballs in life’s chaos. Yes, there are ways to take time for yourself, but the core issue came down to what does it look like to take refuge in God and spend quality time with him when you really feel no desire to do so; no drive or pull to open your Bible or take a few minutes to pray (without falling asleep or your mind wandering). I think it’s hard to have been a Christian almost my entire life, so I’ve heard it all and seen it all, so nothing is really a new concept to me. I know what you’re “supposed” to do, but a quiet time where I sit and read my Bible for an hour every day is not going to help me grow. It’ll just make me feel bad when I don’t do it or don’t get anything out of it. I thrive off conversation, discussion, dissecting verses and context, bringing up different ideas, debating, etc. So how can I get that when I’m sitting by myself in my room, trying not to fall asleep, or take my entire lunch hour to read my Bible and feel like a legalistic Christian who’s making a point of using my time to relax and get out of the office to show the world I’m reading my Bible. Yes, I know I could use my lunch hour to read my Bible and pray, but as I said before, that bores me. But what about reading a book that is written about the Bible or about religion or something “Christian” that isn’t the Bible. I’m currently reading Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren (yes, I know I’m way behind the times) and it’s really speaking to what I’ve been feeling about the Christian church and how Christians view the world. If I’m finding purpose and seeing God in that book, is it the same as a traditional quiet time? I know reading another book can be a cop-out, but it also opens my eyes and my heart to things the Bible teaches and different ideas that people have—hence my desire for discussion and debate—I like new and different ideas, so reading really does that for me. Growing my knowledge, my understanding of the Bible and the world around me, and growing myself as a person seem like legitimate ways to grow closer to God. If I can have a healthy relationship with my friends, who God has blessed me with, I can fully appreciate and get out of that friendship what I need and want. I use what God has taught me through books and discussions to better myself and better others. Doesn’t that make more sense than just sitting down and opening up my Bible to a random verse on a random page? I’m continuing to really think/pray about this and figure out what I should do and what God would want from me as an individual. Hopefully this group will take me to a place that I can grow even more and I can find God in places I don’t expect.

Bible Study is Group Therapy

2009-02-04T16:43:00.003-07:00

So last night wasn't the disaster Michael and I envisioned. And that's a good thing. We had discussions and people asked some really good, challenging questions. It helped me dig even deeper into what I believe about marriage, roles (or the lack thereof), and my understanding of our group. Another refreshing part of the night was that one of the women in the group spoke first about what she believes about marriage and it was like she had crawled into my brain and knew exactly what I thought and felt. I've struggled to find women friends who have a similar view of marriage and men and women in general. One other woman in our group is also the same way, just not as vocal about it-- and I couldn't be more excited about it. I actually found friends who think like I do and I feel kind of at a loss of what to do because it's been so long since I've been around people like that. I don't think marriage roles/no roles will the center of every discussion I have with these women, but it at least took me to a deeper understanding and appreciation for these women. When I get frustrated in my marriage about whatever, I can expect that they will understand my thinking of marriage and give me advice/comfort accordingly. I don't have to worry about hearing "just be more loving," "the Bible calls women to submit," etc. So I'm excited to grow deeper with these friends and grow as a group. As I said before, we had great questions and I think if we continue that, we can really grow and strengthen each other as individuals, as well as a group. So, thank you Jesus for not having last night be stressful and frustrating!
(Also, I'm really working on and getting better at speaking in a group and being able to articulate myself and my thoughts in a coherent sentence/statement. Who knew this group would be like group therapy as well??)

Let's Be Adults About This... Hopefully

2009-02-03T16:43:00.005-07:00

I'm at it again. I currently find myself on the edge of impending doom... okay, it's not that dramatic, but it feels that horrifying. What I'm talking about is a "discussion" of roles of men and women in marriage... this time with people who have researched and are married so this is going to hit REALLY close to home when we disagree. We managed to get through a discussion/debate/what-have-you about abortion without anyone flying off the handle, but that seems so minor in comparison to a discussion about marriage. The roles and views of men and women strike people at their core-- the foundations of their marriage and how they conduct their lives. I have a feeling this will either end quickly because no one will want to get into it, or it's going to be a disaster. I really hope it's not a disaster AND I hope we don't just stay on the surface. But I fear that neither one is very preventable. Some people have short fuses and others say they get heated no matter what the topic is... grrreeeaaaatttt... Intense people dealing with an intense discussion. Hopefully I'll leave pleasantly surprised that people could be mature and we can go away with "we agree to disagree and we still like each other." But I'm older and viewing marriage from a much different perspective, so hopefully I can speak my point of view without being immature or condescending (I had issues with that the last time I had a "debate" about men and women and church/home).
The discussion of roles is a seemingly uncomplicated one, until you start researching for whatever side you're on, and you see how one belief about men and women has an impact on other areas of belief about men and women. I hope to learn something new tonight, as well as teach something. If nothing else, I hope we can all gain a respect for each others' marriages and/or come along side anyone who needs or wants help/encouragement.
Our group strives to be one of community and we're slowly but surely getting there. It's taken a while for people to open up and share what is really on their hearts and weighing on their minds. I want to live life with these people, and growing deeper and digging to the heart of issues is the only way we will get there. Oh, and time. I have to remember that deep relationships cannot develop overnight or even over a weekend.
Okay, I've processed enough about this. It's quite possible I will have more to say/process after the night is over. Wish me luck!

Moving, Yet Again...

2009-01-19T16:30:00.003-07:00

Michael and I are moving!! I'm so excited about it! We're moving about 15 minutes east of where we are now to an apartment complex. We've been living in a basement apartment. It gets a bit awkward because the landlord is the neighborhood pastor of our church... who is also Michael's boss. So tensions either about where we live or about his job have that added awkwardness of living underneath his boss/landlord. But we've enjoyed where we've lived but the time has come to move on. We couldn't have afforded anywhere else (besides my parents basement) when we first got married, so the apartment has definitely been a blessing. But we're both working now and can easily afford somewhere a bit bigger and a bit nicer. I think it's amazing that they have the opportunity to help people out by having apartments in their basement that they charge very little rent for (especially compared to what the apartments are worth in that neighborhood). I hope to do the same, some day down the road when we own our own house.
But as older posts have stated: I HATE MOVING! The thought of boxes and tape and labels and wrapping crap in newspaper and bubble-wrap makes my stomach churn and I feel nauseous. It helps that this moving experience isn't moving home to my parents, but to a new place that is nicer and symbolizing a new phase in our lives.
We move on Valentines Day, which I couldn't care less about moving on that "holiday" because I hate Valentines Day (don't get me started about why...). It's a great coincidence that we move in that day because I have a 3-day weekend because of Presidents Day that following Monday.
So we're starting to sort through our things and throw/give things away. The boxes have yet to come out from under the bed, because I just might have a full-blown panic attack at the sight of them... just kidding... no I'm not... I dread packing and moving, but hopefully this will be a positive experience that will overshadow past, traumatic experiences... hopefully...
And let's hope we like this place well enough that we will stay longer than a year and don't have to pack up and move all over again. It's my hope that the next time we move, we'll be moving into a house that we bought. But that's just my hope. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

I'm Wasting Away!

2009-01-13T16:14:00.003-07:00

Okay, so I'm not really wasting away, but it sure felt like it last week. I was sick for 3 days straight and hardly ate anything at all. No calorie intake=weight loss... it's a simple equation but not ideal for me. Most people enjoy the benefit of losing a pound or more after being ill, but let me let you in on a little secret-- I can't afford to lose any weight, even a single pound! Wanna know why that is? Well, it's because, naturally (and at a healthy weight) I weigh about 95 pounds. I know, I know, I'm a shrimp! My sister gets jealous about my weight and I envy her for the 6 inches of height she has on me, so there you go.
But losing weight is scary for me, as strange as that sounds. I stay at the same weight all the time because I expel as many calories as I consume on a day-to-day basis so my weight never fluctuates. So when I lose any weight, I have the absolute hardest time gaining it back because I don't overeat-- it's just not part of the way I eat-- I don't snack, and I stop eating when I'm full as opposed to when my plate is clean (strangely enough, that is a concept a lot of people don't get or understand).
So, all that to say, when I lose weight I end up worrying about how I will gain that weight back, instead of the common fear of keeping the weight off. I already lost 5 pounds last year when, stupidly, I did a cleanse with our friends that made me lose 7 pounds in 6 days-- not healthy at all! (everyone else did it for a full 10 but I couldn't afford to!) I gained 2 pounds back (just because I was putting food in my system) but have yet to recover the other 5. And then I was sick last week and lost another 2 or 3. I think I gained those back, but our scale isn't very reliable so I'm not 100% sure.
I'm not anorexic by any means-- I LOVE to eat, I just don't overeat. I eat 3 meals a day, but my stomach gets full faster than most. I've been trying to eat junk food/fatty food but it ends up grossing me out and so the whole purpose of stuffing my face to gain weight is lost. I'm not unhealthy or underweight (I don't think a doctor would be concerned, since I am 4' 11 1/2" and just all-around small-statured) even though if I had those 5 pounds back, I'd probably feel (mentally) better.
Oh, and exercising just freaks me out. I know I could gain muscle weight, but even the likelihood that exercising would make me lose even an ounce of weight terrifies me! So I'm at a loss as to what to do. I could snack more (on healthy things, of course) and try to gain weight that way, but snacking fills my stomach and so I'm not as hungry when it's mealtime... vicious circle! So I guess I'm just on here to vent about my "opposite weight problem" and see if anyone has any ideas for me or a reassurance that I would gain weight if I exercised... anyone?

Boredom Results in Blogging

2009-01-02T16:10:00.002-07:00

Yeah, you know how I said I was busy at work... well, today is not one of those days. I don't know why I didn't ask for the day off. This day is absolutely miserable! At the beginning of the day, there were only 12 people, including myself, in the office (there are usually 25). And right now there are 5... And my boss is gone so I can't ask to close down the doors and leave early. I feel like I should take Monday off just to make up for having to be here all day today. But it's days like this that I realize I could never work as a receptionist/admin. assistant my entire life. Because this isn't the first time I've had to stay all freaking day when everyone else is allowed to go home. And if I did this as my career, I would be stuck having days like this the rest of my life! And it's also days like this that I end up blogging like crazy because I have run out of things to do-- I have read everything, looked up everything, and even re-read things. I get desperate and I can't think of anything else to do!
This was a useless post, but I feel a bit annoyed that people seem to forget about me and don't consider that when there are 5 people in the office, there's no point in having our doors open (oh, and did I mention the phone has rang a total of 3 times today, and one was a wrong number... yeah, that's been my day...) and that I really don't have anything to do on days like today. Everyone else is salary and being there just in case the phone rings a 4th time is not on their priority list. So they can leave whenever they darn well please. Yeah... I could never do this as a career...

If Only She'd Take My Advice

2009-01-02T15:47:00.006-07:00

**Removed because, well, you never know when someone will happen across your blog...**

The Resolutionless New Years

2009-01-02T11:54:00.004-07:00

Happy new year! This year neither Michael nor I made resolutions. Instead, we made it a goal to try to better ourselves throughout the year and be better people at the end than we were at the beginning. As Michael said, there's no point in making a new year's resolution if you don't lead that kind of lifestyle to begin with. So this year we're going to be more generous, as well as more conscious of our spending. We want to love others as Christ loves them, and be deliberate in our actions. We have tried to that this last year, but want to be even more intentional and deliberate in our actions this year. We want it to become a lifestyle, not just a resolution that we make one day and break the next.
Oh, and just a side note, I must say I am a bit annoyed at the fact that it's been too warm that we couldn't go snowshoeing yesterday. We would have had to drive all the way up near the resorts, which we didn't want to do! Who would have thought I'd be annoyed by warm weather??

Christmas Happenings

2008-12-30T16:16:00.002-07:00

It's been quiet here and it's all because, thankfully, I've been busy at work and then when I get home-- so it's left no time for blogging. Even Christmas weekend, blogging was the least of my worries (sleeping was at the top). But I wanted to share about my Christmas because it was the first Christmas being married so it changed everything!
It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to make everyone happy and have Christmas be different. Because we've added a member to the family, and I no longer live at home, that right there changed the dynamics of Christmas. Another big difference was that we didn't go to church on Christmas eve. My parents no longer attend church, my sister goes to church in Fort Collins so doesn't know anyone at our church, and Michael and I really didn't care about going to church. We honestly didn't see the point in going to church when we could just as easily have a "service" at our own house in our pj's :-)
So Michael played some songs and I did a short reading and then our friends came over and we enjoyed their company and laughed really hard at not knowing how to sing at all! We sang "The Instrument Song" and to say it was a complete disaster would be an understatement! But it's not meant to be taken seriously, and it lived up to expectations.
We ended the night by me and Michael and my sister all sleeping in one room. I slept just fine throughout the night, but was woken up by giggles and whispers... at 6 freaking 30 in the morning! Michael and my sister were wide awake (my sister woke up at 1:30am wondering if it was time to get up yet and reluctantly went back to sleep) and discussing if it was time to get up... Oh, I forgot to mention my sister's almost 21 and Michael is 24-- I thought I was sharing a room with 5 year-olds! But their excitement made me that much more excited and we all wandered downstairs to look at our stockings.
I knit Michael's stocking, per tradition in my (mom's side) family. The thing was humongous! But Michael didn't mind! But I was really proud of myself for having completed it and being able to have his match everyone else's. (I think I'll knit ones for Michael's side of the family for next year...)
We then read the Christmas story, and my attempts at trying to have a discussion were shot down as Michael and my sister were too busy drooling at the presents under the tree. We opened stockings and presents and my sister captured an awesome picture of Michael when he opened one of his gifts (one of the best parts about him is that he is very enthusiastic with everything he does, so giving gifts (and good food) to him is always enjoyable!) He got me tickets to go see "Phantom of the Opera" which I had called him about early in the morning a few weeks ago to inform him that I wanted to go. So I was soooo excited when I opened that gift. My sister got me a much-needed purse and I got some more clothes for work. I believe I may have mentioned that I loathe shopping, so getting clothes is always an enjoyable occurrence as it means I don't have to go shop for those items!
We then headed over to Michael's family's house and I was in shock the whole time. I never realized how organized (and a bit OCD) my family is about how they do things, because Michael's family does things that just seem like chaos to me! Everyone opened all their presents at the same time, so I was too busy opening mine and trying to focus on Michael's mom's reaction to our gift that I missed his sister's and her husband's reactions to theirs... I felt completely overwhelmed and overly-stimulated. I'm sure I could handle it better next year because I know what to expect, but I was so caught off guard that I couldn't enjoy it. But I did get the pleasure of being drooled all over by my niece since she latched onto my wrist like a leech and wouldn't let go. Thankfully she doesn't have teeth (yet) so there was no biting involved!
Christmas as a whole was enjoyable and made for some great memories and new traditions. I'm sure it'll change slightly again next year, but this time I'll know what I'm in for.
So Merry (belated) Christmas everyone and have a happy and safe new year!

Needless Tears

2008-12-10T13:36:00.006-07:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll be blunt and tell you that I've been incredibly hormonal recently and it's starting to freak me out. How I've seen this is the fact that anything can set off a flood of tears, regardless if it is that big of a deal, or even worth crying over. I first noticed it when my husband told me he had seen the source of one of his Christmas presents by mistake, but wanted to let me know. Instead of just being bummed out, I sobbed. I'm not talking about one little tear-- I laid on the couch and sobbed. I was a mess. But it felt that devastating to me! And then last night I had had a bad day at work, but not bad enough to cry over, but I got home and couldn't stop crying. I even had to miss a dinner I was supposed to go to with Michael because I couldn't get control of it. And let's not forget about how I react to sad parts of movies or tv shows...
So all this to say, I'm a bit freaked out. I usually get a bit irritable during "that time of month," so all this crying is not normal and has lasted for a couple of weeks... What am I supposed to do? Just let the tears overtake me and have a good cry? I know Michael would vote against that because he can't handle me crying, but I don't know what else to do. I hate crying-- it makes me feel depressed (obviously) and I lose all motivation to do anything when I cry. So if something doesn't change soon... well, I don't know what I'm going to do. But thankfully Michael is loving and supportive and just hugs me and lets me cry into his chest. For now, that's the only thing I can do.
I hate crying, I hate not being in control of my emotions! If something is truly worth crying over, that's one thing, but crying over a spoiled Christmas present surprise, that's just ridiculous!

A Lesson Learned

2008-12-01T16:23:00.003-07:00

I'm going to explain to the world why I am a total wimp.
Yesterday, I was measuring our ceiling to see how tall our Christmas tree could be, and I let our tape measure just fly back into the holder... well, I'm sure you can already see where this is going... the tape measure is metal, and therefore very sharp if flying at a high speed. It hit my finger, but at first I thought it just hit it, no big deal... then there was blood... and then there was panic... and then there was the mad dash for the sink to wash it under cold water, all the while trying not to pass out. Thankfully Michael was there (trying to stifle laughter) and held my hand under the water. I'm sure my face was white as a ghost, and all I could say was "I don't want stitches! I can't get stitches!"
As my sister and old roommate, Holly, can attest to, I don't handle blood very well-- especially not my own. I once cut my finger while cutting an onion and had to go into the bathroom because I felt woozy and turned really white... pathetic, I know.
But I have this overwhelming disgust for my own blood, as well as a paralyzing fear of going to the hospital for stitches. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the one time I did have to go to the hospital for stitches, I could feel the doctors putting them in, but they didn't believe me and kept going despite my protests (oh, and had to bring other nurses and whoever to hold me down because I was FREAKING OUT!). And no, it was not my imagination-- I couldn't even see it (I got them on my knee, so I was laying down) and all of a sudden felt this overwhelming, excruciating pain! Stupid doctors!
So that's my story from this weekend. And a word of advice: don't let the tape measure fly freely into the holder because danger awaits whoever dares do so...

The Church of Snowshoes

2008-12-01T12:19:00.004-07:00

I'm bored with church. I have my issues with our church and church in general, but that's not the bone I have to pick today.
I'm bored and tired and just plain "over" church. It might just be the new focus that my church has, which I am definitely not their target audience, but it might also be that I've gone to church almost every single Sunday of my life... I don't feel like there's anything they can say or teach that would have me saying "wow! I never thought of that! My life is changed forever!" I feel disheartened that I can look at the series title and the "subtopics" of each week, and predict (with pretty close accuracy) what the overall message will be.
So what happens when you've been going to church for almost 23 years and it's all old news? I know that the gospel and Jesus and the Bible are always "alive" and can change lives, but I sure don't feel that way. I love God, I believe Jesus was born and died on the cross for the world's sins, and I believe the Bible is God's holy word; I also try to live my life loving people the way Jesus loved them and viewed "others" and "sinners," I tithe, I try to read my Bible regularly, I pray... so what else is new? I know I can learn new things, like Bible history/context, but that just becomes head knowledge.
The only thing drawing us to church is our young marrieds group... but even that is beginning to lack because we see the same people on Tuesday nights for our Bible study. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends, but I don't feel like we're connecting on the level that I desire. But I'm sure it just goes along with my overall feelings about church at the moment. So is there hope for next Saturday night, when Michael and I are in bed discussing whether or not to set our alarm for the next morning? I know church is about fellowship, but just going and sitting in the seats does not make any sort of fellowship-- there are hundreds of people who come to the same service I do, and I know about a dozen of them because they're in our young marrieds group-- there is no real sense of community or fellowship. I feel obligated to go because I'm a "Christian" (or as I like to say, Christ-follower) and church is just something you do.
So all this to say, you might not find me front and center at church for a while. We'll go occasionally, but Michael and I have created friendships that we can get fellowship out of, even if it's not in a building doing "church," so going on Sunday is not as much of a priority. And now that it's getting snowier, you're probably more apt to find us trekking up a mountain through the snow on our snowshoes with friends and some hot chocolate! I'd much rather spend my Sundays with good friends, surrounded by God's creation. That way, I won't be more entertained by a piece of candy than the "production" my church is putting on.

Blog Comment Day

2008-11-20T10:25:00.008-07:00

It's a strange coincidence that just after I admit feeling anxiety (in the comment section of my own blog) about commenting on other people's blogs, John Smulo posted this idea about Blog Comment Day. Go to his site and see why he's doing it, let him know if you're going to participate! (I'm going to be posting on there for the first time... it's a good first step!)
This special day for commenting, weirdly enough, gives me just enough courage to venture out and comment on people's blogs that I read and love, but never comment... but now I have to choose which blog I'll grace my presence with! So go and comment away to 5 blogs (2 you've never commented on before)! And leave some love here in the meantime ;-)

Cookies!

2008-11-18T12:00:00.003-07:00

So when I said I'd write about random tid-bits, I'm going to start with this one.

I love Santa Fe Cookie Company! You go in, put a dollar bill in the worn-and-torn jug, and grab a bag of 3 cookies... 3 cookies for a dollar?? You just don't see things like that these days. Oh, and the cookies are delicious and decent-sized, so it's not like "you get what you pay for." You get way more than you pay for, and there's usually a cookie or two left over for co-workers, or bosses who need some buttering up... not that I'd ever do that... ;-) So if you're ever in downtown Denver, stop over by the cookie shop... the smell of the cookies will guide your way!

I'm Not a Box Person

2008-11-18T09:55:00.005-07:00

When I disagree with something or someone on a certain topic, I want to become as informed on both sides of the issue so I really know where I stand and can back up what I believe. I mentioned a few posts ago that my young marrieds group has started reading "Love and Respect." I also mentioned that I was hesitant about reading it because I didn't know the author and had never heard of the book... and my hesitations were partially correct. Both Michael and I have struggled through this book because of the foundational ideas that it is based on. But it's a growing experience. We're coming to a deeper understanding of what we believe as a couple and as individuals. We are expanding our knowledge. And, if nothing else, we are engaging in conversation with people who don't always think 100% (if even 50%) of the time. It stretches us and, hopefully, we stretch them. There are times people say things that I completely disagree with, but I can respect and appreciate that that is how they function and what they believe.
I still have yet to buy the book, because if I spend most of my time disagreeing with it, there's no sense in owning it. However, my friend lent me the book to read during the week. I was reading it last night and this morning on the bus and I had an epiphany:
I HATE BEING PUT IN A BOX. A woman box, a young-person box, a married box, an American box, etc. I hate that my gender, my life-stage, my nationality, or whatever dictates how I'm "supposed" to be, how all in that same category are like that.
I might not mind the box if I fit into it nicely. But I never have, and I probably never will. I am actually more apt to fight the box and try to rip it down, just to prove that I can, and especially to show that I DON'T fit.
Even as I was reading the book last night, Michael was sitting next to me as I began grumbling under my breath about "this isn't me," "this is just a stereotype," etc. I read him a passage of the book out-loud and said "never in my life have I had an interaction/discussion like this one in the book!" And he just looked at me and said "Kate, you're the first woman I know who doesn't act like that." I stared at him. And it dawned on me... this is the root of my feelings towards anything or anyone who tries to put me in a box: I am not the kind of person who fits nicely in a box. And when someone tries to tell me about the box, I resist it, feel nauseous, and start to freak out (at least on the inside).
I wrote a post that hit on this idea a little bit and spoke more about how it effects my daily interactions with people. But for some reason, Michael's comment last night really struck me. It isn't just that I'm "strong" or "intimidating," it's that I resist boxes, and resist others telling me who I am just because of X or Y reason. I'm not a box person, and I'm okay with that. But when I read books like this one, or "Captivating" (which I've mentioned before I didn't even finish reading), I resist it and actually get angry and frustrated because THAT IS NOT WHO I AM! So I'll continue to read the book, for the sake of knowledge and discussion, but I now have an inner-understanding of myself that I don't fit into this mold, I don't fit nicely into the box that he puts me and my marriage in. And hopefully through this whole experience I can come out of it a happier, more well-rounded person, and hopefully pass that on to others. And I'll also try to keep my grumbling down to a minimum.
(And as a disclaimer, he does have some good points, but they get buried underneath the box, so I have a hard time finding them and recognizing them as applicable or even true-- but I'm working on finding them and appreciating them, even if I don't agree with everything 100%).

New Direction

2008-11-18T09:31:00.002-07:00

I think I figured it out. Because I want a balance, but also don't want to put myself in a box, I'm going to end up writing about whatever I darn well please. So for those of you who read my blog, I'm going to keep it up and just change my tone a bit. I'll write about life, about family, about church, and maybe some random tid-bit here and there. If something spiritual and religious is on my mind, I'll write about that; and if I'm trying to process interacting with my in-laws, I'll write about that... So be patient with me as I venture forth on this new blog journey and hopefully great things will come of it! So stay tuned ;-)

The Case of the Blog Identity Crisis

2008-10-27T16:49:00.005-06:00

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog because I had so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them and process them here. I wrote about life, and about church, the Bible, Christians, and theology. But as my life has calmed down a bit more and become a bit more routine, I find that I have less to blog about. This may be because of less material and not being around people who question things and make me think (actually, I'm pretty sure that's a huge part), but it may be that my life has changed and I'm in a different place than I was when I started this blog.
But what do I do? I don't want to solely write about "Christian-y" things, but I also don't want to just write about my life-- I don't do that much that anyone (including myself) would want to read about. The first post would be this: "I sat at work today. I didn't do much. Mark told me he is running checks on Wednesday. I got a free water bottle. Michael picked me up to go to my parents' for dinner. The end."
Do things change when you have children, because you can speak on your child and how you raise them? I thought getting married would create more to talk about with marriage philosophy but I find that I read more about what other people think than I do any personal processing. I know where I stand, so I don't have much to process about. I don't feel conflict about it-- I actually read more and get more emotion evoked by others who are in the more traditional camp. But I don't want this blog to be all about bashing others' views and pointing out why I disagree with others. That just sounds boring. If it's applicable to something in my current situation, I might talk about it, but it definitely can't be my focus. I don't have kids, so that's out of the question. I have a niece, but we don't see her that often, and I also don't think anyone wants to hear about my thoughts on someone else's kid...
So I'm here with no motivation and no clear direction. Has blogging for me come to an end? I know of maybe two or three people who read my blog who aren't related to me (and even the ones related to me aren't avid readers). But is a large audience my focus? Why even blog in the first place?
So I guess this is my explanation as to why my blogs lately have seemed to lack "oomph" and passion... because I don't know what passion I have to give. I will be thinking about this more and maybe even trying out a new way/reason to blog, or just write when something is on my mind. I really don't know. But I know that blogging has led me to "meet" new people, interact with them and get to know them, as well as really process how I'm feeling/thinking about something, or just sharing what's on my heart. So, those of you who do read my blog, bear with me and I will soon figure this all out. (And a big thanks to those who do read and comment-- it really means a lot to me. And if you're a reader and have never commented, please, let me know you're there-- I'd love to get to know you!)
Thanks for the patience!

Book Opinions

2008-10-21T14:51:00.006-06:00

Okay, I need people's opinion on a couple of books.

First, in our young marrieds group, we started reading the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (how do you pronounce that??). It sounds like a good enough book, it definitely sparked a good discussion in our group on Sunday, but something was always nagging at me. For one, it's printed by Focus on the Family-- and I'm more apt to disagree with a majority of the things they teach, but I let that slide. I also know nothing of the author and his views of life and marriage, and couldn't find anything online about it, but I still wasn't convinced. I was on guard, but nothing I was seeing or hearing was showing me that I would not enjoy and (especially) agree with the book. But then lo and behold, I was reading through my google reader and came upon a blog by Complegalitarian that stated this about the book:

I also encourage you to read Love and Respect because it is the complementarian book that has the most thorough discussion of domain-based authority. In fact, it is this discussion that convicted me. For example, Emerson points out that men and women tend to view careers very differently. Women typically view work outside the home as a choice, while men view it as a fundamental responsibility. (This thinking came through on Complegalitarian blog a couple of weeks ago, in Wayne's "what is a Christian feminist" post. Women wanted the right to choose whether they worked and the right to choose the military. Yet, none of them expressed a willingness to assume primary responsibility for supporting a family or defending their country.) Male authority in marriage follows logically from this responsibility to protect and provide. Of all the complementarian books that have attempted to answer the “why does God command me to submit to my husband when I know we’re equals” question, it is Emerson’s discussion of responsibility and authority that I found to be compelling.

I have to admit, that scares me a bit. I worry when someone is "convinced" about traditional ideas. I understand that people want to learn more about it, and it is a bit unfair of me because I try to "convince" others about egalitarianism. And the idea of "domain-based authority" just makes my skin crawl. But what the bigger issue is, is that I haven't read the book, nor have I bought it yet, but I don't want to buy a book that I am going to spend my time yelling at and wanting to throw across the room because of the things I disagree with (I've done that with "women's Bible study" books).
However, I can also see that the author may talk about more traditional ways of conducting marriage, but it's not the focus of the book... I just don't know what to think about it. Because I also resist strongly (and usually gets me into trouble) when people try to put me (and especially me as a woman) into a box and call it "all women." (And "all men" for that matter. Michael rarely fits into the "Christian man" box.)
Anyway, all that to say, I'm worried that this book will cause me and Michael to implode and have to be the "weirdos" because we don't agree with it. But if it's a subtle message, I think I might be able to handle it if the overall message is okay.... but is it? Please, anyone who's read it, tell me what it's like before I go out and buy it (and possibly end up burning it).

There is another opinion I need. My sister-in-law mentioned to me that she wants a good book on faith, spirituality, and dealing with life. I'm coming up short (ha-ha everyone laugh... cuz I'm short...) with ideas and I don't know what book to get her. She's not a big reader, so she doesn't need anything too theological or anything like that. She just needs something simple, encouraging, and educational. Any suggestions? Any books you have liked in the past (or present) that she might find something in? Please give me all the suggestions you can!

Thanks for everyone's help!

Personal Growth

2008-10-21T11:12:00.003-06:00

Personal growth... oh what a fun ordeal... NOT! It's been amazing how much self-realization has occurred since Michael and I got married. We have changed and adapted and grown in the course of almost (Wednesday) 7 months. Michael and I are growing as individuals, as well as a couple, and it's been amazing to look back and see the changes that have happened. But it's not fun to look ahead and see the changes that still need to be made. Michael and I are changing and growing and it's strengthening our relationship. We're becoming stronger, and we're becoming more aware of how what we do/say effects other people, especially each other. It's not always fun, but it is definitely necessary!

Women Friends... Where are They? I Don't Know, I Don't Know...

2008-10-13T15:47:00.004-06:00

I hate being different. I've always gone against the grain and don't tend to follow what the crowd is doing, especially not before meticulously analyzing and scrutinizing everything people do and say. I've tended to live my own life, trying desperately to find myself in the meantime. I'm in a place in my life where I feel like I know who I am, what I believe, and what kind of person I want to be.
However, not everyone is like that. And not everyone likes people who question things and don't take things at face value. Especially in church groups, where the default viewpoint is one of being conservative and traditional, I really butt heads with that one.
I don't like people telling me to believe something "just because I should" and to do something "just because it's always been done." I push against that and question it and ask WHY am I doing it or believing it. If I can be given a good, well-explained answer, or if I do the research myself for what I should do/believe, then I'll do it. I'll put the time and effort into understanding why I do and believe what I do and believe. But again, not everyone is like that. They believe it because that's what the preacher guy says, what their parents did and taught, and because everyone else is doing it. And if you ask them why, they don't have a very clear understanding or explanation... which frustrates me to no end. I may not understand or know everything, but I'm willing to research it if I'm asked and question it and roll it around in my mind and talk about it till I'm blue in the face. I don't like pat answers or the ones that everyone always gives. I want to push people, question them, stretch them (which, in turn, stretches me), but people are uncomfortable with that, usually, and I end up repelling people because I come on too strong. And as a woman, a strong woman in certain circles and to certain women is intimidating... I hate being intimidating. But I can't help it.
And when it comes to interacting with people, I love interacting and talking and digging deeper but, honestly, I'd much rather sit back at a party/get-together and just watch people and listen. Thankfully that is no longer my default excuse for not talking in a group, but observing, questioning, analyzing, speculating is what I do best and enjoy the most. I can leave a party with a pretty good idea of who people are, what their marriage is like, and what kind of person they really are.
But again, most people aren't like that. And they like being the same, not standing out, not voicing their true personality. And they get defensive when those ideas that are the "same" are questioned or even shaken... and I like to question and shake... which leaves me a bit on my own. And I believe this is why my friendships with other women have been few and far between. I've had a few good ones, but they were with other women who tended to think like I do.
So that's what's difficult about our current Bible study... I don't think anyone thinks like I (we [being me and Michael]) do, and the women/wives of the group tend to act like they wear "happy masks" (ex. one woman claimed that in over a year of marriage have never had a single fight.........) and don't tend to bear their true souls. And they don't think like I do. Being friends with them will be a challenge, some more than others, and I'm hoping that the deep-rooted beliefs that we hold onto wont come in the middle of our friendship. But if we both can't be open to others' beliefs, it's doomed to fail from the beginning. So I have to have an open mind, and hope and pray that they can too without judgment or condemnation. It's going to be hard and going to stretch me, and I'm hoping I can stick through it instead of taking the "flight" side of conflict and difficult situations. These couples have the potential to be great, long-lasting friendships, but getting through the hard times and the disagreements is what will test and strengthen them... if we can get through those times...
So please pray for me as I embark on this journey to try to establish friendships with women who may not be "comfortable" and the same as me-- that we can learn from each other and grow together. Because I desperately need those female friendships!

Marriage Vacation

2008-10-13T15:31:00.003-06:00

Vacation is fun... this is something I learned this weekend in Breckenridge, Colorado! Michael and I took a long weekend and drove a mere hour and a half into the mountains and spent the entire weekend together enjoying a mountain/ski-town that neither one of us had ever been to.
It was fabulous! We were able to go because of the blessing of extra money in the bank account, so we were able to let loose and just enjoy each other's company while surrounded by God's beautiful creation.
We ate yummy food, drank yummy beer (yes, I found a beer I like!), and ate delicious organic Swiss chocolate fondue. What more could you ask for?
It was a great time to focus on us and really continue to connect as a married couple. We were able to smooth out a few kinks that had cropped up...
I wish we had the money to get away at least once a month, but alas, that is not possible. But we will definitely have to have nights like we did where we enjoy each other's company, talk about how we're feeling, and just be together without anything or anyone else distracting us.
And if you've never been to Breck, I would highly recommend it... well, I can't say anything about how it is in high ski season, but the off season is a great time to relax and hang with the locals! (Oh, and it's hit or miss about how much snow is present to go snowshoeing... we missed...)

An Answer to Prayer!!

2008-09-29T13:43:00.009-06:00

I posted a blog a while ago about not having many friends and being frustrated with the ones I had. The frustrations with those friends I mentioned are still there, if not completely dissolved right along with the friendships. It was more of a mutual, lack-of-continuing to invest in the friendship kind of thing, so it wasn't too rough. We are still civil to each other and enjoy running into each other at church or even REI (that happened yesterday), but we wont make it a point to call or get together.
Being sad and upset over failed friendships isn't what this post is about. Actually, this post is a post of celebration!
After I wrote that post, we were invited to a young marrieds bbq. What happened that night was nothing short of an answer to prayer. The group of people who attended (there were about 4 or 5 couples) clicked and we enjoyed their company late into the night (1am if I remember correctly). And since then, most of the couples TOOK INITIATIVE and invited people over and our friendship grew. All summer, we have been connecting and growing deeper together. We grew enough that now we are going to be in a Bible study with those couples (I'll write a post about that later to digest my thoughts on it).
We found friends who liked us and we liked them. They told us "we want to get to know you, we like you" and we said it back. We have been aching for friends who we can rely on and know have our backs if we ever need them. We needed friends who will open up and share their true selves and we will do the same. And through these friends, we have found all of these things! We have prayed for good friends and even for some specific things, things that we have found in these friends. I don't expect that we'll be friends forever, but for now, we can be together and experience life with them for now... but who knows, they could be life-long friends! We'll see what God and life have in store for us!
Oh, I also have to mention our friends who we went driving up in the mountains with this weekend. We have barely seen them all summer, but this weekend they loved us more than any of our friends have in a long time! We had the most wonderful day with them and hated that we had to end the day early (Michael had to work his last night at the restaurant). We love our friends so much!
And from those friendships as couples, I've ended up deepening friendships with the women. I have had lunch numerous times with one friend, had dinner with another, and have gone to ice cream twice with yet another. Every time, my heart just bursts! I get so excited about making deep girl-friendships! My heart has longed and ached for that, and I'm finally getting it. And the friendships aren't surface-level either-- we talk about deep issues like marriage, family life growing up (and still dealing with), etc.
And my friend from our Meals that Matter group (it's a quarterly thing at our church to sign up and you have dinner once a week for 6-8 weeks with people who live around you... awesome idea!) who we have a scheduled lunch date every Tuesday! Sometimes, we eat together more than once a week, just because we want to and enjoy each other that much. With the other girls from church, I've had to initially initiate the get-together, but with this friend, we do it equally. I've never been pursued as a friend before-- I've always been the one pursuing. And it feels amazing to be told "I like you! I want to spend time with you!" Again, it makes my heart so happy. I walk back to work refreshed and energized by spending time with her. Michael and I are even house-sitting for her and her husband this week!
I am so excited about the answer to prayer that has happened in my life. I just hope things don't turn sour again and I'm back at square one. But this feels different-- these friends want to be friends and want to take the time to grow and develop our friendship. And if I start becoming the one to always initiate again, I will deal with it or just let the friendship fizzle away to courtesy because the other person obviously isn't interested enough to keep it going.
So, praise Jesus! :-) I have found friends! Friends I can connect with and grow with, be there for and embrace. I am just so excited about where life is headed in regards to friendships... now if only we can make the guys connect more outside of a group setting and Michael can gain some solid friendships as well! That's my next prayer... let's see God work!

Lars and the Real Girl

2008-09-18T09:50:00.007-06:00

My favorite movies are the ones that have multiple layers and I can sit and discuss them for hours afterwards. Of course, the surface-level, pure-entertainment ones have their place too, but the deeper ones are my absolute favorite. I just discovered a new one this week called, Lars and the Real Girl with Ryan Gosling. It's a story of a man who wants companionship but fears intimacy so he orders a sex doll online named Bianca and treats her like his girlfriend. He never questions that she is "real" and even asks his brother and sister-in-law (SIL) if Bianca can stay in a spare room in their house, borrow his SIL's clothes, and even sets a place for her for dinner. It never shows that he uses Bianca for the true purpose of the doll, which emphasizes the point of his need for companionship. The best part of the movie is that the people in the town he lives in all embrace Bianca as a real woman and ask to have her work, volunteer at the hospital, and invite her to parties. Lars pushes her around in a wheelchair, and even takes her to the doctor when she's "sick." I highly recommend this movie if you like character-development movies! Here's the trailer if you want to watch it! (If this movie interests you and you don't want any spoilers, don't keep reading and watch it first...)

The reason I even mention this movie is that, as I said, it is a movie about connection and relationship. Lars creates this whole relationship in his mind that at points you forget that she is really just a doll sitting there doing nothing. Lars is awkward around others and hates being touched. Even at the urging of his SIL, he refuses to even have much interaction with them. But once Bianca comes into his life, he interacts with people more and becomes a bit more dynamic. He is lonely and reached out to someone who was like him-- secluded and quiet-- but through the whole process of the movie, realizes that it is the people around him who actually show they care about him and his well-being who matter most to him. They even come to Bianca's funeral! By being there for him and supporting him, even when he has an imaginary girlfriend, they show him a love that he was unable to understand before.
How much of our lives are like Lars'? We want to hide away and create our own fantasy world to live in because it's safer there. We shut people out because they have the potential to hurt us. But as Lars shows in the movie, even our fantasy world and "perfect companion" can hurt us and wound us. Lars created the perfect girlfriend and was the dictator of what happened and how Bianca was feeling; but she let him down, she got sick, and even refused a marriage proposal.
Reality seeps into every part of our lives, and will get to us no matter what. But when he learned to lean on those who were alive around him, they filled him with true joy and love. He had to open himself up to disappointment and hurt to get there, but he got there eventually.
Sometimes it takes "dating" a "doll" to get to a place where we can be open and vulnerable with others. With a doll, there really is no need to truly open up and be real and honest. But what a lonely life that is. There is no real interaction or connection. Yes, it can help you process things out-loud, but you never get anything back from the "doll." Understandably, it is a scary world out there when you have to actually interact with actual real, breathing people! But once you get over it, it makes living so much more beneficial and satisfying! So be like Lars and let your "doll" die so you can live life with those around you and be real with those who care about you.

I Didn't Bite the Dentist

2008-09-17T08:56:00.002-06:00

I went to the dentist yesterday and I had flashbacks of my childhood the entire time. As I was sitting there, it became clear to me why certain event happened in my childhood: When I was 7 years-old, I was having a tooth pulled and in the midst of my fear and the dentist not being comfortable with children, I bit his finger when he put it in my mouth. He then started yelling and I started crying-- very traumatic! Well yesterday, while the dental hygienist was scraping my teeth and stabbing my gums, biting (or punching) became a very desirable action. Thankfully I resisted, but I must admit I had to hold back! No wonder people refuse to go to the dentist! It's such a miserable experience! I had heard that they show movies/tv shows while you get your teeth cleaned, but even after mentioning it to the hygienist, she didn't turn it on... grrrr...

"In the Criminal Justice System..."

2008-09-16T09:32:00.004-06:00

Life around our neighborhood is an interesting one. I don't sit at home hiding under my bed because I'm afraid someone will break in, but I also am not naive enough to think that my neighborhood is danger-free. Our landlords have had their cars broken into (well, sort of since they leave their doors unlocked), there is graffiti on the wall across the street with gang-tags, and Federal (the street only 4 blocks away) is notorious for shootings and especially during Cinco de Mayo is the place to be (or not, depending on your view).
Well, about a month ago, Michael and I were driving home from the grocery store when all of a sudden, Michael looked over because of a horn honking to see a man kneeing a woman in the face inside her car. He whipped the car around and drove into a parking space and ran out of the car with his cell phone in hand, dialing 911. The woman (by yelling "help me!" and honking the horn) had managed to draw a crowd and got the police there. The man fled when he saw Michael walk up, but since the man was quite large (as in weight) he didn't get very far before the police caught up with him and apprehended him. The woman was okay, well at least physically, for the most part. She was still conscious and gave the police her statement. Michael and another man gave their statement of what they had witnessed.
I tell this story because as I write this, Michael is at the courthouse to testify! I have to admit, I'm a bit envious because it's like Law and Order come to life! But since I didn't ever actually see anything happen (I just heard the horn honking), I didn't give my statement or be asked to come testify.
It's scary because this guy is gutsy enough to beat up his girlfriend in public. I doubt anything would happen to Michael; I've watched way too many crime shows to not be skeptical. But hopefully the testimony from Michael and the other witness will put the man away for a while where he can't beat up women (and who knows about any children he may have). By getting him out of the house and off of the streets, the woman/women in his life can breathe a little easier. There is no excuse for behavior like that and I am proud of Michael for going to take a stand against a man who clearly does not respect women and deserves to pay the consequences.

**Update: Just as I was finishing this post, Michael called and informed me that the defendant didn't have any legal representation (couldn't afford it) so the trial has been moved to December. The man is blaming the woman for wanting to ruin his life, and that he does have children. (That worries me a lot that he has children who he may take his anger/frustration out on). I hope this gets resolved quickly [except that December is not quick], and the women in his life don't have to be afraid of him any more. Pray for them if you think of it... Thanks!

I'm an Aunt!

2008-09-16T09:18:00.004-06:00

I can't believe I forgot to announce this: I'm an aunt! Michael's sister had a baby girl on Thursday morning at 2:45am. Her name is Elizabeth Marie Turentine (I'm actually not 100% of the spelling of the last name)-- Michael and I made a nickname for her about a day after we found out it was a girl-- so we lovingly call her Izzy.
I got to see her for the first time on Sunday and she was beautiful! She's on the smaller side, only 6 lbs 2 oz, but I feel like we're kindred spirits because I was only 5 lbs and a few ounces when I was born and I was full term and healthy!
Michael and I labeled Izzy our guinea pig for dealing with children, and holding her on Sunday (for about an hour straight while she refused to wake up and interact with me... she's already proving to be a bit stubborn) definitely gave me a small baby bug... but only a small one. But if she was crying and fussy the whole time, I would probably have a different reaction.
But we're excited for the miracle that Izzy is. April, Michael's sister, shouldn't have even been able to get pregnant due to many medical issues; but she did get pregnant and created a beautiful life! Welcome to the world, Elisabeth "Izzy" Marie!!

The "Supposed To's" of Marriage and God

2008-09-12T10:42:00.004-06:00

How much of a role does God really play in relationships? I have been rolling this thought over in my mind, trying to really process it and understand it. All during my high school years, I was taught "God needs to be the center of your relationship" but that idea was never really explained to me. What does that really mean? What does that look like? I tried all kinds of things, going to the same church, praying together, discussing the Bible, etc. But each individual act never seemed like enough. Just because we prayed together didn't mean God was the true center of our relationship.
However, I say all this, and I could say that (on a good day) God is the center of my marriage. We focus on God's will for us individually and as a couple, as well as (try to) pray together and read the Bible together.
Lately, though, those practices seem to have fallen by the wayside. We're busy, we're tired, we'd rather do something else... the excuses seem to pile up and God gets forgotten. But then so does the health and spiritual well-being of our marriage. I can see it change how we interact with one another and other people, as well as how we view our marriage one day to the next. There seems to be an absence, a void and negativity are present. We fight more, we overreact, we get defensive... makes for a lousy time, that's for sure.
But what does reading the Bible do? Could we still feel a deeper connection if we read a novel together? What is that spiritual aspect that is so important? We are busy people, and we make the time to spend with friends, work, church, etc., but not for reading the Bible together, or praying or doing any sort of devotional or study. How do we balance that, especially when Michael doesn't get home until 10pm and we're both too tired? Are we "supposed" to pray even though the act of closing our eyes to pray would make us fall asleep? Or are we "supposed" to get up early together to do something, with the same problem of falling asleep? How do busy people do it? Or are we "supposed" to set aside the time that we aren't working and are together, and spend a few minutes reading the Bible, praying, etc. But when Michael is working 4-5 nights a week, it gets difficult to even find the time to do that. But if something is a priority, we'll make it happen. So we'll see what we figure out!
God values relationships, so it makes sense that by taking the time to value our relationship with Him, He'll bless us and make our relationship a bit easier/closer. I know that praying and reading your Bible isn't the miracle cure to marriage hardships, but by growing closer together through reading the Bible sure puts you on the right path for it. When our relationship becomes nothing but fighting and resentment, something definitely needs to change. So here's to change and trying to refocus our relationship back on the one who brought us together. It wont be easy, but it will be good!

Autumn Needs to Last Longer Than Spring

2008-09-08T15:09:00.005-06:00

Here comes Autumn! The temperature is definitely changing and I spotted a few Aspen trees starting to change color... I know that the first day of fall is actually Sept. 22 (okay, I didn't know that; I had to look it up), but the weather sure isn't acting like summer. On Friday and today, it is dreary, overcast, and chilly with the slight sprinkle of rain. But then again, this weekend was a cloudless weekend with highs in the 70s... so there you go.
I love fall! I am not a fan of extremely hot weather, so when I can wear a light coat/sweatshirt and be perfectly warm, that's ideal! The rain is annoying, though (at least while I'm walking to and from work). Hopefully the 60 and 70 degree weather can last a while and we can enjoy fall in all of it's glory, unlike our Spring this year; or should I say, lack thereof (for those of you who don't live in Colorado, the weather went like this: cold, cold, HOT, even HOTTER... no in-between warm weather of spring).
I can't wait to take a drive around the mountains to admire the Aspens... it's going to be glorious!

Pictures Are Removed

2008-09-04T15:42:00.002-06:00

This may be a useless post, but I thought I'd post it anyway. I went through and deleted any pictures from my blogs that were not my own pictures. Which means I republished my posts. So I don't know if anyone even reads my blogs on a blog-reader or if they will show up as unread/new posts, but if you do use the blog-reader and they do show up as new, just mark them all as read; unless you want read them all, of course :-) That's all for now!

Who Eats Horse, Honestly?

2008-08-29T09:28:00.004-06:00

I found this post through epicurious.com's blog. If you're interested in food at all, it's fun to do! (I can't do strike-through so italics is how I will indicate "I would never eat")
I tend to be a pretty open eater, willing to try anything once, but some things just push my limits... and if I happen to be offered whole insects, I just might eat it just to say I did... Oh, and I had to look up a lot of them, so don't feel shy about looking it up on google or in wikipedia!
And I tag anyone who wants to participate. I only got 29... I guess I'm not as much of a foodie as I thought...

Here’s what I want you to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart-- I was young, I would NEVER do that now!
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes -- Michael and I were actually just talking about making peach wine... except it is really complicated to make!
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese -- have you seen what this looks like?? And just the name alone...
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O -- as another poster said, how can you go through college without trying this at least once?
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat -- This one's a maybe... I like curry but I'm not sure how I feel about goat...
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more-- if someone offered it to me, I'd never spend my own money on it!
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut -- it was even fresh and hot!
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal-- again, when I was younger...
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini -- a sip, cuz I don't like gin
58. Beer above 8% ABV-- also a sip because I'm not a huge fan of beer
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores -- more than I can count!
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin -- the only thing I could find is that this is clay used in paper and plastics... am I missing something?
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe (isn't that illegal?)
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill -- that just makes me want to vomit thinking about it
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini -- well, I hadn't before, but with all these peaches, I guess I'll just have to make this!
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict -- smoked salmon eggs benedict--- DELICIOUS!
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse -- who eats horses, really?
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam -- never tried it, but did carry it around in an obstacle course...
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta -- definitely not one of my favorites...
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake-- YUCK! I can't even stand looking at them, let alone eating them!

Well, that's all folks! How many have you eaten?

Can I Grow My Own Peach Tree?

2008-08-27T10:39:00.003-06:00

I love peaches. And living in Colorado, we are spoiled to have Palisade peaches right in our own backyard. They are more than delicious... they are melt-in-your-mouth-heavenly!
I've had them fresh at farmers markets where I wanted to pounce the guy giving out samples to steal the rest of the peaches, and manage to eat a few every season. Well, this peach-season, the owners of the building I work in happened to give every tenant in the building some peaches... we got 2 boxes FULL of peaches! I took home 2 bags full of them and there are still a ton left in the kitchen!
I've had a peach with every meal! I can't get enough of them. And to top it off, there are dozens of delicious recipes to use fresh peaches in: peaches 'n cream eclairs, peach cheesecake (which is actually to die for!), and of course, peach ice cream. Now all I have to do is decide which thing to make... who needs to make dinner when you've got peach desserts? That way, I can make them all!

"I Think Shouting Hate Words at People Will Convert Them..."

2008-08-26T11:36:00.005-06:00

Why is it when there is going to be a lot of people around, the "Christian protesters" come out in force? They're not doing anyone any good, and they're definitely not portraying a positive view of Christ and other Christ-followers. I saw a pack of them on 16th Street Mall with giant signs telling people they are going to hell, that homosexuals are going to hell, and that unless you follow the 10 commandments, you're going to hell too! All I could do is walk by and shake my head. No wonder people tend to keep the fact that they are a Christian/Christ-follower a secret-- look at who our representation is! I do not associate myself with those people, but if people hear I'm a Christian, they will more than likely place me in their group--ick! They have "stupid" cooties! Okay, that wasn't very nice...
Why do these people feel compelled to come out here and act/talk like they do? Has their method proven to be effective? Do they have anyone fall on their face in repentance? I would guess that that has never ever happened! So what motivates them to come out to the mall and throw fire and brimstone at people walking by? Just because Jesus said to "go and make disciples of all nations," he didn't mean to go out and make an idiot out of yourself. Telling people that they're going to hell is not a message of love. Telling homosexuals that their sin has condemned them to hell is not a message of acceptance.
Where is the sign that says "Jesus loves you for who you are, no matter what you've done"? I did see one guy holding a sign that said "Jesus is the message of hope." That at least was a positive message, but still, it begs the question: how effective is that? Are these people afraid to get close to anyone who may be at all different than them? Is that why they passively hold the sign and shout hate at the people passing by? To be missional the way Jesus was-- getting down and dirty with those who surrounded him-- makes people extremely vulnerable and also shows everyone else that they are not all high and mighty and holy; I'd venture a guess that showing their humanity is what they are trying to avoid doing.
It's no wonder why people don't like "Christians."

Why Oh Why Did the DNC Have to be Here?

2008-08-25T11:15:00.005-06:00

I'm already sick and tired of the Democratic National Convention (DNC). I wouldn't mind at all if I didn't
1) work downtown
2) live right off of Speer Blvd.
3) people didn't treat the DNC and the protesters like the end of the world (ie riots, teargas, people throwing mailboxes into cars [no joke, they removed all drop-boxes from the street because of the fear that people would pick them up and throw them... come on, people!])
It's already crazy! Michael and I missed church yesterday because of traffic issues caused by the streets closing down! We sat at the same light for 15 minutes watching cars drive into the middle of the intersection (even though they could see traffic wasn't going anywhere), and people making U-turns to go south on Speer... Oh, and did I mention the next light was broken and not turning green? Oh yeah, that was loads of fun. And all the roads being turned into one lane? That was fun too! By the time we would have made it though both intersections, we would have gotten to church halfway through the sermon! Michael was yelling at all the people on the sidewalk and the other cars "GO HOME!" I feel the exact same way!
It was Sunday, nothing was even really going on, and people are already acting like idiots and there were people already arrested last night... ugh! And I have to be downtown to work. We have the option to go home at noon and work from home, but I have the issue of the fact that my whole job is to be AT WORK! I can't answer the phones from home! I can't transfer calls from my cell phone! I'm stuck here till my boss says I can go home (that is, if everyone else goes home... please! everyone go home so I can too!!!) That didn't sound too desperate, did it? Well, it'll give me a lot of time to... uh... read/write blogs and mess around doing nothing... hopefully someone finds something for me to do-- not likely, but possible!
Be thankful if you are not in Denver, Colorado this week! Watch the coverage from your living room, away from the chaos and overreactions! This madness needs to end!
[Oh, and I have to just state my feelings about the protesters-- they're really dumb! No one even knows why they're here or what they're protesting for! I do know that there is a group protesting for peace, even though Democrats tend to be anti-war... I just don't get some people...]

Don't Shove 'Jim' Out the Door, Love Him Instead

2008-08-20T14:35:00.006-06:00

The story I'm about to tell and comment on is almost 6 months old, but for some reason has been creeping into my thoughts lately, so I thought I would share it. It is a modern-day example of how Jesus calls us to love those who are not like us, and also showed me what ancient Pharisees may have been like.

It was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for me, but I saw the email about it so it was spoiled. This was fine, because, as a matter of fact, I'm not very into surprises. Don't get me wrong, I like presents, but to have something come up unexpectedly that everyone else knew about is not my idea of a good time. (Hence the look of terror on my face during our wedding when our officiant said "Katie doesn't know about this..." Thankfully it was just that Michael sang me a song, but still...)
Anyway, Michael invited a bunch of our friends, as well as a guy he knew from work. All of our friends were from church (like us), but Michael's friend, we'll call him Jim, was a little rougher around the edges (not like us).
Jim was the last person to arrive, already well on his way to being drunk, and sat around with the women who were on the chairs and couches. The men were sitting at the table playing cards. I don't mind talking to people who are different than me, but for some, if someone says something off-color, it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Unless it's offensive to me personally, I just shrug my shoulders and let it slide. He didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but did make the rest of the women squirm. Jim then moved over to where the men were and proceeded to "flex his wallet" and brag about how much money he had, how many women he'd "had" and that he had hookers waiting at his house... Not exactly our idea of a good time, so when he invited the guys to come over, they all declined.
As the evening progressed, more alcohol was consumed by everyone, tensions started running high. Men started getting possessive of their wives, and women started getting offended by Jim's lifestyle.
Finally, someone snapped. Jim was shoved out of our home by one of our guests. He was told he was unwelcome and offended everyone. [Disclaimer: We later dealt with this situation with our friends and it was resolved, so the disagreement over how this all was handled is not the purpose of this post.]
Michael and I disagreed with how our friend handled the situation, but that was not the biggest issue we had. Our issue was how "Pharisee-like" our friends' actions and attitudes were towards our guest. Jesus ate dinner and partied with "sinners" and the Pharisees did nothing but ridicule and judge.

Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.
I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5: 29-32

Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn't it? We wanted to show Jim the love of Christ, that Christians aren't all stuffy and legalistic (everyone was drinking, for crying out loud!), but in the end, all he saw was a house full of stuffy, legalistic, judgmental Christians.
I was ashamed.
I was embarrassed.
I knew that this is not the first time a non-Christian had been shunned from a "Christian" gathering. We were prideful, he sleeps around... both are sins, and both sets of people need forgiveness. Just because we are Christians doesn't make us better than others-- it should humble us to a level to show others how that sin can be erased, not shoved in their face. These are the people Jesus called to love and befriend.
Yes, having Christian friends, people with similar views, morals, and lifestyle is important, but we also need to reach outside of our bubbles and befriend those who are "sick." Jesus didn't "witness" to Levi and the guests at the party-- he just sat back and enjoyed their company. I'm sure they cussed and drank too much and probably told a crass joke here and there, but Jesus didn't throw them out of the house, he didn't shame them for being themselves. He lived by example and loved them and told them they were worth someones while.
That's how we should live. We need to love the sick and the poor, even if the "poor" part is only in spirit, not in regards to a bank account. You can be respectful and tell someone that a joke they said or a story they told is offensive, and if you don't tell those kinds of jokes and show respect to everyone, your influence and your presence will make a difference. People notice those who are different from them, so stand out as a difference for love. Tell someone they're worth your time, your money, your food, and your listening ear. You never know what kind of valuable friendship you could gain from someone who doesn't look and act just like you.

That Cake Looks Just Like A......

2008-08-18T14:26:00.003-06:00

Oh my gosh! I had to cough to try to not burst out laughing at work (I'm sure a few giggles snuck out here and there...) over this blog. The whole blog is dedicated to professional cakes and how terrible (visually) they can end up being! I was about to pee my pants over some of them. Definitely take the time to go through all of her blogs (meaning click on "older posts" at the bottom of the page)... her commentary on some of them is priceless and makes the cake even funnier!
Check it out here: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

The Five Country Plan

2008-08-15T10:44:00.005-06:00

I've never mentioned on here my views and hopes for children, so I thought I'd enlighten you (and be able to process this whole thing a little bit). Michael and I have been married for 5 months and we are nowhere near wanting to have children. We do joke around that when his sister, April, has her baby (it could be any day now...), Izzy (the baby--her name is going to be Elizabeth) will be our guinea-pig in dealing with a child. I've done nannying but it is nowhere near the same thing as having your own, and I have a feeling that Izzy will be the same way. We wont have to get up with her every 3 hours, and can give her back to April when she's fussy. But we'll see... because currently, the thought of having a child makes my heart race-- a sure sign I'm not emotionally ready to have a child.
On a recent blog post I read, it introduced me to the idea of leading a quiverful lifestyle in regards to childbearing. I'd never heard of it, having been raised in a pretty relaxed and non-traditional household. People who adhere to the quiverful ideas say that any sort of prevention of having a child (including abstaining from sex during ovulation [aka natural family planning]) is a sin; that God creates life and we should not stand in the way of God's life-giving powers... if you know me at all, you can safely guess that I don't think that is legit.
But I must admit, it did get me thinking. The blog I read linked to another blog that started the whole discussion. The idea that I took out of it was the idea that married couples don't tend to consult God in their reproductive decisions. Michael and I had never discussed what we thought God thought about us having children. So from that blog, Michael and I got into a pretty interesting discussion about what we thought God would want from us, if using contraception really was a sin (we don't think it is), and, like the original author of the blog was discussing, we had a discussion surrounding the idea of God and contraception.
But even though we don't think that we are sinning or preventing God from creating life (which he could do even with using birth control), we know that we are not anywhere near ready to have responsibility for a child's life. We barely make enough money as it is, and we're only in our early 20s for crying out loud! We could wait 10 years and still have plenty of time to have more than one kid!
Another aspect to our decision is that we want to experience life first. We want to travel, we want to live a life that is not dictated or restrained by having a child. Yes, I understand that children are a blessing, but where we are in life right now, we don't see it that way. If we ended up getting pregnant, we would embrace it and love that child more than we could imagine, but if we can prevent it and lead our life sans children for a while, we would like to do that.
But the question arises: is that selfish? Is that too self-centered? Is it okay to be all about us? What if we're not meant to even have children? (Even my sister pointed out "you don't even like kids"... I'm sure it'd be different if they were mine, but what if that's true? What if I wouldn't like my future children?) Is it socially (especially in the church) acceptable to choose to not have children?
We've decided on a 5-country plan for deciding when to have kids: we want to travel to 5 different countries before we have any kids (we know that is completely unrealistic, so it's actually "after Michael is done with school [in 2 years] we'll reassess the situation" plan)... but we can dream!
How do people decide when to have kids? When it's an unplanned thing, you obviously have no choice, but if you get married, how have other people made that decision? Do you just get the "baby bug" and that's when you start trying? There are just so many questions surrounding this seemingly small subject... I'll be wrestling with this one for a while.
Oh, and if we're lucky to make it to one country, we'll be happy :-)

Where Have All the Men Gone?

2008-08-14T12:03:00.005-06:00

I was going through the archive of my old blogs and found this one still as a draft. I don't know why I didn't publish it, so I thought now is as good of a time as ever:

(Note that this is back in October of '07.... although still an issue...) This last week at the young marrieds group at the church we attend when we are in Denver (I realize we are not married yet, but they let us join anyway!), we got into a discussion about the differences in how men and women relate to members of the same gender. Women tend to have no trouble at all making friends, finding a women's group to join, ladies get-togethers, etc. But when it comes to men, there seems to be a shortage of opportunities for them to meet other men. And with that, it is even more difficult to find guidance and direction and a mentor-type relationship with older men. I've heard that men's groups tend to always struggle in churches and men just don't seem to be interested in going to some get-together-- they'd just as soon sit on the couch and watch TV. And yet, in everything that I've heard, the men are desperate for male companionship. Women's company can only stretch so far. There's some level of understanding and interaction during sporting events that men just seem to understand more than women. And men need that kind of interaction. But where are these men who are wanting a friendship? Is it socially (culturally and at church) unacceptable for men to be vulnerable enough to open themselves up and ask for friendship from another man? Are men just too busy to have time for other men? Can men function alone, or just with their wives? I know that friendships can be formed between men when couples are friends with other couples, and that's great! But what about individual friendships? Ones that don't need their wives or other people as the catalyst to start them?

My (Very Belated) Review of Batman

2008-08-14T10:29:00.004-06:00

I feel it is my duty as a movie-lover to add to the gazillion reviews (although extremely late) for the new Batman movie, "The Dark Knight." I'll make it brief, since I'm sure everyone's been bombarded with people talking about it. So here goes:
I loved it! I thought the movie was well done, everyone's acting was phenomenal. Heath Ledger was creepy as hell and he made the movie. He made my skin crawl and he did a great job in portraying that he was evil just for the fun of it. I thought they did a good job showing him as out of control and, obviously, extremely dangerous; but they also did a good job showing the audience a glimpse of someone's mind who has no empathy or any sense of right and wrong (ie a sociopath). It's tragic that Heath Ledger died and cannot continue to make extremely well-done movies and intriguing characters, but at least he ended with a fabulous movie! Christian Bale also did a good job, yet again, as Batman. He creates a good balance of the hero and dealing with his sense of duty as the city's hero, and acting within his expected billionaire role. Michael had me watch the older Batman movies, and Christian Bale is by far the biggest and best bad-ass! Oh, I have to mention Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. I thought he did an amazing job in showing that he was a man for the people and wanted to get rid of the crime in the streets without it being cheesy. But when he turned into Two-Face (which I still don't know how the makeup people did it!) I thought they did an extremely good job in showing his motivation for turning evil. Tommy Lee Jones' original portrayal of Two-Face was more comical and goofy (does acid really make your mind go crazy if it just destroys your face? my point exactly.), and I thought Eckhart's interpretation and presentation was much more believable. I also liked (this might give something away....) that they didn't continue his story into another movie. I thought it did a good job with his story ending on a high note and leaving it at that. The characters in this movie were dynamic and very well-developed. The movie may have been long, but as my sister said, you don't even notice!
One big negative of the movie, at least for someone who gets emotionally involved in movies, is how dark the movie is. I said that the glimpse into a sociopath's mind was a good thing because it's fascinating, but it's also a scary place to go. I feel silly admitting it, but I saw the movie at night and ended up having some really freaky nightmares from the movie.... not a good time! So if you're sensitive to those kinds of things, definitely watch the movie during the day when you can have enough time to process the movie and get it out of your head while you sleep! Other than that, I don't really have anything negative to say about the actual movie!
Okay, I have to mention Michael's and my favorite parts: the truck-flip was mind-blowingly cool! As well as the transformation of the Batmobile into a motorcycle! AWESOME! And Michael's favorite part was the Joker walking away from the hospital... he was laughing about it even as we walked out of the theater. (*Possible spoiler*): But it's hard not to laugh at Heath Ledger in his joker makeup, long greasy hair, and a nurse's dress throwing a tantrum about a bomb taking too long to go off...
I definitely recommend this movie, but for the faint of heart, see it during the day-- I sure wish I had! But this movie will have you talking about it and thinking about it long after you've seen it!

Brushing the Dust Off My Bible

2008-08-14T09:49:00.006-06:00

I got together with a friend the other night who goes to school in California, so it was great to see her! She's two years younger than me, but since we were in middle school, we've really been able to see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, including life in general. She is actually the catalyst to me exploring my thoughts and ideas of egalitarian vs. complimentarian marriages. We always have great conversations whenever we get together, whether in person or for a "phone date."
Anyway, she was telling me about how great life has been for her being connected at her church, doing a Bible study with her mentor, and getting to know Christian friends at her church.
I'm so excited for her and where life is taking her, but her excitement also made me realize that I lacked that enthusiasm for anything regarding church. Don't get me wrong, I love the church we go to and we love the friends we're making, but when it comes to actual church and the Bible, a big yawn comes out of my mouth.
I don't know if it's just a phase, or if it's a sign of something bigger. I've always struggled with having a good, quality, more than once a month quiet time. I know that they're important and when I have my high phase, I really enjoy it. But when I'm in the place I'm in now, the Bible seems boring, more like a textbook that you have to read to do well in life... not a way to connect to our heavenly creator who loves us. Michael and I tried to read together but doing it at night leaves very little time for discussion before we're both falling asleep.
The time I did it most consistently was when I was in school and nannying-- the kid(s) napped and I did my quiet time. Since I nannied about 2-3 times a week, it kept me on a pretty regular schedule for a quiet time. But once that stopped, and especially now that I have a full-time job, it's even harder. I can't do it at lunch because it's way too distracting sitting out on 16th Street Mall (you can't believe the great people watching that happens by sitting out there!), and I hate staying cooped up in the office all day without any fresh air. As I write that it sounds like excuses, but should a quiet time require me being miserable (if I stayed in the office the whole day)? And if I do it when I get home, I haven't seen Michael all day and it's dinner time when I get home. And if I do it in the morning, I'd probably fall back asleep because I get up really early as it is. I don't feel like there's any time to have a good quiet time. I pray occasionally when I'm walking to and from work, but that's definitely not enough.
How do people do it? What kinds of sacrifices need to be made to have a relatively consistent quiet time? Should it be a sacrifice? Because getting together with my friend the other night was anything but a sacrifice-- I was looking forward to seeing her since we scheduled a time to meet! I know that I should have that enthusiasm for reading the Bible and connecting with God, but when I struggle to connect with Him, it isn't as exciting to think about "getting together" with God. If I have a friend or coworker who is not as easy to talk to or connect with (at some points it's even painful), I don't look forward to talking to them or getting together with them; and if I do, I'm just waiting till the whole thing is over. And honestly, that's how I tend to feel about God and the Bible. I don't get anything out of it, and it feels like a one-sided conversation. I'm not good at sitting still and listening-- I just don't function that way, so "hearing from God" is a vague and illusive concept for me. I get feelings-- being uneasy, feeling at peace, a nagging on my mind, etc., but never a clear path or writing on the wall. Maybe it'd feel more like that if I spent more time with God and reading the Bible, but, as you can see, it's a vicious cycle.
So I guess this whole thing is for me to process how I'm feeling, as well as to seek any advice from people. Advice is the wrong word... what I'd love to know is how others connect with God and especially if they're working people, how they find the time to connect with God during the work-week. Obviously just sitting in church waiting for it to end so we can talk to our friends and leaving my Bible untouched for weeks (if not months) at a time isn't working for me. I need some different ideas or some good recommendations for books, Bible studies, etc.

Camping in the Poudre Canyon

2008-08-13T16:38:00.003-06:00

We went camping this last weekend with my family (including Michael, obviously, and my sister's roommate) and it was AWESOME! I finally got my fill of camping for the year (the dime-sized bug bites are a strong motivator to not do it again for a while...) We went up to the Poudre Canyon (that probably wins the contest for stupidest/most-to-make-you-laugh names of a river/canyon) which is just west of Fort Collins. The weirdest part is that I went to school in Fort Collins for 4 years and NEVER went up the Poudre! But I finally got to experience it, and it was absolutely gorgeous!
It rained off and on, which was annoying; not just because it limits what activities you can do, but also we've spent the summer in record heat (something like 25 straight days of over 90 degree weather) and no rain... until the week of us going camping... it's a family curse! And you think I'm joking...
We got to see 3 moose on a little excursion we went on up the canyon. None of us younger people had ever seen one, so it was really exciting! I must say, moose are very weird-looking!
We also did a little treasure-hunting while we were up there. There is an activity called geocaching where you get the coordinates of a hidden cache and go on a hunt for it. There are thousands, all over the world! We picked two to do and it was so much fun. On the first one, we learned that it's important to read the whole description, as well as the hint to find it properly. We got the wrong coordinates (not our fault) and went on a hike along the Poudre for about a 1/2 mile until we realized it was back where we started-- except that it was a beautiful hike, it was a bit annoying-- and the actual finding of the cache was a bit disappointing... Oh well. The next one we found was much more fun and a beautiful hike as well! If you have a gps reader, I highly suggest you get involved! It's so much fun!
We also got to experiencing high centering our car on a rock that took the muscles of 4-5 other guys with my dad and Michael to get it off.
But the food was DELICIOUS! I don't eat eggs, don't ask why, but we had some our first morning and they were some of the best eggs I've ever had! We had a seafood bake for lunch and steak and potatoes over the fire for dinner. Yeah, as you can tell, we do what Michael calls "gourmet camping." We had to have the chicken salad sandwiches for dinner the first night cuz it was raining too hard to get a fire started (and it was way too late by the time it stopped to even think about starting that kind of meal). Camping food tastes way better than if you were to have the exact same thing at home. We were all trying to figure out why that is, but all we could really come up with was that we were outside, it was cooked over a fire, and it just does taste better! Oh, and I forgot the sourdough pancakes the last morning....mmmmm pancakes are one of my favorite foods! I usually eat 3 of them, but that morning I had 5 (maybe 6) and 2 pieces of bacon! Boy was it good!
And last but not least, the shower after camping.... nothing comes even close to the feeling of getting clean after being in the mountains for 3 days and no shower! It's heavenly!

Men Don't Need a Chore Chart

2008-07-25T11:41:00.005-06:00

Gender-role-reversal-- it's becoming more of a common occurrence for men to stay home to be househusbands, if not stay-at-home-dads. I read this blog recently that talked about an article he read and the comments that people (mostly women) left that reflect the feelings towards men who stay at home instead of work.
The responses he posted made me have the same reaction that he did. Women talked as if their husbands were 5 year old children who needed a chore-chart to make sure he completed everything, and if he didn't, to give him grace and understanding. I'm not sure if there are websites out there for stay at home moms where men are reading them and commenting about needing to communicate and have understanding. If there are, that's great, but I can assume they are few and far between. Women still fall under the stereotype that they intrinsically know how to keep a clean house, like doing housework, and are the only real ones who can do it the "right" way. Michael knows how to clean dishes-- he's not an idiot. He knows how to sweep, vacuum, wipe down counters-- he doesn't need me to stand over him and make sure he's doing it "right."
There was a website he linked to, http://www.parenteam.com/ . It is a support website for working mothers with stay-at-home-husbands. If a couple is needing support and a resource for the husband, then that's great. But it sure seems like it expresses more that men need help in understanding what to do (again, that women don't need that help).
As a bit of an experiment to see the difference in stay at home moms and stay at home dads. I searched "stay at home moms" I got a whole list of ways for moms to make money while at home, how much staying at home costs, and the very last listing on the first page was a website for resources, activities, etc for stay at home mom. However, when I typed in "stay at home dads" I got a whole list of articles, references, website devoted to stay at home dads, etc. Again, I'm seeing a big gap between what women should naturally do and what men need help doing. There was a link to a study researching stay at home dads and their psychological well-being. Are they doing that for women? Being "super-mom," I'm sure, takes a toll on some women-- working all day and having to come home and be the one in charge of the house--kids, cooking, cleaning, etc. I learned in one of my classes in college about what this phenomenon of women working and coming home to work again. It's called her second shift. And if she is also in school, it's called her third shift. That men aren't expected or encouraged to be the ones to stay home if the woman wants to work, it is kind of upsetting.
It's interesting the looks Michael and I get when we tell people I'm the one working and he's the one at home being a house-husband. It's "weird" to people. It shouldn't be! I know there is a shift, and I think that's great. It's becoming more common, which will make it less-weird to people, but it still has a long way to go. Men who stay home should stand up for themselves and not feel any less of a man for doing so. Most people, as I have learned, expect that a man is only home because he's unemployed, injured, or some other reason that he has to be-- not because he wants to or chooses to. Men have to fight others' perceptions of him staying home and why he is going so. If women are stay at home moms, no one questions it. No one asks why they're not working. They also know a lot more stay at home moms than stay at home dads, so it's even more difficult for men to find support from his peers.
I hope more men are willing to speak out about that they are just as capable as women in maintaining a household, caring for children, taking them to soccer practice, etc. I understand the need for resources because it's not as common for men to stay home, so they might feel lost. But I also think they should just do what comes naturally. If it's nice outside, take the kid to the park, if it's lunch time, feed the kid! If they honestly don't know what to do, it would be understandable if they sought the answer online or even through his wife. But men can learn to cook dinner-- even if they ruin it the first few times, no one started out cooking without making a mistake or two. We need to be giving men more credit than their getting, as well as needing to challenge men to rise up to the challenge and put their whole heart into it. Even if the man is unemployed and that's the reason he's home, take pride in it-- stay at home moms do! And don't treat couples/men/women any different if the woman is the one working and the man is at home. They're no different than anyone else. Michael is definitely no less of a man or a husband because he stays home-- it is actually truly a blessing because I don't have to worry about doing it all when I get home from work!

Promoting Religion

2008-07-23T11:36:00.003-06:00

I'm at work, and as I've mentioned before, I read cnn.com like it's going out of style. They tend to be interesting stories, some evoking strong emotions out of me, as well as making me sit back and think. Thinking is what happened to me today. I was doing my regular reading-- clicking on each of the stories under the "Most Popular" link on the side, when a story came up that ended up taking me by surprise: "Islam subway ads cause stir in New York." The article talks about ads that Islamic group, Islamic Circle of North America, sponsored and now face resistance from people wanting the Metropolitan Transit Authority to reject the ads.
They claim that one of the head organizers of the campaign is a suspected terrorist, but the only court appearance he made was to be a character witness and has never been charged with being a co-conspirator. Maybe he is an Islamic extremist, I don't know, but just because he's behind the campaign, does that really mean something promoting (non-extremist) Islam should be banned? I realized that people's outrage over the ads made me discouraged.
I'm assuming that the people in the Islamic Circle of North America are not extremists or terrorists, but want to genuinely promote their religion. Although I will not be converting Islam, I can appreciate what they're trying to do. The ads show a phrase that is often misused in reference to Islam and state in the ad "You deserve to know." The group members want people to think about the words, to explore Islam, and, I'm assuming, convert.
It's not too different than Christianity. The question that kept going through my head while I was reading the article was "If these were Christians wanting to put up an ad, would they get this much resistance?" Christians want to promote their religion, as well as have extremists. They don't go out to other countries and blow them up, but there are people who consider themselves Christians and go and blow up abortion clinics. There are good and bad examples of people of every religion. I don't think the Metropolitan Transit Authority should ban the ads because it's not promoting terrorism or hatred, it is giving people something to think about and explore. I think it is courageous for the group to be so ambitious in choosing the location of their ads (on New York subways). The reason people are resisting the ads is the very reason the ads need to be put up-- people have stereotypes and assumptions about Islam and Muslims, and that's what feeds their resistance to the ads-- because they think Muslims are all terrorists/ extremists. I honestly hope the MTA does not reject the ads, unless there is a darn good reason to, not just because someone's anti-Islam.

As If I Needed Another Excuse to Eat

2008-07-18T09:27:00.007-06:00

Happy National Caviar Day! I can assure you, I will not be celebrating this holiday, but I'm definitely looking forward to July 21, 23, 24... pretty much the rest of the month. On the blog, Epicurious.com: Editor's Blog I found this blog posted about national food days for the rest of the month. In case you needed any more excuses to celebrate with food, here's your chance. The blog links to a listing of the national food days for the entire year so you'll always have an excuse to celebrate!!

National Caviar Day July 18
National Daiquiri Day July 19
National Lollipop Day July 20
National Ice Cream Soda Day July 20
Fortune Cookie Day July 20
National Ice Cream Day July 21 <-- That's every single day, for me! :-)
National Junk Food Day July 21
National Penuche Fudge Day July 22
National Vanilla Ice Cream Day
July 23 National Tequila Day July 24
National Hot Fudge Sundae Day July 25
National Coffee Milkshake Day July 26
National Crème Brûlée Day July 27 <-- yummmm!
National Scotch Day July 27
National Milk Chocolate Day July 28
Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day July 29*
National Cheesecake Day July 30
National Raspberry Cake Day July 31
Cotton Candy Day July 31
Jump for Jelly Beans Day July 31

*Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day is the day you go out to buy cheese to sacrifice to the mouse traps to keep your house mouse-free. Or, as this guy did, you can sacrifice a cheese-man!

I'm a Superhero Addict!

2008-07-18T09:13:00.004-06:00

As I'm sure the rest of the world is, I am SO excited to go see the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight. Ever since I went on imdb.com before the movie was even done and saw that Heath Ledger was the Joker, I wanted to go out and see it! I've been seeing reviews posted on news sites and have been so envious of the reviewers' jobs!
If you know me at all, you know that I don't tend to get excited about superhero movies, tv shows, or any sort of sci-fi show or movie. However, in the last week, I have become a total sci-fi/superhero nerd! As I said before, I can't wait to see Batman, but there's more. Michael and I don't have cable (we actually only have about 7 channels using bunny ears/antenna... we're so high-tech!) we don't really watch any tv except for the news in the morning while we're getting ready for the day. So to replace having to remember when shows are on, we rent the old seasons and watch them (or watch them online, like I did with LOST-- which I watched on my lunch breaks...). Well all this to say, Michael rented the show, Heroes on NBC. He had about 20 minutes left of an episode when I got home the other day and I sat and watched the rest with him-- I was totally and completely sucked in! It's about people with super-powers but I can't get enough of it!
I used to have my line-up of shows that I watched every week without fail (including in the summer-- Psych is one of the best shows out there!). But since we don't have cable and are usually busy during the week, I have lost interest in almost every show (LOST is the only exception) and I thought I was cured of my tv-show addiction... but here comes Heroes... ugh! It's sad and pathedic, but oh well, at least it's entertaining. Plus, Michael and I now watch it together so it's time we get to spend together!
Too bad I have to work so I can't be home watching Heroes.........

Does God Have a Wife?

2008-07-09T10:13:00.006-06:00

I realized I haven't written anything very deep or thoughtful lately. I guess I feel uninspired or haven't found anything worth trying to digest and process on here.
Well, I have found something that has been puzzling me for a while. I'm reading a book called Jezebel by Lesley Hazleton. It's a non-fiction telling of the story of the interactions of Queen Jezebel, King Ahab, and Elijah from a historical perspective. When I first picked it up, I thought it was going to be a historical-fiction novel, but I have been pleasantly surprised by how interesting and informational it is. I'm not very knowledgeable of the Old Testament, and knew nothing of Jezebel, except that people use her name like a weapon; but I was never sure why. This book has already helped paint a picture of her influence on history, as well as who she and her husband were. I'll wait to recommend it (or not) when I finish it...
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog is because of something the author said and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out if it is true. Here is the passage from the book that has me puzzled:

"As Jezebel was yet to discover, Yahweh did indeed have a consort-- a lesser version of Astarte known as Asherah.
We know of her from ancient inscriptions calling down teh blessings of 'Yehweh and his Asherah' as well as from the Bible itself. In Jeremiah she is known as 'the queen of heaven,' and her image -- a stylized Tree of Life-- was placed beside the main alter in the temples of Yehweh." (pg. 43)

Is Asherah real? Is it a myth? Who is she? I found a few verses that talk about her:

Jeremiah 44:18: 18But ever since we stopped burning incense to the Queen of Heaven and pouring out drink offerings to her, we have had nothing and have been perishing by sword and famine.”
Jeremiah 7:18: 18The children gather wood, the fathers light the fire, and the women knead the dough and make cakes of bread for the Queen of Heaven. They pour out drink offerings to other gods to provoke me to anger.

Is she a superstition? Or is there such thing as a queen of heaven? Is there a female spirit up there with Jesus? Or is it humans trying to create a balance in their mind-- thinking that God needs a female counter-part since we, as humans, have males and females? I'm so confused by this! Because in Jeremiah 44:18 it sounds like she was taking offerings and helping to protect people... but then in (actually, it's first) it says they are provoking God by giving offerings to other gods. Does the Queen of Heaven qualify or is she with God so offerings to her count towards God as well? And if she really does exist, how come it's never been talked about? Why is shes never mentioned? What does/will that do to my faith? to others' faith? What kind of impact would it have if she does exist and churches start teaching about her and praising her like they do God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit? Is that even possible to happen? I have so many questions flying through my head!
I know I need to do some more research, but I'm surprised I've never heard of this before! If anyone has any sort of insight, please help me out!

"I'm Gonna Make You a Star!"

2008-07-07T15:41:00.003-06:00

Michael has been involved in the worship at our church, which means he is also involved elsewhere in the service. So, for whatever reason, he was asked to help shoot a video for one of the services-- the sermon topic was why it isn't good to go throughout life alone. Well, Michael was a star! Everyone was laughing so hard! The guy who filmed it, James, did an awesome job editing the video and even put it up on youtube. Check out his other stuff here. He's actually pretty funny (but I have a pretty strange sense of humor so take my opinion with a grain of salt...) But here's the video. It's entertaining, to say the least.

Happy Belated Independence Day!

2008-07-07T15:32:00.006-06:00

Happy (belated) 4th of July! This year was fun-- especially when you have smoked ribs, delicious potatoes, and fresh berry trifle to top off your night! We went to the Glendale fireworks, as is tradition, and they were as great as ever. I had invited friends to come along and had raved about how amazingly awesome these fireworks are... so I was a bit nervous that they would let me down... alas, they did not! We were literally right underneath them and they lasted for about 30 minutes! Thirty minutes of pure, mind-blowing, fire-power! And the end/finale, as my wonderful husband said, was like being inside a kaleidoscope! It was awesome! I love fireworks! I love friends, and family, and everything that goes into the 4th of July. But fireworks definitely make it even more worth while!
P.S. I also need to give a belated "shout-out" to my Marine boys. Some are getting out of the Marines for good in about a month, others are in Afghanistan, and others are just beginning! Thanks, guys, for everything you do! I love you all!

Something's Gotta Be More Entertaining than Filing

2008-06-24T16:07:00.003-06:00

So... I'm really bored. I can't do any more filing, because I'll rip my eyeballs out just to give me something else to do. Four people are gone from the office today, which leaves only 15 people in the office-- it's really slow. On days like this, and all last week, I find it very difficult to find something to keep myself from falling asleep with my eyes open or driving myself mental with boredom. Amy suggested I could scrub down the kitchen... um... no... I'd rather do filing. What do people do who don't have anything to do? Is reorganizing the supply cupboards and scrubbing down the kitchen my only option? Because the filing won't last forever, so once my pile's done, I'm left with absolutely nothing else to do on my desk.
So help me out! Give me some ideas! I've read every headlining article on cnn.com, 9news.com, and all my blogs that I subscribe to... I'm desperate! HELP!

This Guy is My New Hero!

2008-06-20T10:41:00.001-06:00

If I had $45,000 per year of my own money to spend on helping those in need, I'd totally do what this guy does:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/06/19/heroes.agoglia/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

The Smores Are Calling Out to Me

2008-06-20T10:12:00.005-06:00

So I have to vent a little. This weekend is the young marrieds camping trip and we can't go! Camping is one of the best things in the world and we have to miss it. We're celebrating Michael's step-father, Jerry's, birthday this weekend at a big party Michael's mom and Jerry's mom are hosting. Don't get me wrong, I love parties, especially birthday parties because it's a day to celebrate someone!
So of course, the camping trip had to fall on the same weekend, out of the entire summer, that we had something planned-- we've known about the party and the date of the party for at least 2 months, so there was no getting out of it. All of our friends are going and I really wish we could go. Another couple from the group can't go and they said that they'll coordinate another trip later in the summer... needless to say, I'm going to make sure that happens! Oh, and on top of missing this camping trip, my parents invited us to go camping with them next weekend and my friend is having a bachelorette party that weekend, another party I've known about for months... I guess I'm just destined to not go camping... I'm sure both parties will be a blast, but I still wish I could go camping... mmm... smores...

"All By Myself"

2008-05-23T12:11:00.004-06:00

Pathways, my church, has started a series titled "Friends with Benefits." No, it's not about that... It's about the benefits that friendships and relationships bring to someone and how absolutely essential they are to someone's life and well-being.
This week's topic was loneliness. I can honestly I have experienced my fair share of loneliness because of a lack of friends. I have spent my entire life having friends for a period of time, and then for one reason or another, I end up back at square one. And continuing to experience that feeling makes each time that much lonelier than the last.
It's been difficult for me over these last few months because, well, Michael and I got married and moved to a new area. We know our landlords (the woman married us), but that's about it. We've made friends at our church through the young marrieds group, but those friendships are struggling. There are numerous, complicated reasons for different people acting and reacting the way they do and why Michael and I end up as the initiators with every friendship we find ourselves in. How do people not end up calling one another? How does it fall on certain people? Are the only friendships worth pursuing and growing the ones that show mutual interest and initiation? Do people just "click"? Is that the only way you know that they'll be good/healthy friendships? And how quickly do you delve into a friendship? Can you just create it overnight or does it have to take a lot of time to really get to know them and to know what kind of people/person they really are? Because if you click, wouldn't you assume that you'd be good friends? Or is that too shallow of a point of view of it?
These thoughts have been running through my head since Sunday and really bugs me that the topic of loneliness struck me so deep to the core. Honestly, it wasn't that great of a sermon and didn't really teach me anything new, but it did stir up those emotions to get me motivated to do something about it-- call a friend to get together for lunch, attend the knitting club, plan a get-together with a different friend/acquaintance. But as a side note, it just really bugs me that the purpose of the young marrieds group was to make friends, but no one seems to have the time or motivation to do so... irritating. Anyway, I have been praying a lot about this and keep hoping that God will bring the right people into Michael's and my life. To find friends like my parents have-- they've had the same friends since about the time I was born (I'm 22). Where are these kinds of people? How do you find them?
Well, we'll see how life goes. I attended a knitting club last night and it was a fun time! A very diverse group of women, but very interesting and lively conversation! So we'll see what comes from that! And continuing to invest in the friendships I already have and try to strengthen and grow those friendships. What an exhausting feat!

Sex Sells Coffee... And It Makes Me Sick!

2008-05-21T15:31:00.006-06:00

During my brief moments of down-time during my job, I have been able to get through my blog reader daily! It's quite an accomplishment! With that, I have been able to sit and actually read a bunch of the blogs that I subscribe to rather than just mark them all as read because I don't have time to read all 153 of them (this is after days or weeks of not reading any blogs).
All that to say, I have found a blog post that made me want to fly to Washington state and burn down a couple buildings. It then linked to a newspaper article that explained more about the issue that was extremely helpful in understanding both sides-- why the coffee shops do it, and the response of those who disagree.
The topic: there have been more and more coffee shops that have started employing young girls/women to work as baristas wearing bikinis... even just writing that makes my up-chuck reflexes activate. Some coffee shops that have seen their sales go down have jumped on the bandwagon (no pun intended) and exploited their female employees to the same discrimination. The sickest thing I read was one owner, "Wheeler, who said he employs his own 17-year-old daughter at a stand, doesn't understand what the fuss is about." I'm sorry, that's your teenage daughter that you're teaching to exploit her body to make a few extra bucks making coffee. What kind of impact is that going to make on her later in life? The article compared the business model to that of Hooters. Well, since they do it, I guess it's okay.
Just like many people who object to the business practices, I wondered how what they are wearing, or not wearing, can be legal or sanitary. Well, here's what the article said:

Gainza got a jolt a few weeks ago while stuck in traffic on Highway 99. She spotted a barista with bright blue stickers strategically placed on her chest standing at a stand's drive-up window.

As long as genitals and nipples are covered, police say the stands do not violate indecent exposure laws. Health officials and state Labor and Industries officials say there are no clothing requirements for baristas.

No clothing requirements for baristas? That seems like a huge loop-hole, doesn't it? That rule, or lack thereof, seems to be asking for this kind of thing to happen.
The other thing that breaks my heart even more, is that there are enough girls out there who are willing to exploit their bodies, and think nothing of it. How could they truly have good self-esteem and a good self image if they are subjecting themselves to the perverts who come through the shop? In the article, it said that at other coffee shops, they "saw our male clientele dwindle to next to nothing." So I'm assuming women aren't flocking to a titti-bar to get a cup of coffee. My heart goes out to the girls who work there and really resent their owners/managers. One manager said

Carrie Smith, owner of the Mocha Boat in Lynnwood, said she switched themes six months ago after a competing stand hired young women to stand on the corner with pasties and tight shorts.

Business tripled after her employees started wearing more revealing outfits, she said.

"We had to close the stand or roll with it," Smith said. "I sold my soul for a dollar."

They are furthering the exploitation and objectification of women instead of taking a stand against it, saying "I love myself and my employees too much to allow myself and them to be objectified like that." Instead, girls/employees are saying

"I don't really consider this too sexual," Bustare said. "I think it's fun and cute."

"Fun and cute" is how things like this continue to happen. It's not shown for what it is-- soft porn and exploiting yourself just to make money. Outside that coffee shop, your occupation would be labeled as something else.
GRR! This article made me so upset, as I'm sure you can tell. Porn makes my stomach turn, using sex to sell makes me feel ill, and women willingly allowing others to objectify me makes me absolutely furious! We need to be loving our girls and our women! We need to be telling them that their image and their bodies are their own and that God made them to be beautiful, not to be exploited for money and to be "cute." Men and women, but especially men, need to stand up to their fellow men and tell them what they are doing is wrong and hurtful to the women's souls, whether they realize it or not. The men tipping enough that baristas are going home with $100 cash a day are telling the girls that they are only as good as the amount of skin they'll show. Heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking!
Pray for these girls and for the men who are encouraging this kind of business to flourish. Hooters started out small and now are a well-known name around the country. This idea could spread, and that is unacceptable to me. We need to nip this in the bud. This cannot be an acceptable way to conduct business, let alone an acceptable way to treat and exploit your female employees.
Whew! I feel better now that I got all of that off my chest. I hope this angers enough people that something is done because of it. It's good that people get enraged, but it's doing something that matters. I doubt anyone from Washington reads my blogs, but if you do, I encourage you to empower your friends and family against this kind of behavior and support those coffee shops that are not lowering themselves to these kinds of practices. Take a stand against those coffee shops!

It's Embarassing to Call Myself a Christian...

2008-05-16T16:48:00.003-06:00

...when there are guys like this running around under the label "Christian":

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2008/05/starbucks-drink.html?mbid=rss_epilog

This Isn't an Episode of the Office

2008-05-13T16:56:00.002-06:00

I first started writing this to my hubby to keep myself and him entertained. There are a lot of random thoughts that come up during the day so I thought I'd share a few with you. Enjoy!

-- Engineers are antisocial
-- There's a guy who's last name makes me think of tater-tots! ;-)
-- I eat a lot of chocolate sitting at my desk
-- I don't know what receptionists did to keep themselves busy before the internet was invented
-- A few people I work with look like famous people-- it's my mission to figure out who they look like!
-- I need an umbrella
-- I have a coworker who smells like my old piano teacher-- cigarettes and peppermints
-- Whoever invented a top-feeder for copy machines is one of my favorite people in the world... and the fact that I feel that way worries me a bit
-- Engineers tend to mumble
-- Online radio is my new favorite thing
-- I work with people with a LOT more money than I do
-- Why do I think sitting at my desk without my shoes on such a big dea?
-- I get motion sick/wibbly-wobbly riding the elevators
-- My college degree is completely worthless
-- I get extremely intimidated by the people in charge, no matter how nice they are
-- I'm wish where I worked was a little more like "The Office" (I guess that would make me Pam)
-- I need new shoes
-- I'm wasting my time writing this because I finished all my other projects...

Don't Forget Your Seatbelt

2008-05-13T10:42:00.007-06:00

This is the kind of thing that I find when there's nothing to do at work except look up news information. This story just makes me shake my head and laugh.

Driver buckles beer in car -- but not child

DARWIN, Australia (AP) -- An Australian driver who secured a carton of beer in his car with a seat belt but left a 5-year-old child unrestrained was fined 750 Australian dollars ($710; €460), police said Tuesday.

Read the rest here:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/13/australia.driver.ap/index.html?imw=Y

My Husband is Gonna Be a House-Husband

2008-05-13T08:47:00.004-06:00

I have finally run into the differences between marriages with my friends. I didn't have much ground being "only engaged" or "just dating" when it came to understanding the complexity and the deep issues that really can only be experienced in marriage. It has been interesting talking with our friends at church and in our small group about the differences in our marriages-- how decisions are made, who handles housework, etc. It's no surprise that Michael and I are nowhere near the majority-- I actually question if there is anyone like us in the young marrieds group, even at a church like Pathways. We hear people talk about their marriages, and why and how decisions are made and we sit back thinking "we would never do it that way! What about the other person's feelings/opinions/desires?"
Of course, we're only 2 months into this marriage, so maybe after a bit more time we might fall more into the traditional norm, but it doesn't seem likely. I'm sure it helps that I hate cleaning and doing housework, so I refuse to do it all by myself; and Michael doesn't expect me to, just because I'm a woman. He actually cares more about clutter and a clean house than I do (except I'm starting to lean more his way because our house isn't big enough to be dirty-- it takes over in no time!) so he is more apt to do the cleaning.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before in here, but I love to cook. With that, it would probably be expected that I cook all the meals. Well, I married a keeper because Michael loves to cook as well and loves to learn. I've taught him stuff, and he enjoys cooking dinner just as much as I do. He currently is working at the print shop he was at a few months ago to get some money before he starts school. He gets off work earlier than me, and gets home way before. I came home last week on my third day of work to him making dinner. (I might also mention he was wearing nothing but one of my aprons... he makes me laugh so hard!)
We trade off, even share the duties when we both get off work at the same time. When Michael starts school, he will get off at 12:30 so if he can't get a part-time job-- either he can't find one or school is too stressful, he'll be a house-husband. And he's totally okay with that. He's actually looking forward to it! His advisers told him that the first 7 months are the hardest, so it's looking like a house-husband is what he's going to be! It'll be an interesting adjustment and a very big reality check since what we're about to do is not very common, especially in Christian circles. But that's what is also exciting-- we're embarking on a journey of our own without anyone putting their own ideas or thoughts on us; we can choose what we want and can succeed and fail in our own right. We're excited and completely freaked out at the same time, but it's good-- that's how we grow as individuals and as a couple. We have to turn towards each other during this time to get through the rough parts and praise the good parts. So here's to living differently! Let's see how this goes!

Walking to Work

2008-05-13T08:27:00.004-06:00

It's rain/snowing here (so I guess you could say it's snaining...) and being inside is great! However, I would much rather be at home in bed, watching a movie than being at work when it's this kind of weather. I walk to work every morning which is wonderful (not only for the exercise and the sights, but it saves a bundle on gas)! This morning, however, was a bit on the dreary, unmotivating side.
When I walk to work, I walk over what is called "The Pedestrian Bridge." A clever name since that is exacly what it is. It's a bridge over highway I-25 that makes it super-easy to walk to downtown. The path eventually crosses over a river, which is absolutely gorgeous! The plants around it this morning, being so wet and green, were breathtaking! Unfortunately, because of the cold and the rain, there weren't as many people to gawk at... and since it's still gonna be cold at lunch time, I won't be able to eat my sandwich and people watch during my lunch break either. And let me tell you, people-watching on 16th Street Mall is probably my new favorite past-time! There are so many different and unique people who walk around out there! So besides being able to sit outside to eat when it's nice out, I also get to answer the question, "who will I see today?"

"This is Kate. How May I Help You?"

2008-05-06T11:43:00.004-06:00

You'll never guess where I am... I'm at my new job!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally, after 5 months of looking, sending out resumes and cover letters, and having to take a job at Barnes and Noble to make a little money, I have a full-time job; real, 8-5, real-world job!! I am an administrative assistant at an oil and gas drilling company that drills all over the place. Yes, I know my degree is in human development and family studies, but the jobs that go along with that aren't hiring and don't pay diddly-squat! Eventually when Michael finishes his degree (oh, by the way, he's going back to school in 2 weeks!!!) and makes a lot of money, I can persue something more along the lines of what my degree and interests are in.
But for now I'm surrounded by maps of things I have no clue what they represent or where the hell they even are. A very nice co-worker of mine sat me down and explained a little bit of what they do and what the different symbols and terminology means. Even still... now I can look at the maps and say "that one I think maybe might mean it's a working oil well." Where the maps are showing, I'm still clueless. I'm sure I'll learn more, since this is only my second day. So if you need an excuse to celebrate (since Cinco de Mayo is over [side note, I live right by Federal Blvd, a street notorious for being absolutely insane for cinco de mayo, and I'm happy to say there were no issues around our house! Yay!]), celebrate new jobs and new beginnings! Anyone else celebrating new beginnings? I'm totally willing to celebrate on behalf of you too! Share away!

Would a Little Boy Read the Princess Book?

2008-04-14T14:13:00.004-06:00

Okay, this blog is just to vent. I have become more aware of gender equality, as well as being a human development major, I am more in-tune with the genderization (is that a word?) of children. Anyway, as I've mentioned before, I work at Barnes and Noble. I occasionally work back in the children's section-- it has it's good and it's very bad moments. However, I am here to vent on books that are on our shelves. Each one is a foam book, cut into the shape of the person on the front and the occuaption they have. There are 6 of them-- a cowboy, a fairy, a astronaut, a ballerina, a doctor, and a princess. I'll bet you can guess that the fairy is not a boy. I just look at those books and think, "No wonder girls don't think they can be doctors-- their earliest books are telling them they can't be!" It makes me angry! But I can't do anything about it. If I threw them away, not only would I get in HUGE trouble, but they'd just order more! Okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest!

Missing Emergent Churches

2008-04-14T13:41:00.004-06:00

Last Sunday at church, Michael had the honor of singing with the worship band. (He wouldn't let me take any pictures...) He was asked to sing the song "Fix You," by Coldplay as a solo because the key was too high for the worship leader. At the second service, he got a standing ovation! (It was weird because our church rarely claps after any song.) He absolutely blew them away! I was so proud of him. (I think he sang it way better, but that's my biased opinion... ;-)

So after that performance, our worship leader asked Michael to join him in playing for a conference that was being hosted here in town. Not thinking too much of it, he agreed. Well, it turned out it was an emergent conference where Tony Jones and Doug Paggit (sp??) were attending. (I shook Tony Jones' hand... there's my "emergent" claim to fame ;-) We were part of an emergent church, and had missed it. The church we go to now is somewhat emergent, but there are aspects that are missing that we really enjoyed. So it was so refreshing to be there and get to experience an emergent community again. It took a little getting used to it again, but once we did it was a supernatural experience. They had about 6 prayer stations set up, and each one spoke directly to something that was going on in my life. It was awesome!
After that was over, we discussed how the friends we are making at church are good friends, but we don't always see eye to eye on issues. Needless to say, we are definitely the odd couple out. In emergent groups, our way of thinking and living are "normal," not different or weird. We tend to butt heads with our friends who are not familiar with "emergent ideas" when it comes to ideas of missional, community, love, and church. Although we love our church and will continue attending, it was very apparent that we should get hooked up with the emergent cohort in Denver. Exciting! I'm sure I'll see some of you around!

Homosexual Hamburgers

2008-04-01T11:48:00.004-06:00

It was my mom's birthday this weekend and to celebrate, my family went out to lunch after church on Sunday. Jill drove down from Fort Collins and we met up in Denver to eat. The restaurant we wanted to go to had a 45 minute wait (and it was already 1:00pm!) So we wandered down a few blocks and found a restaurant called Hamburger Mary's. As we walked past, we could see the burgers on people's plates which looked delicious, so we went in. Instantly we realized where we were-- a restaurant that caters to the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) community. There were peace flags on the wall, the names of the burgers were some sort of homosexual slang, terminology, etc. For example, instead of a BLT, it was a GLBT (guac, lettuce, bacon, tomato); there was also a Flamin' J Burger... That kind of thing. Needless to say, for some people, it would have been uncomfortable to be there. My family, however, thought it was awesome! We had a great time! Oh, and the food was absolutely amazing! (I'd actually recommend it for anyone wanting a burger in Denver... and isn't biased against homosexuality) On the table, there was an advertisement for "Slut Bingo"-- the picture was of 4 or 5 men dressed in drag and full makeup with bingo cards in their hands. It looked like so much fun! I love Denver!
The culture and variety around here is more than I have ever been around in my entire life! I've lived in the southern suburbs of Denver where there were maybe 10 kids in my high school class who weren't Caucasian. Then I went to Fort Collins where I think it was even less! I've barely seen 10 people who are Caucasian in my neighborhood in Denver! It's so exciting. Life is so different and there are so many different people, different cultures, and different views for everything. Way different than anything I have ever experienced. Michael and I are still determined to be missional in everything we do, so we have been trying to scope out where we will buy our groceries, get our liquor (there are a gazillion liquor stores within 5 blocks of where we live!), go out to eat, go to the park, get coffee, etc. Life is just beginning for us, and we have so much potential to reach out to the people around us. There is a family who lives just a couple of houses down, and I'm sure when summer hits, we'll be seeing a lot of them... who knows what will happen!

Married Life

2008-04-01T11:39:00.002-06:00

Hello blogging world. I am no longer writing as Katie McKay, but as Katie Bennett. The wedding went beautifully! It was so moving and went off without a hitch. I'll get the pics soon, and post a few of the best on here! It's still really weird thinking of myself as married, not just dating or engaged. The apartment we're in is my house, not my parents', not my temporary college living situation, but my house with my things and my husband and our life! Crazy! It took us a while to figure out where to put everything we got, but we got it figured out and it looks like a livable house! We've been married for a week and 3 days and it's already been an adventure. It's great to have friends who have known us as engaged and then are there for us as we are embarking on our married journey. We can lean on them for support and encouragement and insight, as well as we can finally really understand and help them when they need it. Michael and I have tried to learn healthy things to do in our relationship, and are excited to pass those ideas along, even to our friends who have been married for almost 6 years. I'm so excited about our friends who we have made and the great relationships we will continue to develop over the coming months and years. I know marriage won't always be easy, but having a great support system makes the whole thing a lot more bearable.

Happy Spring and Wedding!

2008-03-20T13:23:00.002-06:00

At this time on Saturday, I will no longer be Katie McKay, but Katie Bennett. Family has started to come into town, so I won't have another chance to be on here for a while. So wish me luck! And happy first day of spring! It's 70 degrees here-- perfect weather... I just wish it would be this nice on Saturday (it's supposed to be cold and rainy). See ya on the flip side! ;-)

Cinco Dias!

2008-03-17T15:55:00.005-06:00

It's only 5 days to the wedding and I finally got my vows written. WHEW! It was a huge deal for me-- I wanted them to be perfect and to express exactly how I feel... It was not an easy feat. But I got it done and they turned out remarkably well! (Let me just say, there are a lot of cheesy and stupid vow examples out there on the internet...) Anyway, now that that's done, I just have to clean my room, pack the rest of my things, and finish helping around the house. Oh, and throw in a few shifts at work. I'm going to be quite busy this week, but I'm excited for it all. It's all finally happening and falling into place. I wish tomorrow were Saturday!
I was having a conversation with my mom earlier about marriage advice-- which was all very helpful and obviously spoken from experience. It's been interesting talking to people who Michael and I are friends with who are married and hear what they were told right before they got married. Marriage is a journey and an experience unlike anything else Michael and I have ever done. We can take what we've witnessed, heard about, and started to experience, and take those things to try to understand marriage-- but it's still going to be completely different than we could ever imagine! I hope we're not going to be taken off guard too much, but I think that's inevitable.
So those of you who actually read my blog, please pray for us as we embark on this adventure. It's not always going to be fun or easy, but I know it's going to be wonderful! We're going to grow together as a couple and as individuals. It's going to be awesome!

Sex Isn't Why I'm Getting Married

2008-03-12T10:28:00.005-06:00

I'd like to announce that it is only 10 days till the wedding and Michael and I are married! We went yesterday to the county court house to pick up our marriage license. Did you know it only costs $10 to get married? If we didn't want a ceremony or any sort of celebration, then we could get married for just $10... interesting.
We met with our officiant the other day to go over our final plan for the ceremony. During it, we discussed what we thought marriage was and what it meant to us. It was interesting to me because afterwards I realized that in all the discussion, sex was never even alluded to; and yet, that is the focus of the biggest celebrations around marriage. Our definition and idea of marriage was about love, connection, the joining of two lives, a continuation of a journey, the beginning of a new adventure... the list went on and on. Nowhere was sex even talked about as a reason we were getting married or why we were excited to be married (although that is very exciting, don't get me wrong). But sex is not the reason we're getting married. We want to join our lives together and experience life and the ups and downs of it together forever. We just happen to be able to have sex. I want sex to express our love and devotion to to each other, to bring a deeper level of intimacy to our relationship. I don't want it to define us, but to be the expression of us. That we are committed and we love each other with our whole being-- that's what sex is to us.
I had my bachelorette party this last weekend, which was nothing but sex jokes and lingerie. The focus was not, even at the bridal shower, about what marriage is and the realities of it. I guess it's easier to focus on the fun and exciting sides. Thankfully, we've made friends with other married couples who consistently and honestly show us the realities of marriage. I also have had conversations with my mom about it, as well as growing up in a household where my parents were in marriage counseling for at least 15 years. They are good now, but not after years of hard, challenging struggle.
I'm trying not to wear too-tinted of rose shaded glasses, but I guess that I'll really just have to learn once I'm in it! I can't wait to be married, and I am also terrified. Who knows what it will really be like? But I have complete faith in God that he has brought me and Michael together and we can get through any hardships that come our way. It may not be done quickly or easily, but we will get through them together. I can't wait for that part of our lives to begin! (I'm just not looking forward to the stress and chaos that out-of-town relatives will bring to my parents for the wedding)

The Optimism of a Pessimist

2008-03-09T17:57:00.003-06:00

So I mentioned before in a blog that I got a job at Barnes and Noble. The thing I have realized while working at that job is how much it requires me to be an optimist when my first and overwhelming reaction is to be a complete pessimist. This job has a lot of things I can be negative about, but if I dwell on those things, I lose sight of the good things about the job, as well as lose all motivation to go to work. To be able to tolerate my job, and even enjoy it at times, I have to focus on the positive aspects. Who would have thought that Barnes and Noble would be a growing experience... well, there's another optimistic thing about it!

The Countdown Begins

2008-02-22T17:18:00.005-07:00

It's a mere 27 days until the wedding... needless to say, stress is running high. Thankfully, our biggest stress has been taken care of-- we've found a place to live! We are living in a basement apartment of the neighborhood pastor of our church. Sounds weird, but we really like her and her husband, so we're excited. The neighborhood it's in is also fabulous! We were really sad to leave Fort Collins because we loved the feel of the neighborhoods, Old Town, and the laid-back attitude of everyone. Well, last night we were driving home from the pre-marrieds group held at our future residence and found an area just like Old Town Fort Collins. It had a lot of independent shops, it was close to the house (walking/biking distance), and just so cute!
So speaking of wedding and marriage, the issue of roles and responsibilities has come up. Michael and I have talked extensively about it and have an understanding of what is expected of each other. We have agreed on it being egalitarian-- that we are equals in every part of the relationship. But how will that work out? What makes it that different than other relationships? It seems so normal to be equals and that we'd make decisions and be no one being a "leader"-- that we play to our strengths and can come together when one person is struggling.
If I happen to be stronger in prayer than Michael, it shouldn't be expected that just because he is a man, that he should be "in charge" and the initiator of any prayer we say. And I'll be the first to say how insightful and wise Michael is when it comes to the Bible and discussions-- but it's not because he's a man, but because God has blessed him with that gift. But sometimes, one of us may be feeling down or struggling in an area of our lives and the other person may become more insightful or more initiative with prayer.
We go through seasons, and if there is no expectation that one person must be the one to fulfill some duty or responsibility, then there is more freedom and openness and intimacy that can be achieved in the relationship. I would think that if a man thinks that it is his job and sole responsibility to be the leader, whether spiritual or "of the house," it puts so much stress on fulfilling that duty instead of being able to go with the flow and be able to be humble in not being the leader all the time. But to each his own, I guess. It's not the kind of relationship for us, but I guess it can work for some people. So wish us luck as we get closer to the wedding! It seems so far away yet so close!

"Across the Universe" is my New Favorite Movie

2008-02-13T13:45:00.005-07:00

I have become obsessed with the movie and soundtrack of "Across the Universe"! I love the artistic side of the movie, as well as the story, and of course, the music-- you can't go wrong with all Beatles all the time! I'm listening to the soundtrack right now! "Strawberry Fields" is one of my favorite songs on the the cd as well as the scene in the movie is my favorite scene!! It's so haunting and dramatic and symbolic and just awesome! So if you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend it, even if you know nothing about Beatles' music. But you have to appreciate artsy movies... that's the only requirement. Go see it!

Wonderful Words of Women

2008-02-13T13:24:00.002-07:00

I'm just going to be all over the board here cuz I have had so many things I've wanted to write about but no time to do so!
So I bought myself a Christmas gift-- lame, I know-- but I had bought it for a friend and I wanted one too! It was a day-by-day calendar, one where you rip off a page every day (what kind of tree-hugger am I?). Well it's called "Wild Words from Wild Women"-- totally up my alley! Most of the quotes aren't interesting or funny, actually they can be pretty disappointing at times, but there have been some really good ones. All this to say, I'd like to share some of my favorites so far! There's no rhyme or reason why I chose these, some made me laugh, some were inspirational, and some just struck me!

"If someone said, 'write a sentence about your life,' I'd write, 'I want to go outside and play.'" -Jenna Elfman (Jan. 6, 2008)

"If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?" -Jenny Weber (Jan. 10, 2008)

"I am convinced that there are times in everybody's experience when there is so much to be done, that the only way to do it is to sit down and do nothing." -Fanny Fern (Jan. 17, 2008)

"Money isn't everything... but it ranks right up there with oxygen." -Rita Davenport (Jan. 24, 2008)

"The future is made of the same stuff as the present." -Simone Weil (Jan. 26, 2008)

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." -Mary O'Connor (Feb. 2, 2008)

"All talk of women's rights is moonshine. Women have every right. They have only to exercise them." -Victoria Woodhull (Feb. 9, 2008)

I hope you enjoyed some good quotes for the day :-)

Guest Blog- Is Grace That Amazing?

2008-02-13T12:12:00.006-07:00

This is a little belated (unfortunately, continued job searching for a better job takes priority over blogging) but I posted a blog on Jason Clark's blog. You can find it here. I wrote about grace and what it means in our everyday lives. I had some other thoughts that came from that blog, so I'll digest them here!
After the sermon on grace and discussing it in our young marrieds group, it was weighing heavily on my mind. Grace is a big deal to me, as well as the hardest thing for me to give. Anyway, the discussion in our group was very interesting because it all of a sudden turned from giving grace in general to needing to give grace to churches we've been to. Most of the people in the group we were in had been burned by a church (or more). We started sharing bits and pieces of our stories and we found that it's easier to give grace to other fallen people, but it seems more difficult to give it to churches who have been significant in our lives.
In my own life, and I'll try to keep this brief, the church I went to in high school really messed me up when it came to seeing the good in church. The youth pastor was selfish; he played favorites and ignored everyone else; he didn't do anything a youth pastor is supposed to do like take people out to lunch, spend quality time with people, etc.; he never invested in the students' lives; if someone disagreed with him, he treated them like shit (pardon my language)... need I go on? I've been relatively defiant my entire life. If someone says I HAVE to do something, and I don't get a good reason why or don't think it's right, I have a very hard time doing it, if at all. So needless to say, my youth pastor and I butted heads more than once. But he was my "church authority" and what he said was "right." You can guess how well that sat with me. So the only real authority that I knew in the church was false and seemed to always be wrong-- how am I supposed to deal with that? If he's always wrong, are all pastors and youth pastors wrong? Can I trust what they teach me? Is there some sort of agenda to what they say? Thankfully, that is not always true. Unfortunately, it can be, but for me, I found some wonderful churches and teachers/pastors who were not the embodiment of everything wrong with churches today.
Well, when the church I was going to during my adolescent years-- the years where identity is explored and authority is questioned and speculated-- the authority was corrupt and false. They taught harmful doctrine (especially when it came to personal relationships like dating and marriage as well as what a "good Christian" looks like) and so I was held down and manipulated with that doctrine. I'm sure you can see the the still-present hurt and pain and wounds that have come from that church.
So, in regards to grace, how can I give grace to a place that claimed to love and follow God's teaching when, in fact, was showing anything but? I know there are lots of other examples of things that were wrong and hurtful from that church, not just my own but others' experiences, as well as other churches I've been to. No church is perfect, just like the people who attend them. But when a church is supposed to be the personification of Christ-- His bride-- shouldn't there be a higher standard? How can I forgive my youth pastor whose actions cut deeper than any other wound ever has? And he represents the church I attended. Can I separate the people from the church and give grace and forgiveness to them? Can I fully embrace the fact that they (the people of the church) believe they are doing what they think God is wanting them to do and that the only real issue is that there is a disagreement of doctrine and interpretation? Well, I sure hope someone else can give them grace, because that will be a struggle for me to show grace to any church that holds people down with false and dominating doctrine. So thankfully God has grace for them, because me, a fallen sinner, cannot give it to them (yet, anyway).

The World's Most Effective Birth Control

2008-02-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm watching my cousin's children-- a 4 year-old girl and 18 month-old boy-- for 2 days. They were whiny and crabby and easy to get upset and frustrated... actually it was just the 4 year-old. Let me just say that after only a few hours, I was contemplating never ever ever having children! Once children get old enough to talk and get an attitude, they're not so cute and fun any more. But thankfully they're much better this morning after they've slept well. So I'd like to report that watching little kids for more than an hour (and sometimes less) is the most effective birth control out there! (My parents will be glad to hear that grandchildren are not in the near future).

Where's the Line?

2008-01-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

My last post was about the sermon given on Sunday and I have another part of it I want to digest. The teacher on Sunday was talking about deeper devotions with God and during our young marrieds group when we were discussing the notes for the sermon beforehand, we got to talking about devotions as in "quiet time." I'll be the first to admit that I'm the worst at keeping a regular quiet time where I sit down, pray, read my Bible, write in my journal, and/or read part of a Christian book (I'm trying to get through Utmost for His Highest). Even when I'm sitting at home looking for a job, I can't seem to find the time to have a quite time!
My biggest struggle is that I have conflicting feelings about wanting to spend quality time with God without it becoming legalistic. I've heard that we should think of our time with God as a time with our friends-- well, I don't see my friends that often. I see some of them once a year! Those who I'm closer to, I'll see every couple of weeks or so... is that how often we should spend time with God? I don't think so, but where is the line-- The line between having to do it because we should and wanting to do it because He's God? Do I just have to think about it as something I have to do and it will become something I want to do? But should God be like a habit? That just seems weird! Is praying in the car on the way to wherever enough? Is sitting quietly without any sort of religious text around okay/enough? Or is it just an "easy way out" by putting the least amount of effort into it while wanting the most effort put in on the other end? I can tell you that friendships/relationships do not last long if that's what someone does! Relationships require equal input and output-- I can't expect God to be any different.
But it all goes back to my initial question-- where's the line? Can a overwhelming desire to read my Bible and take time out of my day to spend time alone with God just be created out of thin air? Does it take some initial habitual reading to get into it? It'll take some more digesting and prayer and whatever to strengthen my relationship with God. Anyone got any other thoughts on this subject?

I am Weak but He is Strong

2008-01-22T16:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had Will Ferrell come to your church and teach a sermon? Well I think his twin came and spoke this week... just kidding! But he sure did look just like him! He was about 6' 5" and looked like a mix of Will Ferrell and Dane Cook (the comedian) and his voice sounded like Ryan Reynolds. And he had the humor of them all, and at the same time, the seriousness of someone with a message to spread and love to give.
He spoke on the idea of devotion and what we give our time and energy to. One thing he discussed the act of being "simply and honestly yourself" before God. It was surprisingly a difficult thing for me to admit that I have a hard time doing that. It's not like God doesn't know me deeper than I know myself, but admitting to Him that I'm terrified, weak, worn-out, etc is a lot harder than I realized. I'm also not honest with myself about it, which just shows how "good" I am at avoiding self-reflection and admitting weaknesses. I'll admit it to a person here or there, but never living my life as a broken, fearful sinner who has been saved by the love and grace of God. I usually have the attitude of "I don't need anyone's help! I can do this by myself! I'm fine! I'm not afraid of anything!" But it's really not true, when you really get past my perfected charade.
It's definitely a pride issue, because being short, small, and female (oh, and did I mention I am often mistaken for a 16 year-old? [I'm about to be 22]) I tend to need to compensate for it and prove to others that I'm just as capable at doing __(fill in the blank)__. But how much of that is an excuse? I just need another reason to not ask for help and be stubborn and "independent.
Yes, I'm strong, but God is stronger. I can't do it on my own, and that's harder to admit than anything else I will ever say. But how is that lived out? Can someone really come before God "simply and honestly"? I know that is what God desires, but is it even possible? How does someone get to that point where the charade of being happy and put-together around other people is taken away and all that's left is the true person? If it's possible to do with God, is it possible to do with other people, other sinners?
These thoughts and questions have had me struggling and fighting and discovering since Sunday and it really hit home. I want to be a real person, not just with one person or just God, but with everyone. I want to be real enough to encourage others to be real. And I want my self-revelation to come out in my relationship with God where I say "I'm weak and need your help because I can't do it on my own" without hesitation.

Snowshoeing Expedition

2008-01-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Michael and I went snowshoeing for the first time this last weekend. It was a BLAST! We got snowshoes through a friend and drove my dad's Forester up to Idaho Springs. We found the trail our friend told us about, struggled to attach the shoes to our boots, and headed off into the snow-covered wilderness. It was an awesome experience, not just for the company, but for the views and sights that we saw. We were somewhere that, without snowshoes (or cross-country skis) you could never get to. The trees were glistening with snow and the scenery was breath-taking. It was like a little eye-present from God, showing us His beautiful creation in the mountains, even though it was the middle of winter. I love hiking, so now being able to "hike" in the winter makes enjoying the Rocky Mountains even better! So I would suggest that if anyone has ever wanted to go snowshoeing, they should definitely try it out-- it's WAY cheaper than skiing/snowboarding (rentals cost at most $12) and it can be done almost anywhere-- you don't have to drive all the way up to a resort to spend a bucket of money just to go! It's hard to imagine not living right next door to the mountains!

Shhh... I'm Supposed to be Job Searching

2008-01-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

My blog has been pretty quiet for a while, which is surprising, seeing as I don't have a job so I sit at home most every day... but it's been filled with searching for jobs and meeting with friends to try to alleviate the mundane routine of job-searching. So I'm on here cuz I have had ideas floating around in my head and I want to get them out here... so I'm pausing for a second to take a break and write a few thoughts down. I've had some leads on jobs, so that's at least not too discouraging (as long as I don't think about it for too long that is!). Anyway, that's my preface to the blogs I'm going to write...

I'm in Need of Prayer

2008-01-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

So it's come to this. I'm jobless and so is my fiance and the wedding is only 2 1/2 months away... I'm not usually one to ask for help, especially prayer for things for myself, but I'm feeling desperate. I am trying all I can to find a job, and now Michael only has a few months until he starts school to find a job and work as much as he can. So I'm putting this request out there to ask any of you who read this blog to please pray for me and Michael to both find jobs and to find them quickly. We don't need much money, but we can't survive on nothing. So your prayers are appreciated. Not only do we need prayer for jobs, but also for the patience and clarity that God is in control of everything and it will all turn out alright in the end. Thanks and now on to more job searching...

Processing the Character of God

2008-01-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in church on Sunday and the sermon was about making a New Year's Resolution to focus your resolutions and life on the character of God. It was pretty interesting and it made me think. I was processing about it later, I started thinking about the character of God that is seen in the Old Testament versus the God we see today. God didn't hesitate to bring down fire and brimstone on a community that had lost their focus on God. Why doesn't that happen today? Why don't we seem to see God's wrath in the world today? Is it too easily dismissed as something else, like mother nature, terrorists, etc? Or has God changed the way He reacts and interacts with humans? I know Jesus came down to redeem humanity, so does that mean God's wrath no longer is brought down on earth? And what about miracles? I know they happen now and then, but what happened to people being healed left and right, all in the name of God/Jesus? All these questions make me wonder, I know that God doesn't change, but can/did He change how He interacted and dealt with humanity?
I'm not really looking for an answer, but an opportunity to process the character of God. I hope all of you find God this year and your life and your relationship with God and others is transformed!

Coffee on Fire

2007-12-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm finally done with school, the holidays are over, and I have internet in my house, I can finally write about some deeper thoughts. So here we go...
As I had mentioned before in a blog, I had the opportunity to be a barista at a local coffee shop in Fort Collins. It was at a coffee shop owned by a local church to have something to use the space 6 of the 7 days of the week. So, coincidentally, most of the people who go there and work there are Christians. My sister and I worked with a man, who I'll call John, who was a very passionate man. At first, it seemed very awkward when he would randomly ask questions that had to do with the Bible, Jesus, etc.
For example, when the Colorado Rockies were in the playoffs, many of the people in there were online trying to get tickets. John then asked my sister and I, "if Jesus were in here, what would he think?" Honestly, at first I was a bit annoyed-- like Jesus would care if we wanted to buy tickets to go to a baseball game. But the more we worked with him, the more interesting and thought-provoking his questions became (even more importantly, less irritating). They made me think, even days after I worked with him. For example, here's a question he asked: "Was Jesus the only perfect person mentioned in the Bible? If you look at Job 1:8, it says "Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." Does that mean he was sinless? Was he perfect? Because blameless means perfect." Pretty interesting question, right? Every week, he would ask my sister and I some question and we would discuss it. He was always thinking about and talking about Jesus and God and the Bible. It was so apparent that he was on fire for God. I soon realized that I was no longer irritated with the questions, I no longer thought he was an over-zealous, legalistic Christian trying to condemn everyone with his questions; but now thought of him as his a great seeker and model for how Jesus talked about being consumed with God. By no means am I saying John is perfect, but I am saying that he is living a life that I strive to live. I put my Bible on my bookshelf where it sits for days, even weeks sometimes, putting God at the bottom of my priority list. John's passion for Jesus and making God the focus of his life and conversation is remarkable.
So all of this gets me thinking: am I like this? Do people see Jesus in me? Or am I just another person on the street? Are my thoughts consumed with thoughts of Jesus and His life? Is it even possible, having been a Christian for my whole life, to be as on fire for God as a relatively new Christian? What hinders me from making God my #1 priority? Why doesn't the need for reading my Bible and praying and taking time out of my day to spend it with God overwhelm everything else? More importantly, how can I have the hunger for it without getting legalistic about it? I can tell you that New Year resolutions don't help either! Every January I read my Bible every day... and it only take a few weeks for that to slow down and eventually become what it always is-- once every two weeks, at best.
So here's to a new year and a new chance to start over. I know what kind of life I want to be living, so with the help of God and support of others, I will work my way to living the life I want. That's all I can realistically do.

That's "Graduate" Katie to You!

2007-12-15T23:26:00.001-07:00

I would like to announce that I have officially GRADUATED from Colorado State University!!!!

I Will Miss....

2007-12-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

It's getting down to the wire. I have only one paper to finish (I'm doing this instead of writing my conclusion...) and one more final on Thursday and I am home free! I will become a college graduate on Friday at 7:30pm! I can't wait!
But, before that happens, I have to finish my paper, take my test, and finish packing up my room to move home. I also need to say my last goodbyes to people, who I know I'll see again but definitely not half as much when I move. That's probably the hardest part. I'm excited to move and get on with the next phase of life, but that means leaving part of my past behind. I'm no longer a student (so when it asks for an occupation, which box do I check? I've been marking "student" for the last 16 years!). I don't have to go to class, take tests, write papers... wait, why am I sad to leave that? Well, I don't get a 3 month summer break, a 4-week winter break, or spring break... I will miss that... maybe I want to be a teacher-- hahahaha that's funny! NO WAY!
But the friendships I've made with people up in Fort Collins have been the best I could have ever asked for. They all helped shape me and mold me into the woman I am today. I have had friends (and roommates) come and go, but some have stuck around all 3 1/2 years.
So here is my shout-out to those friends who I will miss greatly and forever treasure:
My friend, and two-year roommate, Holly, has been a greater blessing to me than I could have ever imagined. We've had our ups and downs, as true friendships should, but through it all she has been there for me and I value her friendship so highly. She loves me for me and even though we can be so different we are so much the same. We love to laugh and talk, and I will miss our late-night chats in the bathroom after we've long been finished getting ready for bed. Thankfully she is moving to Denver as well after she graduates in May so I will hopefully get to see her more!
As most of you who read my blog also read David and Makeesha Fisher's blogs, you'll know who I'm talking about! They have been the best of friends to me and Michael. For me, they were the ones who helped me find my own faith and my own voice about what I believed. They believed in me and encouraged me to be all that I can and will be. It's crazy to think about that I've known them for 2 1/2 years! We have been through so much and we have been there for each other through it all. I would not be the strong woman I am today if it was not for the help and prayer and encouragement of Makeesha. I will miss coming over to knit and watch "Psych" or "Numbers" on a lazy afternoon! I will especially miss that you are just a short bike ride away! I love you guys!
And of course, I can't forget my sister who is also at CSU. It has been an awesome experience being at the same school with her and watching her develop into the woman she is becoming. I will miss our sister days like crazy! When LOST comes back on, I will feel lost (hehehe) without her sitting right next to me! I will no longer be able to go over to her house every Monday to sit and distract her when she's trying to do her homework, and she wont come over every Wednesday to do her laundry. She is my best friend and knows me better than anyone! I will miss her laugh (for those of you who have never heard it, you're missing out on the most contagious and fun laugh ever!) and her insights and her loving, graceful, beautiful heart. I'm actually excited we get to spend all of Christmas break together before we have to part ways.
And last but not least is my life-long friend, Ali. We have been friends since we were 2 years old and we came to CSU and we have continued our friendship over these last few years. We know each other so well and can tell each other anything. I will miss hanging out with her and laughing and spending time with her! I will really miss her when she moves to Virginia after she gets married this summer!!! It will be so weird not having her nearby!
As well as people, I will also miss a few other things in Fort Collins:
- The endless variety of independent coffee shops, including one that's open 24 hours!
- Old Town
- Pizza delivery until 3am
- The small-town feel
- The laid-back feel
- How environmentally conscious everyone is
- Local breweries at every turn
- Independently owned stores all over the place
- Barista-ing at Everyday Joes
- And the whole experience and feel of being in Fort Collins... it's truly a relaxing, happy feeling!

Because I listed the things and people that I will miss, I thought it would be appropriate to list what I will not miss:
- the train that runs through the middle of town, blowing the horn so loud you can hear it miles away
- finals
- everything having to do with school... except for the learning part-- if only I went to a school where tests and papers didn't exist!
- Geese everywhere
- Campus traffic
- Stupid bikers
- Stupid pedestrians
- Did I mention the train? Cuz I hate the train!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I'm excited to move, but as you can see, I am leaving behind a lot of awesome, great, wonderful people and experiences! Good-bye Fort Collins, I love you!

So Many Questions, So Few Answers

2007-11-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

At the church I attend in Denver, they have been doing a series on doubt. It's been a very meaningful series and has made me think a lot. My biggest struggle was the fact that I felt that I did not have any real doubts. But as this series continued and as I would think about the sermons during the week, I realized there were some deep doubts and major questions and struggles that I have. The biggest one I have always seemed to struggle with is friendships. I've always had friends, it's keeping them that is my problem. It seemed every year of school I would lose my friends to some extenuating circumstances-- moving away, leaving the school, etc. So each school year I would have to start from scratch at finding new friends. I would through the doors on the first day of school friendless, and thankfully God blessed me by finding great friends during that year. Unfortunately, more times than not, at the end of the year, something would happen (or nothing, but the friendship would be over for whatever reason) and the process would happen all over again. That is how I've seen God work in my life to bring me great friends every year, but the questions I still have are: "Why did they have to end? Why did I have to start over fresh every year? Why can't I hold onto these friendships? Were they even real friends?" To go along with that, not only did I have friendships end, they ended badly. They didn't just move on or fade out, but they actually ended with hurt feelings and resentment-- reasons I could point my finger to and still have lingering hurt from. They have been friendships that I thought were deep and possibly life-long. I spent an entire summer after high school having to deal with this-- let's just say I hate when it happens again. So when it does happen again, I realized I turn to God and ask, "WHY!?!? Why me? Why again? I thought this was a one-time...two-time... thing!" How can God, when He knows how important friendships are to me, how much I struggle with them, and how important fellowship is in general, let friendships end terribly or people let you down or betray you? If it is something that I'm doing (since I am the common denominator in all those failed-friendships) why can't I figure out what it is? Why do I have to keep going through this? I understand friendships ending naturally or gradually, but why must some end with such hurt or bitterness? I have tried to reconcile with people from my past and even though we forgave each other and talked honestly with each other, there is still hurt there-- even after 3 1/2 years! Where is the love and grace that God promises? These were church people and they left my high-and-dry... How could God let someone who was a leader and those who said they loved God treat someone so terribly? How could my heart endure that kind of pain? That kind of abandonment?

And this goes for church-relationships as well. I have been a part of numerous churches and all seemed to end badly. It wasn't just a "oh, I'm leaving because of ___ (a non-issue like leaving for college)" but a "the people in this church hate me/ignore me/patronize me/etc." Is there something I'm doing to have no choice but to leave every church I attend? It's a bit heart-breaking when I'm suddenly not accepted where I was loved the day before.
Another issue I have is why the church so divided. This is my biggest question when it comes to church. When the message of Jesus was pretty simple, why are there countless churches on every street corner, each one pretty much at war with one another over minute, mundane details and interpretations? I had a discussion with a guy my sister and I barista with about church divisions. He talked about how in Acts (I think) there were tons of churches, but they were all united under one cause and one reason. There were only different ones because of location, not differing beliefs. And yet, over time, different churches came to mean you had to have xyz belief and think those with abc belief are stupid, ignorant, devil-worshiping, blasphemist, going straight to hell ... you fill in the blank. I can't understand when every Christian church says they love God and are following the teachings of Jesus and yet are so full of hate or disdain or prejudice. Is it possible for us all to be right? Or are we all wrong? Are there people who are doing things right? Is it possible to be doing it all right when we're also doing it all wrong? Is there an absolute right and absolute wrongs?

I don't think there are any answers for any of my endless questions. But that is what is great-- I can ask the questions, process them, research them, discuss them, etc. I just can't let those doubts lead me away from God but towards Him. God is a mystery and we are fallen people... that's the most important thing to remember!

Wow! And here I thought I didn't have any doubts or questions... This post was a lot more exposing and deep that I anticipated. Well, this is what I'm dealing with! Life's all about being real, right? Well, I'm trying to work every day to understand and be drawn closer to God through my struggles and my questions. I pray that God reveals Himself to me, and to others who have questions and struggles weighing on their hearts. I pray that God can take away the hurt and the pain, and replace it with love and compassion... not an easy process by any means.

The Happenings of Thanksgiving Week

2007-11-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

I just got back to school from a week-long Thanksgiving break. It was wonderful, even with the few family drama issues! At the beginning, me, my sister, her roommate who stayed with us all week, and Michael went to the Denver Film Festival. My dad prints their programs so we got ticket vouchers to go see a movie. We had a blast (after we wandered around trying to find the theater)! We went out to dinner and then went to the movie, all dressed up and feeling hott! The movie was about a grandma who finds a job working at a sex-shop to earn money to pay for her grandson's much-needed medical treatment. It was awkward at times (as you can imagine), but really well done! We all enjoyed it-- you can't go wrong with a great character-development movie ;-) (My sister and I are in the middle... her roommate is on the left, and Michael (obviously) is on the right)
I then spent the week hanging out with my parents and my sister and her roommate. We chatted, watched movies, helped cook, went grocery shopping... the time flew!
Thanksgiving came and we had some long-time family friends over for dinner. We had delicious turkey (and that's a lot for me to say since I'm not a big fan of turkey-- I'd rather have ham any day) and all the "usual" side dishes. But when it's "usual" it means my mom found an even better recipe that melts in your mouth! We then spent the evening playing card games which actually ended up being evenly scored (GO me and Brittany!)! (In the picture-- (left to right: me, Michael, Ali, Taryn, Brittany, and Jill)
It's a lifelong tradition of our family to trek out like the Griswolds and cut down our Christmas tree. Thankfully we have always remembered our saw ;-) This year, however, my sister and I managed to lose our parents in the forest. While we were picking up pine cones and putting them in each other's hood (while laughing uncontrollably!) we thought we were following our parents' tree-dragging trail. Well, when we got to the car and my parents were not there, we realized we'd followed the wrong tree line (except that we ended up by our car... weird). Our parents finally walked up--even after we went searching for them in the forest and still ended up at the car again-- thankful that their dread of my sister and I sitting in the snow crying and hungry, being nibbled on by a bear was not true. We (being my dad) tied up the tree to the top of the car and we drove to the volunteer fire station that we go to every year to get some hot chocolate. While we were there, Mrs. Claus dragged our whole family over to Santa Claus' lap to take a picture! (I have a confession-- that was the first time I've ever sat on Santa's lap in my entire life! I've always been terrified of Santa so my sister and I never went near him!) As we were waiting for our picture to develop we read an article about this particular Santa and how he is the real deal. Thirteen years ago, he heard about families who were not going to have a real Christmas because they didn't have enough money. So, on Christmas morning, he dressed up in a Santa suit and went and took presents to the families. He paid for it out of his own pocket and continues to do it every year! What an awesome example of what one man can do to impact other people's lives!!
So other than that, I just relaxed and spent some quality time with my family. Oh, and we finally found a wedding venue location!!! YAY! We're all super-excited about it! Anyway, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! I thought I'd end this with a brief list of what I'm thankful for this year:
- Loyal friends
- Love of friends and family
- My sister (and the fact that she's up at CSU with me)
- Michael
- Making a real difference
- God working in my life
- TV shows... my guilty pleasure ;-)
- Movies... another guilty pleasure...
- Ice cream... my absolute guilty pleasure!
- The blessing my aunt gives my sister and I every month
- The safety of my Marine boys
- Change, even though it's really hard
- The endless possibilities for my future
- Sunsets
- And the everyday blessings God gives me!

HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!

Denver Here I Come!

2007-11-05T13:19:00.001-07:00

I have written quite a few blogs about moving to London... well, that's not gonna happen for a while. God finally placed a peace on my heart about not going right away. I still have the desire to go, so after Michael and I are married for a couple years (and he finishes school), we'll re-evaluate our situation. In the meantime, I have made the decision to move down to Denver, CO. It's about an hour and a half south of Fort Collins, where I currently reside. I will graduate on December 15th and move home with my parents. I love my parents, so it hopefully wont be too bad! Also, Michael is already in Denver at least 3 days out of the week, and there are a LOT more work opportunities for me down there!

We have had to make the difficult decision to leave Fort Collins, our friends, and our church. But God is taking us on a journey that requires sacrifice and obedience-- and we want to be as aligned with God's will as we possibly can. We have already been talking about how we will take the ideals and callings that we have learned about and heard from God to our new surroundings. We want to continue to be missional to those around us, to live in a community where we can connect with as many people as possible, and to find a church that will continue to help us grow and connect. We also want a church that encourages their attendees to go out and reach their communities.

Well, for Easter this last year, Michael and I went with my dad (it was snowing really hard so my mom decided to stay home and sit by the fire) to the church they attend. We absolutely loved it! So we have started attending that church and have begun to get connected there. We joined the young marrieds group at the church, because once we're married we're no longer single (so we can't join that group) and we wont be in college (can't join that group either). There are a lot of groups, but we see it as an opportunity to get to know even more people! The young marrieds group has actually been a real blessing to us. We read this book called "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail" by John Gottman. I would highly recommend it for anyone, no matter how long or short they've been together. It has amazing insight and helps couples realize parts of themselves and their marriage, and most importantly how they fight, and helps couples fix those problems. The group and the book have been very good for us as we are trying to learn and grow as much as possible before we tie the knot. Hearing couples talk about the struggles they have, what they fight about, how they deal with difficult issues, and being real with one another has been more beneficial than we could have ever imagined. We have also found other Christian friends. Both Michael and I have struggled with having friends, so having a place where we can connect with others who are in a similar situation in life is very exciting! We're by far the youngest people there and the only engaged couple ;-) Thankfully the leaders of the group were more than willing to let us join the group as an engaged couple!
We are excited to start the next phase of our lives and see where God takes us and see who He sends along in our lives. There will be more updates as moving actually happens (I'm trying to pack and take stuff home early so I don't have a recreation of what happened this summer!) and when the wedding gets closer! So now I gotta go find a job... what fun!

The best Halloween EVER!

2007-10-31T15:57:00.001-06:00

I'm sitting here, my mind is a complete blank. I have just finished giving a 2-hour presentation for my senior seminar class. I have spent at least 15 hours outside of class working on this project, as well as spending a majority of the semester learning about said project. I have written a 4-page research paper, to go along with the project. We also had to write a grant presentation-- complete with cover letter, sub-headings, a budget, an appendix, and over 60 references in our bibliograpgy... needless to say, I'm wiped! But now it is done! I can go home and relax and not have to worry about it ever again! And now I can actually have a life!I don't think I've hung out with anyone for the last 2 or 3 weeks because every waking moment was consumed by this stupid project! So friends, I have not forgotten about you... Now on to normal life! Everyone celebrate in my honor! (Hey, it's an excuse to have a party!) And it's halloween today! Chocolate here I come! Oh, and a Rio margarita! ;-) Happy Halloween, everyone!

The Missing Movie Scene

2007-10-25T17:45:00.000-06:00

I LOVE the BBC/A&E version of "Pride and Prejudice"! My family loves the movie(s) (there are 6 parts to it, for those of you who have never seen it) as well. We are actually going to introduce Michael to it this weekend. (Kiera Knightly is a disgrace to the name Elizabeth Bennett, in case anyone was wondering what my opinion of her was...) Anyway, here is a funny story that involves the beloved movie! Hopefully the humor of it comes through typing it. So here is the story of the missing movie scene.
I was sitting at home this last weekend when my mother called me. Not a strange occurrence, since we talk for hours on the phone all the time. However, when I picked up the phone, she sounded distressed. Here's how the conversation went:
"Hey mom! What's up?"
"Are you at home?"
"Yes"
"I need you to do me a favor. A part from Pride and Prejudice is missing from my copy and I need you to see if yours has it."
--pause, time to try to understand what my mother had said--
"What? How is it missing?"
"I don't know! I watched the scene over and over and it's not there! I need you to watch yours and see if it's missing as well."
--I watch. It's right where it should be. I call her back--
"Mom, it's there"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is! It's the first scene of the fifth one"
--she watches--
"Well, now I feel stupid. I can't imagine what the BBC people think of me."
"Did you email them?"
"Yes! I complained that I got a faulty copy!"
--lots of laughter--
The end.

And that was the case of the missing scene of the movie! Hope it gave you a laugh. And thank goodness for fellow movie-obsessors to help in times of crisis!

Holding Signs on a Street Corner

2007-10-15T14:46:00.000-06:00

I wrote a post recently on Jason Clark's blog about being intolerant of the intolerant. I mentioned that it is important to confront those people and love them just the same. Well, I've realized over the past few days that there is a certain group of people I actually have a very hard time finding the capacity to love. If you've read my blog, you know that loving others is a big deal to me. But I have found my weak-spot. At church on Sunday, they showed a short clip of pictures from rallies (mostly to do with anti-homosexuality), church signs, etc. about repentance, and any sort of hateful agenda. Looking at those pictures made me sick to my stomach. There was a picture of a little girl-- she couldn't have been more that 10-- holding a sign that said "Got AIDS yet?" I just about threw up. It outraged me! And the thought struck me-- I'm feeling hateful towards the hateful. I will say that the tactics of some of the churches-- like putting those clear letters up to make a statement on their church's sign-- are just ineffective and useless. But what about the people standing on the street corner with a sign full of lists of people who they think are condemned and going to hell? And then turning around and telling them that God loves them and wants to save them... I'm missing the connection. How would throwing hate towards someone want to make them convert or even consider repenting for whatever sins they have? I wouldn't want to be part of that religion, that's for sure.
My mom said a very interesting thing about the clip and the whole idea of people (meaning Christians) acting that way-- it's embarrassing and humiliating as a Christian to see others do that under the label of "Christianity." Being a "Christ follower" is a much better label for myself and others that I know. When non-Christians hear that someone is a Christian, they put them into the group with the sign-holders and hate-throwers. Our faith and religion are supposed to be about love, and yet has become labeled with hate. There is something drastically wrong with that. We have gotten so far away from what Jesus originally called us to do. But really, how do we respond to the "Christians" who do nothing but show hate and contempt towards others? I can understand not agreeing with others' lifestyles or choices, but when hate comes into the picture, what are we supposed to do? Stand on the opposing corner with signs saying "I love you"? I'm at a loss and my heart is broken for those people. I recently watched a documentary where one of the men in it said, "They're so full of hate, they don't even realize how hateful they are." What are we, as Christ followers, supposed to do? Because just saying we need to love can only go so far... what can we do?

Who Would You Save?

2007-10-09T11:06:00.000-06:00

I am a big fan of the band, Nickelback. Some of those more musically-inclined people may laugh at my music choice, but I love them! They have some really awesome songs! Anyway, all of this to say, I also really enjoy watching their music videos. They have some very clever and moving ones. One of my all-time favorite videos is for their song, "Savin' Me."
The song is all about giving someone a second chance and telling them that they are worth your time and energy. I love the video because it has a lot of layers and deeper thoughts and meanings you could take from it. It raises a lot of questions about yourself as well-- if I knew someone's life was in danger, would I risk mine to save them? Would I stand around to bask in the glory of my save? Would it matter who the person was-- gender, money, race, age, etc-- would I still save them? Are there those who I would refuse to save (a rapist, a prisoner, a homeless person, etc)? Are there those I know who are standing on their own ledge, screaming to be noticed and loved and told they are worth saving?
As you watch the video, think about those questions. And if nothing else, enjoy an entertaining video!

Here are the lyrics if you want to follow along:

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh, I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'
yeah, yeah

And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'

And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Guest Blog- Banging Your Head Against the Wall

2007-10-02T13:24:00.000-06:00

I have written a guest blog again! After a conversation with my sister about what her on-campus group leader had spoken about, I wrote about the intolerance that churches teach and what we should do in response to that intolerance. People should take a stand against people's intolerance. People don't have to all agree, but they should not hate or condemn others. So go check it out! Comment away!