Coffee on Fire

Now that I'm finally done with school, the holidays are over, and I have internet in my house, I can finally write about some deeper thoughts. So here we go...
As I had mentioned before in a blog, I had the opportunity to be a barista at a local coffee shop in Fort Collins. It was at a coffee shop owned by a local church to have something to use the space 6 of the 7 days of the week. So, coincidentally, most of the people who go there and work there are Christians. My sister and I worked with a man, who I'll call John, who was a very passionate man. At first, it seemed very awkward when he would randomly ask questions that had to do with the Bible, Jesus, etc.
For example, when the Colorado Rockies were in the playoffs, many of the people in there were online trying to get tickets. John then asked my sister and I, "if Jesus were in here, what would he think?" Honestly, at first I was a bit annoyed-- like Jesus would care if we wanted to buy tickets to go to a baseball game. But the more we worked with him, the more interesting and thought-provoking his questions became (even more importantly, less irritating). They made me think, even days after I worked with him. For example, here's a question he asked: "Was Jesus the only perfect person mentioned in the Bible? If you look at Job 1:8, it says "Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." Does that mean he was sinless? Was he perfect? Because blameless means perfect." Pretty interesting question, right? Every week, he would ask my sister and I some question and we would discuss it. He was always thinking about and talking about Jesus and God and the Bible. It was so apparent that he was on fire for God. I soon realized that I was no longer irritated with the questions, I no longer thought he was an over-zealous, legalistic Christian trying to condemn everyone with his questions; but now thought of him as his a great seeker and model for how Jesus talked about being consumed with God. By no means am I saying John is perfect, but I am saying that he is living a life that I strive to live. I put my Bible on my bookshelf where it sits for days, even weeks sometimes, putting God at the bottom of my priority list. John's passion for Jesus and making God the focus of his life and conversation is remarkable.
So all of this gets me thinking: am I like this? Do people see Jesus in me? Or am I just another person on the street? Are my thoughts consumed with thoughts of Jesus and His life? Is it even possible, having been a Christian for my whole life, to be as on fire for God as a relatively new Christian? What hinders me from making God my #1 priority? Why doesn't the need for reading my Bible and praying and taking time out of my day to spend it with God overwhelm everything else? More importantly, how can I have the hunger for it without getting legalistic about it? I can tell you that New Year resolutions don't help either! Every January I read my Bible every day... and it only take a few weeks for that to slow down and eventually become what it always is-- once every two weeks, at best.
So here's to a new year and a new chance to start over. I know what kind of life I want to be living, so with the help of God and support of others, I will work my way to living the life I want. That's all I can realistically do.

That's "Graduate" Katie to You!

I would like to announce that I have officially GRADUATED from Colorado State University!!!!

I Will Miss....

It's getting down to the wire. I have only one paper to finish (I'm doing this instead of writing my conclusion...) and one more final on Thursday and I am home free! I will become a college graduate on Friday at 7:30pm! I can't wait!
But, before that happens, I have to finish my paper, take my test, and finish packing up my room to move home. I also need to say my last goodbyes to people, who I know I'll see again but definitely not half as much when I move. That's probably the hardest part. I'm excited to move and get on with the next phase of life, but that means leaving part of my past behind. I'm no longer a student (so when it asks for an occupation, which box do I check? I've been marking "student" for the last 16 years!). I don't have to go to class, take tests, write papers... wait, why am I sad to leave that? Well, I don't get a 3 month summer break, a 4-week winter break, or spring break... I will miss that... maybe I want to be a teacher-- hahahaha that's funny! NO WAY!
But the friendships I've made with people up in Fort Collins have been the best I could have ever asked for. They all helped shape me and mold me into the woman I am today. I have had friends (and roommates) come and go, but some have stuck around all 3 1/2 years.
So here is my shout-out to those friends who I will miss greatly and forever treasure:
My friend, and two-year roommate, Holly, has been a greater blessing to me than I could have ever imagined. We've had our ups and downs, as true friendships should, but through it all she has been there for me and I value her friendship so highly. She loves me for me and even though we can be so different we are so much the same. We love to laugh and talk, and I will miss our late-night chats in the bathroom after we've long been finished getting ready for bed. Thankfully she is moving to Denver as well after she graduates in May so I will hopefully get to see her more!
As most of you who read my blog also read David and Makeesha Fisher's blogs, you'll know who I'm talking about! They have been the best of friends to me and Michael. For me, they were the ones who helped me find my own faith and my own voice about what I believed. They believed in me and encouraged me to be all that I can and will be. It's crazy to think about that I've known them for 2 1/2 years! We have been through so much and we have been there for each other through it all. I would not be the strong woman I am today if it was not for the help and prayer and encouragement of Makeesha. I will miss coming over to knit and watch "Psych" or "Numbers" on a lazy afternoon! I will especially miss that you are just a short bike ride away! I love you guys!
And of course, I can't forget my sister who is also at CSU. It has been an awesome experience being at the same school with her and watching her develop into the woman she is becoming. I will miss our sister days like crazy! When LOST comes back on, I will feel lost (hehehe) without her sitting right next to me! I will no longer be able to go over to her house every Monday to sit and distract her when she's trying to do her homework, and she wont come over every Wednesday to do her laundry. She is my best friend and knows me better than anyone! I will miss her laugh (for those of you who have never heard it, you're missing out on the most contagious and fun laugh ever!) and her insights and her loving, graceful, beautiful heart. I'm actually excited we get to spend all of Christmas break together before we have to part ways.
And last but not least is my life-long friend, Ali. We have been friends since we were 2 years old and we came to CSU and we have continued our friendship over these last few years. We know each other so well and can tell each other anything. I will miss hanging out with her and laughing and spending time with her! I will really miss her when she moves to Virginia after she gets married this summer!!! It will be so weird not having her nearby!
As well as people, I will also miss a few other things in Fort Collins:
- The endless variety of independent coffee shops, including one that's open 24 hours!
- Old Town
- Pizza delivery until 3am
- The small-town feel
- The laid-back feel
- How environmentally conscious everyone is
- Local breweries at every turn
- Independently owned stores all over the place
- Barista-ing at Everyday Joes
- And the whole experience and feel of being in Fort Collins... it's truly a relaxing, happy feeling!

Because I listed the things and people that I will miss, I thought it would be appropriate to list what I will not miss:
- the train that runs through the middle of town, blowing the horn so loud you can hear it miles away
- finals
- everything having to do with school... except for the learning part-- if only I went to a school where tests and papers didn't exist!
- Geese everywhere
- Campus traffic
- Stupid bikers
- Stupid pedestrians
- Did I mention the train? Cuz I hate the train!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I'm excited to move, but as you can see, I am leaving behind a lot of awesome, great, wonderful people and experiences! Good-bye Fort Collins, I love you!

So Many Questions, So Few Answers

At the church I attend in Denver, they have been doing a series on doubt. It's been a very meaningful series and has made me think a lot. My biggest struggle was the fact that I felt that I did not have any real doubts. But as this series continued and as I would think about the sermons during the week, I realized there were some deep doubts and major questions and struggles that I have. The biggest one I have always seemed to struggle with is friendships. I've always had friends, it's keeping them that is my problem. It seemed every year of school I would lose my friends to some extenuating circumstances-- moving away, leaving the school, etc. So each school year I would have to start from scratch at finding new friends. I would through the doors on the first day of school friendless, and thankfully God blessed me by finding great friends during that year. Unfortunately, more times than not, at the end of the year, something would happen (or nothing, but the friendship would be over for whatever reason) and the process would happen all over again. That is how I've seen God work in my life to bring me great friends every year, but the questions I still have are: "Why did they have to end? Why did I have to start over fresh every year? Why can't I hold onto these friendships? Were they even real friends?" To go along with that, not only did I have friendships end, they ended badly. They didn't just move on or fade out, but they actually ended with hurt feelings and resentment-- reasons I could point my finger to and still have lingering hurt from. They have been friendships that I thought were deep and possibly life-long. I spent an entire summer after high school having to deal with this-- let's just say I hate when it happens again. So when it does happen again, I realized I turn to God and ask, "WHY!?!? Why me? Why again? I thought this was a one-time...two-time... thing!" How can God, when He knows how important friendships are to me, how much I struggle with them, and how important fellowship is in general, let friendships end terribly or people let you down or betray you? If it is something that I'm doing (since I am the common denominator in all those failed-friendships) why can't I figure out what it is? Why do I have to keep going through this? I understand friendships ending naturally or gradually, but why must some end with such hurt or bitterness? I have tried to reconcile with people from my past and even though we forgave each other and talked honestly with each other, there is still hurt there-- even after 3 1/2 years! Where is the love and grace that God promises? These were church people and they left my high-and-dry... How could God let someone who was a leader and those who said they loved God treat someone so terribly? How could my heart endure that kind of pain? That kind of abandonment?

And this goes for church-relationships as well. I have been a part of numerous churches and all seemed to end badly. It wasn't just a "oh, I'm leaving because of ___ (a non-issue like leaving for college)" but a "the people in this church hate me/ignore me/patronize me/etc." Is there something I'm doing to have no choice but to leave every church I attend? It's a bit heart-breaking when I'm suddenly not accepted where I was loved the day before.
Another issue I have is why the church so divided. This is my biggest question when it comes to church. When the message of Jesus was pretty simple, why are there countless churches on every street corner, each one pretty much at war with one another over minute, mundane details and interpretations? I had a discussion with a guy my sister and I barista with about church divisions. He talked about how in Acts (I think) there were tons of churches, but they were all united under one cause and one reason. There were only different ones because of location, not differing beliefs. And yet, over time, different churches came to mean you had to have xyz belief and think those with abc belief are stupid, ignorant, devil-worshiping, blasphemist, going straight to hell ... you fill in the blank. I can't understand when every Christian church says they love God and are following the teachings of Jesus and yet are so full of hate or disdain or prejudice. Is it possible for us all to be right? Or are we all wrong? Are there people who are doing things right? Is it possible to be doing it all right when we're also doing it all wrong? Is there an absolute right and absolute wrongs?

I don't think there are any answers for any of my endless questions. But that is what is great-- I can ask the questions, process them, research them, discuss them, etc. I just can't let those doubts lead me away from God but towards Him. God is a mystery and we are fallen people... that's the most important thing to remember!

Wow! And here I thought I didn't have any doubts or questions... This post was a lot more exposing and deep that I anticipated. Well, this is what I'm dealing with! Life's all about being real, right? Well, I'm trying to work every day to understand and be drawn closer to God through my struggles and my questions. I pray that God reveals Himself to me, and to others who have questions and struggles weighing on their hearts. I pray that God can take away the hurt and the pain, and replace it with love and compassion... not an easy process by any means.

The Happenings of Thanksgiving Week

I just got back to school from a week-long Thanksgiving break. It was wonderful, even with the few family drama issues! At the beginning, me, my sister, her roommate who stayed with us all week, and Michael went to the Denver Film Festival. My dad prints their programs so we got ticket vouchers to go see a movie. We had a blast (after we wandered around trying to find the theater)! We went out to dinner and then went to the movie, all dressed up and feeling hott! The movie was about a grandma who finds a job working at a sex-shop to earn money to pay for her grandson's much-needed medical treatment. It was awkward at times (as you can imagine), but really well done! We all enjoyed it-- you can't go wrong with a great character-development movie ;-) (My sister and I are in the middle... her roommate is on the left, and Michael (obviously) is on the right)
I then spent the week hanging out with my parents and my sister and her roommate. We chatted, watched movies, helped cook, went grocery shopping... the time flew!
Thanksgiving came and we had some long-time family friends over for dinner. We had delicious turkey (and that's a lot for me to say since I'm not a big fan of turkey-- I'd rather have ham any day) and all the "usual" side dishes. But when it's "usual" it means my mom found an even better recipe that melts in your mouth! We then spent the evening playing card games which actually ended up being evenly scored (GO me and Brittany!)! (In the picture-- (left to right: me, Michael, Ali, Taryn, Brittany, and Jill)
It's a lifelong tradition of our family to trek out like the Griswolds and cut down our Christmas tree. Thankfully we have always remembered our saw ;-) This year, however, my sister and I managed to lose our parents in the forest. While we were picking up pine cones and putting them in each other's hood (while laughing uncontrollably!) we thought we were following our parents' tree-dragging trail. Well, when we got to the car and my parents were not there, we realized we'd followed the wrong tree line (except that we ended up by our car... weird). Our parents finally walked up--even after we went searching for them in the forest and still ended up at the car again-- thankful that their dread of my sister and I sitting in the snow crying and hungry, being nibbled on by a bear was not true. We (being my dad) tied up the tree to the top of the car and we drove to the volunteer fire station that we go to every year to get some hot chocolate. While we were there, Mrs. Claus dragged our whole family over to Santa Claus' lap to take a picture! (I have a confession-- that was the first time I've ever sat on Santa's lap in my entire life! I've always been terrified of Santa so my sister and I never went near him!) As we were waiting for our picture to develop we read an article about this particular Santa and how he is the real deal. Thirteen years ago, he heard about families who were not going to have a real Christmas because they didn't have enough money. So, on Christmas morning, he dressed up in a Santa suit and went and took presents to the families. He paid for it out of his own pocket and continues to do it every year! What an awesome example of what one man can do to impact other people's lives!!
So other than that, I just relaxed and spent some quality time with my family. Oh, and we finally found a wedding venue location!!! YAY! We're all super-excited about it! Anyway, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! I thought I'd end this with a brief list of what I'm thankful for this year:
- Loyal friends
- Love of friends and family
- My sister (and the fact that she's up at CSU with me)
- Michael
- Making a real difference
- God working in my life
- TV shows... my guilty pleasure ;-)
- Movies... another guilty pleasure...
- Ice cream... my absolute guilty pleasure!
- The blessing my aunt gives my sister and I every month
- The safety of my Marine boys
- Change, even though it's really hard
- The endless possibilities for my future
- Sunsets
- And the everyday blessings God gives me!

HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!

Denver Here I Come!

I have written quite a few blogs about moving to London... well, that's not gonna happen for a while. God finally placed a peace on my heart about not going right away. I still have the desire to go, so after Michael and I are married for a couple years (and he finishes school), we'll re-evaluate our situation. In the meantime, I have made the decision to move down to Denver, CO. It's about an hour and a half south of Fort Collins, where I currently reside. I will graduate on December 15th and move home with my parents. I love my parents, so it hopefully wont be too bad! Also, Michael is already in Denver at least 3 days out of the week, and there are a LOT more work opportunities for me down there!

We have had to make the difficult decision to leave Fort Collins, our friends, and our church. But God is taking us on a journey that requires sacrifice and obedience-- and we want to be as aligned with God's will as we possibly can. We have already been talking about how we will take the ideals and callings that we have learned about and heard from God to our new surroundings. We want to continue to be missional to those around us, to live in a community where we can connect with as many people as possible, and to find a church that will continue to help us grow and connect. We also want a church that encourages their attendees to go out and reach their communities.

Well, for Easter this last year, Michael and I went with my dad (it was snowing really hard so my mom decided to stay home and sit by the fire) to the church they attend. We absolutely loved it! So we have started attending that church and have begun to get connected there. We joined the young marrieds group at the church, because once we're married we're no longer single (so we can't join that group) and we wont be in college (can't join that group either). There are a lot of groups, but we see it as an opportunity to get to know even more people! The young marrieds group has actually been a real blessing to us. We read this book called "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail" by John Gottman. I would highly recommend it for anyone, no matter how long or short they've been together. It has amazing insight and helps couples realize parts of themselves and their marriage, and most importantly how they fight, and helps couples fix those problems. The group and the book have been very good for us as we are trying to learn and grow as much as possible before we tie the knot. Hearing couples talk about the struggles they have, what they fight about, how they deal with difficult issues, and being real with one another has been more beneficial than we could have ever imagined. We have also found other Christian friends. Both Michael and I have struggled with having friends, so having a place where we can connect with others who are in a similar situation in life is very exciting! We're by far the youngest people there and the only engaged couple ;-) Thankfully the leaders of the group were more than willing to let us join the group as an engaged couple!
We are excited to start the next phase of our lives and see where God takes us and see who He sends along in our lives. There will be more updates as moving actually happens (I'm trying to pack and take stuff home early so I don't have a recreation of what happened this summer!) and when the wedding gets closer! So now I gotta go find a job... what fun!

The best Halloween EVER!

I'm sitting here, my mind is a complete blank. I have just finished giving a 2-hour presentation for my senior seminar class. I have spent at least 15 hours outside of class working on this project, as well as spending a majority of the semester learning about said project. I have written a 4-page research paper, to go along with the project. We also had to write a grant presentation-- complete with cover letter, sub-headings, a budget, an appendix, and over 60 references in our bibliograpgy... needless to say, I'm wiped! But now it is done! I can go home and relax and not have to worry about it ever again! And now I can actually have a life!I don't think I've hung out with anyone for the last 2 or 3 weeks because every waking moment was consumed by this stupid project! So friends, I have not forgotten about you... Now on to normal life! Everyone celebrate in my honor! (Hey, it's an excuse to have a party!) And it's halloween today! Chocolate here I come! Oh, and a Rio margarita! ;-) Happy Halloween, everyone!

The Missing Movie Scene

I LOVE the BBC/A&E version of "Pride and Prejudice"! My family loves the movie(s) (there are 6 parts to it, for those of you who have never seen it) as well. We are actually going to introduce Michael to it this weekend. (Kiera Knightly is a disgrace to the name Elizabeth Bennett, in case anyone was wondering what my opinion of her was...) Anyway, here is a funny story that involves the beloved movie! Hopefully the humor of it comes through typing it. So here is the story of the missing movie scene.
I was sitting at home this last weekend when my mother called me. Not a strange occurrence, since we talk for hours on the phone all the time. However, when I picked up the phone, she sounded distressed. Here's how the conversation went:
"Hey mom! What's up?"
"Are you at home?"
"Yes"
"I need you to do me a favor. A part from Pride and Prejudice is missing from my copy and I need you to see if yours has it."
--pause, time to try to understand what my mother had said--
"What? How is it missing?"
"I don't know! I watched the scene over and over and it's not there! I need you to watch yours and see if it's missing as well."
--I watch. It's right where it should be. I call her back--
"Mom, it's there"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is! It's the first scene of the fifth one"
--she watches--
"Well, now I feel stupid. I can't imagine what the BBC people think of me."
"Did you email them?"
"Yes! I complained that I got a faulty copy!"
--lots of laughter--
The end.

And that was the case of the missing scene of the movie! Hope it gave you a laugh. And thank goodness for fellow movie-obsessors to help in times of crisis!

Holding Signs on a Street Corner

I wrote a post recently on Jason Clark's blog about being intolerant of the intolerant. I mentioned that it is important to confront those people and love them just the same. Well, I've realized over the past few days that there is a certain group of people I actually have a very hard time finding the capacity to love. If you've read my blog, you know that loving others is a big deal to me. But I have found my weak-spot. At church on Sunday, they showed a short clip of pictures from rallies (mostly to do with anti-homosexuality), church signs, etc. about repentance, and any sort of hateful agenda. Looking at those pictures made me sick to my stomach. There was a picture of a little girl-- she couldn't have been more that 10-- holding a sign that said "Got AIDS yet?" I just about threw up. It outraged me! And the thought struck me-- I'm feeling hateful towards the hateful. I will say that the tactics of some of the churches-- like putting those clear letters up to make a statement on their church's sign-- are just ineffective and useless. But what about the people standing on the street corner with a sign full of lists of people who they think are condemned and going to hell? And then turning around and telling them that God loves them and wants to save them... I'm missing the connection. How would throwing hate towards someone want to make them convert or even consider repenting for whatever sins they have? I wouldn't want to be part of that religion, that's for sure.
My mom said a very interesting thing about the clip and the whole idea of people (meaning Christians) acting that way-- it's embarrassing and humiliating as a Christian to see others do that under the label of "Christianity." Being a "Christ follower" is a much better label for myself and others that I know. When non-Christians hear that someone is a Christian, they put them into the group with the sign-holders and hate-throwers. Our faith and religion are supposed to be about love, and yet has become labeled with hate. There is something drastically wrong with that. We have gotten so far away from what Jesus originally called us to do. But really, how do we respond to the "Christians" who do nothing but show hate and contempt towards others? I can understand not agreeing with others' lifestyles or choices, but when hate comes into the picture, what are we supposed to do? Stand on the opposing corner with signs saying "I love you"? I'm at a loss and my heart is broken for those people. I recently watched a documentary where one of the men in it said, "They're so full of hate, they don't even realize how hateful they are." What are we, as Christ followers, supposed to do? Because just saying we need to love can only go so far... what can we do?

Who Would You Save?

I am a big fan of the band, Nickelback. Some of those more musically-inclined people may laugh at my music choice, but I love them! They have some really awesome songs! Anyway, all of this to say, I also really enjoy watching their music videos. They have some very clever and moving ones. One of my all-time favorite videos is for their song, "Savin' Me."
The song is all about giving someone a second chance and telling them that they are worth your time and energy. I love the video because it has a lot of layers and deeper thoughts and meanings you could take from it. It raises a lot of questions about yourself as well-- if I knew someone's life was in danger, would I risk mine to save them? Would I stand around to bask in the glory of my save? Would it matter who the person was-- gender, money, race, age, etc-- would I still save them? Are there those who I would refuse to save (a rapist, a prisoner, a homeless person, etc)? Are there those I know who are standing on their own ledge, screaming to be noticed and loved and told they are worth saving?
As you watch the video, think about those questions. And if nothing else, enjoy an entertaining video!



Here are the lyrics if you want to follow along:

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh, I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'
yeah, yeah

And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'

And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Guest Blog- Banging Your Head Against the Wall

I have written a guest blog again! After a conversation with my sister about what her on-campus group leader had spoken about, I wrote about the intolerance that churches teach and what we should do in response to that intolerance. People should take a stand against people's intolerance. People don't have to all agree, but they should not hate or condemn others. So go check it out! Comment away!

He Popped the Question and I Said "YES!"

I would like to officially announce to the blogging world that I am ENGAGED!!! YAY! Even though I think I've already talked to the only people who read this, I'm announcing it anyway! Why not, right? It happened on Thursday Sept. 13th. Here's how it went down: I was working that night and my boyfriend (now fiance ;-), Michael (and fellow-blogger), and I were planning on meeting at my house to go to this fun restaurant that only serves desserts and wine. However, when I got to my house, there was a note taped to my door telling me to meet him at the restaurant instead. I got there and the owner handed me another note telling me to meet him around the corner at this place with fountains that has chairs and tables to sit and people-watch. So I walked in my heals over there and there was a table set up with a white tablecloth, flowers, and a laptop. I got to it and it said "click here" so I did. A movie started with our song (Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol) and a slideshow of pictures of us. At the end, it said "Turn Around." And Michael was walking up. He had tears in his eyes and told me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It took a few moments (I was having issues breathing properly) for me to squeak out a "yes! Of course! I love you too!" After we finally got our breath back and could focus, he informed me that instead of walking back to the restaurant, he had made reservations at The Melting Pot (a really nice fondue restaurant)! We made all of the initial phone-calls and headed over to my sister's house to show her the ring. After getting our picture taken and jumping up and down in excitement, Michael and I headed over to the Melting Pot. We ate sooo much food! But boy oh boy was it good! It was the best night of my life! I love Michael so much and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him! (I just realized this is the first picture of me I've ever posted... now everyone knows what Michael and I look like!)

No Pain, No Gain in Relationships

I posted a blog on Jason Clark's site a while ago about the redemption of the father in the movie, "Little Miss Sunshine." Since then, I have experienced redemtion in my own life. This last week God helped me gain the courage to confront and deal with some difficult issues with friends and a family member. Needless to say, I was glad when the week ended. However, through the very difficult process of confronting hurt feelings and negative feelings (and the anxiety that went along with it), God redeemed those relationships. I know that my friends and family love me and care about me and our friendship/relationship, so I had nothing to worry about. But boy oh boy is dealing with it difficult. This whole process helped me realize the amount of redemption I experience in my life. Each day I fall on my face, God is there to pick me right back up and shows me how to not fall next time. It's, again, a difficult process, but very necessary. But I'll bet God doesn't get knots in His stomach when He does show me my crap. I guess that's what you get for being the creator of the universe... Anyway, God uses the love and friendship I have through the people in my lives to continue to redeem me and my relationships. I love my friends and family more than I could ever express and it broke my heart this week to have so many issues to deal with! But through dealing with those issues, my friendships and relationships are even deeper and stronger than they were ever before! But why must it be so painful to have to go through all that? No pain, no gain! And what a gain it was :-)

Disturb Us, Lord

I heard this prayer read today and I thought I'd share it. It's really interesting. Read it and think/pray about it:

Prayer of Sir Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life, We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth, We have allowed our vision Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land, We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future In strength, courage, hope, and love.

I Go College!

Today was a day for "Katie's History Book." I have had this mortal fear ever since I started college that I would end up in the wrong classroom for my class. I have spent the last 3 and a half years successfully avoiding that predicament. Well, I guess it had to happen-- my college experience would not be complete without it. Here's how it all happened. I was on campus to do research for a class and a friend picked me up to run some errands. It was before my first class would start and we had plenty of time. My first class, I already knew, was canceled, so I had the whole morning open until my next class. Well, in the confusion of getting back to campus and not having my class, I walked confidently to the classroom where my second class of the day is held... except that I was an hour early! I sat down, read the school newspaper waiting for the professor to come in and begin. But my professor is not a big, gray-haird man... With a twinge of panic and trying to be as casual and nonchalant as possible, I picked up my stuff and hurried out of the room, just as the class started! I was so embarrassed! That kind of thing is acceptable the first week of classes, but not the beginning of the 4th! I hope no one realized what had happened-- and if they did, then I gave them something to laugh about. Well, I can surely say that I can graduate without feeling like I missed out on anything! :-) If the class were interesting I may have stuck around but every time I come in when my class actually meets, there are equations and drawings all over the board-- no thank you! I'm about to graduate and this is my shining moment! Here, mom and dad, this is where all that money is going for my education....

"Little Miss Sunshine's" Deeper Meaning

So I had the honor of writing a post for Jason Clark's blog again and I would love for everyone to go check it out and comment on it! I wrote about the movie Little Miss Sunshine and how the father was redeemed throughout the movie and how he redeemed his family. It came from a church sermon I heard at my parent's church I visited a few weeks ago. I love movies and finding deeper meanings so it was right up my alley! Go check it out!

Heroes of the Titanic

As I've mentioned in other blogs, I work at a residential treatment center for teens. I am officially a fill-in counselor so I have had the opportunity to work at the girls' house as well as the school and the boys' house. This last week I spent 3 days in a row helping at the boys house during the day. They were on their "summer break" where they don't go to school but still have to do something educational and/or recreational. On Wednesday, I had the honor of driving one of the minivans down to Denver to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. We went to see an IMAX film that was about an expedition to the Titanic. The boys, of course, were bored stiff, but I thought it was pretty interesting. They not only talked about the ship, but the stories of the people on the ship-- the good and the bad. There was a man who will forever be remembered as the guy who didn't put enough lifeboats on the ship-- how's that for a legacy? But they also talked about the people who are considered heroic-- the telegraph operator, the musicians who played to keep people calm until the ship went down, the men who got as many people as they could on the lifeboats. The guy who was narrating (and on the expedition) said something pretty remarkable. He was talking about heroism and the people who were heroes vs. the people who took the fight or flight response and refused to go back to get more people on the lifeboats. He said "people as a whole are not heroic, it's the unique few who make heroes." (okay, that isn't a direct quote cuz I can't remember it exactly). But the point of it all was that in the last few hours/minutes of these people's lives, they were heroes-- and will be remembered forever as being such. What an awesome legacy to leave behind. The narrator said about one man, "2/3 of the people who survived have ____ [I can't remember his name] to thank for it." WHOA! That is awesome! What kind of legacy will you leave behind? What will people remember you for? Being stingy and a penny pincher that inevitably caused the unnecessary death of thousands? Or being the one who used his last few minutes of life to continually call for help and play music to help others stay calm?

I don't have a gazillion years of experience in anything!

I'm having a life-crisis. Now that moving is over (thank God!) I no longer have an excuse to not be thinking about and looking for a future job. And when I say job, I mean career. I graduate in December and I have yet to find any sort of direction in my life about what I want to do. Do I want to do this? Or that? Go here? Or there? The biggest issue is that I have no idea what I even want to do. I'm qualified to do social service stuff... and usually that requires a masters degree (ICK!) or a gazillion years of experience. I'm not even sure if I want to stay in that field. But if not, what do I do?? Anyone got a job they just want to hand to me and make this process a heck of a lot easier? No? Well, that's life. It's time to grow up. This is not what I thought it would be when I dreamed of being a "grown up."

Moving = no internet or sanity

Why is it that every time my computer (or internet) isn't working is when I have all of my great ideas for posts? Well, for those of you who read my blog, I am currently without internet so I will be posting a few soon. I never have enough time (or should even be on here) to sit and write posts when I'm not at home with my own computer. I just moved, so that is the cause of no internet, and currently I am just thankful I didn't end up in an insane asylum after a meltdown over it. So needless to say, I really hate moving and the thought of ever having to do it again really puts me in a state of panic! Thankfully that won't be for a while. So stay tuned, cuz there's more coming soon...

Love Your "Poor" Neighbor

I was reading Jesus Creed blog the other day and I really liked his quote in his blog post, Nothing Left for the Church to Do. It was about how we reach out to poor people when we live somewhere where there are no poor people. Jesus did not call us to love just the poor, but our neighbors-- we need to reach out and love people just for the sake of loving them. It's a great post, go read it! But enjoy reading my favorite part:

Jesus’ mission was to love God and to love others — and you can express this central motif of Jesus in a variety of ways — and only because Jesus expanded the meaning of “others” do the poor come into the picture. In other words, we love the poor not because they are poor but because we love them as Eikons of God (made in the image of God). We love the poor because they happen to be Eikons who are also our neighbors. We don’t have to make the poor our neighbors in order to love the other.

Because we love others we love the poor; loving the poor is not the only “other” we are called to love. We are called to love all others, including the poor, but not only the poor. Our mission is to love the other, whoever that might be.

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Loving without Prejudice-- Guest Blog

I was honored to write a new blog for Jason Clark's blog again! Check it out HERE. I wrote about how we need to look past our prejudices and love and get to know the people in our lives and community. Check it out and feel free to comment away!! :-)

8 hours really isn't that long

It's 6:50 and I'm really hungry. And my eyes are hurting, but thankfully I'm not fighting to keep them open. And the woman coming to take over is usually late... just my luck... Everyone's still in bed asleep, so that's always good. But I keep craving a cinnamon roll--mmmmmm I shouldn't be thinking about it cuz it's just making me hungrier (or is it more hungry?). I've survived my first overnight shift and except for the first little bump in the road, it went really well. Well, she should be here soon so I can go to bed. This is when I'm thankful my church doesn't start till 1:30pm! SLEEP! Good night, or should I say, good morning? :-)

Overnight Shift with Drug Addicts

I just wanted to inform everyone that I am amazing. (That came off egotistical, didn't it?) Anyway, I have managed to stay awake, not even nodding off, during my overnight shift at the place I work! I am quite proud of myself! I work at a residential treatment center for teenage girls (and sometimes at the boy's house). To sum up my job, I work with drug addicts and alcoholics-- makes for some interesting time.
At the beginning of my shift, I had a confrontation with one of the girls. It got me all worked up and I was completely intimidated! After I barely held my own and stood my ground, I went and sat back in my chair and a thought hit me: how am I possibly intimidated or afraid of these girls? They're teenagers, for one thing, and have the maturity-level and thought-capacity of 10 year olds (if not younger). I'm 21 and strong and lucid and I have the power... and yet I get extremely overwhelmed and flustered when they start yelling at me and cussing me out. But I can handle it, it just takes a few minutes for my heart rate to return to normal.
Other than that, my shift has gone well and I've only had to call the on-call twice. That's good for it being my first time by myself! Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. Every time I go upstairs to do bed checks, I pray that they're all in bed... I don't know what I'd do if someone went AWOL. Cry, probably. I got overwhelmed with a girl cussing at me-- AWOL is a whole different story! Anyway, it's 4:50am and I'm wide awake... this is strange... you start to hear things and jump a lot easier with sounds, even normal ones like a cough... and you also ramble on your blogs... (Oh, and I found that picture and it's totally me! That book is the book of assignments and I'm sure my eyes look like that; the only difference is I'm drinking iced tea...)

Are Diamonds a Girl's Best Friend or Man's Worst Enemy?

I was reading an article recently in the women's version of Relevant magazine (I'm drawing a blank on the name) and the article was about the conflict or "blood diamonds" that come out of Africa. The article did not make me aware of the issue-- I was already well aware of the issue, but it brought up a very interesting point. If everyone were to stop buying diamonds, what would it do to the African economy? That is their only real source of income in the country. Very interesting. But it must be weighed with the risk of people's live being at stake just to get those diamonds. It's not as simple as, what is more important: a nation's economy or people's lives because they are very intertwined. If an economy is suffering, the people are suffering, not just the one person; if someone is suffering for the diamonds, the economy is helped, which in turn helps more than just that one person. Kind of a dilemma, isn't it?
This issue has become a very important one since the presence of a diamond will soon (but not too soon) be on my hand. It has become more than a romantic issue, it has become a moral issue. Can I live with the knowledge that the diamond that sparkles on my finger has the possibility of having cost someone their life? I looked up the diamond market and it is a $60 billion industry (at least the figures I looked at). In the article I read, it said that only about 1% of the money that comes from the diamonds goes to fund conflict zones. Let's do the math... 1% of 60 billion is 60 million! Um... that's a lot. I had to do the math twice to make sure I did it right. $60 million is going to fund conflict zones-- no wonder there's such a problem! I can't imagine what I would do with $60 million-- buy a lot of guns and shoot people seems to be the answer to that question. I went into a diamond store at the mall in Fort Collins and asked them about their knowledge about conflict-free diamonds. The guy handed me a laminated piece of paper stating that the company claims it does not buy from sources that are known to fund conflict areas. Well, isn't that fine and dandy... but what about their sources source? And their source? Can they really trace their suppliers back that far? How can there be any guarantee? They can feel safe behind their 1% figure, but ignore what that really means (in case you forgot, it was $60 million).
So here is my answer to all of this: I don't think my not buying a diamond will devastate the African economy, so I will gladly and eagerly buy from a company that makes laboratory-made diamonds-- you can guarantee no one lost their lives or freedom to making those. I can admire the diamond on my hand a lot more knowing there isn't someone's blood behind it. (Also, it's a lot cheaper (and I mean a lot!) and really good quality!)
I am taking a stand against injustice. Even though the economy is supported by diamond exports, it is not worth it to support their economy when the risk is so high. Help support them in another way-- agriculture, building, etc. Employ the people and export goods that are handmade or at least grown in the country without slave labor. If we stop buying their diamonds, they will have to find some other way to support their people and their country, without it costing people their lives and freedom. I am doing what I feel is my duty and calling in this situation, and I do not look down or put down anyone who chooses to buy a diamond from a jewelry store. When i think about it, the injustice just makes that diamond a rock, and nothing more in my eyes. But that's my own conviction. I hope no one takes this issue lightly, but acts in their own accord and their own will in the decision of buying diamonds. Just don't forget the risk you are taking if you buy one from the store. And educate people about the problems as well, because a lot of times, people just don't know the problems that are going on. Talking and educating only made people smarter and more educated and knowledgable. So this is me teaching. I hope you took the time to listen.

Coming to terms with taking a "flying" leap of faith

So a question has been running through my mind the last month or so. As most of you know, I am contemplating moving to London in the very near future. As the time when it would be possible nears, I have started to question and doubt why I would. My biggest question has become: is going "just for the hell of it" a good enough reason to move across the ocean? I feel God calling me there, but I'm not at all certain why or when or for what greater purpose. It's an opportunity, is that good enough? I've researched places to work, organizations to be hired through, etc., and I have realized that it wouldn't be too difficult to find a job-- that would not be something that would hold me from going. But when I tell people why I'm leaving EVERYTHING behind, what do I say? Is "God's calling me there" enough as well? It seems like such a cliche, but it's true! And is the feeling that God is calling me there all that I need to start applying for visas and looking for houses? Or is there a time frame? Do I need to wait for God to write in the sky "GO!" before I move, or do I take his prompting and calling and pull as my writing in the sky? I wrote a post a while ago about when the future becomes the present and when we know when God isn't just putting something on our hearts, but actually telling us to get our asses off the couch and go... needless to say, I'm still struggling with this issue. I keep looking for signs, but I feel like that's all I see. Is that a sign in itself? My biggest fear is that I am hearing things wrong, or I am being too hasty in my actions. Well, that's what faith is all about, isn't it? I'm feeling more and more like I'll graduate in December and not too long after, I will on a plane with only my clothes and my passport and a visa (oh, and a husband!) and set out on the adventure of a lifetime! But we'll see... things can change in the blink of an eye! (the London Eye, that is ;-)

"I do-a da cha-cha"

I love being tagged! Thanks Mak! I copied her and used my itunes. My list is very diverse... I'm all about diversity :-)

1. "Feels Like Today" by Rascal Flatts from Feels Like Today

2. "City Hall" by The Fray from Reason EP

3. "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac from Greatest Hits

4. "Over the Rainbow" by Harry Nilsson from You've Got Mail soundtrack

5. "The Authority Song" by Jimmy Eat World from Jimmy Eat World

6. "One Day I'll Fly Away" by Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge soundtrack

7. "On and On" by Kevin Max from Stereotype Be

8. "Nice and Easy" by Frank Sinatra from Classic Sinatra

9. "Mayfield" by Augustana from All the Starts and Boulevards

10. "Waiting Game" by Yellowcard from Lights and Sounds

Happy 4th of July!

Today is the 4th of July-- Independence Day! This post is in honor of my friends who are serving our country! I got to talk to one of them who is deployed in Iraq :-) Thank for all you guys have done and will do! I'm counting down the days till you all can come home!

Here's to you, guys!

Our adopted boys (Hall and Ambrose [center and right]) with Hardwick and my sister!

Hardwick

Matt

All of my boys (this pic is 3 years old)!
Brandon, Hardwick, Kevin, Matt, James, Wes

Love and Chocolate

"Once upon a time, there was a quiet little village in the French countryside, whose people believed in Tranquilité - Tranquility. If you lived in this village, you understood what was expected of you. You knew your place in the scheme of things. And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you. In this village, if you saw something you weren't supposed to see, you learned to look the other way. If perchance your hopes had been disappointed, you learned never to ask for more. So through good times and bad, famine and feast, the villagers held fast to their traditions. Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North..."

This is the opening monologue in the movie, "Chocolat." I was watching it a few nights ago with two of my girl friends (Johnny Depp + chocolate = great girl's night!) and as much as I adore the movie, I was struck by the deep theological ideas/symbolism that the movie portrayed. When not drooling over Johnny Depp, I actually was amazed by the great picture of the church that the movie symbolized.
The movie is about a woman, Vianne-- unmarried with a daughter, neither one attends church-- who open a chocolate shop in a very quiet, traditional French town. This woman wears brightly colored dresses and shoes and befriends the people of the town (and visitors) who the town ignores or even "boycotts." Try as the mayor and the priest may, they cannot dissuade people from going to the chocolate shop.
Because the priest and the mayor do not agree with what Vianne does, they use the pulpit to convince the people that the chocolate that she sells and the friendship that she offers is evil and essentially like befriending the devil. The mayor goes around the town gossiping about Vianne and putting a negative light on everything about her, considering her and her chocolate "shameless" and "the enemy."
One day, a group of "pirates" (well, they're actually "river rats"-- as if that's any better) come to the village. They are seen as untouchables. However, as the town posts signs stating "boycott immorality," Vianne welcomes them to her shop with open arms, and a chocolate treat. Almost everyone in the town looks down on her actions, but the river rats all appreciate her hospitality. They even allow her to host a party on her boat. I must say, she and the guests of the party all looked like they were having a heck of a lot more fun than the people of the village...

In the end, everyone--including the hard-ass mayor-- come to realize the power of her unconditional and nonjudgmental love and friendship. (Sorry if I spoiled the movie... it's been out for 7 years, so I don't feel bad!)

So... that was a nice story... why write about it you ask. Well, I looked at it though the church's eye. Go back and read it again if you need to with this in mind: think of the town as the traditional church; Vianne as churches (and people) that are doing things a "bit differently" that the traditional church gasps at; the river rats as those that the traditional church shuns and puts down: homosexuals, the homeless, "sinners", etc. ... Read it again... It all comes together, doesn't it?!

God calls us all to be like Vianne. We need to stand strong in our own beliefs and love everyone, despite what others may think of them or what the "church" teaches about them. We need to stand out with our nonjudgmenal love and grace for people. We need to look beyond what "the church" teaches us to believe about them. There is truly nothing wrong with chocolate, and yet the mayor and the priest were able to convince the people of the town that it was evil. We need to think for ourselves and question what we are taught, especially to see if there is some kind of agenda behind it. We need to stand strong! We need to accept and even risk making enemies with others. Who knew that giving love to people could make others so mad? Mix things up a bit and bring light into dark places, places that have forgotten how to laugh, cry, and be joyful. Finally, give out chocolate-- you never know whose life you're going to change!

Some Things to Appreicate about Jesus (and Me!)

Thanks to Makeesha for tagging me! :-)

5 things I dig about Jesus

1. His absolute understanding and grace for his very imperfect followers

2. That he could talk to so many different people on so many different levels

3. He wasn't stuck in tradition

4. He was a feminist

5. He partied and drank wine

8 things about me

1. I am addicted to watching crime shows-- I'm currently watching "Law and Order:SVU"

2. I love raspberry lemonade in the summer, oh and iced tea

3. I love movies... enough said!

4. I'm always cold--it's 90 degrees outside and I'm freezing! (stupid air conditioning!)

5. I LOVE good food-- I'm considered a "chow-hound"-- especially eating it with good friends and family!

6. I'm very organized and slightly OCD, yet I have a lot of clutter around my room... someone explain that to me

7. I could possibly get a social work job in the UK within the next year or so-- I'm scared sh*tless!

8. I cannot whisper... I start to and then end up talking in a regular voice... and then start laughing (which I do loud!)... and try to whisper again... vicious circle!

Eddie Izzard is my Favorite!

I was able to introduce my new roommate to Eddie Izzard last night! If you don't know who he is, look him up on youtube... freaking hilarious! Well, because of last night, I have been in an Eddie Izzard mood. So I went on youtube and found some of his clips that I had never seen before! Shocking, I know! Anyway, I watched one and saw that someone re-enacted one of his jokes-- I was rolling on the floor laughing! So, I dedicate this video to my Star-Wars-loving friends! Enjoy :-)



And here's one just for kicks and giggles :-D



And this one's for Jill!

Guest Blog- Back from the Future

Well, I have officially guest-blogged on someone else's site! Thanks to Paul for his help and Jason for letting me do so! Go check out my thoughts on Jason Clark's blog!! So the question is: Can you live in the moment?

What name do you give God?

Some very thought-provoking ideas are discussed on Michael's blog. It really makes you think about how we worship our God, especially how we identify Him. Go check it out! Leave a comment (show some love) if you feel the urge ;-)

Is it Possible to be Biblical but not Christian?

I’m officially a theologian! I tend to be the one who goes to others who are older and wiser than I am for advice and insight about different issues, topics, discussions, etc. However, I was the one who was come to! I felt so honored J So instead of running instantly to my friend who lives down the street to give me the “right” answer, I jumped in head first by myself… I am growing up! ;-) But I would still love anyone and everyone’s thoughts and insight!

So here's the scoop: I joined a group on Facebook called “The Economics of Jesus.” (If you’re on Facebook, definitely check it out!) Well, I didn’t think much about joining the group because my beliefs fell within what the group talked about. A friend of mine emailed me a few days ago asking about the group. (Without hesitation, I can say she is much more conservative than I am.) Well, here is the question and following it is my response to her:

i was checking out the group and something about it confused me. how can something be biblical, but not christian? if the bible is the inspired word of GOD, how can people meant to be CHRIST followers dismiss parts of his very word? i.e. giving a portion of your income to the church? maybe you've given this some thought and can explain how something can be biblical, but not chrisitan.

From my understanding, a lot of it comes down to one’s understanding of the definition of the word “church.” It has become a new teaching in some churches that the church is not just the building with four walls—but the people and businessesàthe community around the building of the church. The church becomes the people you encounter at the coffee shop, your fellow students in your classes, the poets, the mothers and fathers, the homeless, the poor, the single mother working 3 jobs, etc. The church is not defined by the four walls, and shouldn’t be. God says that He is the head of the church—he did not necessarily mean that he is the head of the building (just one step above the pastor).

The church dynamic is very different than what it originally was in Biblical times. Paul was the one who coined the word “Christian;” Jesus never used it or even alluded to it. He told people to follow the calling that God put in their lives and to have fellowship with one another. There of course were the teachers—because believe me, I could not function completely on my own when it comes to the Bible without good teachers—but they give insight and teach to their greatest understanding of what God wants them to teach. You don’t have to look far for the corruption of the church and the mistakes that are made within the church’s understanding of Biblical passages and laws (of the Old Testament).

Saying something is Biblical and not Christian is an interesting idea, even for me. After giving this a lot of thought, my main conclusion is that when the group talked about the tithe as Biblical and not Christian is that the Old Testament is no longer followed as law in the Christian church. Because Christians don’t follow the Old Testament law, even though it is in the Bible, the idea of tithing is not “Christian.” Tithing is also defined as giving a certain portion of (all of) your income and possessions to God. Today, churches use the words "tithing" and "giving" interchangeably, even though they are completely different concepts. I believe that the creator of the group meant to get rid of the use of the word "tithing" as an obligation instead of a personal calling.

There are ideas that Christians have put into their interpretations of the Bible—therefore, making an idea “Christian” but not necessarily Biblical. God intended a lot of things that may not be lived out in the modern church. Specifically, you asked about giving to the church. The idea of giving to the church is a modern idea. In the Bible, God calls His followers to give to the poor, the hungry, and the needy. In Matthew 19:21, Jesus told the rich man to “sell your possessions and give to the poor…” Giving to the poor is not code for “give to the church.” Jesus cared about the poor and the outcasts, and he calls his followers to do the same. Any mention of tithing is mentioned in the Old Testament. It was in Leviticus and Numbers, but in both of those passages, they talked about tithing your possessions (and everything else… See Lev. 27:30) and giving them to God. It does not say the church, because there was no such thing as the church back then. God called His people to tithe to Him, sacrificing yourself and your possessions for God.

In regards to the fact that the commands about tithing are all in the Old Testament, one must not ignore that. When Jesus came, he got rid of the old covenant. In Luke 22:20, 1 Corinthians 11:25, and Hebrews 9:25 and 12:24, they all talk about Jesus being the new covenant. We are no longer under the old law. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give to the church or the poor or whomever else God calls you to give to. I am saying that we are no longer required to. Our relationship with God became very personal when Jesus came and died for us. We no longer had to do anything, but could choose and listen to see where God was taking us and directing us individually instead of as an entire community. By saying that Jesus is the new covenant (and not following the old covenant and laws) is not dismissing the Bible. It is the history and there are many things to be learned through the Old Testament laws, but they do not direct our life any more. If God did not want us to learn something from the Old Testament, it wouldn’t be in the Bible. But it shouldn’t be taken as laws, and should definitely not be used to pick and choose which laws we should still be following. It’s an all or nothing kind of thing. God called His people to tithe—no longer a law, but a choice and a calling. Personally, I have rarely tithed to a church. I use it to give where I hear God calling me to give—World Vision, Unitus, lunch with a friend who is short on cash, coffee for the stranger behind me in line, etc. That is God’s church, not necessarily the building.

The Bible does talk about giving to support pastors (or leaders, I’m not really sure where that passage is…) so if that is what God has called you to do, that’s awesome! There is nothing wrong or unbiblical about that. Do what God has called you to do. A lot of pastors are solely supported financially by the giving of the church members, so I am not disregarding the need for giving to the church. However, one cannot discount that other’s calling may be to give to the poor (and not the church as a building). Both are Biblical. Although, one is not always considered “Christian” because most churches teach that the only way to give is to give to the church. It all comes down to interpretation and personal conviction and calling on your life.

Masks and Country Music

I have a confession to make… I like country music (and unashamed of it!). Well, I have a lot of it on my itunes and I was listening to it today at work and one of my all-time favorite artists came on—Garth Brooks. I love him! I am so angry that I became a fan when he decided to retire, or at least no longer tour… I can’t say how much I wouldn’t spend on a ticket to his concert. Anyway, I’m getting away from the reason I’m writing this. I was listening to him today and his song, “When There’s No One Around” came on. It’s a fabulous song! It’s about being a different person when no one’s around—being a kid (immature, reckless, without a care in the world), being an adult (unsure, insecure, invisible to the world), and singing and dancing to your own song (carefree, carried away, lose control). It’s not a new or even remotely revolutionary idea that people are not themselves around others. As I was listening to it, this idea struck me—why not?

Why can’t we be ourselves? Why must we put on our masks and hide our insecurities and burdens when we are around others? Why is it so difficult to even remove the mask and let the child out even when we are alone? It doesn’t matter if we are at home, school, work, church… we all wear masks. We may even change which mask we wear in front of which people. Why are we so afraid to be real?

I will be the first to admit that I have and do wear masks. However, I have been working (through counseling mostly) on being genuine and real—to take off the masks and expose my true self—the self that is flawed, broken, bruised, and *gasp* not perfect. It is difficult to show your true self and express how you really feel about something. The “world” expects us to always be happy, joyful, and think positively about things. What I have been learning is how to talk to people and express an opinion, especially one that may be negative or against the norm, in a respectable way, yet still getting my voice heard and my point across. It’s very easy to hide behind excuses and justifications for not “showing up.” People want honesty yet rarely give it. We all need to work on that and work on removing the mask that hides our imperfections. Expose your true self. Dance your own dance, no matter who is around!

Here are the lyrics of the song:

This is a song that nobody knows
I couldn't begin to describe how it goes
But it makes me cry or laugh right out loud
It's a song that I sing when there's no one around

This is the man that nobody sees
He wears my old clothes and he looks just like me
Just one of the boys who gets lost in the crowd
He's the man that I am when there's no one around

It's four in the morning
I'm lyin' in bed
A tape of my failures
Playin' inside my head
It's heartache and hard knocks
And things I don't know
I listen and I wonder
Where will it go

This is a glimpse of a child that's within
He's so immature but he's still my best friend
If he could learn how to fly he'd never touch down
He's the kid that I am when there's no one around

This is the dance I do every day
I let my feet go and get carried away
I let my soul lead and follow the sound
It's the dance that I do when there's no one around

It's four in the morning
I'm lyin' in bed
A tape of my failures
Playin' inside my head
It's heartache and hard knocks
And things I don't know
I listen and I wonder
Where will it go

This is a song that nobody knows
I still can't begin to describe how it goes
But it makes me cry or laugh right out loud
It's a song that I sign when there's no one around
It's a song that I sign when there's no one around

Jumping With My Eyes Closed

This picture symbolizes how I'm feeling at the moment... jumping off a cliff, with my eyes closed, praying to God that I will land on my feet (not my head) on solid ground. My life is so up in the air and I am seeking direction from God in so many aspects of my life! So if I feel God directing one part of my life in one direction, I don't really meditate on it or think about it for a while-- I jump! I trust that I have heard God's calling and I walk in that faith. And if I'm wrong, I trust God will bring me back to where He wants me. I'm just praying I'm landing where God wants me cuz I definitely feel like I'm jumping off and hoping I don't fall and land flat on my face! (Thankfully, God extends a LOT of grace (and band-aids) in case I do!)

Women: Submission

So the here is the anticipated "submission" blog. I have a few things to say about it. The Ephesians passage is very popular for keeping women in submission and men in power in the relationship. Here's the passage:

22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

~Ephesians 5:22-33

This passage embodies the entire reason we had this discussion in the first place. I don't have much more to say about this because my other blogs pretty much sum up my feelings about the subject. However, I will tell you about some of the things I learned about this passage and shared with my Bible study. First, we discussed the meaning of submission. Everyone else defined it as "respect" which I can totally agree with. However, when they were talking about how relationships/marriages should work, it was the women following blindly behind what the husband is passionate about and called to. The feeling I got about their definition of respect was letting the man get his way and make all the decisions, and not disputing his decision. When looking at the dictionary definition of submit, this is what I found:

sub·mit /səbˈmɪt/ –verb (used with object)
1. to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
2. to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
3. to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others
4. to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose
5. to yield oneself to the power or authority of another: to submit to a conqueror.
6. to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment: to submit to chemotherapy.
7. to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.: I submit to your superior judgment.

It was pointed out that I saw and talked about submission in a negative light. When looking at this definition and also how I have seen it work in relationships, I don't see how I couldn't. I know and understand that for a gazillion years, the church has taught that women should submit to their husbands and that is what God has called all women to do, but is that necessarily true? For a long time, the church in America supported slavery and the discrimination of black people. Churches wouldn't let African-American people through their doors. They did not see them as equals, even though God created them equal. Today, churches no longer deny African-Americans access to their church-- they changed their minds and realized that God created all people the same, no matter what their skin color was. Why can't the church change their mind about women as well?

And speaking of the treatment of women in regards to the treatment of African-Americans, I was told an interesting analogy about what women are doing to themselves when they support inequality in relationships-- it is like an African American supporting slavery during the Civil Rights Movement... Why wouldn't women want to have an equal say? Why would they want to give all of the power to men? I understand that women have been taught that they need to submit and that may be a conviction of theirs, but I do not understand how, when faced with the idea of equality, they resist it.
I have to admit that at one point in my life (not too long ago, actually) I believed what I'm now against. However, I started to research this topic and really look into how I felt about the subject after a casual conversation with a great friend of mine. We were talking about relationships and what our ideal relationships are. I mentioned that I wanted the man as a leader, and she asked me why. I tried to give her an answer but I'm sure it was non-understandable. She said that she didn't want a man to rule over her, that she is a strong woman with her own ideas and her own passions. I referred her to another friend who had a lot more answers than I could give. I ended up talking to my "referral"-friend about it and that's what really got the ball rolling. I have since made up my own mind and done my own research. The whole point of this is, when confronted with a different idea and a different way of thinking (especially a way that gives me more of a say and role in a relationship), I did not run away or resist it-- I embraced it and took it on myself to explore and discover my beliefs. I could just as easily gone the other way and came to believe even stronger that women should be submissive to men. But I made up my own mind-- I wish that all women would do the same. Actually, I wish everyone would do that and make up their own minds about everything the church teaches (but that's a whole other blog post idea... and I'm not getting into that now). How much more freeing is life when you own it and embrace your convictions as your own. They're not all going to be the same-- it'd be boring if they were-- but at least everyone would know why they believe what they believe.

Now that all that is out of the way, here was my explanation of the Ephesians passage. First off, the book of Ephesians is a letter. Each verse was not it's own separate idea or theology--it is one long idea within the whole letter. Taking one verse out of a bunch (don't ask me to count!) is pretty much "Bible dipping." (I wrote a whole blog about that a while ago.) People pick and choose verses out of the Bible to support their ideas, giving no room for God to move and actually speak to them. God speaks of love, respect, and grace throughout the entire Bible, so why would those verses not speak of those as well? The verses must also be taken in context.

That's the other point: The letter to the Ephesians was a letter to a specific culture and city. The people of Ephesis (is that right?) had laws about women being submissive and that men rule women. So when Paul told women to be submissive to their husbands, he was telling them to follow the law. God calls us to follow His laws, but to also follow the laws of the country/city we're living in. And if we break the laws of our government, we are breaking the law of God. If the women all decided to stop being submissive in that culture, there would be mass chaos and mayhem. They would be out of control and not constructive in changing their lives. However, women in the US have full rights... so wanting and demanding equal rights is not against the law. The law actually encourages it. But women aren't embracing that. They are taking their equality to the voting booths, but not to their own homes. Isn't their homes the place that has more meaning? Being able to vote is useless if you aren't equal in the eyes of your husband. More than likely, and I'm just speculating here, submissive wives' views in politics greatly weighs or even mirrors their husbands' views, so they really aren't having a different voice anyway. But that's just speculation.

Last but not least, the man's call. They are not called to dominate over their wives. They are called to love and respect their wives as they love their bodies. I don't see men demeaning their bodies, putting them down, making their bodies inferior to their mind. They treat it with respect and love and spend hours at the gym/working out making it all that it can be. That doesn't sound like domination to me! Men are called to lift their wives up, help them along their journey in becoming the women they were called to be, to respect their wives and love, see, and treat them as Christ sees and loves them-- not as lesser beings, but as one and the same. Christ was not about power and domination, so why are men "called" to do so? That is one thing I can say I do not understand. But women are also called to respect their husbands, so let's not forget that. But respect is not interchangeable with submission. Respecting your husband/wife does not mean they are better than the other. It is an expression of love. If you love your wife/husband, you will respect them. Simple as that!

All in all, the main point in all of this blogging and discussion is that women are equal. (did I really have to say that?) And they need to fight for the right to be so in their relationships. They need to stand up for themselves. They are not called to rule over their husbands as much as their husbands are not called to rule over their wives. They are called to mutual respect and love. They should submit to each other and learn to compromise. And women should stand up together and encourage each other to live the equal life that God created all women to live. Men and women are called to love as Christ loves the church-- you do that, and you can't go wrong!

Here are a few websites that have more info on equality in relationships, the church, etc.:

http://www.cbeinternational.org/new/free_articles/bib_eq_101.shtml

http://www.cbeinternational.org/new/free_articles/award_winning.shtml

http://www.jesuscreed.org/?cat=27

Women: Created as Equals and Roles in Relationships

God created men and women as equals
Also, it was discussed that Christ was the head of the church, so men are the head of women........ connection? I don't see it either. My rebuttal (I mean response :-) to that was that Jesus was the bridegroom and the church is the bride, and if taken in the equality light, they (the bride and groom) are equal so no one is over the other. Christ is God, and God is over everything and without gender, so equating a male dominance based on God being over everything makes no sense. If God is over everything, He is over everyone, including women. So with the previous idea, who should be over who? (or is it whom?)-- wait, am I starting to see a position of equality? I think I am! God created men and women equally-- Eve was Adam's ezer [one who is truly fitting and fully adequate- just right; means 'one who helps'; it does not refer to someone who is secondary or inferior; 'like him'; literally 'as agreeing to him or his counterpart']-- his equal. God wants men and women to live in harmony with each other, neither one being better than the other, but fulfilling their unique call from God, with no regard to their biological makeup:

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus."
~ Galatians 3:26-28

Men and women are equals in marriage because God created men and women as equals and views them as equals. God looks at their hearts and calls them as His children, and does not change His calling because someone is a man or as a woman. God does not talk to someone more or less because they have a penis or vagina. If they are seeking God's heart, a relationship will form and they will walk in God's will for their lives, as well as their marriage. And a marriage is not, as John MacArther says, that a man is like the sun, shining God's full glory, and that women are like the moon, shining a reflected glory from men. (I think I threw up a little in my mouth) (Thanks to Molly for that little tid-bit!)
Also, if God made women as equals to men (which everyone agreed with), why would women become less in a marriage? Why would they not be as much as a person or have as much of a say the instant they have a ring on their left hand? BOO-YA! No one one had a response to that and the topic was quickly changed! (I won that! wait, this wasn't a debate...)
But seriously, how can they believe that women and men are created equal but they are not equal in marriage? I mentioned that it was only after the fall that women were told that men would rule over them. It is because of their fallen state that men's pride and egos would take over and oppress women. It may not go to the extreme of abuse, but if you're keeping a woman in the kitchen and only letting her out to take care of the children and clean the house, how is that not a form of oppression? Women may choose to be a stay-at-home mom, which I want to do someday (screw having a career!), but it is the woman's choice, not her duty to do so. It is a calling on their life and their role in the marriage that a woman does so, not a God-given role for every woman everywhere. I have a friend, in fact, who once she graduates will be a female chemist. Her boyfriend (and soon-to-be husband) is in school to be an accountant. Can you guess who will be making more money? They'll be well-off financially, but she will be more powerful and make more money in the workplace. God has given her that talent and that passion. Should she reject that because "the church" says she should be a certain way? She may eventually take time off to be a mother, but she may not. Is that wrong? I don't think so. If God calls her to a certain career and not to stay at home, then she's actually going against God's calling on her life if she stays at home. She may find the cure for cancer (am I putting her future on a pedestal?) and that is God's purpose for her life, but because she chose to do what someone else told her she "should" do because she was a woman, she will not fulfill what God set her out to do. I know that's an extreme example, but on a much smaller and realistic scale, that's what "the church" is telling women to do-- who cares about your passions/calling/desires, it's all about your husband and his calling and passions; stay at home and be the perfect housewife and God will bless that because that is your God-given role. If women are so different, why would the church tell them all to be the same? Wait, it's men who are in charge...

Well, that's the end of part three! Stay tuned for part four!